Tihmmnmmish's Very Laid-Back Summery Poolside Threadcast

[UnderYourSpell]

Think I am going to have to change my avatar I've had two young 'studs' (I use the word loosely and very boringly) PMing me with stories they think will do wonders for me. I never reached the end of either before losing interest. If you are reading this guys you are so boringgggggggg I'd rather watch paint dry

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Quote of the day from the film Predator
Told my girlfriend I'd like a little pussy, so would I she said mine's as big as a house

 

[hmmnmm]

A couple months ago I successfully severed my roving eyes from certain regions of the Lit forums where bickering negativity tends to thrive like weeds wearing clumps of pus-oozing cockroaches, and I was better for it; made the mistake of looking over thataway couple days ago, and boy that was a stupid thing to do; shoots a venomous blot straight into the mind's room where things were all cozy and calm and ambivalently cool. Nuts I tell ya, nuts nuts nuts.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Don't usually have too much time for roaming, so I generally stick with the poetry forums.

 

[hmmnmm]

Don't usually have too much time for roaming, so I generally stick with the poetry forums.

Wise and true

 

[wildsweetone]

A couple months ago I successfully severed my roving eyes from certain regions of the Lit forums where bickering negativity tends to thrive like weeds wearing clumps of pus-oozing cockroaches, and I was better for it; made the mistake of looking over thataway couple days ago, and boy that was a stupid thing to do; shoots a venomous blot straight into the mind's room where things were all cozy and calm and ambivalently cool. Nuts I tell ya, nuts nuts nuts.

if you're anything like me, each time you return to those places will be longer apart than previously. eventually you will not feel the need to return. it's as if we grow out of it, have no need for that kind of rubbish in our lives. i know that's how it is for me. my mind is a beautiful and peaceful place without all the nutty stuff. i have so much more time to do what i prefer to do. so when i am able, i just get on with it and do

seems i've been writing everything else except poetry these last few months. maybe it's just about time to wade knee deep into it again. to just get on with it and do.

 

[butters]

Lit's a bit like tv - there's a load of rubbish being streamed 24/seven, but if you're a selective viewer you might find those gems that make having a tv worthwhile. the writers who stir you (whatever your tastes), the things one may discover that improve your knowledge and broaden your horizons, the few smart and funny comedians... no one wants to watch all the shopping/bingo/Jeremy KylexTrisha/kids' programmes/soaps all the time, or any, but might opt for the documentaries or the news channels or even Dave.

 

[hmmnmm]

Good stuff from sweety and chippy Yummy yummy.

Seems to be a corresponding something between having other things going on, or not being engaged in something, having something going on. A lull, an idle moment, and see something that's been going on for like, a couple years, say to self, "fuck! are they still going on and on about that?" Click it, feel dirty, try to wash it out of the mind.

I think a simple indicator would be to ask: Does this cause the corners of my mouth to turn up or down? Why voluntarily go around with a self-inflicted frown on one's face if one has equal access to that which will allow you to go around with a smile?

I mean really...

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I feel more tired than I did when I came out of hospital perhaps endless sleep isn't such a bad thing ......

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Good stuff from sweety and chippy Yummy yummy.

Seems to be a corresponding something between having other things going on, or not being engaged in something, having something going on. A lull, an idle moment, and see something that's been going on for like, a couple years, say to self, "fuck! are they still going on and on about that?" Click it, feel dirty, try to wash it out of the mind.

I think a simple indicator would be to ask: Does this cause the corners of my mouth to turn up or down? Why voluntarily go around with a self-inflicted frown on one's face if one has equal access to that which will allow you to go around with a smile?

I mean really...

But often easier said than done. Like quitting drinking or smoking.
The rational doesn't always win out. I quit drinking, but still smoke. I know I should quit, but its easy to say tomorrow...
We can be just as compelled in other areas of our lives. Don't find that too much the case for online activities, but my mind keeps on bringing up stuff which has no relevance to today. I can try and refocus, remind myself of others things which are good, but some parts of the past keep popping up.

 

[wildsweetone]

But often easier said than done. Like quitting drinking or smoking.
The rational doesn't always win out. I quit drinking, but still smoke. I know I should quit, but its easy to say tomorrow...
We can be just as compelled in other areas of our lives. Don't find that too much the case for online activities, but my mind keeps on bringing up stuff which has no relevance to today. I can try and refocus, remind myself of others things which are good, but some parts of the past keep popping up.

if you feel a measure of guilt about them in some manner, or perhaps fear... then perhaps it is to do with codependency which is also an addiction and rates right up there with alcohol, drugs and abuse addictions. seriously. it is something that can be overcome, but it does take willingness and work and the benefits are literally peace, love and harmony. *smile* if you want to know more about it, let me know. i have a great book that is easy to work through that will help.

if they are still 'going on about it' hmmnmm then it sounds like you have grown beyond them and they are still stagnant. they may never grow, may not have the ability to grow or may not want to. all in all, it is their choice to stay exactly where they are, and your choice to stay with them or to move forward. for me, i move forward. sometimes it's hard, but worth every moment.

9 days ago i moved out of a 30 year emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist. it's the biggest thing i've ever done in my life. but i did it because even after many opportunities of choice, he would not grow. as the relationship was sending me to death (literally), i moved forward over the biggest boulders i've ever climbed. i've moved on. i've got paddocks and paddocks of more boulders to traverse but i'll do it and i can guarantee that he will still be in exactly the same position in 20 years time because he chooses to ignore more healthy ways of life.

looking back is okay. being drawn/dragged back is a choice. i'm not going back. maybe you can make the same safe boundary for yourself too. the peace of mind is truly worth it.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

if you feel a measure of guilt about them in some manner, or perhaps fear... then perhaps it is to do with codependency which is also an addiction and rates right up there with alcohol, drugs and abuse addictions. seriously. it is something that can be overcome, but it does take willingness and work and the benefits are literally peace, love and harmony. *smile* if you want to know more about it, let me know. i have a great book that is easy to work through that will help.

if they are still 'going on about it' hmmnmm then it sounds like you have grown beyond them and they are still stagnant. they may never grow, may not have the ability to grow or may not want to. all in all, it is their choice to stay exactly where they are, and your choice to stay with them or to move forward. for me, i move forward. sometimes it's hard, but worth every moment.

9 days ago i moved out of a 30 year emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist. it's the biggest thing i've ever done in my life. but i did it because even after many opportunities of choice, he would not grow. as the relationship was sending me to death (literally), i moved forward over the biggest boulders i've ever climbed. i've moved on. i've got paddocks and paddocks of more boulders to traverse but i'll do it and i can guarantee that he will still be in exactly the same position in 20 years time because he chooses to ignore more healthy ways of life.

looking back is okay. being drawn/dragged back is a choice. i'm not going back. maybe you can make the same safe boundary for yourself too. the peace of mind is truly worth it.

Been a long time since I heard the term 'codependency'. Don't think that's applicable in my case, since the other person is long gone from my life. Remembering with regrets over the long ago past. These regrets just recently returned, after being absent for many years. May represent a lief outlook change, they happen after finishing my PhD and my son's getting thru college. In the past they left me when I was well on my way in AA, and I've been returning to reading that book. Things are going well with me and my wife its not a problem there. Perhaps getting old and just looking at a stable, settled future.

 

[wildsweetone]

Been a long time since I heard the term 'codependency'. Don't think that's applicable in my case, since the other person is long gone from my life. Remembering with regrets over the long ago past. These regrets just recently returned, after being absent for many years. May represent a lief outlook change, they happen after finishing my PhD and my son's getting thru college. In the past they left me when I was well on my way in AA, and I've been returning to reading that book. Things are going well with me and my wife its not a problem there. Perhaps getting old and just looking at a stable, settled future.

you used the word 'regrets'. it sounds like maybe it would be helpful to look a little deeper into why the regrets are there and then to work a 12 step prog to see if that pattern of thinking can be changed. i'm just thinking out loud here... if it feels like it's something worthwhile for you then give it a go, if not, don't worry.

i know for what i've been going through (and still am) that there seems to be a process to being able to move forward. for me, it works well to go through that process a step at a time. others might do it differently i don't know.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

you used the word 'regrets'. it sounds like maybe it would be helpful to look a little deeper into why the regrets are there and then to work a 12 step prog to see if that pattern of thinking can be changed. i'm just thinking out loud here... if it feels like it's something worthwhile for you then give it a go, if not, don't worry.

i know for what i've been going through (and still am) that there seems to be a process to being able to move forward. for me, it works well to go through that process a step at a time. others might do it differently i don't know.

May be something worth pursuing there, taking a look at things from a perspective other than recovering from alcoholism. Have never really participated in any other 12 step approach (did go to one Emotions Anonymous meeting a long time ago, but more from a 13th step perspective).

 

[wildsweetone]

May be something worth pursuing there, taking a look at things from a perspective other than recovering from alcoholism. Have never really participated in any other 12 step approach (did go to one Emotions Anonymous meeting a long time ago, but more from a 13th step perspective).

in the back of this book is a 12 step prog -i think it is the same bases for all 12 step programmes, you just work with it from that different perspective:
Codependent No More

maybe you could pick it up from a local library and see if it's got anything of use to you in it. there are a few check lists so that you can see whether you fall under this particular umbrella or not. might be worth just having a look.

i haven't heard of the EA group. mind you here in NZ we don't have so many options as other countries because of our small population. i do know that it's a codependent trait to not deal with emotions in a healthy manner. i've done a lot of work to do with that in the last few months. i didn't grieve because of what others thought and i transferred anger because i was afraid of the reaction of others.

codependents can be alcoholics i think, and can have alcoholics in their family. i 'think' it can work the other way around too but you may have to check that.

just thought i'd share that. i'll leave it up to you if you feel it sounds worthwhile for you or not.

i think that if we're living a healthy functional life then 'regrets' should be a thing of the past.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

in the back of this book is a 12 step prog -i think it is the same bases for all 12 step programmes, you just work with it from that different perspective:
Codependent No More

maybe you could pick it up from a local library and see if it's got anything of use to you in it. there are a few check lists so that you can see whether you fall under this particular umbrella or not. might be worth just having a look.

i haven't heard of the EA group. mind you here in NZ we don't have so many options as other countries because of our small population. i do know that it's a codependent trait to not deal with emotions in a healthy manner. i've done a lot of work to do with that in the last few months. i didn't grieve because of what others thought and i transferred anger because i was afraid of the reaction of others.

codependents can be alcoholics i think, and can have alcoholics in their family. i 'think' it can work the other way around too but you may have to check that.

just thought i'd share that. i'll leave it up to you if you feel it sounds worthwhile for you or not.

i think that if we're living a healthy functional life then 'regrets' should be a thing of the past.

Thanks for the info and I hope you are continuing well our your road to recovery.
Don't think codependency is applicable in my situation, but your feedback has led me to look at the steps in a different light, along the lines of alcoholism being but a symptom. I've discussed this with my sponsor, most recently about the regrets (" If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. " , from p 83 of 'Alcoholics Anonymous'). He was saying we all have regrets, we can't expect them to vanish.
Again, thanks.

 

[wildsweetone]

Thanks for the info and I hope you are continuing well our your road to recovery.
Don't think codependency is applicable in my situation, but your feedback has led me to look at the steps in a different light, along the lines of alcoholism being but a symptom. I've discussed this with my sponsor, most recently about the regrets (" If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. " , from p 83 of 'Alcoholics Anonymous'). He was saying we all have regrets, we can't expect them to vanish.
Again, thanks.

i'm liking the sound of that quote very much. thanks for sharing it.

i was talking to an AA member a few weeks ago. he was saying that the codependent anonymous group 'borrowed' him for a few sessions so the codependents could watch and listen to the reactions of a functional person. sounds like you're functional too

i am healing thanks to the help i've been receiving. i've a long way to go but my life is completely different now to what it was six months ago and it's improving as i go along. never thought i'd ever have the courage to do what i've done in this last few months, but i have and in the end, i'll be happier and a great deal wiser.

you know that part about freedom? that's something i always thought i could only achieve by death or by running away. i'm thankful to say i've found it and it was within me the whole time. i just had to learn how to see it. 'peace of mind' might be a cliche phrase, but in my case it's 100% apt and i'm loving it.

i wish you well in your healing too. God bless.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I live in a street where we are a hotch potch of colours creeds and races we all rub along just fine .... I don't look down on them for being a different colour than me and they don't take issue with me for being white. Pity everyone can't be the same ....... just saying

 

[wildsweetone]

I live in a street where we are a hotch potch of colours creeds and races we all rub along just fine .... I don't look down on them for being a different colour than me and they don't take issue with me for being white. Pity everyone can't be the same ....... just saying

it's called respecting each others differences. and it's real easy to do but there's a lot of people who simply can't do it.

i've lived with prejudice my whole life. it's funny you should mention this because now that i'm on my own, i can do whatever i want and i was thinking last week that i'd like to go and immerse myself into an area that is filled with the beautiful colours of our South Pacific cultures. i don't know if i'll take my camera but i just want to be able to soak up that kind of beauty to help me heal a little more. possibly that sounds daft... but it's actually something i've wanted to do for years. Auckland over the last 20 years has become such a large multicultural city that you can walk down the main street and be entertained for hours and hours just by people watching how the different cultures move, how some mingle, some keep to themselves. i itch to be able to move amongst them instead of being dragged across the street away from them. i don't want to miss out on any more moments of Life. as soon as i'm up to it, i'm going to go and feast on the foods, the sounds, the colours, and the friendliness of other NZers. thanks for the nudge UYS, i appreciate you.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I live in a street where we are a hotch potch of colours creeds and races we all rub along just fine .... I don't look down on them for being a different colour than me and they don't take issue with me for being white. Pity everyone can't be the same ....... just saying

Our neighborhood is quite mixed, too.
Whites, blacks (including one family from Africa, as well as quite a few American Blacks),
Hispanic, Lebanese, Indo-Pak, some Vietnamese.
Everyone seems to get along fine here, sometimes talking among themselves in a language I don't understand.
Same here at work. Non-English languages include French and Norwegian, along with Spanish

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I was brought up in a very tiny village where the only time we saw the occasional dark face was when an Indian (Sikh) man used to come round the houses selling silk scarves. I was on the bus with my mother one day and a black man got on and my mother on a very loud voice said "He's very black isn't he?" and he was ... much darker than any other black man. We did shush her but it was said in all innocence but if you said something like that on a bus these days it probably wouldn't go down too well. The comment above came from a conversation I had earlier about how different races from mine can hold rallies proclaiming there ethnicticity (sp?) yet if we did the same we would be proclaimed racists. I am proud of being white and I am proud of being English and I don't care what colour you are ..... you can be green as long as you are someone I want to call friend.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

i'm liking the sound of that quote very much. thanks for sharing it.

i was talking to an AA member a few weeks ago. he was saying that the codependent anonymous group 'borrowed' him for a few sessions so the codependents could watch and listen to the reactions of a functional person. sounds like you're functional too

i am healing thanks to the help i've been receiving. i've a long way to go but my life is completely different now to what it was six months ago and it's improving as i go along. never thought i'd ever have the courage to do what i've done in this last few months, but i have and in the end, i'll be happier and a great deal wiser.

you know that part about freedom? that's something i always thought i could only achieve by death or by running away. i'm thankful to say i've found it and it was within me the whole time. i just had to learn how to see it. 'peace of mind' might be a cliche phrase, but in my case it's 100% apt and i'm loving it.

i wish you well in your healing too. God bless.

That seems to be how it works. Alone, its too much for us, but with the help of others we can recover from a seemingly hopeless state.

Have you had a chance to look at the AA 'Big Book'? Quite a bit is specific to the alcoholic, but a lot is generally applicable. I think you might be able to get it online. Besides a printed copy I also have it as PDF at the office, and in an electronic form where they've done a lot of cross-referencing at home. A friend in our group has it on his ipod. I like to have it that way - I'm familiar with it, but not one of those who knows all the page numbers. Usually can find something fast on paper, but often the e-search is faster (and allows cut/paste). I also try and read a bit every day (with paper).
AA is the original 12-step program, but in turn has roots in the 6 steps of the Oxford movement.

Not sure I'd be alive without it. Are you familiar with the Serentity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
I make use of it every day.
May God remain with you on your journey, one day at a time.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I was brought up in a very tiny village where the only time we saw the occasional dark face was when an Indian (Sikh) man used to come round the houses selling silk scarves. I was on the bus with my mother one day and a black man got on and my mother on a very loud voice said "He's very black isn't he?" and he was ... much darker than any other black man. We did shush her but it was said in all innocence but if you said something like that on a bus these days it probably wouldn't go down too well. The comment above came from a conversation I had earlier about how different races from mine can hold rallies proclaiming there ethnicticity (sp?) yet if we did the same we would be proclaimed racists. I am proud of being white and I am proud of being English and I don't care what colour you are ..... you can be green as long as you are someone I want to call friend.

I grew up in a suburb which was just about all white (one black family that I know of). There were a few non-Americans there, people who worked at Argonne Lab. No Jews there, either' just Protestants and Catholics.
Probably a bit more diverse now. My parents were open-minded and tolerant and gave us similar attitudes, while some of my neighborhood friends were less so. I had no problem dealing with people with other backgrounds when I went to university, and understood to some extent the motivation behind back power, which was coming along when I was in my teens and 20's. I don't mind others celebrating and maintaining their cultural heritage, but they should all learn the language spoken here - bilingual support should be limited (Canada may be a different situation).

 

[wildsweetone]

That seems to be how it works. Alone, its too much for us, but with the help of others we can recover from a seemingly hopeless state.

Have you had a chance to look at the AA 'Big Book'? Quite a bit is specific to the alcoholic, but a lot is generally applicable. I think you might be able to get it online. Besides a printed copy I also have it as PDF at the office, and in an electronic form where they've done a lot of cross-referencing at home. A friend in our group has it on his ipod. I like to have it that way - I'm familiar with it, but not one of those who knows all the page numbers. Usually can find something fast on paper, but often the e-search is faster (and allows cut/paste). I also try and read a bit every day (with paper).
AA is the original 12-step program, but in turn has roots in the 6 steps of the Oxford movement.

Not sure I'd be alive without it. Are you familiar with the Serentity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
I make use of it every day.
May God remain with you on your journey, one day at a time.

i'll be looking at the AA stuff some time before the end of the year i think. i tick all the boxes as an adult child of an alcoholic. the codependent stuff has kept me occupied for almost six months so far and now that i've just separated, i'm dealing with that. at some point in the future i'll be going along to some ACOA support meetings. i just looked for The Big Book and have bookmarked it, thank you.

i've heard of the Serenity Prayer. it's beautiful really and very apt. thank you for sharing it. i think i'll write it out and carry it around with me.

i've not heard of the 6 steps of the Oxford movement. will look that up later

as for trying to do things alone... one of the trademark tells of a codependent is that they ask for help when they get totally stuck when trying to fix something. the thing is that codependents don't know they have an addiction until they ask for help. they continue to try to do things alone until they get to the point where they're in a corner. it's a very isolating addiction really. maybe all addictions have that in common.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

i'll be looking at the AA stuff some time before the end of the year i think. i tick all the boxes as an adult child of an alcoholic. the codependent stuff has kept me occupied for almost six months so far and now that i've just separated, i'm dealing with that. at some point in the future i'll be going along to some ACOA support meetings. i just looked for The Big Book and have bookmarked it, thank you.

i've heard of the Serenity Prayer. it's beautiful really and very apt. thank you for sharing it. i think i'll write it out and carry it around with me.

i've not heard of the 6 steps of the Oxford movement. will look that up later

as for trying to do things alone... one of the trademark tells of a codependent is that they ask for help when they get totally stuck when trying to fix something. the thing is that codependents don't know they have an addiction until they ask for help. they continue to try to do things alone until they get to the point where they're in a corner. it's a very isolating addiction really. maybe all addictions have that in common.

I think the isolation is true of all addictions, as you suggested. Once I had progressed beyond just drinking too much and too often I could be in a bar with lots of other people and sometimes feel so alone. Early on I attributed my drinking to my extreme dejection over an unrequited love, but I now think I would have become alcoholic anyway, although likely on a different path. This lost love is the regrets I referred to earlier - they've come back, in spite of my needs in that area being currently met.

I think trying to do it oneself can also be a trait of the alcoholic or addict as well. And not just when I was out there, but today as well. A lot of the workplace jargon these days is about collaboration and teamwork, but I generally one of those who does his best stuff on my own. Pragmatically, they appear to recognize that.

I mentioned the Oxford Movement mostly as a historical footnote. I believe it was much more focused on a Christian, rather than simply a spiritual approach.

Sounds like your getting to some meetings. You might find some benefit from open AA meetings as well. Have you found a sponsor?