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Tihmmnmmish's Very Laid-Back Summery Poolside Threadcast

I want to tell you about this world I'm trying to write. I wanted to take poetic structures and make up my own physics so I could create my own universe of poems based on those physics. I tried to find every half-rhyme for certain vowel sounds, like:

-is, -ist, -ish and -as, -asp, -ast, -ash

and I had a group of four families of half-rhymes based around four vowel sounds. I wrote poems based around those families, and wanted the vowel sounds to create a world to write in. The second part was I wanted to tell a story of life in that world and how it came to be.

Most importantly, I wanted the structure of that world to resemble the world or worldview of one person who's dreamt up the world, as if the physics- those sound families came from that person. As if those four groupings of sound emerged from that person's being. Like morphemes and phonemes make up words, I wanted those four groupings to give rise to that person's perception of color in the world, sound in the world, all that sense data. I didn't get far enough into the second part, not at all into the third. This poem was written in one of the early exercises describing the world structure, the dreamer, and using the structure:

There's something in these physics amiss,
something improper in her kiss,
something imperfect about her lips,
something faulty that preexists;
and I can only wish
that it's the sort of flaw that persists,
in the face of supersymmetrical laws
and idealized physics.
-------
End rhyme wouldn't be that important, above I'm using a sequence of the e/i family. I couldn't decide how important the sequence should be, like can I go from -ass to -asp and then -ash or do I have to go -ass -ast then -ash or -asp...so I guess I skipped over some important parts of the first phase and just wrote some poems with only a partial understanding of the science.
 
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A very wise Lady (that often drops by in here) once made a comment on one of my poems that having words that sound very similar as the end lines detracts from the enjoyment and impact of the poem. On reading it over again I realised how right she is.
 
Well, physics is a bit over my head, but what you're attempting looks very fascinating. Building worlds. Yeah. So I'll ask you to be patient with my slower intellect, but I will also study this and see what thoughts come. In the meantime by all means, feel free to use this space as you need it.

Sci-Fi-Poetics?
 
UnderYourSpell said:
A very wise Lady (that often drops by in here) once made a comment on one of my poems that having words that sound very similar as the end lines detracts from the enjoyment and impact of the poem. On reading it over again I realised how right she is.
Click to expand...

All of the 19th century(save for that american devil) relied on perfect rhyme. Half-rhyme is pretty much the second half of the 20th century. A poem can sound like clockwork and be good, or have no scheme and be good. I don't think you can categorize the goodness or badness of poems based on sound-schemes. Poems can get by on the pleasure of sound or pleasure of pure imagery, but usually a mix. I want poems to do different things, hopefully some will have a meditative quality like a chant, like Hindus and buddhists and monks do to pray or think or not think. Maybe you're talking about something else? But I like when a poem gets stuck in the mouth and maybe you repeat a line or two.
 
hmmnmm said:
Well, physics is a bit over my head, but what you're attempting looks very fascinating. Building worlds. Yeah. So I'll ask you to be patient with my slower intellect, but I will also study this and see what thoughts come. In the meantime by all means, feel free to use this space as you need it.

Sci-Fi-Poetics?
Click to expand...

Real life physics and science would be misleading, it should only be as science-like as Nabokov in Ada or Proust taking a shower with Francis Bacon.
 
bflagsst said:
Real life physics and science would be misleading, it should only be as science-like as Nabokov in Ada or Proust taking a shower with Francis Bacon.
Click to expand...

Ah, okay... understand.

Scientific slant like tea and cake and trollop.
The curtains and girl-hair you mentioned elsewhere.
That kind of science.
 
bflagsst said:
eucharist and Pontius work well in half-rhyme, antipas not so much. I pronouce it 'pahhs', do you 'piss'?
Click to expand...

Okay, I see better...

'piss'? hm, maybe more like 'puhhs'

You're looking for more 'cyprus' and less 'caracas'
 
eucalyptus


if you wanted to add a floral touch to your world, there's probably plenty flowers to pick from.
 
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