Traits of a Submissive ...

[KatieDoes]

I’ll agree with lot of this. I think lot of why is the young immature that assume. Online is way different than in person.
It’s easier to approach here in improper way. In person they would not.
If the new to lifestyle would think for a minute. Approach people like you would in person. Are you going to walk up to someone you’re meeting and say… hey bish/ baby girl. I’m master grand poobah/ daddy jackass.
How about trying… hey I’m billy Joe bob. I saw you across the room. Thought I’d come say hi. Or if approaching someone here. Hey Katie I saw your post thought I could talk to you about it.

In my *experience, younger men behave less entitled and more likely to attempt to engage in friendly conversation first. Older, GenX, boomers, tend to be more demanding and act as though their perspectives and opinions are more valid and the ‘right’ ones. Not all, obviously. Just as an overall trend. My Dom is in his 40’s and he’s awesome.

* my experience, assuming they’re telling the truth about their ages** and no one is lying on the internets

** I just realized I could have been a 23 year old swimsuit model all this time. Goddammit. Missed opportunity.

 

[stxjimmy]

In my *experience, younger men behave less entitled and more likely to attempt to engage in friendly conversation first. Older, GenX, boomers, tend to be more demanding and act as though their perspectives and opinions are more valid and the ‘right’ ones. Not all, obviously. Just as an overall trend. My Dom is in his 40’s and he’s awesome.

* my experience, assuming they’re telling the truth about their ages** and no one is lying on the internets

** I just realized I could have been a 23 year old swimsuit model all this time. Goddammit. Missed opportunity.

The whole boomer experience has been their sense of entitlement, lack of plurality and opposing diversity.

 

[IrisAlthea]

** I just realized I could have been a 23 year old swimsuit model all this time. Goddammit. Missed opportunity.

Consider the effects on your PM inbox though…

 

[KatieDoes]

Consider the effects on your PM inbox though…

Valid point

 

[Lovethefox]

Submission in my opinion is a gift and should be respected and nurtured as such.
This is no different than any other healthy relationship.
Communication is key.
Learn each other’s needs and fears and respect them. It’s not complicated at all.

Speaking of the sub’s (assuming we want to label it) power
I was in a relationship some time ago where my sub wanted something I was not comfortable doing.
The more we talked about it, the more I understood why she wanted it.
This in turn made me more comfortable. Knowing she wanted it and that it would give her pleasure, It actually gave me pleasure and became something I wanted to give her.

Some would say she reversed the roles on me but I don’t see it that way. It is simply a give and take. That is the fuel that will nurture the relationship and keep it growing.

 

[Btq97]

the power is given not taken.
it can be taken back at any time.
if the power is taken then that is abuse
if limits are not respected then that is abuse (pushed yes but always respected)

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Submission in my opinion is a gift and should be respected and nurtured as such.
This is no different than any other healthy relationship.
Communication is key.
Learn each other’s needs and fears and respect them. It’s not complicated at all.

Speaking of the sub’s (assuming we want to label it) power
I was in a relationship some time ago where my sub wanted something I was not comfortable doing.
The more we talked about it, the more I understood why she wanted it.
This in turn made me more comfortable. Knowing she wanted it and that it would give her pleasure, It actually gave me pleasure and became something I wanted to give her.

Some would say she reversed the roles on me but I don’t see it that way. It is simply a give and take. That is the fuel that will nurture the relationship and keep it growing.

That’s great you have that communication with your partner.
“ some would say…”
Who cares what they say. They aren’t in your relationship. It’s between you and yours. Long as it’s safe and consensual.
Have fun and enjoy the journey.

 

[Hardon4u21]

I am curious because I've been exploring bdsm and the Power Exchange of D/s, and everything I have come to learn is that submission has various facets. A submissive person is someone who willingly submits to the authority of another. A submissive person enjoys being in a service-oriented mindset and finds peace of mind in taking orders from those he or she has placed in positions of power. This can be at home, in the workplace, among friends or in community relationships.

Healthy submissive relationships are conscious and consensual. In other words, one party has agreed to hold more power of one kind or another. The other party has agreed to submit. It is agreed upon by the individuals. During my exploration at LIT, it's been shared with me that submissive individuals don't have "rights" or "choice in a relationship." The idea has been implied that basically, 'the submissive is a doormat who has to tolerate poor behavior' and should automatically trust someone and just do what they expect or say.". This contradicts things I have studied and learned from friends I know in the lifestyle.

I would love to hear from people with actual experience what truly should be the expectation from a submissive and Dominant in this type of relationship. Thank you to anyone who can provide more clarity and insight!

.

I have not been in a submissive relationship, but for me I think I would like to submit, because of the loss of control. In life I tend to take control, so in sex I want to loose control and submit to someone else.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

This is an interesting thread. I gotta say that this idea that subs have common traits is a rusty sign in the fog. They may have traits that one would associate with a submissive nature — people-pleasing, for example — but, as Hardon4u21 says, it‘s also quite possible that they come across to those around them as assertive and in charge. Lots of subs gravitate toward power exchange precisely because they are expected to decide so many things in other areas of their life.

The same, of course, can also be true of Doms. Shockingly, Doms are not D/s novels. (Shhhhh!) They are just as likely to come across as empathetic and emotional as sullen and distant. (Or maybe both, depending on coffee.)

 

[LittleSwitchy]

This is an interesting thread. I gotta say that this idea that subs have common traits is a rusty sign in the fog. They may have traits that one would associate with a submissive nature — people-pleasing, for example — but, as Hardon4u21 says, it‘s also quite possible that they come across to those around them as assertive and in charge. Lots of subs gravitate toward power exchange precisely because they are expected to decide so many things in other areas of their life.

The same, of course, can also be true of Doms. Shockingly, Doms are not D/s novels. (Shhhhh!) They are just as likely to come across as empathetic and emotional as sullen and distant. (Or maybe both, depending on coffee.)

I’m unsure exactly how to start this response. I’ll just jump into it.
Sub or dom in every day life are no different than the guy/ girl next door. One might be in military or police and submissive as hell. Another might be a nurse and dominant as ever.
Subs show the submissive side to whom they choose to show. To be lucky enough to see a submissive side to someone is a gift.
And the coffee helps.

 

[cascadiabound]

This is an interesting thread. I gotta say that this idea that subs have common traits is a rusty sign in the fog. They may have traits that one would associate with a submissive nature — people-pleasing, for example — but, as Hardon4u21 says, it‘s also quite possible that they come across to those around them as assertive and in charge. Lots of subs gravitate toward power exchange precisely because they are expected to decide so many things in other areas of their life.

The same, of course, can also be true of Doms. Shockingly, Doms are not D/s novels. (Shhhhh!) They are just as likely to come across as empathetic and emotional as sullen and distant. (Or maybe both, depending on coffee.)

mmmmmm coffee

 

[IrisAlthea]

The same, of course, can also be true of Doms. Shockingly, Doms are not D/s novels. (Shhhhh!) They are just as likely to come across as empathetic and emotional as sullen and distant. (Or maybe both, depending on coffee.)

mmmmmm coffee

Ok, now I can’t hold it back anymore:


In my defence, it’s still BC (before coffee) and BT (before tea).

On topic though, I think people seem to be better at accepting that submissives can be assertive and in charge personalities than accepting that dominants can be laid back or goofy etc.

 

[Strixaluco]

On topic though, I think people seem to be better at accepting that submissives can be assertive and in charge personalities than accepting that dominants can be laid back or goofy etc.

Yet I feel like the essential traits of a dominant might even make it easier to be laid back?

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Ok, now I can’t hold it back anymore:
View attachment 2156188

In my defence, it’s still BC (before coffee) and BT (before tea).

On topic though, I think people seem to be better at accepting that submissives can be assertive and in charge personalities than accepting that dominants can be laid back or goofy etc.

Agreed. It’s not all serious. Please y’all have fun. Laugh joke around be playful. Just cause someone might be in the lifestyle doesn’t mean they can’t have fun and joke.
Just cause Master Binky is the grand poobah domly dom. That doesn’t mean he won’t have fun and cut up with you.

P.S: being it BC “ before coffee “ you took a bold leap posting. Lol. I don’t know if I’d be so bold. I’d surely get in trouble somehow. Coffee first posting after coffee kicks in. For me at least.

 

[BiBunny]

Yet I feel like the essential traits of a dominant might even make it easier to be laid back?

I actually think you're right about this. My Daddy is pretty chill, as a person. Or at least he is with me. It's one reason we get along so well. I don't have it in me to put up with someone who can't see the humor in all this.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Yet I feel like the essential traits of a dominant might even make it easier to be laid back?

I see what you mean but it seems to me that people come to sexual dominance from as different angles as they come to sexual submission.

I actually think you're right about this. My Daddy is pretty chill, as a person. Or at least he is with me. It's one reason we get along so well. I don't have it in me to put up with someone who can't see the humor in all this.

The bolded is so true for me, no matter what kind of person. If you can’t laugh at yourself and live with the fact that I will laugh if you accidentally spill wax on yourself or something like that, or vice versa, we’re not going to get along longterm.
I’ve definitely met people who thake both themselves and these things that we do very seriously and everything they say comes out in this ”because Luke, I am your father”- voice. No chill there, whatsoever.

 

[Somethingdifferent74]

Yet I feel like the essential traits of a dominant might even make it easier to be laid back?

I actually think you're right about this. My Daddy is pretty chill, as a person. Or at least he is with me. It's one reason we get along so well. I don't have it in me to put up with someone who can't see the humor in all this.

I see what you mean but it seems to me that people come to sexual dominance from as different angles as they come to sexual submission.



The bolded is so true for me, no matter what kind of person. If you can’t laugh at yourself and live with the fact that I will laugh if you accidentally spill wax on yourself or something like that, or vice versa, we’re not going to get along longterm.
I’ve definitely met people who thake both themselves and these things that we do very seriously and everything they say comes out in this ”because Luke, I am your father”- voice. No chill there, whatsoever.

I quoted these posts because sometimes, some people no matter what side of the slash they fall on (D/s) we are human. We make mistakes, we are not perfect nor should we be.

Bottom line is we need to accept responsibility for our actions whether be for the good and for the bad. The core of a relationship (no matter what kind) is the humanity, the "human traits" sense of humor, knowing when to be serious and when to not be (in joker voice) not to be so serious. The lifestyle is supposed to be "enjoyed" with your partner. It's not military. Although some relationships are strict and key and on point. It depends on what you and your partners want.

 

[KatieDoes]

Ok, now I can’t hold it back anymore:
View attachment 2156188

In my defence, it’s still BC (before coffee) and BT (before tea).

On topic though, I think people seem to be better at accepting that submissives can be assertive and in charge personalities than accepting that dominants can be laid back or goofy etc.

I can’t even imagine wanting to submit to some humorless uptight Dom.

If it’s not fun and enjoyable to be with him, I won’t.

 

[SurferBoy9044]

I love my sub. I love that she will do anything for me and I love talking about what I want her to do next and talking about it after it happens. I really like hearing that she enjoyed seeing my friends hardon and the next time she would like to do that again. She is a real people pleaser and likes to be told what to do she really likes dominate men that tell her what to do. I like to tell her to strip naked in front of my friends and get on her hands and knees and crawl around in front of us. I have trained her in the fine art of anal sex and she has learned it enjoy it and expects the men to get her ready for anal sex and then have anal sex. I have trained her say things like sodomize me with your big cock or come in my ass. I like to get her naked on her hands and knees and put a dildo in her ass and then have her tell my friends the names of all the men who have fucked her in her ass. I like to have her tells us when was the last time she had anal sex and what was it like and where did they come. She has these amazing anal orgasms and she has to stop and I just hold her and she starts crying that it was so good. Does anyone else have anal sex slave and what is it like. Does any one else understand about the crying orgasm.

 

[PaxNurgle]

^I bet this girl would be your ideal sub, then.

 

[Erosfan]

But from my experiences. "Traits" of a submissive usually are:
Pleasing others
Doing for others
Desire attention
Desire gratification
Enjoying doing tasks to please others.
As well as many others NOT limited to the above I have mentioned.

I love this response! You nailed it.

 

[lacrimosa_duck]

I am curious because I've been exploring bdsm and the Power Exchange of D/s, and everything I have come to learn is that submission has various facets. A submissive person is someone who willingly submits to the authority of another. A submissive person enjoys being in a service-oriented mindset and finds peace of mind in taking orders from those he or she has placed in positions of power. This can be at home, in the workplace, among friends or in community relationships.

Healthy submissive relationships are conscious and consensual. In other words, one party has agreed to hold more power of one kind or another. The other party has agreed to submit. It is agreed upon by the individuals. During my exploration at LIT, it's been shared with me that submissive individuals don't have "rights" or "choice in a relationship." The idea has been implied that basically, 'the submissive is a doormat who has to tolerate poor behavior' and should automatically trust someone and just do what they expect or say.". This contradicts things I have studied and learned from friends I know in the lifestyle.

I would love to hear from people with actual experience what truly should be the expectation from a submissive and Dominant in this type of relationship. Thank you to anyone who can provide more clarity and insight!

.

A bit late to this thread but here are my thoughts.
-----------

Clearly consent and dialogue are foundational and necessary. Any argument to the contrary is bordering on if not brazenly unethical.

Having said that, in my experience a submissive may indicate a preference to at least on a surface level, yield the "choice in a relationship". This might be symbolic or a very real way of them expressing trust in their dominant. In such a case a healthy dominant as a partner first, must bear the responsibility of making the "choices". Over time, a relationship like this can grow to a point where the dominant can make all the decisions, maintaining the illusion of the submissive's lack of "choice", while in reality making decisions which they know are already compliant with the submissive's pleasures, tolerances, preferences, and ethics.

Bottom line, submission is an intense and beautiful expression of trust, one that should never be abused. And at the first sign of abuse, threat, or any form of malintent the submissive is absolutely within their rights to withdraw consent.

 

[SurferBoy9044]

A bit late to this thread but here are my thoughts.
-----------

Clearly consent and dialogue are foundational and necessary. Any argument to the contrary is bordering on if not brazenly unethical.

Having said that, in my experience a submissive may indicate a preference to at least on a surface level, yield the "choice in a relationship". This might be symbolic or a very real way of them expressing trust in their dominant. In such a case a healthy dominant as a partner first, must bear the responsibility of making the "choices". Over time, a relationship like this can grow to a point where the dominant can make all the decisions, maintaining the illusion of the submissive's lack of "choice", while in reality making decisions which they know are already compliant with the submissive's pleasures, tolerances, preferences, and ethics.

Bottom line, submission is an intense and beautiful expression of trust, one that should never be abused. And at the first sign of abuse, threat, or any form of malintent the submissive is absolutely within their rights to withdraw consent.

Thank you Dr Crain for your dialogue and fascinating input I will put that in my medical records and discuss that with my submissive the next time I'm fucking her in her ass.

 

[HornyVirginWhore]

If your sub does not wake up every morning wondering when you will say hello, you are not doing it right.

Not necessarily, I think. In my experience, part of having that good and trusting relationship is the consistency and assurance that a dom wouldn't just up and leave. Even if Doms don't message in the morning, the most worrying part to some Subs would just be whether they're alright.

That said, anticipation could be part of play should that be what you prefer as a pair!

 

[Strixaluco]

Not necessarily, I think. In my experience, part of having that good and trusting relationship is the consistency and assurance that a dom wouldn't just up and leave. Even if Doms don't message in the morning, the most worrying part to some Subs would just be whether they're alright.

Even if it's not about the dom leaving, many subs need the safety of the routine. About a year ago i had a LDR where we chatted every morning, starting at the same time. The safety of that routine was massively important.

Not knowing when something happens easily gets me in a limbo where I get nothing done while waiting. But the certainly... Well it may just be the thing that has me sticking to a healthy schedule.