TVSCs

[Quasimodem]

FurTher on the British fur industry

. . . . do you mean Hoot wore British lads on his legs? How tall was he? Were the Brits tiny?

Perdita

Perdita,

You will be even more confused when you learn that many North Americans’ rub the 'sticks' of tiny British chaps against their lips to keep their skin from cracking.

It sounds unsanitary I know, but what can I say

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Gd Grf!

Originally posted by Quasimodem Once you have thought it over, I am certain that you will agree.

Dear Quaz,
That really chaps my bottom. I think I need a good Pat on the Butram.
MG

 

[Quasimodem]

OF WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!

Of course!

As the man said: Jump on your horse and ride off in all four directions.


BTW: Was Pat Buttram on the radio version of Gene Autrey's Melody Ranch?

You should be able to tell. Just check for the "MR" brand seared on his butt.

 

[MathGirl]

Was Pat Buttram on the radio version of Gene Autrey's Melody Ranch?

Dear Quaz,
I think Pat B. was the most intelligent one of the bunch. He drove a Jeep. Makes a lot more sense than riding a hot, sweaty hoss. Especially if it's painted yaller. The horse, I mean, not the Jeep.
MG

 

[Quasimodem]

Dear Quaz,
I think Pat B. was the most intelligent one of the bunch. He drove a Jeep. Makes a lot more sense than riding a hot, sweaty hoss. Especially if it's painted yaller. The horse, I mean, not the Jeep.
MG

[Giving my head a shake, to unstick the jammed whatchamacallits!]

Pat Brady drove a Jeep named Nellybelle, on the Roy Rogers television extravaganza.

Pat Buttram was immortalised on celluloid as the remarkably named Scat Russell, with Gene Autrey and Elena Verdugo in the Singing Cowboy epic, “Gene Autry and The Mounties,” circa. 1950.

I think that was when the RCMP changed their motto from: “Uphold the right!” to “Always stay out of camera distance!”

(Incidentally, my spellchecker keeps trying to change ‘Buttram’ to ‘Bath room’ . . . maybe I should let it. )

 

[Guest]

MG and Quas: forget about Calif. politics. I think you two should expand and get this thread published, or make it a New Yorker column. You've been cracking me up all day, and I need it badly.

Please continue. Gratefully,
Perdita

p.s. I need a Brit to rub, or a lad to chap.

pps. A horse, a horse! My clique for a horse!

 

[MathGirl]

Gool ol Gabby

Dear Quaz,
The pictures of Gabby Hayes always make him look like a guy who has a guilty secret. Possibly a garter belt and fish net stockings under those dirty jeans. Also, I think the heels on his cowboy boots are just a trifle higher and thinner than usual. With a beard like his, he could also be wearing a choker necklace, and nobody could tell.
MG
Ps. We're dangerously close to being labeled a clique. Not that it would bother me, of course. I've already been arbitrarily relegated to one. Considering the subject, I doubt that the clique would ever become too large.

 

[Quasimodem]

Math,

If you look closely enough, you will see that Gabby Hayes bears a startling resemblance to Fuzzy Knight, which is a porn star’s billing if I ever heard one.

My theory is that they are both the same person!

I know that this theory of dual personalities is a startling concept. You may have initial difficulty reconciling yourself to such a odd mental quirk. Nonetheless, I feel the evidence is there, if one approaches it scientifically.

Do this and a strange observation must be made. What is the purpose of their inclusion in these Singing Cowboy adventures? They cannot sing, neither do they! I fear the true nature of their role is much more sinister.

I would theorize more, except I do not know how to spell “dichotomy.”

Continue your studies,

 

[MathGirl]

Podnahs

Dear Quaz,
I think you may be onto something. It may be that the whole bunch of those "sidekicks" were up to no good.

This, of course, goes beyond the arena of singing cowboys. I don't think Clayton Moore every yodeled a note on screen. I never trusted Tonto, though. There was always a hint of barely repressed rage when he would say, "Uh, Kemo Sabe. Him bad man."

This "downtrodden Native American" theme was continued by Little Beaver in the lesser known Red Ryder comic books.

MG

Ps. Andy Devine doesn't even bear consideration.
Pps. I'm afraid I never heard of Fuzzy Knight. Did I really miss something?

 

[Quasimodem]

Pps. I'm afraid I never heard of Fuzzy Knight. Did I really miss something?

Think, a kinder, gentler Gabby Hayes!

. . . "downtrodden Native American" theme was continued by Little Beaver in the lesser known Red Ryder comic books. . .

Yes, and how did his Ryder get so Red! And during the McCarthy Era, too! Exactly why did he always keep that "Little Beaver" with him?

Finally, the one who bore the burden of Andy Devine was a pinto named - I believe - Scout, and sometimes, sadly, just "Hoss!" And where was the SPCA, or PETA for that matter?

This plague of side kickery was brutal on innocent horseflesh as well as indigenous peoples.

 

[MathGirl]

Poor, poor hoss

Dear Quaz,
I always felt sorry for Marshall Dillon's horse in the old "Gunsmoke" reruns. It looked like Dillon could put his feet down on the ground and let the nag run on without him. I never remember Festus or Chester even having a ride.
MG
I remember seeing the guy who played Chester in a movie. I was startled when he didn't limp. Dennis Weaver? Charlie Weaver? The Weavers? Leave it to Weaver?

 

[Quasimodem]

Re: Poor, poor hoss

Dear Quaz,
. . . . I never remember Festus or Chester even having a ride.
MG

Ask yourself, Math,
would you allow something called a "Festus" ride on your back?

I remember seeing the guy who played Chester in a movie. I was startled when he didn't limp. Dennis Weaver? Charlie Weaver? The Weavers? Leave it to Weaver?

They all were of a very light material. In fact, Dennis eventually wafted out of Dodge City on a Mc Cloud.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Poor, poor hoss

would you allow something called a "Festus" ride on your back?

Dear Quaz,
Excellent point. Oh, yes, "McCloud." Even as a child I could recognize that as one of the dumbest cop shows ever perpetrated.
MG
Ps. Another show that made me embarrassed to watch it: That John Wayne movie where Dean Martin sang something about "Rio Bravo" while laying in a haystack.

 

[Quasimodem]

Re: Re: Re: Poor, poor hoss

. . . .where Dean Martin sang something about "Rio Bravo" while laying in a haystack.

That was, I believe, an attempt at . . . um, er . . . dramatic equitation, where the lying back singing scene was intended to balance against the scene where Dino lay face down (not a totally unique experience for him) in a corral carpeted with horse manure.

BTW: Walter Brennan - another Gabby Hayes, Fuzzy Knight side kicker - was also in "Rio Bravo" where, if memory serves, he completed the Transvestite Singing Cowboy Triathlon by wearing whiskers, playing an instrument (mouth organ . . . let me say that again MOUTH ORGAN! ) and in the closing shot, donned Angie Dickinson's black, see-through leotards.

By then, it was almost the '60s, and they no longer had ANY shame!

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Poor, poor hoss

Dino lay face down (not a totally unique experience for him) in a corral carpeted with horse manure.
By then, it was almost the '60s, and they no longer had ANY shame!

Dear Quaz,
Dean M deserved anything he got after singing that song in the hay. I was embarrassed for everyone associated with the movie and for myself for watching it.

I love Walter Brennan. He had that wonderful palsied voice that made him beloved. He was probably a bra-wearing sheep molester, though.
MG

 

[Quasimodem]

One peculiar saloon keeper in “Good Morning Vietnam” was on an obsessive quest for nude pictures of Walter Brennan. I can not be certain, that this Vietnamese gentleman was the recipient of any salacious details about pre-Vietnam Hollywood, but this ceaseless pursuit seems suspicious, if nothing truly was to be found.

I can also remember another incident involving a melange de trois, confessed to by Brennan, in “The Mule, Dan Rivers, and Me.” Apparently, once the Singing Transvestite Cowboy bug bites, you never get the mule off your back!

Still examining the “Rio Bravo” affair, the youngest singing cowboy role was taken by Ricky Nelson, who - aside from singing - gunned down two citizens merely to please a lady.

While he had no scenes of a sexual note, he did feature in the always phallic “Poker Game.”

 

[MathGirl]

Gd Grf!

I can also remember another incident involving a melange de trois, confessed to by Brennan, in “The Mule, Dan Rivers, and Me.”

I have a nasty mental picture of this happening in a hot, dusty, desert setting. With ........... Ugh.
MG
Ps. I wonder who got to be on top. Not the mule, I hope.

 

[Quasimodem]

What's Sause for the Goose . . .

I wonder who got to be on top. Not the mule, I hope.

To be Frank, I think it was about time!

Of course, they were Dan and Walter, so my comment really has no bearing on their actions.

 

[MathGirl]

Whoosh..........

Q,
I hate it when you write something that goes completely over my head or under my radar.
MG

 

[Quasimodem]

Q,
I hate it . . . under my radar.
MG

Math!

You've got RADAR?

All I've got is this useless FuzzBuster!

 

[MathGirl]

Back to the subject...........

Dear Q,
Wasn't Melody Ranch a sheep spread? Seems that I heard something about the Sons of the Pioneers being part-time shepherds.
MG

 

[Quasimodem]

Re: Back to the subject...........

Dear Q,
Wasn't Melody Ranch a sheep spread? Seems that I heard something about the Sons of the Pioneers being part-time shepherds.
MG

Well, I was always suspicious about Bullet being a German Shepherd.
Maybe those second generation pioneers were shepherds, too.
That doesn't change my opinion.
I still believe they were also Sons of . . . ."

 

[MathGirl]

Ovinity

Well, I was always suspicious about Bullet being a German Shepherd.
Maybe those second generation pioneers were shepherds, too.
That doesn't change my opinion.
I still believe they were also Sons of . . . ."

... sheep? ... bitches? ... Norway? ... the auld sod?
MG
There was talk about Bullet, Lassie, and Rin Tin Tin, you know. Of course Lassie was a male, but when did that ever stop those Hollywood types?

 

[Gabriel_Lee]

Shepherds?

Shepherds? In the USA?

Why have I never seen any Shepherds and Indians films?

I find it difficult to believe that Hollywood would have missed that little opportunity.

And why are they not called Sheepboys?
(Hmm ... ok, maybe that doesn't quite sound right.)

GL

 

[Quasimodem]

Re: Ovinity

[original posted by MathGirl [/I]
. . . . There was talk about Bullet, Lassie, and Ran Tin, you know. Of course Lassie was a male, but when did that ever stop those Hollywood types?

Unless I have been grossly misinformed, Lassie was either five different Collies working in collusion, or else one sick Collie with five different personalities. As you say, in Hollywood . . . . Still, you must admit that they did have one admirable quality: At least they didn't sing!

[original posted by Gabriel Lee [/I]
Why have I never seen any Shepherds and Indians films?

And why are they not called Sheepboys?

The Wool-Feather War, otherwise known as "The War of the Fabrics" has been suppressed from all history books. It was just to 'Gay' for most American Historians to contemplate.

While they were called 'Sheepboys' in some camps, it was not because of an inappropriate variety of 'riding.'

The Hayes Commission of the 1930's expunged all reference to it, both within the SCTV (Singing Cowboy Transvestites) and BDSM (Big Dumb Savage Marions) genres.