want to be dominated

[Xelebes]

*waltzes into thread to aid the newbie sub*

Alright, the first post reminds me of the track "One Pervert Fan" that DJ Smurf keeps in his vynil fan. You sound like the normal person just trying to get into this world. Now there are a few things you might want to realise - what you're looking is considered "perverted" and can shock a whole lot of women. This eliminates quite a few women from the possible list.

The key here is to watch. Watch which women are most likely dominant - there are many types and some of them might very well scare you off. There is many ways to be dominant - some being just simply alpha subs.

There is the social domme - that is, she leads her social pack but not in a sexual way or not in an obvious sexual way. This is not a great indicator of her sexuality, as it is quite the possibility for her to be sub, vanilla, dom or worse, dyke. Ok.... maybe not worse..... Ok, I'll continue on something else.

Then there is the sexual domme. This is harder to determine when checking women out at the nightclub. I don't have really any advice on what would be good indicators (yet) but try a little detective work and work with a primal sense when picking up women (or her picking up you... or ..or... whatever) Best bet is to try many relationships to determine which one is open-minded enough to try this. If it doesn't work, back to searching. It is quite a damning process but hopefully you will get the opportunity to do so.

As of right now I haven't had any success yet - mind you I haven't had much success in any aspect of the relationship stuff so do take my words with a grain of salt. Though a good tip would be to get some friends who are into the darker type sex. Befriending male doms don't hurt.

 

[SweetDommes]

The key here is to watch. Watch which women are most likely dominant - there are many types and some of them might very well scare you off. There is many ways to be dominant - some being just simply alpha subs.

I think the reason that you aren't having any luck is that this theory just simply does ... not ... work.

That's like determining who is submissive or dominant by what they do for a living. Being a fast food worker doesn't mean that you are submissive, being a CEO doesn't mean that you are dominant.

First of all, read what he seems to be saying that he wants - in my opinion, he's not a sub, he *might* be a bottom - someone who wants to be tied up and maybe spanked on occation, told what to do ... but only if it's something that he wants to be told to do. Second, the best way to find out if someone is Dominant is to broach the subject with them - yes, you risk being rejected, but better early on than later.

 

[Netzach]

way better early on than later

additionally, you are not going to freak the woman out so badly if you ask her in a fetishy context

"you into that?"


Not so bad, is it?

 

[SweetDommes]

way better early on than later

additionally, you are not going to freak the woman out so badly if you ask her in a fetishy context

"you into that?"


Not so bad, is it?

Right, and in this context, watching will help - if she starts looking like she's getting excited by watching something that is moving into fetish realms ... my favorite example at the moment is my friend who said she was watching the Pro-Domme episode of CSI Vegas with her bf - in this case, it was her asking him if he liked it (when they were walking through, seeing the fetishwear on the women, etc), and with the hardon he was sporting, it was pretty damned obvious before she asked LOL but same general principle.

 

[Xelebes]

I think the reason that you aren't having any luck is that this theory just simply does ... not ... work.

My theory does not work, I guess but that is prolly why I am having no luck in the vannilla realm seeing which girls might be interested in me or not. Eh well.

More experienced male subs please offer some more advice.

 

[SweetDommes]

My theory does not work, I guess but that is prolly why I am having no luck in the vannilla realm seeing which girls might be interested in me or not. Eh well.

More experienced male subs please offer some more advice.

Ok, so, thinking logically, you admit that your theory doesn't work ... yet you suggested it to another ... why? Are you trying to sabatage him hoping it will help your chances?

And back to jeffrey - you need to figure out what it is that you want. Are you wanting this to be all the time, are you wanting this to be only in the bedroom but all the time, are you wanting this to be only sometimes in the bedroom? That's the first step to getting what you want.

 

[Xelebes]

Argh, I'm communicating like shit today.

I should have wrote "now know" in ...whatever. I'm going back to lurking mode.

 

[Netzach]

My theory does not work, I guess but that is prolly why I am having no luck in the vannilla realm seeing which girls might be interested in me or not. Eh well.

More experienced male subs please offer some more advice.

I'm not a male sub, but I will say that even Dominant females are usually going to take a passive stance in the dating world. Sometimes even more so.
It is the power position to wait until someone puts his dignity on the line and says hi.

Personally, if I'm massively interested in someone I might approach them, but I'm not usually looking to have to do something so nerve wracking. I might sit near a man I am interested in, but I am still waiting for him to register interest first. It's unfair, it's traditional, it's bogus, but it's how it is.

If someone stands and watches me without saying anything, they do not stand a chance.

 

[Xelebes]

What I meant to say waspossibly switch "watch" to "observe and make the call".... possibly "make the call" literally and I have no clue whatI amsaying anymore.

Bah.

 

[SweetDommes]

Personally, if I'm massively interested in someone I might approach them, but I'm not usually looking to have to do something so nerve wracking. I might sit near a man I am interested in, but I am still waiting for him to register interest first. It's unfair, it's traditional, it's bogus, but it's how it is.

Yeah, same here LOL, aren't we mean?

And xele - I'm not really trying to be that mean to you ... I just ... I don't know, can't resist sometimes, you know? I think it's that whole sex-deprivation thing making me cranky LOL

 

[Xelebes]

I think it's that whole sex-deprivation thing making me cranky LOL

Me too.


...


...


Wanna fuck?

Edit - I suppose this post was wasted in this thread but aw well.

 

[SweetDommes]

Me too.


...


...


Wanna fuck?

Edit - I suppose this post was wasted in this thread but aw well.

LOL, oh well, it's not like this is the first time a highjack has occurred in a thread like this ...

But alas, you are a bit too far away

 

[jeffreysub]

Thanks everyone for the helpful insights however I would like to get a few insights that I feel people have missunderstood me. For one when I meen beautiful I meen my own standard of beauty which can be rather plain by many peoples standards. As for it being just about my pleasure well frankly it isn't. It's about both our pleasures, hers and mine and her pleasure will always come first.

As far as am I sure that I am a sub the answer is yes I am pretty damn sure that I am indeed a sub. It's not something that I think is so easy to explain but lets just say that I have fantasies of being tortured slowly inch by inch. My flesh being taken and ripped assunder, my body nothing more to be used for her pleasure and than thrown aside.

As for lesbians dominating me... Sorry but that's not how it works, lesbians are into dominating other women unless of course they are closetly bi. Why get dominated by someone that doesn't fine me attractive? It doesn't make any sense.

Can I offer a domme what they want? Not sure if I can or not but I will always try to please her first.

 

[SweetDommes]

As for lesbians dominating me... Sorry but that's not how it works, lesbians are into dominating other women unless of course they are closetly bi. Why get dominated by someone that doesn't fine me attractive? It doesn't make any sense.

I'm just kind of wondering where exactly this came from ...

Not to mention that I know lesbians who DO enjoy dominating men ... but only dominating, no sex. That does not make them "closetly bi" ... it makes them lesbians who enjoy having power over men.

I understand why you don't wish to be dominated by someone who isn't attracted by/to you, but please, don't make judgements about people you don't know. My judgements about you have been based on what you have told us in the thread - which granted, isn't much... your judgement here seems to be at random and without basis.

 

[jeffreysub]

I'm really sorry to disillusion all of you but bondage and S&M is indeed about sex. It is part of our primal natures, the beast within that wants to be released. You all may or may not have this redicules impression that it's all just about dominating or being submissive but actually it's alot more than merely that. It's about controll and power plus having absolute power or being absolutely powerless.

Any lesbian that claims they like to dominate men and then say it's not about sex or a sexual need is full of themselves. Most of the lesbians that I've met are indeed into dominating other women and none wanted to dominate me which was a disapointment. People tend to want to dominate people that they find attractive, they wont bother to dominate you if they don't unless as some people have said you have the green

Please try and understand that yes some lesbians or self proclaimed lesbians who do dominate men are either a strict professional or are simply stating that they are a lesbian because it's a good fashion statement that makes them look cold and calous to some men who like that sort of thing. Of course these aren't only my words but are words from some lesbians that I've met in the past. Of course people may choose not to believe me or otherwise but that's hardly here nor there.

 

[SweetDommes]

I'm really sorry to disillusion all of you but bondage and S&M is indeed about sex. It is part of our primal natures, the beast within that wants to be released. You all may or may not have this redicules impression that it's all just about dominating or being submissive but actually it's alot more than merely that. It's about controll and power plus having absolute power or being absolutely powerless.

Any lesbian that claims they like to dominate men and then say it's not about sex or a sexual need is full of themselves. Most of the lesbians that I've met are indeed into dominating other women and none wanted to dominate me which was a disapointment. People tend to want to dominate people that they find attractive, they wont bother to dominate you if they don't unless as some people have said you have the green

Please try and understand that yes some lesbians or self proclaimed lesbians who do dominate men are either a strict professional or are simply stating that they are a lesbian because it's a good fashion statement that makes them look cold and calous to some men who like that sort of thing. Of course these aren't only my words but are words from some lesbians that I've met in the past. Of course people may choose not to believe me or otherwise but that's hardly here nor there.

Whoa ... hold on - yes, it can be sexual, it often is, but it is NOT only about sex. Not to mention that D/s does not equal "bondage and S&M" - take it from someone who lives it day in and day out. It is NOT all about sex. It is about a power exchange, and if you are really a submissive, then you need to get that into your head (both of them) right now.

It isn't about "choosing to believe you" or not - it's about living a daily reality. We are doing this, you obviously aren't yet - so don't you dare tell us what the lifestyle is or isn't about.

I can't even discuss the rest of the things that are wrong with your post ... you are obviously totally unwilling to take advice from those who live the lifestyle, and are thus beyond all help. good luck to you - you're bloody well gonna need it.

 

[jeffreysub]

sweetdommes: Yes mistress

Sorry went way above myself.

 

[Never]

Good luck, jeffreysub. You'll need it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Any lesbian that claims they like to dominate men and then say it's not about sex or a sexual need is full of themselves. Most of the lesbians that I've met are indeed into dominating other women and none wanted to dominate me which was a disapointment. People tend to want to dominate people that they find attractive, they wont bother to dominate you if they don't unless as some people have said you have the green

Oh you may be missing the whole point of why they don't want to dominate you. See to dominate, or even top another, there usually has to be a level of respect which goes both ways. I may be way off here, but your attitude does not come across as one that would attract anyone to the idea of dominating you, so yes, they are not going to show interest. You need to open your mind, listen to those who do have some experience, before beginning to tell them they don't know what they are on about and you who have no experience have the answers. Have you forgotten it was you who came here seeking advice and direction, not the other way around?

Catalina

 

[Mr Blonde]

Originally posted by jeffreysub

As far as am I sure that I am a sub the answer is yes I am pretty damn sure that I am indeed a sub. It's not something that I think is so easy to explain but lets just say that I have fantasies of being tortured slowly inch by inch. My flesh being taken and ripped assunder, my body nothing more to be used for her pleasure and than thrown aside.

This paragraph seems to be describing masochistic tendencies. If someone likes receiving pain and physical torture, then that person is called a masochist. Someone who enjoys inflicting pain on another person is called a sadist.

So just to narrow down your search a little more, you should be on the lookout for a "sadistic domme". Anyway, continued good luck to you!

 

[Aeroil]

sorry jefferysub, I'm gonna hafta hijack your thread for a bit, don't worry I'll post somethine on-topic too.

I was gonna lurk for a bit but this is killin me so I'm gonna post it now.

*ahem* earlier in this thread I said some things that offended some people, I would like to apologize for three key things:
First, for being mean. I still believe what I said, however I said them in a mean and spiteful way, so I am sorry for that, I should have been more civil.
Second, for giving ciara the impression that I was sneering at her, I was not, I happen not to like the term pro-domme, hence the sneer, although I was still being rude.
lastly, simply for making trouble, I like this board and its inhabitants a lot, you've helped me a great deal, so my last intentions are to cause anyone any angst, I can get a bit carried away when I type, I really should learn to read what I type before I post it.

ah, now for something on-topic.

first off, go easy on jefferysub, he's new, he still has time to learn, and he did apologize. also, jeffery, karen and catalina are right, I'll use garylee as an example, he served his last mistress for two years as a domestic servant only, he was celebate the entire time. It's not always about sex by any means, the experienced board members here know what they're doing lol, they've been doing it for a while, take what they say into consideration.

 

[Netzach]

I've been in and around the leather community a long enough time to have seen it all. This includes lesbian Dommes happily torturing and tormenting gay male bottom friends. Intimacy comes in a lot of flavors and not all of it is romantic and not all of it is sexual -- and a lot of people I know define their orientation according to their romantic interests, not just who they could see fucking or beating.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

I'm really sorry to disillusion all of you but bondage and S&M is indeed about sex. It is part of our primal natures, the beast within that wants to be released. You all may or may not have this redicules impression that it's all just about dominating or being submissive but actually it's alot more than merely that. It's about controll and power plus having absolute power or being absolutely powerless.

Any lesbian that claims they like to dominate men and then say it's not about sex or a sexual need is full of themselves. Most of the lesbians that I've met are indeed into dominating other women and none wanted to dominate me which was a disapointment. People tend to want to dominate people that they find attractive, they wont bother to dominate you if they don't unless as some people have said you have the green

Please try and understand that yes some lesbians or self proclaimed lesbians who do dominate men are either a strict professional or are simply stating that they are a lesbian because it's a good fashion statement that makes them look cold and calous to some men who like that sort of thing. Of course these aren't only my words but are words from some lesbians that I've met in the past. Of course people may choose not to believe me or otherwise but that's hardly here nor there.

Dude,

Maybe YOUR idea of Bondage and S&M include sex, but for you to say everyone's does is way off mark. There isn't a single definition of a BDSM relationship.

In my opinion you're just a guy into kinky sex, and haven't the first clue about submission.

I'll qualify my thoughts by what you are saying.

"To me domination and submission is all about sex and if it lacks sexual intercourse in anyway I start to get turned off."

All you want is to get laid, and if that includes you being helpless, it excites you even more.

"As for it being just about my pleasure well frankly it isn't. It's about both our pleasures, hers and mine and her pleasure will always come first. "

As long as you get laid, you'll be happy to please her too.

Notice the trend here?

"As far as am I sure that I am a sub the answer is yes I am pretty damn sure that I am indeed a sub. It's not something that I think is so easy to explain but lets just say that I have fantasies of being tortured slowly inch by inch. My flesh being taken and ripped assunder, my body nothing more to be used for her pleasure and than thrown aside."

Does this include you not being able to orgasm?

Take the advice of a male submissive here, you don't want a Domme, you want to control from the bottom like Miss Karen has said.

In the real world of D/s the submissive doesen't always get what they want, no matter how well they beg.

I think your fantasies, are just that, fantasies.

 

[incubus'_sub]

I think you're being a bit too hard on him. In the real world of D/s there are indeed many of us who believe it's all about sex, those who don't dissect our desires & try to impart vast & deep meanings to them, but just accept that that is the way we are wired & get on with it.

Label it B&D, D/s, BDSM whatever as they all mean different things to different people. What makes it work is the meeting & meshing of the Dom desire with the sub desire in whatever form those particular partners prefer. When it's all boiled down though, I do think that the bottom line is sexual, how you get there is up to you. A sub being denied orgasm for whatever reason is most definately base line sexual.

 

[A Desert Rose]

...those who don't dissect our desires & try to impart vast & deep meanings to them, but just accept that that is the way we are wired & get on with it...

I agree with everything you wrote but, especially this part. I've said it before... some people spend a lot of time trying to figure things and not enough time just having fun with who and what they are.

As far as I know, I have no deep seated reasons for loving to be spanked and humiliated. I just like it and that's good enough for me.