What a mess we are

[Dhalgren]

An excerpt taken from a recent private message to me:

Guy 1:
"HEY BABES>>YOU SOUND TTOTALLY HOOOOT!! YOUR WORDS ARE
BRILLAINT!!WANNA GET TOGETHER AND MAKE WONDERFUL SEX
IN MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE BY THE OCEAN.
I can rock you silly baby. I know you want it by what
you write you sound so fuckable!>>PM me and tell me
how much you need MY BIG FAT COCK in your deep hot
cunt."


Now..do you ever think Guy1 would whisper such a thing to me in real life?
Like in here...he would just overhear a conversation I was having in a general group and thought these lovely words of his would be enticing to my ears and I'd want him bad..heh.

I have only posted to a few personal ads, myself..but I've received a lot of really smarmy private messages.


Here is a passage from another pm, very different guy:

"I wonder how your flesh is illuminated by the cast of the pale mood or slender fingers mapping over you and your mind sensually filled with content from not just the touch, but where your mind is the ultimate libido..."

The man whom wrote this has been such an amazing person to know....I savour his letters and posts to me like a warm summer day. We are slowly building a very intense friendship...


So, maybe the first guy wouldn't say such vulgar things to me in the real world ..but his head is still living in that space...and the truth is I may not find out that he thinks like this...if ever.

 

[SexCrazedQT4U]

I can totally........

relate to what the last person had to say in her post. I too have had a similar experience.....though I posted an ad.....yes I admit searching for someone to stimulate me and all my desires and naughty little thoughts......BUT I wanted someone with a little substance to them, someone who took the time to be a little more creative than the rest, someone who wanted to indulge in more than just trying to get me off, or get themselves off for that matter.
I had about 100 reply emails....and only one was worthy of a reply. And it is that person I am grateful for our letters & conversation and the desires and fantasies we share.
Proven....it's not what you say....it's how you say it.
I am still a firm believer that good men do exist! As well as women!

 

[Guest]

Yes, Rashid, we dance...

My hubby is somewhere between bad boy and good boy. As an example, our relationship began as an affair, but we're still friends with his ex and her new husband. We often have dinner with them and come home happy that we have all found the right person for us.

My Husband?

Is completely dependable and consistent. He always plays by the rules, but sometimes he makes up his own rules about things.

Says that I am every woman he needs - Lady in Public; Wife at Home; Courtesan in Private. Having all of these he need never stray. I'm smart, I keep it that way!

Supports me in all I do, because he believes in me, and he trusts me to act with our future in mind.

Is the most phenominal lover I have ever had! He seems to know instinctively what will give me the most pleasure. Which is why he encourages my bi-sexuality. He says it makes me even more sensual and erotic.

*Bows slightly* I hope that I am half of the things you think Rashid.

Trite as it may sound, I do believe that there is someone for everyone. I think, too that sometimes we miss that special person because we don't trust ourselves enough to go on instinct. We need to have Cosmo, Playboy, Vogue, or GQ tell us who is right for us. The trouble is, "Mr. Right" is looking for "Ms. Right" not most of us.

Maybe we can me nice people online and form relationships; or maybe we can use the fantasy to reherse for reality. I think that we all enjoy being naughty, we like the thrill of the uninhibited, raunchy (but safe) sex you can have online. Some folks go beyond the chatroom to meet there Cyber Lover, and they're disappointed. It's kind of like reading a novel and picturing the characters and settings in your mind, and then seeing the movie of the week version. Things just don't seem the same. In your version Sean Connery played the lead, but NBC cast Tom Arnold instead.

Speaking for myself...I like chatting because it lets me explore all of the women that Iam. I get to test my fantasy, work all the moves out in my mind. Hubby, says he's glad that I'm enjoying all the sex. He knows I'm safe and he gets a real kick out of knowing that I sit here and masterbate when I chat. I have answered a few personal ads, and I've gotten replies to some. I agree with the earlier posts about the quality of replies. I think that the "smarmy" replies come from men who are, at heart, just nasty individuals. We just wouldn't normally be in their field of vision, and be a target.

I really feel for you guys though, you have to be among us! Most of the time we are so chemically imbalanced that we make Linda Blairs' head spinning seem tame. We don't know what we want until you give us something else. We have all these little hurdles you have to jump, but we won't tell you what they are till you miss one, and when you ask "what did I do?" We say....."Oh Nothing." We know we do it, but we can't stop it. No offence meant here but... There is no flipping way I'd ever become a lesbian! I couldn't put up with dating a woman long enough to have a relationship. I acutally met a woman that I thought I might enjoy, but after several weeks of trying to figure out what she wanted, and I was gettin nuthin, I decided that "she could not be That good in bed" and lost interest. This ever happen to any of you?

Men are much easier to understand!

 

[Lady_Kit]

Flippin Cookie!!!!!!

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!

 

[rashid]

dumber than a bag of hammers

Kit - you're a love - Chele - you too. and several of the other ladies who posted. Thanks for playing. Having read this whole thing over several times in an effort to really "get it" I think the penny finally dropped.

Two posts back to back telling me the same thing. Even when you're cheating on your husband the criteria are the same as if you were single and looking - This is the thing I continuously tripped over.

When I think of having a fling the last thing I want is to fall in love and when a woman thinks of having a fling she does exactly the opposite. Bells are going off all over the place here -

I get it. It's taken me a long time but I finally get it. - You all just cannot relax and enjoy guilt free sex. You just can't. Thank you - It's not that you want me to lie to you - you NEED me to lie to you. Otherwise the guilt is overwhelming. And the Tom Arnold thing? Right on the head - I expected Sandra Bullock and got Phillis Diller. The whole thing is a harlequin romance - I am soooooooo Stoopid.

It was so simple it plumb evaded me. The vast majority of you don't want the reality - you want the illusion. Duhhhhh how could I have missed something so obvious. The posts by women looking for sex? Never again will I believe it. You can't do it!!! The guilt will kill you if you can't justify it as love or at least exteme like. You told me and told me and I still kept seeing it through my own eyes.

Maybe I can get some sleep now -

 

[rashid]

Oh - and Kit.............

Your hubby is a fortunate man.

Trying to find the right combination of mind and body is a most daunting task.
I continually seem to find one or the other but the combination eludes me.

Truth is, of course, I'm not trying very hard - I'm busy working, writing, studying, adventuring and generally doing guy stuff. I don't lack for female company BUT (behold the underlying truth) real women who don't act like truck drivers or divas are a rarity these days. To find one who makes my balls ache too is almost impossible.

The few I've met were unavailable at the time so I moved on. I do still think about them tho. Dianne Morgan, who I met in the Navy at the tender age of 18, was the best kisser I've ever met in my entire life - I still carry a torch for you wherever you are
Dae Goddyn - perhaps the most complete woman I've ever met and my greatest fantasy.
It's a short list. Far, far shorter than my list of bed partners and with no new additions in at least fifteen years.

It's been said that if you want the perfect lover the best thing to do is concentrate on being the kind of person he or she would want to be with.
If you get it right - they'll find you - water seeks its own level.
I'm working on it.

Smooches
T.

 

[on_the_verge]

Re: Oh - and Kit.............

It's been said that if you want the perfect lover the best thing to do is concentrate on being the kind of person he or she would want to be with.
If you get it right - they'll find you - water seeks its own level.
I'm working on it.

Smooches
T.

Best thing to do is be yourself, improve yourself for yourself and to improve your attention and your lovers as a partnership. There are a few things you must do solely, but to make yourself to appeal to them and create what they want and not what is naturally you, hmmm?

Beyond the smoke and mirrors, you better just take for who I am, because I am not changing to be someone you want, ever.

 

[gag halfont]

true, true

Single women can't fart....... they don't have assholes until they get married.

I think this explains it all.

 

[rashid]

You totally missed it

I am not the least bit concerned whether YOU change, stay the same or stand on your head and spit quarters. - If you are happy with who you are - great -
In my case there will ALWAYS be room for improvement - I'm a work in progress -

The quote refers to asking others to be what we are not willing to be ourselves.
For example: I look for certain character traits in my friends and/or lovers. I want honesty, integrity, wit, humor, courage, curiosity, loyalty etc. in those who share my life.
Given that this is so, it behooves me to be honest, have integrity, share my wit, be funny and enjoy your humor, be courageous, curious, loyal etc. If I spend my time developing these things I'll most likely be attractive to others who embody these characteristics and thereby fulfill my own desires.

This is hardly smoke and mirrors. I'm happy for you if you've attained a state of enlightenment such that you have nothing more to learn, but I certainly have not. I may aspire to be Christ - like but there is a gap between the goal and the current reality. If what I'm looking for is a queen I probably won't find her in the gutter.

By the same token if a woman is looking for prince charming he probably won't be interested in a lazy, slovenly, unprincipaled slut looking for a free ride.

You want the best - you gotta be the best; earn it, don't burn it.

 

[rashid]

oh and Gag - if

you're wounded enough to marry an asshole - better check your motives or your desireability. Wonderful people don't attact assholes unless they have a need to be abused. In those cases there is always a very important character issue that's begging to be resolved. Ask any shelter operator.

"we have met the enemy and he is us"

 

[gag halfont]

sorry pal

I am really sorry pal but you completely missed the point. Age and experience will provide you with the wisdom you need to understand but until then instead of analyzing to death, accept what is and although you might not get what you want you will get what you deserve, whatever that is. Best wishes.

 

[rashid]

since you can't articulate it, apparently there was no point. Please don't preach about maturity and wisdom untill you have some.

In the right context your post might have been funny. In this context it's absurd and juvenile. Your apology is accepted now piss off.

 

[Dhalgren]

Many people bring their own set of illusions to the table in various degrees upon meeting a new person...whether it be subconscious or not.

I think we smoke the mirror ourselves in order to find something that fits our heads exactly the way we designed it.
Of course we all know that love=acceptance..yet somehow we still lay expectation upon others..


"Oh..I think he is sooo perfect..if only he were different.."


The truth is you can connect to somebody...if indeed you put enough virtual lines into the copper wires without perceiving what you think you might find but rather just let it happen.


Oh and gag-
Have you ever met an emotionally slow 50-year-old and a very astute 25-year-old all on the same day..just to realize that time and age is not the cure all to wisdom and intelligence?

 

[rashid]

having let it happen

several times with less than sterling results, I decided to look deep into the mirror instead of blowing smoke up my own butt. As you say - perfect except I'd like her to be different here, here and here, not to mention this and that.

Dhalgren - you are so right about clouding reality to satisfy our own wants and needs. We all do it don't we? and it blows up in our faces every time. It's hard to let people be who they are and I confess to being greedy - I want the whole enchilada - with sour cream and guacamole and the refried beans too. I also realize that the last perfect person on this earth was crucified some 2000 years ago.

So I thought about it; a lot, deeply, for a long time. And in the end I realized that the only thing that really matters is that we sincerely work at being the finest human being we can be. No autopilot, no excuses about that's just how I am, no BS.

If you're tolerant of my mistakes understanding I'm working hard at being my best that's ok.- I'll be equally tolerant of yours and maybe we can grow together and be happy.

 

[on_the_verge]

Rashid, I was speaking generally, so to type and it was not directed towards you, even though I did quote you. I would never openly insult someone on a board, unless provoked. I do admire your expressiveness and thoughts to a degree. Let's just say, I made an error communicating and making it appear as if I was replying directly towards you in spitefulness.

 

[Lady_Kit]

We are who we are.

If you're tolerant of my mistakes understanding I'm working hard at being my best that's ok.- I'll be equally tolerant of yours and maybe we can grow together and be happy.

Thus endeth the lesson...

Rashid, do yourself a favor...if you ever meet a lady who stirs your senses to the point that you know her step, her scent, and the sound of her laughter from across the room...if she says that she doesn't want strings, just a good time with a friend...if she tells you that she won't move in, she won't get married, and she is not saying "I love you"- and you feel the same - grab her - she's perfect!

 

[on_the_verge]

ideals and utopias

That looks so ideal! Now only if I had the perfect job: paid very well, come in when ever I wanted and leave like so, no one to answer to and the corner office, I would take it...grab it!

 

[rashid]

kisses to Kit

I'm a day late and a dollar short but I love ya anyway. Thanks for being a breath of fresh air. lol - I'm holding out for Sandra Bullock. Her evil twin? her mom? sumthin like dat

On the verge - I'm lucky. I have that very job - when you're self employed it comes with the territory. Problem is the paycheck can be a lil erratic at times. Sigh - everything has it's price no??????

Re: your other post - I just thought you misinterpreted my intended meaning so I tried to clarify. I really do believe that like attracts like and that if you want the best you have to be the best. Best, of course, is totaly subjective so there is a place there for everyone.

I admit I have a hard time with the "you just gotta love me for me" line. The only thing I "gotta" do is die - everything else is a choice and I choose who I love based on who they are and that's a very complicated issue.
No harm no foul

 

[SexCrazedQT4U]

I'm not saying it is easy or uncomplicated

But why should anyone settle for less than, what they want or feel they deserve?
Isn't it ok to take pride & like ourselves enough not to settle for less than we deserve?

I want the whole package as well! Some might think that is selfish or unrealistic. I say it is, valuing myself as being worthy of having what I want. And I am certainly willing to give just as much of myself to another. As I don't believe any relationship should be one sided.

This may not make any sense to anyone else. And in the end it really doesn't matter....it is only one persons opinion...MY OWN.

This thread has been truly educational for me, has made me think more and reevaluate certain things in my life! Thank you Rashid!

 

[rashid]

Hi cutie

Kewl - another live human with a brain.
worthy or not - go for the gusto. Swing for the brass ring. If you miss - try again. Never give up - never surrender

Success is unconcerned with whether or not you deserve it. It only concerns itself with what you DO to achieve it. Another radical concept from your buddy pal and friend.......

T.





Here's to you. May you tame your dragon and teach him to carry you to new heights.

 

[softcaress69]

This has been a very good thread. I now am wondering if I do indeed have any hope of finding someone. I guess i've never learned how to play the game. I never learned how to ask for my needs to be met. But i'm always there for others. I don't think someone would want me. This has been interesting!

 

[LibraStud]

Hello Rashid,


And thank you for beginning this thread. I am mostly
an observer, but this topic has piqued my interest to the
point of responding.

I have long ago decided (rightly or wrongly) that women
really do pick their men, a man chases a woman until she
catches him, and all the other clichés are quite true.

I used to be quite aggressive. Now I sit back and give women
what they want, and they give me a chance to get to know
them and visa versa. Life is quite simple.

 

[Lady_Kit]

Settling!! Whooozzze Settling!!!???

Geeze Louise people, don't just give up!! Saying that you accept people the way they are doesn't mean that you have to lower your standards.

Isn't it ok to take pride & like ourselves enough not to settle for less than we deserve?

I want the whole package as well! Some might think that is selfish or unrealistic. I say it is, valuing myself as being worthy of having what I want. And I am certainly willing to give just as much of myself to another. As I don't believe any relationship should be one sided.

But why should anyone settle for less than, what they want or feel they deserve?

I agree with SexCrazed!!! How can anyone else find you valuable if you see no value in yourself. No one here is a doormat!!!

Ya gotta Live, Live, Live!!!

 

[rashid]

right as rain hon

Once upon a time in your own back yard, somewhere in smallville lived a couple who couldn't get along. He was a terrible dunk. abusive, nasty. All day long he drank and when he got too drunk to drink, he defecated on the floor, vomited in the hallway and usually passed out on the front lawn. He was a classic drunk.
His wife, a long suffering, respectable woman hated his drinking and constantly tried to help him get sober, complaining all the while about his deplorable behavior. Finally she consulted a psychologist about helping her "fix" her husbands behavior.
After listening to her prolonged lament, he thought for a moment and then he said. "So let me understand this. Your husband is a drunk. You hate drunks. You find his behavior disgusting and you're tied of cleaning up after him. He embarasses you in public and abuses you in private and if HE cannot change you will never be happy, is that correct?"
"yes doctor" she said "Exactly - how can I make him change?"
Again the good doctor reflected on the situation and then he asked "But he IS an alcoholic and he is acting just as all alcoholics do is that not right?" Somewhat reluctantly she admitted that yes this was so, whereupon the doctor said "It seems to me that your husband is acting in all ways normally for an alcoholic. You on the other hand, are attempting to make yourself happy by forcing his behavior to change. But short of imprisoning him and holding him in chains until he becomes sober, you have little hope of curbing his drinking. Should you manage that and force him into sobriety, I have no doubt that he will revert to alcoholic behavior upon his release. If your happiness depends on his changing to suit your needs, I promise you a lifetime of misery. This leaves you with two options for change. You will either have to accept him as he is and learn to be happy living with a drunk or you must leave him and learn to be happy living with yourself. Giving someone else CONTROL of your happiness is insane. For this condition there is a cure and I am certain I can help you. As for his condition, I can only help him if he's ready to help himself."

So she left him and heard later that he drank himself to death. Meanwhile she realized she was gay and met a great babe on the internet - but that's another story...........

The IS knows what's in your heart even when you don't. Prepare yourself for a great life. Build character. Prepare for a miracle and leave the rest to God

A special note for softcarress. If a man has principals and is unshakeable behind them, he is prepared for a miracle. You may never control the outcome but you sure as life itself CAN control the process.

Any pain that doesn't kill me makes me stronger. The sword of the Samuai is heated and folded and hammered and heated and folded 10,000 times to temper it. Likewise the warrier who carries it. You may have a handicap in one way but you compensate in many others - You already know this so I don't need to belabor it. Take a chance. If you feel like you're too soft, study Aikido or some other martial art. Toughen your body and your mind. After you take a few hits it's not so scary. If you are already completely comfortable with who you are, then relax and the woman who compliments that state will find you.

Aside to Libra stud. grins - when I was about fifteen my older brother told me to stop running after women and stand still long enough for one to catch me. I did it and it worked. It worked so well that I've been caught by every crazy that ever walked into a life to teach some fool a lesson. Unfortunately it took me till I was fourty to catch on to being a student. *sigh* Ah well - better late than never right?

 

[softcaress69]

rashid

Thank you! Also I do work out, I have a Masters degree, I always try to learn and listen and I am waiting. Hopefully someone will be interested some day. Thank you for your kind words.