What does he want???

[saw_man1]

Sheesh, thank the universe I have something in my life to keep me occupied and happy.

Catalina

So, you two are like Holmes and Watson.

Which one of you is Holmes amd which one is Watson?

 

[snowpetal]

once again

hey just wanted to give you guys an update, I really have not figured anything out for sure.

Oh, I am 25 btw, somebody asked my age. And thank you all for trying to help me get to the bottom of this.

but....he asked me, if the bite marks were gone from my neck and I said, yes, that they had faded, and he asked me if I missed them and If I wanted him to put more on...

(so then I thought he was s&m again...)

then later he asked about my kinky friend again..and I said that we would probably run into her again (at a certain place we all go to), and I warned him that he should watch out because she might whip him, (she is a riding instructor and has tons of crops, and has brought them into the bar before, not because she is s&m but because she is a exhibitionist sexually charged girl)

I said the thing about her whiping us because I wanted to fish for his reaction and he said " Dont worry, I will whip her twice as hard, as she whips, what ever she gives out, she will get twice in return, no body whips me"

(so then I thought, well he is not s&m)

so I am still confused, but I have decided, how to cope

See, He wants to come to my house, pretty badly and asks playfully when ever he takes me out, if he can come back with my to my house

I always ask him "what do you want??"

What do you want to do at my house that you cant do... say, at the theatre or restaurant or what ever..???

and he always says: " I cant tell you....I will have to SHOW you"

So I will ask again..next time he asks

So then if he tells me the "I cant tell you, have to show you" thing, I will
tell him that that answer will never make me comfortable to let him into my house...

and if he gives me a generic answer, like: I want to makeout . I will tell him, NO, not specific enough to make me comfortable enough to let you come over

Until he gets specific about what he wants.

Then most guys would say oral sex, or kissing or cuddling, right...


but if he cant tell me what he wants then I will know its something else.

Then I will ask if he is bdsm

or if someone has a better Idea of what I should say when he gives me the I cant tell you, must show you line..let me know.

 

[Noor]

hey just wanted to give you guys an update, I really have not figured anything out for sure.

Oh, I am 25 btw, somebody asked my age. And thank you all for trying to help me get to the bottom of this.

but....he asked me, if the bite marks were gone from my neck and I said, yes, that they had faded, and he asked me if I missed them and If I wanted him to put more on...

(so then I thought he was s&m again...)

then later he asked about my kinky friend again..and I said that we would probably run into her again (at a certain place we all go to), and I warned him that he should watch out because she might whip him, (she is a riding instructor and has tons of crops, and has brought them into the bar before, not because she is s&m but because she is a exhibitionist sexually charged girl)

I said the thing about her whiping us because I wanted to fish for his reaction and he said " Dont worry, I will whip her twice as hard, as she whips, what ever she gives out, she will get twice in return, no body whips me"

(so then I thought, well he is not s&m)

so I am still confused, but I have decided, how to cope

See, He wants to come to my house, pretty badly and asks playfully when ever he takes me out, if he can come back with my to my house

I always ask him "what do you want??"

What do you want to do at my house that you cant do... say, at the theatre or restaurant or what ever..???

and he always says: " I cant tell you....I will have to SHOW you"

So I will ask again..next time he asks

So then if he tells me the "I cant tell you, have to show you" thing, I will
tell him that that answer will never make me comfortable to let him into my house...

and if he gives me a generic answer, like: I want to makeout . I will tell him, NO, not specific enough to make me comfortable enough to let you come over

Until he gets specific about what he wants.

Then most guys would say oral sex, or kissing or cuddling, right...


but if he cant tell me what he wants then I will know its something else.

Then I will ask if he is bdsm

or if someone has a better Idea of what I should say when he gives me the I cant tell you, must show you line..let me know.

You can say that you don't feel comfortable unless you know what it is.

I am just curious how is his saying he is either into BSMD or not going to make a difference? Its not like that explains the games he is playing.

 

[DVS]

hey just wanted to give you guys an update, I really have not figured anything out for sure.

Oh, I am 25 btw, somebody asked my age. And thank you all for trying to help me get to the bottom of this.

but....he asked me, if the bite marks were gone from my neck and I said, yes, that they had faded, and he asked me if I missed them and If I wanted him to put more on...

(so then I thought he was s&m again...)

then later he asked about my kinky friend again..and I said that we would probably run into her again (at a certain place we all go to), and I warned him that he should watch out because she might whip him, (she is a riding instructor and has tons of crops, and has brought them into the bar before, not because she is s&m but because she is a exhibitionist sexually charged girl)

I said the thing about her whiping us because I wanted to fish for his reaction and he said " Dont worry, I will whip her twice as hard, as she whips, what ever she gives out, she will get twice in return, no body whips me"

(so then I thought, well he is not s&m)

so I am still confused, but I have decided, how to cope

See, He wants to come to my house, pretty badly and asks playfully when ever he takes me out, if he can come back with my to my house

I always ask him "what do you want??"

What do you want to do at my house that you cant do... say, at the theatre or restaurant or what ever..???

and he always says: " I cant tell you....I will have to SHOW you"

So I will ask again..next time he asks

So then if he tells me the "I cant tell you, have to show you" thing, I will
tell him that that answer will never make me comfortable to let him into my house...

and if he gives me a generic answer, like: I want to makeout . I will tell him, NO, not specific enough to make me comfortable enough to let you come over

Until he gets specific about what he wants.

Then most guys would say oral sex, or kissing or cuddling, right...


but if he cant tell me what he wants then I will know its something else.

Then I will ask if he is bdsm

or if someone has a better Idea of what I should say when he gives me the I cant tell you, must show you line..let me know.

Well, from reading this message, this guy is a real piece of work. He's playing you. He's holding all of the cards and he doesn't want to give up his hand. You might think you know what he wants, but something tells me you won't. He won't even tell you the truth, when you ask him. If I were you, I wouldn't even let him follow me home, because he would then know where you live.

Oh, you might be mezmerized by his ways, but I suggest you watch him closer than you are. You say you don't think he's S&M. Have you read about S&M? Have you read about BDSM? You sure sound naive about it all, if you ask me. Sounds to me like he could be a player.

Don't take my word for it, if you don't want to. But, if you ask me, after reading what you've written in this last message, and reading the first message you wrote, this guy is strange. And, in this day and age, strange can be bad news.

Of course, he could be putting on an act, like I said in my first post. He could be very new to all of this himself, and just think he's acting the way a Dom acts. But, this "I can't tell you, I have to show you" bullshit is not a good sign. I'd watch this guy, if I were you.

If your friend is in the lifestyle, ask her for her opinion of this guy. If she's your friend, you can surely ask for her honest opinion. And, if she is in the lifestyle, she knows about the sickos that are out there and how they prey on unsuspecting, trusting people by acting like someone they aren't.

Ask your friend to go with you...sit down with him and find out just what his game is. If he still says he can't tell you, he has to show you, he's a player. Trouble is, if he is, you might be under his skin too far already, that he won't leave you alone.

 

[snowpetal]

what does "player" mean

player to me means, a guy or girl for that matter that acts like they want a commited relationship/ romance...but actually have several people they sleep with...

playing at romance to get sex basically.

Since this guy doesnt get any sex, from me,, and from what I know of players they arent going to hang around and wait for feelings to develop and build trust and what not.

He is hanging around and putting alot of effort into it, so I dont think that he is the player type,

plus, players are always noticing other girls in the room, wandering eyse, flirting with others....he doesnt leave my side,and wont take his eyes off mine..

 

[snowpetal]

and yes, I am quite naive about all of it, but I am trying to read up in my spare time...

 

[snowpetal]

You can say that you don't feel comfortable unless you know what it is.

I am just curious how is his saying he is either into BSMD or not going to make a difference? Its not like that explains the games he is playing.

This is a great idea, and I will say this next time he wants to come over..
I will say exactly that.

but I dont know what games he is playing...I guess I thought they were s & m games, mind games to show me that he is into something, I thought they were hints and I cant imagine what else he is hinting at.

Like why else would he ask me if I wanted more marks on my neck to replace the ones that faded..?? unless he thinks that I am kinky , but I dont think I put off that vibe..

unless, he is judging me by the company I keep, my one friend is kinky, but not all my friends are kinky.

Oh, and she is not really kinky in the way that she is an authority on BDSM
she is just an agressive, attention hungry, riding instructor using a whip as a prop in a bar..so that people (preferably hot guys) will ask her what the whip is about..then she can spank them, publicly..and later have sex

Oh, and she wears a collar, and she does "call herself" a "dominatrix" but she has never been trained and doesnt know anything more than I do, which is only what I have seen in the movies...

She would probably lose her mind if she met a real dominatrix, I would actually like to see that happen. She just talks the talk.

And she is also a model, so a few of her photo shoots have been kinky ...and she is published in a book called "shaved, unshaven.." but in one of the photoshoots, she had a clear plastic wrap over her head, like someone was smothering her, and I dont think a dominatrix would like that...

but what she is...is an exhibitionist, and will do anything for you if you give her attention, she is also a fascinating person in general,and has been my good friend for 8 years

and believe me I would know if she was "in the lifestyle" she is very honest ...and graphic

 

[Noor]

(snip)

Of course, he could be putting on an act, like I said in my first post. He could be very new to all of this himself, and just think he's acting the way a Dom acts. But, this "I can't tell you, I have to show you" bullshit is not a good sign. I'd watch this guy, if I were you.

If your friend is in the lifestyle, ask her for her opinion of this guy. If she's your friend, you can surely ask for her honest opinion. And, if she is in the lifestyle, she knows about the sickos that are out there and how they prey on unsuspecting, trusting people by acting like someone they aren't.

Ask your friend to go with you...sit down with him and find out just what his game is. If he still says he can't tell you, he has to show you, he's a player. Trouble is, if he is, you might be under his skin too far already, that he won't leave you alone.

I worry a lot about this, what might he do if he gets to your house. Once he is there, the presumption will be that you invited him there, you have tolerate painful behavior in the past so anything is fair game.

I figure the easiest way to get rid of him if he becomes a problem is to tell him you like something he really isn't into. By the way do you know where he lives? His real name? just in case.

Good Luck.

 

[Noor]

You can say that you don't feel comfortable unless you know what it is.

I am just curious how is his saying he is either into BSMD or not going to make a difference? Its not like that explains the games he is playing.

This is a great idea, and I will say this next time he wants to come over..
I will say exactly that.

but I dont know what games he is playing...I guess I thought they were s & m games, mind games to show me that he is into something, I thought they were hints and I cant imagine what else he is hinting at.

Like why else would he ask me if I wanted more marks on my neck to replace the ones that faded..?? unless he thinks that I am kinky , but I dont think I put off that vibe..

unless, he is judging me by the company I keep, my one friend is kinky, but not all my friends are kinky.

Oh, and she is not really kinky in the way that she is an authority on BDSM
she is just an agressive, attention hungry, riding instructor using a whip as a prop in a bar..so that people (preferably hot guys) will ask her what the whip is about..then she can spank them, publicly..and later have sex

Oh, and she wears a collar, and she does "call herself" a "dominatrix" but she has never been trained and doesnt know anything more than I do, which is only what I have seen in the movies...

She would probably lose her mind if she met a real dominatrix, I would actually like to see that happen. She just talks the talk.

And she is also a model, so a few of her photo shoots have been kinky ...and she is published in a book called "shaved, unshaven.." but in one of the photoshoots, she had a clear plastic wrap over her head, like someone was smothering her, and I dont think a dominatrix would like that...

but what she is...is an exhibitionist, and will do anything for you if you give her attention, she is also a fascinating person in general,and has been my good friend for 8 years

and believe me I would know if she was "in the lifestyle" she is very honest ...and graphic

I would say he is playing his own game, I doubt there are any rules but his made on the fly. I do not have a good feeling about this at all.
The marks are to mark you as his property. This is not a good thing unless you have both agreed you are his. This is the stuff high school boys do to show off for their friends.

Giving hints seems kind of immature to me, hints only work if you are both reading from the same page, and it should be more than obvious to him by now that you aren't.

The definition of kinky is showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes, especially of a sexual or erotic nature. To some this means anything beyond missionary position intercourse between a husband and wife with the lights off. His pain games with you are kinky to many, there is no standard definition. So to ask you if you are kinky is meaningless.

By the way, you are kinky, you are on what many consider a porn site.

 

[Noor]

what does "player" mean

player to me means, a guy or girl for that matter that acts like they want a commited relationship/ romance...but actually have several people they sleep with...

playing at romance to get sex basically.

Since this guy doesnt get any sex, from me,, and from what I know of players they arent going to hang around and wait for feelings to develop and build trust and what not.

He is hanging around and putting alot of effort into it, so I dont think that he is the player type,

plus, players are always noticing other girls in the room, wandering eyse, flirting with others....he doesnt leave my side,and wont take his eyes off mine..

Players are into the chase, they want to get you. Once they have you they lose interest. You sound fun to chase, a good challenge, he could easily be a player, but he may be a sick one.

Have you seen either the movie "dangerous Liasons" or "Valmont?" There is also a modern version. It's basically a story of two sexual predators have a contest with each other. Their sexual conquests are merely pawns in their game with each other.

 

[Private_Label]

but I dont know what games he is playing...I guess I thought they were s & m games, mind games to show me that he is into something, I thought they were hints and I cant imagine what else he is hinting at.

From what you say, all my red flags are going up. He won't tell you exactly what he wants to do, the things he has done so far have been objectionable in that you did not ask for them, nor did you give permission for him to do them.

If you like the bit of pain, that is fine, and I hope you discover other things you like and enjoy... but you really need to not do it with someone who won't tell you what he wants. I agree with the other suggestiuons you have gotten - Do not take this guy to your home before you have answers that completely satisfy you.

Player as has been used means someone who wants to see how far they can get you to go. You don't know if this boy/man is a player, you don't know him well enough to have seen him in other relationships or with other people. There have been lots of sickos out there that when caught their neighbors say "He was a nice fella" in the mean time this nice fella was out maiming people or worse. I don't know if this guy is capable of doing that, but then again, I don't know he isn't.

I agree with the other who have said, make certain you have his real name, know where he lives, know where he usually hangs out, and have a safe call time set up if you choose to be alone with him. Better to be safe and not need it than not have it set up and have a problem that you need help.

 

[Thrall_67]

The title to this thread is "What does he want"...........
when what is more relevant is "What do YOU want"!!!
Does his biting your neck give you a jolt? Does is make you warm? Does it turn you on?? You never said whether or not you have even had sex. You should know by the age of 25 what makes you sexually excited. Does this? Never let ANYONE do ANYTHING to you that you don't like - Dom or not - nice guy with good job or not - jewelry for presents or not.

Being nervous and being frightened are two entirely different feelings.
I am nervous speaking in front of a large crowd of people but know in my soul I am not in mortal danger. I believe that everyone has the ability to keep themselves safe - instinct, sixth sense, heebeegeebees whatever you want to call it - and if this is truly how you feel - then run. If there is the slightest excitement factor (from a sexual perspective of course) then play this out for a little and see where it goes. No-one in this forum can tell you how he will treat you - that part of the movie has not yet happened but unlike the movies, you have control over this drama - you can stop it at any time - you can play safe (if you need advice for this there are several links about "silent alarms", getting all info from him and checking it out etc). If you have given him the impression that you are a doormat then he may very well want to wipe his feet with you.......

Sweetie, sorry if this sounds harsh or like tough love, but as an almost 40 year old woman who grew up in the 80's, I am alarmed at the younger generation of females who seem to value the male need and will cater to it at all costs (it's reflected in the today's music even). It seems to be almost that we have regressed back to 1930 - when, upon graduating from highschool, all women wanted to do was find a "good man" to take care of them............ What about being independent, exploring the inner Goddess, taking control of our destinies........What happened to Susan Powter anyway?

Reminder: this post is written by a woman who, in her exploration finds she is most sexually turned on by pain, humilation and submission........... but I'll be damned if I let my male Dom partners purchase any jewelry for me!!!! LMAO

See this as an opportunity to learn something about, NO not him, YOU! This isn't about him and what he wants................
it's about you and what you want.

 

[DVS]

OK, listen. You ask for advice, but you only want the kind that makes him out to be a good guy. In fact, we know nothing of him other than what you tell us, so he very well could be a good guy. But, you need to understand there are some here who have seen certain types of people and these certain types tend to act similar to this guy you are telling us about.

Just the staring was strange, but that alone isn't enough. The way he talks about being kinky or asking if you are kinky or if your friend is...and telling you he would whip your friend twice as hard, if she attempted to whip him. None of this is how a real, seasoned Dom would act.

Some of how he acts seems like he's acting childish, or imature, not knowing how to act, so he just makes it up on his own. And some of it sounds a little creepy, like the staring and wanting to get into your house, but he won't tell you why.

When I said player, I was meaning someone who keeps you off guard, so you don't know much about him. He remains a mystery. He gets what he can from you, but sometimes these players go further.

A lot of players are sociopaths and so they have no feelings to bother them. But, they are quite good at play acting a part. If this guy is a sociopath, and you want to be alone with him? I'd rethink that, if I were you.

A player is someone who "plays" you for what they can get. What he wants will be all that matters. He's not into this to please you, he's into this for what he wants. Sure, he seems like a nice guy. Sociopathic players are quite good at being a nice guy.

Now, if he's just a strange guy, and nothing more, just because he's acting the way he is, I'd ask for his driver's license, take down his address and license number...take it to the police and check him out. Make sure you also get color, make and year of his car and also his car license, too.

If he really likes you and trusts you and wants you to trust him, he should have no problem with you doing this. But, if he has something to hide, he will say something like "what...you don't trust me?" and won't let you see his license.

And, if you do end up being with him...alone...I'd make sure to set up a safe call with a trusted friend, make sure he knows you've done this, and follow through with everything.

He could be an OK guy, but even you say he's doing and saying strange things. Personally, I don't think he's a Dom, but he could be acting the part. He's not acting the part very well, but he might figure you don't know much about it either, so he's probably got you fooled.

Your best bet, fefore this gets too far along is to talk to him and find out what this is all about. You have to get some courage and talk to him. If you don't, he's going to take your lack of action as a consent to continue and before long, you are going to be in a situation that's even more difficult to get out of.

Be honest with him and with yourself. You can't bring yourself to talk to him face to face?...send him an email, letter, whatever. You could be worried for nothing at all, or you could be waisting your time with him.

If you decide you need to get away from him, Noor had a good idea by telling him you are into something he won't be. OF course, you'll have to find out what he doesn't like. Don't make it something he could twist around and still get you alone with him, in your house. And, don't tell him you don't want to see him any more, while you are alone with him at night. Do it during the daytime, hopefully in a crowded area. Just in case he doesn't want to stop seeing you, he can't make a scene, or hurt you.

I'm sorry if you like this guy and we are just cutting him down. Rmember, it's you who is telling us the things he's doing and saying. So surely you must think he's a bit strange, too.

 

[shy slave]

The title to this thread is "What does he want"...........
when what is more relevant is "What do YOU want"!!!
Does his biting your neck give you a jolt? Does is make you warm? Does it turn you on?? You never said whether or not you have even had sex. You should know by the age of 25 what makes you sexually excited. Does this? Never let ANYONE do ANYTHING to you that you don't like - Dom or not - nice guy with good job or not - jewelry for presents or not.

Being nervous and being frightened are two entirely different feelings.
I am nervous speaking in front of a large crowd of people but know in my soul I am not in mortal danger. I believe that everyone has the ability to keep themselves safe - instinct, sixth sense, heebeegeebees whatever you want to call it - and if this is truly how you feel - then run. If there is the slightest excitement factor (from a sexual perspective of course) then play this out for a little and see where it goes. No-one in this forum can tell you how he will treat you - that part of the movie has not yet happened but unlike the movies, you have control over this drama - you can stop it at any time - you can play safe (if you need advice for this there are several links about "silent alarms", getting all info from him and checking it out etc). If you have given him the impression that you are a doormat then he may very well want to wipe his feet with you.......

Sweetie, sorry if this sounds harsh or like tough love, but as an almost 40 year old woman who grew up in the 80's, I am alarmed at the younger generation of females who seem to value the male need and will cater to it at all costs (it's reflected in the today's music even). It seems to be almost that we have regressed back to 1930 - when, upon graduating from highschool, all women wanted to do was find a "good man" to take care of them............ What about being independent, exploring the inner Goddess, taking control of our destinies........What happened to Susan Powter anyway?

Reminder: this post is written by a woman who, in her exploration finds she is most sexually turned on by pain, humilation and submission........... but I'll be damned if I let my male Dom partners purchase any jewelry for me!!!! LMAO
See this as an opportunity to learn something about, NO not him, YOU! This isn't about him and what he wants................
it's about you and what you want.

All of what she said, from a similiar perspective

 

[*curious*]

Hon- after reading your last couple of posts...

You continue to waltz around having a mature discussing with this person about the questions you have.

He continues to do the tango, possibly hoping the romance of it all, will keep you spinning, and you'll stick around.

You don't even seem to understand was S&M or BDSM *are*, and are unwilling to step outside your comfort zone to do more than "hint" and try to read his mind. A bit of mystery and romance (okay a lot of romance) is find and dandy, but if you want to play this game called Life, ya gotta get down to brass tacks.

What I write next is meant in a blunt way, not a mean way. You come across as emotionally immature with regards to relationships, men, and dating- like you froze up somewhere around 14-16. (BTDT) Whatever he's doing (it may be mind games from an idiot; he may be serious and gauging your reactions), until you are a stronger person, able to enter relationships as an *adult* on all levels... don't get in any deeper.

 

[snowpetal]

I AM immature, but I am not foolish. That is why I have not had any kind of sex with him. That is why I am posting questions about his behavior here, that is why he doesnt get to go inside my house, even to use the bathroom, and why my mother expects a call from me every time I get home from a date...(with anybody for that matter)..I guess, you would call that a :safe call

I know how to protect myself.

But I just dont think that he is looking to do something psycho to me, or to anyone.

and I know where he lives, and his mother is comming next month to meet me,
and I met one of his really good friends, and SHE is a girl. And they have been friends for 4 years, and believe me ....he would have ALOT, career wise to loose if he was doing psycho stuff to people

and he tells me that he adores me and he opens every door, and is uber considerate...

its just that in addition to being what I consider a great guy..


he pulls my hair, bites, pinches ALOT, starres at me, bites at air, etc etc
and does not act like other guys when we are kissng.

 

[beachgurl3]

Sorry, I can't just sit by quietly any longer

I admit I rarely feel the need to post replies. I am here more to read stories and occasionaly lurk for interesting posts.

But I saw your dilema when you first posted and I am even more concerned about you with your recent posts.

There are so many men out there. SO MANY. You couldn't possibly find all the ones that are even 90% right for you. Yet you are willing to waste precious time on this one. Why? It is obvious to everyone including you that he is, at the very best, strange. Seriously strange. If you were my friend, I would beg you to move on and not waste your time. You only have so much time in life and you should be using it finding or being with someone who is right for you. Not someone who intriques you because they are self creating an aura of mystery. Maybe it would help if someone called it not "being a player" but "playing mind games". Why waste your time with that? You are looking for someone who is real, right?

Unsolicited advice about safe call: Umm, no, needing to make a call to your mom when you get home safe is not a real safe call for things like this. If you don't call for a hour what will she be doing other than worrying? A better safe call would be to confide in a friend or even two. Let them know of your serious concerns...what the worst could possibly be. At a pre-arranged time they are to call and if they get no answer or you are unable to sucessfully tell them a pre-arranged code word- they must be willing to take action. Frankly a large male friend works best for this. One that you know is safe and trustworthy. They need to be willing to come over to where you are and check on you. A key never hurts. If they are unable to get to you, then they have to call the police. It takes someone special to do this.

I have the feeling that you are looking for someone to love and love you. That you have been dissapointed before and are trying to look for someone who is a little different from the men before. Sure someone adventurous and exciting would be great. That is the appeal of kink to someone who might be mostly vanilla. And kink can be great, really great. But since you are new at this, it would really make your experience much better to either be with a guy who is considerate of your level and experienced enough to guide you or with someone like you who is curious and playful and interested in having an amazing sex life with you. Either one has possibilities.

There are all kinds of things that can go wrong with sex. Even just vanilla sex. You need to be someone who can communicate easily about sex to your partner, AND you need someone who can communicate clearly back. Shy or illusive just doesn't make for good sex. With that as a base, you can be free to experience anything.

Looking for the right words? Feel free to borrow these: We need to talk, seriously. (If you can just manage to get these out, it would help a lot. Anyone worth your time will be concerned enough to hear you say just that, that they will pursue the conversation with you as well)

"We need to talk, seriously. I like you and I am trying to understand you so I can see if we have something to build on. I want to get to know you better. What are you looking for in this relationship? What kind of physical interaction are you looking for? Have you been in other physical relationships like this before? How have they worked for you? How would you change things this time? How would we handle differences?"

You could even have these written down on a piece of paper if you need to. Just tell him that you "need to talk, seriously" and that you "have been thinking a lot about him and want to find out more about him, and wrote down a few things because you didn't want to get distracted when you saw him and forget to ask". A real person is flattered when you want to talk to them, when you say you have been thinking about them and that you want to get to know them more. It might even be flattering to hear that you get so carried away when you are around him that you need notes to stay focused.

 

[shy slave]

he would have ALOT, career wise to loose if he was doing psycho stuff to people

You have not spoken in good terms about BDSM throughout your thread.

You seem confused by any terminology and don't seem able to listen or look at things in the library here or even google it to actually find out what you are referring to.

But this line does it for me....are you saying that anyone who stares deeply at you, enjoys a little biting and may be interested in BDSM is 'pyscho?'

If so, perhaps you should learn some terminology and manners.

If not, explaining what you do mean would useful

 

[DVS]

You have not spoken in good terms about BDSM throughout your thread.

You seem confused by any terminology and don't seem able to listen or look at things in the library here or even google it to actually find out what you are referring to.

But this line does it for me....are you saying that anyone who stares deeply at you, enjoys a little biting and may be interested in BDSM is 'pyscho?'

If so, perhaps you should learn some terminology and manners.

If not, explaining what you do mean would useful

She's not the one who said he could be pyscho. I mentioned he could be a sociopath, but also mentioned it was impossible to tell, without knowing him.

And, it's not so much what he does, but how he does all of this, when he could just sit down and talk to her and find out once and for all if she likes what he likes. It's his way of not communicating like an adult that makes him seem shifty to me.

And, I've stated several times that he might be the perfect guy, but I think she should still keep some safeguards. I agree that she seems very naive on any terminology and if she could just read up on things so she understands when he says something, it would help a lot.

It's obvious from her posts that she knows very little about the lifestyle itself. But that was why she came here, in the first place. She was looking for answers and suggestions. The trouble is, she tells us what he does and says, and we give our oppinions. No matter what our oppinions are, and no matter what she takes from this thread, he's still there and she is still going to have to deal with her situation, on her own.

She's going to have to read enough to understand the BDSM ways, so she can talk intelligently with him on the subject. I don't think he knows much about it either. It seems he knows just enough to sound informed to someone who isn't informed. The unknown is whether he really cares for her and just doesn't know how to communicate his desires, or is just using this as a means to get control over her, in some way.

Whatever the case, she's going to have to step up and talk to him about how he's acting. And, if she's going to be able to do that, she needs to understand what BDSM is, know what B&D and S&M are seperately, and probably the most helpful for her would be to understand is what D&S is.

If she finds any of this to be erotic or exciting, she might want to at least talk it over with him. But, if she doesn't find any of it to be something she wants to get involved with, she needs to express that to him, too.

She needs to read information about the different aspects of BDSM, to the point she understands it. Then, she should have a serious talk with him about where the relationship is going. They need to talk over what he wants, what she wants and how those can come together, if possible. Then, she needs to decide for herself what she wants out of a relationshp and express that to him.

How he reacts to all of this will tell a lot about him. But, until she gets the ball rolling, all of this is nothing but idle talk.

 

[shy slave]

She's not the one who said he could be pyscho. I mentioned he could be a sociopath, but also mentioned it was impossible to tell, without knowing him.

And, it's not so much what he does, but how he does all of this, when he could just sit down and talk to her and find out once and for all if she likes what he likes. It's his way of not communicating like an adult that makes him seem shifty to me.

And, I've stated several times that he might be the perfect guy, but I think she should still keep some safeguards. I agree that she seems very naive on any terminology and if she could just read up on things so she understands when he says something, it would help a lot.

It's obvious from her posts that she knows very little about the lifestyle itself. But that was why she came here, in the first place. She was looking for answers and suggestions. The trouble is, she tells us what he does and says, and we give our oppinions. No matter what our oppinions are, and no matter what she takes from this thread, he's still there and she is still going to have to deal with her situation, on her own.

She's going to have to read enough to understand the BDSM ways, so she can talk intelligently with him on the subject. I don't think he knows much about it either. It seems he knows just enough to sound informed to someone who isn't informed. The unknown is whether he really cares for her and just doesn't know how to communicate his desires, or is just using this as a means to get control over her, in some way.

Whatever the case, she's going to have to step up and talk to him about how he's acting. And, if she's going to be able to do that, she needs to understand what BDSM is, know what B&D and S&M are seperately, and probably the most helpful for her would be to understand is what D&S is.

If she finds any of this to be erotic or exciting, she might want to at least talk it over with him. But, if she doesn't find any of it to be something she wants to get involved with, she needs to express that to him, too.

She needs to read information about the different aspects of BDSM, to the point she understands it. Then, she should have a serious talk with him about where the relationship is going. They need to talk over what he wants, what she wants and how those can come together, if possible. Then, she needs to decide for herself what she wants out of a relationshp and express that to him.

How he reacts to all of this will tell a lot about him. But, until she gets the ball rolling, all of this is nothing but idle talk.

Thanks for explaining that DVS, it was the turn of phrase that made my eyes spin and my fingers type before my brain engaged

 

[DVS]

Thanks for explaining that DVS, it was the turn of phrase that made my eyes spin and my fingers type before my brain engaged

I've heard that sometimes happens. At least you didn't say the word "cookie".

 

[snowpetal]

Shy Slave

NOOoOO I dont mean at all that if he does BDSM he is psycho!!!!!!!!


that is not what I meant

I feel like some people here are telling me that he has
much more up his sleeve than bdsm

they are saying that he is not bdsm...but that he might be dangerous

now, I said, that he has too much to loose, with his family, friends and especially his career...to be a psycho (meaning a dangerous person)

I dont think that he is psycho

I DO think that he is a little bdsm

that is why I am posting here

and I dont think that bdsm is psycho at all

I respect all walks of life, all cultures what ever.

In fact the guy Im dating is from bombay,india and he is asian/arab and hindu.
I am from the midwest, caucasion, and christian.

but none of these are hurdles....because I REALLy LIKE HIM
and he adores me...

and bdsm would not be a hurdle either.

I am not going to judge something with out trying it..but what makes me uncomfortable is his VAGUENESS and how he eludes my questions

he must know it is difficult for me to ask...


trust me I dont mean to come off as offensive, I am naive, but I am reading the library

 

[shy slave]

Shy Slave

NOOoOO I dont mean at all that if he does BDSM he is psycho!!!!!!!!


that is not what I meant

I feel like some people here are telling me that he has
much more up his sleeve than bdsm

they are saying that he is not bdsm...but that he might be dangerous

now, I said, that he has too much to loose, with his family, friends and especially his career...to be a psycho (meaning a dangerous person)

I dont think that he is psycho

I DO think that he is a little bdsm

that is why I am posting here

and I dont think that bdsm is psycho at all

I respect all walks of life, all cultures what ever.

In fact the guy Im dating is from bombay,india and he is asian/arab and hindu.
I am from the midwest, caucasion, and christian.

but none of these are hurdles....because I REALLy LIKE HIM
and he adores me...

and bdsm would not be a hurdle either.

I am not going to judge something with out trying it..but what makes me uncomfortable is his VAGUENESS and how he eludes my questions

he must know it is difficult for me to ask...


trust me I dont mean to come off as offensive, I am naive, but I am reading the library

Thanks for explaining.

You really need to ask him, I know thats easier advice to give than actually follow through.

He may just be a tease and like his sex a little more intense than straight forward 'man on top'.

People here have met all kinds of Dom and subs so advice is often caution, but if you are to end up in a relationship with him you need to outright ask him about all kinds of personal things including sex.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Oh, after all that it seems to me that his strangeness has to do more with cultural influences & upbringing than anything else. Being an asian / arab/ hindu would be dreadfully confusing to anyone.

To be honest, I don't think you have the maturity to cope with even an ordinary, vanilla relationship as yet. You still seem to be playing teenage games with your friends.

A multicultural relationship with a bit of BDSM thrown in for good measure? No way are you capable of maintaining that.

Get to know yourself first.

 

[Noor]

Oh, after all that it seems to me that his strangeness has to do more with cultural influences & upbringing than anything else. Being an asian / arab/ hindu would be dreadfully confusing to anyone.

To be honest, I don't think you have the maturity to cope with even an ordinary, vanilla relationship as yet. You still seem to be playing teenage games with your friends.

A multicultural relationship with a bit of BDSM thrown in for good measure? No way are you capable of maintaining that.

Get to know yourself first.

His cultural background make this even more scary. This is really not acceptable within his cultural.