What is a "fake" submissive?

[Esclava]

What is a a fake submissive? Well, I'm new to this all but I think that a fake submissive is someone who promises the dominate something with no intention of actually doing it. Like saying they will do as you ask as long as it's within their "limits". I beleive everyone has their limits but when a person claims to be submissive and to abide my rules and commands and then just ignores them is fake. I also think that someone who thinks that BDSM is a /game/ is a fake sub/dom because I for one am serious about it. I don't say, hey lets play BDSM today!! I beleive it's a lifestyle.. Yet, I am new to this. Yes I have a gf, and yes I love her very much, yet she /claims/ to be submissive.

Masterisall,

Although I lurk more often than I post, your post compels me to reply. I hear in your words that you are new and am glad to see you venture out - especially in this online venue.

Think about all you read in this forum and apply the levees of your own conscience to mold and shape it to what feels comfortable to you. If an obedient submissive is what you desire and you're involved with a sub who claims to be submissive but does not commit and follow through, IMHO, there is not a match between you. Both of you would be far better off continuing your search as soon as the incompatibility is discovered. All the sub learns is that such behavior is acceptable - which means nothing if it is not acceptable to you. Continue to look for what YOU want.

When asking yourself, "What do I want?" - I have found it is easier to find what you want when you know what it is you don't want. That may sound cryptic, but try the concept. If you read a profile of or have a discussion with a sub who needs or desires electroplay - but it is not a desire for you - you already know what it is you don't want. There is no shame in graciously saying, "Thank you for your interest, but no, thank you." As long as you are honest in dealing with yourself and others, there is no room for "fake" anything.

Seems a shame there are those who claim to be/enjoy something they aren't/don't - but there are many posers out there. Be careful and be well ...

Esclava

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Esclava]

Oh my goodness an Esclava sighting!

Your points about being well matched are spot on, IMO.

[mini-hijack]Tyvm - Wonderful to see you, CutieMouse! We really DO need to do a munch or Starbucks soon! [/mini-hijack]

[BOT] I've never been one to call someone else's BDSM "fake", but (and especially in coming to grips with the Switch inside) I have been steadfast in asking people to question their own commitment. Not so much whether they are Dom/me or sub, but more how committed are they to LIVING as Dom/me or sub in a way that ensures their needs are met - as well as the one(s) they are serving. IMHO, a Dom/me worth His/Her salt "serves" a sub by meeting their needs which ensures that said sub's behavior and service is reflective of the Dom/me's character.

Who likes to see an out of control "submissive"? Sub behavior as described by Masterisall embarrasses the Switch and insults the submissive in me. But that's just my opinion ...

Esclava

 

[Never]

@}-}rebecca----:
The 'natural' submissive whom is wired to submission extending both in and outside the 'bedroom '. I have never liked the term 'natural' it implies to me that other forms of submission are less valid and thats blatantly incorrect ."

I've never liked that term for two reasons. One, I think submissiveness is as much a product of experience as it is genetics and it suggests it's purely genetics. Secondly, it could apply to people who are 'naturally' submissive but who don't find pleasure in being so or don't wish to express that aspect of themselves in the context of BDSM.

 

[gditeam]

that is a very valid point about the submissive part as my wife is very submissive so to speak outside but when it is just us it changes alot lol. I really enjoyed how you put that NEVER.

 

[esclave_PP]

Inspired by Marquis' thread about fake dominants...

I've not really formulated my opinions/thoughts on the matter, nor do I know if this thread will create any thought provoking discussion, but I thought the topic sounded interesting.

So- what is a "fake" submissive?

Hmm just found this thread. Fake? A Wannabe? Someone who claims to be something but isn't. Like this guy H's ex. She was completely topping from the bottom, telling him that he was doing everything wrong. I think she wanted to be a Domme to tell the truth but even then she could qualify as a fake Dominant. She's just wacked.

So fake submissive = wannabe = someone not really into the lifestyle but thinks they are = someone who needs to get a life.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Another thought on the subject. Some people have a problem with calling someone a fake but consider this: If a person you have interacted with personally shows fake behavior, then I think you have earned the right to call them such. They were fake in their dealings with you, and since it is a subjective label anyway, perfectly valid to use.

In other words if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, it's a duck!