What is your true opinion of "switches"?

[serijules]

I know more switches in the scene than I do straight Doms or subs, and most of the straight Dom or subs I know are online only. Some switch very rarely, some switch only with certain people or a single person. Some switch only in private. It's all valid, and leaning more towards one side than the other has absolutely nothing to do with anything...they still identify as switches, and rightly so.

Nothing in life is "equal". Switch is just like any other label out there...it is defined on however you are comfortable defining it, and the only definition that matters is the one that you are comfortable with or relate to. I doubt many of the slaves here would label me a slave based on their own definitions, but by my own (and hers), I am very much D's slave.

I know Doms that occasionally bottom to others but do not consider themselves switches. I can respect that, I'm much the same way. I occasionally humour a local partner by spanking him because he doesn't trust anyone else to top him, nor is it something he wishes to share with anyone else he spanks. I don't feel at all dominant when topping him, but by mere actions I am switching roles. I don't enjoy the act of spanking or dominating him...but I do enjoy knowing that I'm helping him with something he very much wants. That doesn't make me a switch unless I choose to identify as one, which I do not. I may BE switching, but I do not identify as A switch.

There is a difference between topping someone or bottoming to someone, and actually dominating them. Switches, in my opinion, are those that can be both dominating and dominated emotionally and physically, and openly embrace both roles in their lives.

 

[DVS]

Indeed and we did.

Sorry

Oh and as for purple, my point was that any color can be made into a black/white shade scale, though with purple there are points where you might subjectively call it violet, lavender, or even pink, red, or blue. That however was also part and parcel with my point. Any other color on a black/white scale has a million names for the colors inbetween, whereas grey on the other hand, is just grey.

Well, I understand where you're going, and you kind of had me with you, until you said grey is just grey.

Actually, when you are talking a color change between white and black, grey is the color. Different shades of grey show the different leanings, some closer to black (dark grey) and some closer to while (lighter grey). The darkest grey is still grey, then the next shade is black. The same holds true with light grey and white.

So, I'll agree with you that there are all different kinds of people, and they can be labeled as different colors and shade of those colors, making them more so, or less than the average. But the universal way of showing a scale, black for one side and white for the other with grey in the middle is the norm. I've never seen a scale where black is on one side and white on the other, with purple as the gradient color.

Now, this could be considered being rather technical and maybe even too anal, when you look at it from the outside, but maybe I'm just feeling more technical today or possibly a little anal. Sorry.

Your point, though is understood and I agree with it.

 

[SpectreT]

The handedness thing, the dominant eye thing, bisexuality, switching, and a whole lot of other stuff.

Well, some things don't change much.

I've been away for a while, but this topic is one I believe I started when the BDSM forum was first created out of a single long, rambling, thirty-six page thread.

And the same remarks and comments still come, just from new sources. Like Shakespeare, the themes are timeless.

I call myself a switch, and I find that where I sit on the Dom/Sub sliding scale of greyness depends utterly on the kind of vibe I get from my partner. If they're more sub than I, I start feeling Dominant. If they're more dominant than I feel, I start getting subby. I just naturally complement what I'm with. Like hot sauce.

As to the handedness aguments and the gay/straight/bi thing, here's my $0.02:

I was born left-handed. I trained myself to be right handed because there weren't enough lefty scissors to go around during crafts time when I was a kid. I tie my shoes screwey, couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if I was locked in, can't bowl or shoot pool to save my life.

Until I started doing things like that left handed. I fence better defensively southpaw, and far better offensively right handed.

So which hand am I?

People do the same thing with their sexuality and sexual expression. You can work and train yourself to the point that something feels natural and right even when it's the mirror image of your original bent. We're fabulously mutable creatures in that regard.

 

[Farblat_Ieem]

One more switch speaks.

A content switch, I think so.

But even ambidexterous people use one hand more often.

Probably a little better too.

I’m very new here so will write too much on this topic - It’s close to my heart.

Hostility may be too strong a word but comments like the Marquis’above, though less direct, are very common. It’s easy to think that the way you feel is really the way others feel and that if they just smartened up they’d realize it’s got to be one way or the other. What’s up with trying to sit on the fence? There is a prevailing suspicion that no switch can be trusted, but is it fair?

Competent Dominants are always in far greater demand that subs so some ‘just subs’ might be inclined to take up the role of dominant as a way of getting some action. There is such a thing as an opportunistic switch but I’d insist it’s a matter of degree. Seems to me they might make quite good tops, as they would have an understanding of what the other is really seeking. They might find satisfaction in the role and, whatever the initial motive, enjoy the sub-space of their subjects vicariously. Still no bottom wants to feel that their dominant is not really into the role and what could be a worse buzz kill than realizing the powerful dominant you kneel before isn’t loving your devotion?

Anita Phillips, in her excellent book A Defence of Masochism, asserts that this sort of inverted masochist it the only reliable sort of dominant. Her main point is the crucial nature of empathy in the bdsm dynamic. She makes a very good argument that top and bottom must share the same goal, and that, in the contradictory logic of the heart, the subby’s fantasy must take precedence. Any real sadist, is in her mind a narcissist and/or psychopath and would be incapable of empathy. The relationship will be therefore frustrating for both and doomed.

Phillips is an educated, thoughtful feminist and needs to reconcile the reality of female masochism with a history of female subjugation. Anyone who’s been disturbed by the resemblance between a male dom and a wife beater will appreciate her clear cut distinctions.

I can’t say I find the distinctions so clear. My own sexual fantasies have been power and violence oriented since pubescence. I can’t draw a line between my urge to dominate and control, and my urge to relinquish and even in the role of dominant, I can’t draw a line between my need to possess and my need to nuture. I have no wish to do harm but when I have my hands around a girl’s slender neck there’s nothing respectful or supportive about the thrill I feel. When she cries I thrill, yet even at that moment I’d give everything to save her.

I’ve rarely fit with another switch. It’s usually been almost instantaneous that my needs react to the other’s and messing with that never worked out and I never felt the need to push it. The one woman I could switch with proved to me without trying that she really could need both and really could be satisfied with either and that’s much how I feel about it myself.

Over a hundred years ago the biological concept of types and the chain of life was thrown into the dust bin by the work of Darwin and a continuity between species and races and even the sexes could be revealed. The majority of people hang on to the traditional view - surely there is a such thing as the white race and dogs can’t breed with foxes and there’s a clear line between male and female.. Right?

Sure.. Most people are either right handed or left handed but where not talking about most people here are we? Sometimes dog can’t conceive with dog. Sometimes people, whoever parented them, don’t fit a racial mold and more creatures enter the world somewhere between male and female than we can comfortably fit into our organized view.

That historical Marquis didn’t seem to care much if he was, in his fantastic pornography, buggering or being buggered so perhaps we mis-applied his name? Perhaps Ms Phillips isn’t far off the mark saying that the only worthy Sadist should be ready to bend over and take it in kind? Maybe I should look down on those who can’t encompass both sides of a very thin membrane but I won’t. Instead I’ll say I very happy to know both intoxications and no-one will shake my confidence that I’m being completely honest in my desires.

 

[Seduce]

I call myself a switch, and I find that where I sit on the Dom/Sub sliding scale of greyness depends utterly on the kind of vibe I get from my partner. If they're more sub than I, I start feeling Dominant. If they're more dominant than I feel, I start getting subby. I just naturally complement what I'm with. Like hot sauce.

Exactly.
That is why I refuse to be labelled.
You may call me kinky anytime though.

 

[Marquis]

I’m very new here so will write too much on this topic - It’s close to my heart.

Hostility may be too strong a word but comments like the Marquis’above, though less direct, are very common. It’s easy to think that the way you feel is really the way others feel and that if they just smartened up they’d realize it’s got to be one way or the other. What’s up with trying to sit on the fence? There is a prevailing suspicion that no switch can be trusted, but is it fair?

Competent Dominants are always in far greater demand that subs so some ‘just subs’ might be inclined to take up the role of dominant as a way of getting some action. There is such a thing as an opportunistic switch but I’d insist it’s a matter of degree. Seems to me they might make quite good tops, as they would have an understanding of what the other is really seeking. They might find satisfaction in the role and, whatever the initial motive, enjoy the sub-space of their subjects vicariously. Still no bottom wants to feel that their dominant is not really into the role and what could be a worse buzz kill than realizing the powerful dominant you kneel before isn’t loving your devotion?

Anita Phillips, in her excellent book A Defence of Masochism, asserts that this sort of inverted masochist it the only reliable sort of dominant. Her main point is the crucial nature of empathy in the bdsm dynamic. She makes a very good argument that top and bottom must share the same goal, and that, in the contradictory logic of the heart, the subby’s fantasy must take precedence. Any real sadist, is in her mind a narcissist and/or psychopath and would be incapable of empathy. The relationship will be therefore frustrating for both and doomed.

Phillips is an educated, thoughtful feminist and needs to reconcile the reality of female masochism with a history of female subjugation. Anyone who’s been disturbed by the resemblance between a male dom and a wife beater will appreciate her clear cut distinctions.

I can’t say I find the distinctions so clear. My own sexual fantasies have been power and violence oriented since pubescence. I can’t draw a line between my urge to dominate and control, and my urge to relinquish and even in the role of dominant, I can’t draw a line between my need to possess and my need to nuture. I have no wish to do harm but when I have my hands around a girl’s slender neck there’s nothing respectful or supportive about the thrill I feel. When she cries I thrill, yet even at that moment I’d give everything to save her.

I’ve rarely fit with another switch. It’s usually been almost instantaneous that my needs react to the other’s and messing with that never worked out and I never felt the need to push it. The one woman I could switch with proved to me without trying that she really could need both and really could be satisfied with either and that’s much how I feel about it myself.

Over a hundred years ago the biological concept of types and the chain of life was thrown into the dust bin by the work of Darwin and a continuity between species and races and even the sexes could be revealed. The majority of people hang on to the traditional view - surely there is a such thing as the white race and dogs can’t breed with foxes and there’s a clear line between male and female.. Right?

Sure.. Most people are either right handed or left handed but where not talking about most people here are we? Sometimes dog can’t conceive with dog. Sometimes people, whoever parented them, don’t fit a racial mold and more creatures enter the world somewhere between male and female than we can comfortably fit into our organized view.

That historical Marquis didn’t seem to care much if he was, in his fantastic pornography, buggering or being buggered so perhaps we mis-applied his name? Perhaps Ms Phillips isn’t far off the mark saying that the only worthy Sadist should be ready to bend over and take it in kind? Maybe I should look down on those who can’t encompass both sides of a very thin membrane but I won’t. Instead I’ll say I very happy to know both intoxications and no-one will shake my confidence that I’m being completely honest in my desires.

This is one of the finest posts I've read in a while and I enjoyed it immensely, even though it subtley insulted me.

Does that make me a switch?

 

[Marquis]

you are only a switch if you wish to be addressed as such

So we're in agreement.

 

[Farblat_Ieem]

This is one of the finest posts I've read in a while and I enjoyed it immensely, even though it subtley insulted me.

Does that make me a switch?

Yes it Does! Ha! Victory is...

Nah. I'm sure you understand no insult was intended Marquis, far from it. I just disagreed with the gist of your analogy and would rather refute an intelligent opinion than an extreme one. Thanks for your responce, but now why is it I can see all the grammar mistakes only when I”m quoted?

 

[TigerClaw]

My Pearl is switch...And I think I've made my opinion of her pretty damned clear..


Sort of like having a pet tiger...Very beautiful..Somewhat dangerous..
Periodicly you have to throw them a lamb...

Keeps you on your toes...Invigorating..

How the hell are ya!

 

[TigerClaw]

In D/s I have not looked for a switch. The ones that claim to be I have not clicked with.

Outside I have found many women who could be switches and were very very good. I had one gf long ago that it was like a physical marathon with her. If she were a bit more submissive in some ways I would have been happy. The problem I have seen there is they are not into the whole experiecne as I would have liked.

I have a couple of prospects, I will let you know if anything develops.

 

[Seduce]

This is one of the finest posts I've read in a while and I enjoyed it immensely, even though it subtley insulted me.

Does that make me a switch?

I wouldnt say it makes you anything but surprisingly mature enough to admit something is good and enjoy it although you feel it insults you.

 

[SteamyChik]

Ahhh, switches. I just want them to tell me what they are that night and then we can get on with it.

 

[landcruisergal]

Ahhh, switches. I just want them to tell me what they are that night and then we can get on with it.

Thats not enough me now...
I sub to one only and dom one only.
I know who I am and my position with both.
We dont scene as 3, so I can remain focused and my role remains dedicated with each.
If my pup and I had always been under the eye of my master, it would have been very different. I can top a female in my master's presence but that is entirely different to me.I am still submitting to him.I am simply a tool.

I want my pup to be MY submissive.

To top my pup in front of my master would be very confusing as it stands now, and I very much doubt my abilities to do so.
I would simply tie him up in a corner and leave him there, or set him to a task.
I could dom my pup in front of another person tho.

I get in a specific head space, and have doubts I would be able to dom my pup effectively if was myself, submissive.
My pup has a strong persona and is enough of a challenge when I am alone with him.Thats what I enjoy most. My pushing him and pulling him to where I want him.

I would be then simply playing him, if it were to be us 3 together, even tho in that case I should be satisfied in my efforts to please, I would still feel that I had only done half the job.
It would be a massive head fuck for me.

Tho I both top and bottom for my b/f, but thats different for me. Its purely bedroom games for us, tho they are extreme by vanilla standards,there is no power exchange happening in that scenario.

Maybe I am a sub, with the ability to top, and a domme learning the ropes.
And not a switch at all.
I guess I am either very lucky or very F.I.T.H.

 

[mrJohnJones]

See it's been a while since a post

Hi!

I'm kind of new here... but here is my post about switches.

My experience with them

I kinda LIKE 'em actually..... in my experience. A little scary sometimes, though.

Don't think I could switch, although I imagine if it was a T&D situation, I am pretty well taught in that direction.

Thanks! Nice to read all the posts here! Interesting!


Phil

 

[RisiaSkye]

Sort of like having a pet tiger...Very beautiful..Somewhat dangerous..
Periodicly you have to throw them a lamb...

Keeps you on your toes...Invigorating..

D (my partner) refers to me as his tiger, for just this reason. (And see how I didn't fix the misspelling? I must be growing...)

[[[Complete sidebar directed at Seduce: I used to use that same avatar. It was weird to see someone else wearing it. Though now I use my own face, so I'm glad to see she's still getting some "air-time." ]]]

Along the way, I've found that many people aren't very comfy with switches, for whatever reason. And I've only ever seen one duo switch *during* scene at a play party. But, seeing that was pretty cool for us.

Also, I agree with some others who've said that most people lean one way or the other. However, I would argue that this is often a question of available partners and the opportunities presented by the relationships one enters more than it's necessarily indicative of preference.

For me, I've found that while D & I can switch, he generally tends to prefer the Top, particularly in private (for whatever reason, and completely counter-intuitively, given the male fear of public "emasculation" [*yawn*]). But, I also have another play partner who switches a bit more fluidly, and I find that my PYL side tends to come out more often in *that* relationship.

In short: if it's in you, it will out. But not necessarily all in the same relationship. Being a fully integrated switch doesn't mean that one's partners are necessarily the same. And preferring one side or the other is still, and likely always, the more common path.

FWIW.

RS

 

[modfun24]

Switch

Speaking as a switch (BDSM), I think my orientation comes from being a generally kinky person and that individual people tend to inspire the top/dominant or bottom/submissive side. There are some women that I can only imagine being dominant with, some only submissive, and a select few where switching with them seems right.

 

[Edaine]

Speaking as a switch (BDSM), I think my orientation comes from being a generally kinky person and that individual people tend to inspire the top/dominant or bottom/submissive side. There are some women that I can only imagine being dominant with, some only submissive, and a select few where switching with them seems right.

I recently began a relationship with an amazing older man who totally brought out the sub in me. Previously I had been in two long term relationships where I was DOM. I was very comfortable in that role and assumed it was my natural disposition. Then seemingly without warning I found my self being dominated and loving it. I felt like a virgin - thrilled, scared and basically overwhelmed. In exploring this new personal sexual expression I have learned so many things about myself, men, women and sexuality that I never before understood. I am very thankful for this chance to continue exploring sexuality, with an open and fresh mind.

 

[mrJohnJones]

Good! Looks like we....

....woke up this thread again!

I love hearing peoples ideas here! Thanks!

Look forward to hearing more!

Phil

 

[heckle]

I think that a switch gets a little from both sides. There is nothing wrong with switches. If someone has a problem with someone being a switch, well, that is cause for the Dominant side to come out!

 

[mrJohnJones]

Wow!

D (my partner) refers to me as his tiger, for just this reason. (And see how I didn't fix the misspelling? I must be growing...)

[[[Complete sidebar directed at Seduce: I used to use that same avatar. It was weird to see someone else wearing it. Though now I use my own face, so I'm glad to see she's still getting some "air-time." ]]]

Along the way, I've found that many people aren't very comfy with switches, for whatever reason. And I've only ever seen one duo switch *during* scene at a play party. But, seeing that was pretty cool for us.

Also, I agree with some others who've said that most people lean one way or the other. However, I would argue that this is often a question of available partners and the opportunities presented by the relationships one enters more than it's necessarily indicative of preference.

For me, I've found that while D & I can switch, he generally tends to prefer the Top, particularly in private (for whatever reason, and completely counter-intuitively, given the male fear of public "emasculation" [*yawn*]). But, I also have another play partner who switches a bit more fluidly, and I find that my PYL side tends to come out more often in *that* relationship.

In short: if it's in you, it will out. But not necessarily all in the same relationship. Being a fully integrated switch doesn't mean that one's partners are necessarily the same. And preferring one side or the other is still, and likely always, the more common path.

FWIW.

RS

Well said!

I've seen so much switch-bashing it's good to see someone with an open attitude about it. I'm generally open to amost anything (as a sub, I've become very careful of the word "anything" ). It may not seem natural to me, sometimes, but if it's not excruciatingly painful (not a pain slut) I'll probably try it.

I would probably try switching, depending on the likes/dislikes of the potential sub. Since I'm not into pain, I believe giving it could be difficult.

Thanks for the feedback! Enjoyed that!

Phil

 

[mrJohnJones]

Lol!

I think that a switch gets a little from both sides. There is nothing wrong with switches. If someone has a problem with someone being a switch, well, that is cause for the Dominant side to come out!

LOL... good answer!

Phil

 

[mrJohnJones]

Bump, Here!

"Bump!" ooops! Excuse me!

 

[DVS]

I recently began a relationship with an amazing older man who totally brought out the sub in me. Previously I had been in two long term relationships where I was DOM. I was very comfortable in that role and assumed it was my natural disposition. Then seemingly without warning I found my self being dominated and loving it. I felt like a virgin - thrilled, scared and basically overwhelmed. In exploring this new personal sexual expression I have learned so many things about myself, men, women and sexuality that I never before understood. I am very thankful for this chance to continue exploring sexuality, with an open and fresh mind.

Leave it to an older man who has experience, and knowledge to bring things like this out of you. I don't think you will have the same result with someone younger, with less experience. It's just one of those things you tend to know, after time.

 

[RonClarkeson]

From a switcher

<Quote>I switch, my motto is if you cannot take, it do not dish it out!

BDSM has been a GENTLE voyage of discovery for me and my slave, she it seems goads me into avenues she wishes to explore. ‘Her most often used phrase is;

“Oh Master not that!” meaning of course ‘lets try it.’

Gentle because each new experience is taken in a new session and can be evaluated for effect.

My slave can take a cane to her clit though I have not ventured to see how hard.
I tried a cane to my erect cock and nearly died the pain was that intense. I was useless for a week will not go there again.

My submissive partner is not happy being the Dom but providing I have given her clear instructions as to the consequences of not complying, she uses that as a frisson of fear to achieve a good performance. In the above case, I think the physical pain she caused me to feel was less than the emotional pain she felt for inflicting it upon me.

We do not have a schedule me Dom you Sub it is mood driven not always by mutual consent. She has surprised me and plans meticulously how to trap me. I always enjoy these sessions. And her submission afterwards is absolutely total.

My Halloween stories are semi-autobiographical. I try to be as straight an arrow as James the Master. Jessica’s perversity is definitely founded on my subs character but has a whole other level of overlay that is not my sub in any way.

Any way To Switch is to share fully the BDSM experience.
<Quote>

 

[Shankara20]

Any way To Switch is to share fully the BDSM experience.

for me, I agree - and I hold no judgement for those that have other POV's


Thanks for your story. and for giving older threads a look over.

welcome to Lit and to the BDSM threads.