What made you laugh your ass off today?
- Thread starter Eilan
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EJFan
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first you offer me a room in your house... then i get to share a bed with quoll... now i might get a loft over the shed? it keeps getting worse... at this rate i'll be lucky to pitch a torn up tent down the street from your house.Scalywag said:
Denae
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EJFan said:first you offer me a room in your house... then i get to share a bed with quoll... now i might get a loft over the shed? it keeps getting worse... at this rate i'll be lucky to pitch a torn up tent down the street from your house.
The image does not compute.
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Quoll
Area 25
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Probably not new but here it is anyway.
"Who's On First" -- new version
George : Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George : Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China .
George : That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George : That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George : I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George : The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George : The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George : The main man in China!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George : Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
George : Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George : That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George : Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George : Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George : Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George : Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George : No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George : No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George : No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George : Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George : Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China
George : Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George : All right! With cream and two sugars.
"Who's On First" -- new version
George : Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George : Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China .
George : That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George : That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George : I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George : The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George : The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George : The main man in China!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George : Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
George : Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George : That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George : Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George : Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George : Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George : Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George : No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George : No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George : No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George : Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George : Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China
George : Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George : All right! With cream and two sugars.
EJFan
Absolute Genius
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- 6,591
my fortune cookie made me laugh tonight. it said, "a golden egg will fall in your lap this month." of course, there were only 4 hours or so left in the month when i got it. down to 45 minutes now and there's no sign of any egg... golden or otherwise. 
bobsgirl
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- Feb 17, 2003
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My husband and our daughter just returned from a roadtrip. She told me part of a conversation they had about direct deposit of their paychecks:
MrB: Not only do I have direct deposit, I have automatic withdrawal too.
Your mother.
Uproarious laughter.
Okay, I admit, it was funny.
MrB: Not only do I have direct deposit, I have automatic withdrawal too.
Your mother.
Uproarious laughter.
Okay, I admit, it was funny.
Leah57
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2006
- Posts
- 403
long, but cute!
The Middle Wife (By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher)
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcomed to.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.
"She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe..' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
The Middle Wife (By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher)
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcomed to.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.
"She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe..' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
pleasteasme
*Endangered Species*
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- 16,389
Listening to the morning show on the local country station at the county fair (neighboring county)...the DJ is milking a cow for the first time and interviewing the young owner of the cow and getting "instruction" on exactly how to do it.
Once he learned, he was milking the cow in concert to Swan Lake. Pretty funny stuff this early in the morning!
Once he learned, he was milking the cow in concert to Swan Lake. Pretty funny stuff this early in the morning!
you guys.Similar threads
