What made you laugh your ass off today?

[Leah57]

A friend told me that spastic Catholic school girls could beat the MN Vikings. I can't stop giggling about that. Cause I can picture in my head on the football field the Vikings and these spastic girls. So much confusion.

I'm betting that the girls wouldn't have much trouble at all with the Vi-Queens.....

 

[Saucyminx]

And just what do the batteries make it do?!

Dance and sing in Spanish i think.

what the heck is that thing?? It looks like a fancy dildo with nipples

That bg, is a Dora the Explorer aqua pet.

You say that like it's a bad thing

Glad you feel that way honey, i'm sending you 3.

 

[bobsgirl]

Dance and sing in Spanish i think.

That bg, is a Dora the Explorer aqua pet.

Glad you feel that way honey, i'm sending you 3.

an aqua pet? Ooh, the name even sounds naughty. I wish I had an aqua pet.

 

[Saucyminx]

an aqua pet? Ooh, the name even sounds naughty. I wish I had an aqua pet.

*boxing up one of the 10 to take as a hostess gift for bg when i show up at her house for dinner*

 

[Sarojaede]

My son gets out of the shower and says to his Dad, "I'm looking good now."

My husband replies, "oh...hmmmm..."

My son continues, "yeah..I need to look good."

My husband asks "Why do you need to look good?"

Son: "I need to look good for school tomorrow."

My husband continues, "Why do you need to look good for school tomorrow?"

My son, with no small amount of exasperation, replies "Because there are girls at school and I need to look for the girls."


The hubby and I burst out laughing....

My son is all of 5 years old.

 

[Eilan]

My son gets out of the shower and says to his Dad, "I'm looking good now."

My husband replies, "oh...hmmmm..."

My son continues, "yeah..I need to look good."

My husband asks "Why do you need to look good?"

Son: "I need to look good for school tomorrow."

My husband continues, "Why do you need to look good for school tomorrow?"

My son, with no small amount of exasperation, replies "Because there are girls at school and I need to look for the girls."


The hubby and I burst out laughing....

My son is all of 5 years old.

Thanks for the laugh, SJ!

My nephew's little stepson is almost five, and he did something similar when they visited us last month. He was playing outside with my two youngest daughters and--out of the blue--he took off his shirt.

My nephew said, "What are you doing?" to which his stepson replied, "The girls like it when I take off my shirt."

 

[rydia57]

What made me laugh my ass off? Larry the Cable guy talking about how his ass was really muscly and looks like Dolph Lungren's.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I saw Clerks 2 last night. I don't want to spoil it, so I'll just say one thing...

Pillow Pants, the Pussy Troll!!!!!!

 

[midwestyankee]

This, pulled from a thread about weight loss:

thin sex

 

[wicked woman]

This, pulled from a thread about weight loss:

thin sex

lol ....hmmm...I think I would enjoy losing weight on that 'program'

 

[Quoll]

Once every thousand years Thor the God of Thunder
visits Earth to pleasure a sweet maiden. This is one of those times.
Thor finds his chosen one, a sweet and attractive young woman.
They dine at the finest restaurants, dance at the best clubs and laze
by the most peaceful lakes.
Eventually Thor takes her back to the mansion he has created for
this wondrous occasion, once there they make love for two days and nights.
Their bodies entwined, their hearts beating as one.
The sun itself was almost dimmed, such was the heat of their passion.
Finally sated they lay in each others arms.
After a while the young lady excuses herself
and goes to the bathroom.
Thor, feeling immensley pleased thinks back on the past few days,
suddenly he bolts upright and rushes into the bathroom.
"My dear sweet girl" he says to his young lover " I have been rude and remiss,
for I have not yet introduced myself. I am Thor.
The young woman looks coyly at Thor, smiles and says,
"You're thore, I'm tho thore I can hardly pith."

 

[tash87]

this made me laugh

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.

During this three month period I have encountered inadequacy of
service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as
ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions.

Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either
pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these
difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some
entertaining reading material as you while away the working day
smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.

My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice,
resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse
waiting for your technician to arrive.

When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening
to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish
robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website.... how?

I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my
testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt
both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took
place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to
bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.

Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several
further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my
modem arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and
begun to pay for it.

I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly
35%... these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight,
Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend. I
am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone
calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been
unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who
are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off),
that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a
telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer
machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be
transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is
available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot
woman.... and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least
a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another
one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to.
Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice
my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold
music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be
more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering
service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well,
there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when
I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment
what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled
pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant
beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly
limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my
futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you.

I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future
attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so
pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity
will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these
feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a
small measure of bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats
litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for
both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have
not become dessicated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at
the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if
you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.
Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's
worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats,

Yours psychotically, Xxxx Xxxxxxx

Paul

 

[Eilan]

This is probably one of those "you had to be there" moments, but I thought it was cute, so I'm sharing.

My six-year-old was talking about college football teams the other day and she said something about Notre Dame, to which my four-year-old yelled, "Yes it is Dame!"

They'll argue about anything.

 

[Quoll]

Sounds like my eldest boys, I'm waiting for the "Hey he's breathing my air, I had that air first, make him give it back."

 

[bobsgirl]

Once every thousand years Thor the God of Thunder
visits Earth to pleasure a sweet maiden. This is one of those times.
Thor finds his chosen one, a sweet and attractive young woman.
They dine at the finest restaurants, dance at the best clubs and laze
by the most peaceful lakes.
Eventually Thor takes her back to the mansion he has created for
this wondrous occasion, once there they make love for two days and nights.
Their bodies entwined, their hearts beating as one.
The sun itself was almost dimmed, such was the heat of their passion.
Finally sated they lay in each others arms.
After a while the young lady excuses herself
and goes to the bathroom.
Thor, feeling immensley pleased thinks back on the past few days,
suddenly he bolts upright and rushes into the bathroom.
"My dear sweet girl" he says to his young lover " I have been rude and remiss,
for I have not yet introduced myself. I am Thor.
The young woman looks coyly at Thor, smiles and says,
"You're thore, I'm tho thore I can hardly pith."

You thilly man!

 

[Quoll]

I fucking love those four letter words. The motherfuckers who don't can kiss my ass and eat shit and die.

Now that is a work of art.

 

[pleasteasme]

A student telling me that they had to change the theme of the winter formal... The original theme: "A Night In Paris"






Someone finally told the teacher in charge, that is the name of the Paris Hilton sex video.

Good for a belly laugh yesterday, that I desperately needed!

 

[Eilan]

SweetErika's little disclaimer in this thread, mainly because I was getting ready to post something similar.

 

[Quoll]

SweetErika's little disclaimer in this thread, mainly because I was getting ready to post something similar.

But...but...but it's a pron brd n i sent her a pic of my 10" luv trunchin n she dnt wanna cam, fckn cockteaser

 

[angelkitty7888]

A student telling me that they had to change the theme of the winter formal... The original theme: "A Night In Paris"

Someone finally told the teacher in charge, that is the name of the Paris Hilton sex video.

Good for a belly laugh yesterday, that I desperately needed!

that reminds me of my senior prom... we had an alice in wonderland theme... and while that within and of itself makes me i kept waiting for someone to show up with a bottle that said 'drink me' or a guy to walk in with 'eat me' on his pants lol

 

[TBKahuna123]

SweetErika's little disclaimer in this thread, mainly because I was getting ready to post something similar.

I laughed, I cried, I almost sent BOTH of you a PM after reading this.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Peter King's monday morning qaurterback column often has wierd travel factoids, but this one had me in stitches...

The best thing about traveling into Manhattan a couple of times a week -- well, I guess other than the energy and fun and crowds, which I enjoy -- is walking off the train and picking up the New York Post. It hasn't been more fun, ever, than last Wednesday, when I got off the train from Jersey and expected the front page of the tabloid to have the latest about the unarmed man gunned down on his wedding day by the cops in a 50-shot hail of bullets outside the strip club where his bachelor party was taking place. But no. The shooting was on the lower half of the front page.

"Bimbo Summit'' the upper half of Page One blared, with a photo of Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton out on the town in LA.

Inside, a story headlined, "3 Bimbos of the Apocalypse: No Clues, No Cares, No Underwear -- Meet the Party Posse of the Year'' ran with some of the best copy in recent Post history.

Highlights of Maureen Callahan's story:

• Spears "has picked up such 'it' girl tricks as how to make sure your picture winds up everywhere. Such as, don't wear underwear and flash your crotch while pretending you hate the paparazzi and tearfully beg for them to leave you alone.''

• Callahan says Lohan is Hilton's "frenemy.''

• "After dumping Kevin Federline, Spears looked like she was on the upswing. She cut her hair. She looked like she was bathing regularly.''

• "Regardless how long these friendships last: Skanks for the memories!''

As my good friend, Don "Donnie Brasco'' Banks remarked, "You can almost be sure that last one's a line Bob Hope never sang.''

 

[bobsgirl]

Peter King's monday morning qaurterback column often has wierd travel factoids, but this one had me in stitches...

The best thing about traveling into Manhattan a couple of times a week -- well, I guess other than the energy and fun and crowds, which I enjoy -- is walking off the train and picking up the New York Post. It hasn't been more fun, ever, than last Wednesday, when I got off the train from Jersey and expected the front page of the tabloid to have the latest about the unarmed man gunned down on his wedding day by the cops in a 50-shot hail of bullets outside the strip club where his bachelor party was taking place. But no. The shooting was on the lower half of the front page.

"Bimbo Summit'' the upper half of Page One blared, with a photo of Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton out on the town in LA.

Inside, a story headlined, "3 Bimbos of the Apocalypse: No Clues, No Cares, No Underwear -- Meet the Party Posse of the Year'' ran with some of the best copy in recent Post history.

Highlights of Maureen Callahan's story:

• Spears "has picked up such 'it' girl tricks as how to make sure your picture winds up everywhere. Such as, don't wear underwear and flash your crotch while pretending you hate the paparazzi and tearfully beg for them to leave you alone.''

• Callahan says Lohan is Hilton's "frenemy.''

• "After dumping Kevin Federline, Spears looked like she was on the upswing. She cut her hair. She looked like she was bathing regularly.''

• "Regardless how long these friendships last: Skanks for the memories!''

As my good friend, Don "Donnie Brasco'' Banks remarked, "You can almost be sure that last one's a line Bob Hope never sang.''

No underwear? Oh my.

 

[Eilan]

No underwear? Oh my.

I am really tired of seeing celebrity twat.

 

[tanyachrs]

Those photos have really made me rethink the shaved pussy concept. I never thought completely shaved was sexy to begin with, but yikes! They sure make it look hideous. Those aren't pretty pictures, at least not to me. It looks weird and alien and, as one reporter put it, "flabby."