Leah57
Really Really Experienced
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Eilan said:
OMG!!!! That was too too funny!!! Thanks, Eilan!
What made you laugh your ass off today?
- Thread starter Eilan
- Start date
OMG!!!! That was too too funny!!! Thanks, Eilan!
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
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midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
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Eilan's RIP Jerry Falwell av of Tinky Winky the Teletubby.
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
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Are you saying that you're pro-choice?Eilan said:It was a toss-up: Tinky-Winky or SpongeBob and Patrick.
Eilan
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Absolutely.midwestyankee said:Are you saying that you're pro-choice?
And it was a tough choice. How do I pay my respects? Do I go with a purse-carrying, tutu-wearing being of ambiguous origins or the underwater poster boys of sodomy and tolerance?
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
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I'm with you...that's an almost impossible decision. Sort of like Fuck em's Racer or some such thing.Eilan said:
Eilan
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TBKahuna123
Back in the Sunshine
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You're fucking my woman? OK, I gotta see pictures of this! 
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
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i think i've seen that fuckwit on my blogging site!
Leah57
Really Really Experienced
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I was reading over a proposal by a cleaning service for my condominium association, and here is one of the services that they will provide twice weekly:
"The doors at all public pubic entrance ways shall be wiped down to remove finger prints, dirt, and/or grease as needed"
"The doors at all public pubic entrance ways shall be wiped down to remove finger prints, dirt, and/or grease as needed"
Eilan
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midwestyankee
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Maybe she'll also have the community chest.Eilan said:
). I've never seen her organise mechanics and lifts for people so fast, there is no way "they" are going to miss that train. 
pleasteasme
*Endangered Species*
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bobsgirl said:A commercial for the Indianapolis 500 was just on, something I know very little about (obviously). And I just made the comment to B, "I don't really follow NASCAR." He reminded me gently, "It's not NASCAR, dear."
Oops.
I would have made the same mistake. I'm not into the car racing thing. I guess I don't see the appeal in it but, to each their own.
Me? My dog dragging her blanket around the house... rather funny
questiongrl
yep, it's me
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Reading Tap-Out's 3/2004 reply to a question about how to/not to cyber "appropriately" on the "How To" Board. His answer below (I dunno how to include it as a link so i've pasted instead) ... made me laugh so hard I cried.
Tap-Out's words:
Whatever you do don't let this happen to you *LOL*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather
mini skirt and high-heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I workout
every day. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair
of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old
T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of
funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the
stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm
smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel
your huge swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly
off.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk
slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing
and pulling.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your
blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my
soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck.
Do you have scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my
back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my
breasts, my nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your
tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
breasts! They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling
your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
phlegm.
Sweetheart: WHAT?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains
of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it
in the corner of the room.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard
tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
in and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a
cup.
Where do you keep your cups??
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.
Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet.
And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
Where is the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against
each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?
Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the
nightstand.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom
Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
the toilet and lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle.
Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I just realised I peed in your laundry basket. Sorry again.
I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm,
woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm
having a little problem here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another
second.
Slide it in! Screw me!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: WHAT?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on
my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all
floppy.
I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.
Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed: I'm putting on my
underwear and my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across
the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and
your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell
on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a
shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire!
Nooooooo!..............................................................
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's how it's not supposed to go. But even from that you can sort of see what is supposed to happen in a good cybersex episode. I don't know if it's of any help whatsoever, but it's always good for a laugh
__________________
Tap-Out's words:
Whatever you do don't let this happen to you *LOL*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather
mini skirt and high-heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I workout
every day. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair
of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old
T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of
funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the
stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm
smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel
your huge swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly
off.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk
slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing
and pulling.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your
blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my
soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck.
Do you have scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my
back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my
breasts, my nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your
tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
breasts! They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling
your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
phlegm.
Sweetheart: WHAT?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains
of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it
in the corner of the room.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard
tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
in and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a
cup.
Where do you keep your cups??
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.
Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet.
And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
Where is the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against
each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?
Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the
nightstand.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom
Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
the toilet and lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle.
Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I just realised I peed in your laundry basket. Sorry again.
I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm,
woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm
having a little problem here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another
second.
Slide it in! Screw me!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: WHAT?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on
my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all
floppy.
I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.
Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed: I'm putting on my
underwear and my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across
the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and
your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell
on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a
shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire!
Nooooooo!..............................................................
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's how it's not supposed to go. But even from that you can sort of see what is supposed to happen in a good cybersex episode. I don't know if it's of any help whatsoever, but it's always good for a laugh
__________________
Denae
Solitude's Muse
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2004
- Posts
- 6,061
Alice and Frank are bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping business in Mexico."
Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd, they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So Alice jumps.
She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time she is bruised and bleeding.
Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time, she comes back pretty messed up--she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and asks, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine...it was the crowd...what the hell is a piñata?"
Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd, they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So Alice jumps.
She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time she is bruised and bleeding.
Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time, she comes back pretty messed up--she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and asks, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine...it was the crowd...what the hell is a piñata?"
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