What Made You Smile/Laugh Today?

[midwestyankee]

Hell, it was >30 seconds before I got around to reading the caption!

Holy moly, you're right! There IS a caption.

 

[the captians wench]

Package on my doorstep when I got home.

Yup, new bra and panty set. It's so cute!

 

[graceanne]

How NOT to raise your toddler.


1. DON'T ask, "Why did you do that?" Why did you bite that boy? Why did you hit your sister? Why is there spaghetti in your ear? Why am I asking you a question you can't possibly answer in any way that will make me feel better? Oh yes, because it's easier than accepting the idea that I am in charge of a tiny lunatic.



2. DON'T be surprised by the number of things that can end up in your toilet. This includes shoes, spatulas, cell phones, small animals, keys, and a whole eggplant that looks an awful lot like a human head to your middle-of-the-night eyes.



3. DON'T be surprised by the number of things that can NOT end up in your toilet. Number two, for example, can occasionally end up in your purse.



4. DON'T assume that repeating directions increases their likelihood of being followed. DON'T assume that repeating directions increases their likelihood of being followed



5. DON'T over-explain adult situations. "Sorry, honey. Mommy is just in a bad mood because she doesn't understand why she chose to make a living on the Internets. And taking out a second mortgage to fund your preschool appears not to have been the prudent thing to do. And wow, your sitter is expensive! That noise? Oh, that's just Daddy weeping through the wall."



6. DON'T say, "Let's wash your hair!" This is akin to saying, "Let's put this large needle in your eyeball." If you really feel like you have to warn your toddler about the upcoming sudsing, consider something relatively benign and tangentially related, like, "Let's put this large needle in your eyeball."



7. DON'T wear a short skirt to a toddler birthday party. You know that fantasy you have about being unintentionally violated by giddy elves? Yeah, me neither.



8. DON'T let a boy shorter than the toilet try to pee standing up. Too late for that? Try not yelling helpful tips like, "Point your penis up!" Too late for that? Wipe your chin.



9. DON'T ask if your toddler if he wants to do something you need him to do. This includes Do You Want To Wear A Jacket? Do You Want To Eat Something? Do You Want To Hug Grandma? Do You Want To Wash Your Hair? and Do You Want to Keep Me From Running Out The Door To Jamaica?



10. DON'T try to catch vomit in your hands. A) It doesn't work. B) You don't get points for trying. C) You get vomit in your hands.



11. DON'T say things like “mommy is getting rid of her mustache with cream” or “this is a tampon”

Unless you’d like them repeated to your mailman, your grocer, and your neighborhood crush, grooming habits and toiletries are best left completely unexplained. Can’t help yourself? Go with something that will make your toddler sound like a nutcake upon repeating. “This is mommy’s Santa Fun Face! Now can you please hand back Cotton Mouse and close the door?”



12. DON'T assume that asking “why?” expresses genuine interest

The biggest toddler trick in the book! You think your kid cares that much about why cars go? This is a tactical maneuver that actually means something closer to: “I will wear you down with talking to the point that you will offer me ice cream to shut me up.”



13. DON'T use ice cream as a reward

Hyper, sugared-up kids are more dangerous than a 20th Duggar pregnancy.



14. DON'T make idle threats

Telling the small one that you are going to get rid of his favorite toy if he doesn’t put it away and then not doing it telegraphs one thing: That you are the weaker species. And yes, for the record, this is exactly why I was disemboweling Elmo in the middle of the street this morning.



15. DON'T forget that this too shall pass

That’s what they tell me. I don’t believe it, but I’m telling you anyway, because that’s what good parents do. They lie to get each other through the hard parts.



- Mira Jacob



Found here

 

[FindMeTakeMe]

Graceanne, thank you I am wiping tears from my eyes in a crowded public place.... Not sure if I even have control of my giggles yet! My son is an exemplary example of each of the toddler behaviours above...and I am the perfect what-not-to-do model, having attempted each of the above at least once. Best belly laugh I've had in ages

 

[intothewoods]

13. DON'T use ice cream as a reward

Hyper, sugared-up kids are more dangerous than a 20th Duggar pregnancy.

You know what's funny? It turns out that sugar does not make kids hyper. It's a myth. http://theincidentaleconomist.com/wordpress/sugar-and-candy-do-not-make-kids-hyper/

I mean, I realize the list is humorous, but it happened to remind me of this fact, which I recently discovered. I just find it interesting because you hear it all the time but it turns out it's not supported by the evidence.

 

[Kurokami]

Thanks Grace: I really needed to be more worried about becoming a father!

 

[graceanne]

You know what's funny? It turns out that sugar does not make kids hyper. It's a myth. http://theincidentaleconomist.com/wordpress/sugar-and-candy-do-not-make-kids-hyper/

Yeah, and children don't run temperatures from teething, either.

Warning: Rant Ahead - not directed at you

At one point, medical science said that women didn't actually have labor pains, it was in their heads. Then they said that what you ate and drank while pregnant and nursing didn't matter. Not to mention when they said it was healthy for women to smoke. Most recently, we were told to make sure our children had LOTS of juice, it was good for them (speaking of which I should sue for my kids dentist bills). You'll have to understand why I don't care what they claim to know.

Here's what I know. Sugar is a simple carbohydrate. So is corn syrup, which is actually in more food than sugar. Carbohydrates are what we eat for energy. Sugar is considered a simple carbohydrate because it digests quickly, and hits your system quickly, giving a quick rush of energy resulting in a energy crash.

Here's what else I know - all children are different in how they metabolize food and how they handle the above mentioned rush of energy. My nephew goes to sleep after he eats candy and my son starts climbing walls and gets flat out belligerent and my daughter doesn't do anything. So yes, sugar doesn't make ALL children hyper, but how in the WORLD the AAP has the nerve to make blanket statements about children like 'sugar doesn't make kids hyper' is beyond me. I'll tell them what, I'll let my son (who is ADHD and has aspergers syndrome) eat candy for breakfast and then they can take care of him. Idiots.

 

[graceanne]

Graceanne, thank you I am wiping tears from my eyes in a crowded public place.... Not sure if I even have control of my giggles yet! My son is an exemplary example of each of the toddler behaviours above...and I am the perfect what-not-to-do model, having attempted each of the above at least once. Best belly laugh I've had in ages

Thanks Grace: I really needed to be more worried about becoming a father!

Oh, that's nothing.

This one is much funnier.

Things I've Learned From My Kids...

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 4 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak -- it explodes.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.


Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

Duplos will not.

Playdough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

Ditto Tarzan.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

It will, however, make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).​

 

[Kurokami]

Oh, that's nothing.

This one is much funnier.

So, what I'm reading is that it's like living with a tiny terrorist?

Come to think of it, I should already know this. I've got two young siblings: I once found my little sister, at three years old, bawling her eyes out while buried up to her shoulders in the garden bed outside my mum's house. My little brother, age eight, had put her there, and after minutes of alternately digging and trying to calm a panicking three year old down, neither of them was able to tell me why. Either why bury the poor girl, or why she had let him. Which actually lends credence to the first point in your earlier post, Grace

And I'm having twins, meaning they can both feed off of each other's destructive energy. I get the feeling it's going to be a loud few years

 

[kiwi_submissive]

8 hours at the dentist over 3 days. I came to the stupid conclusion that going 3 times for a long period each time made me sense than having to work myself into going for half hour or hour appointments. But I proved to myself that I could do it and I didn't make a single excuse to try and get out of it.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

8 hours at the dentist over 3 days. I came to the stupid conclusion that going 3 times for a long period each time made me sense than having to work myself into going for half hour or hour appointments. But I proved to myself that I could do it and I didn't make a single excuse to try and get out of it.

Congratulations. And here's the straw you'll be eating through for the next couple of days.

ETA: Yes, I know that after most dental procedures, they tell you not to use a straw for 24-48 hours. It's still funny. Laugh, damn it!

 

[intothewoods]

Yeah, and children don't run temperatures from teething, either.

Warning: Rant Ahead - not directed at you

At one point, medical science said that women didn't actually have labor pains, it was in their heads. Then they said that what you ate and drank while pregnant and nursing didn't matter. Not to mention when they said it was healthy for women to smoke. Most recently, we were told to make sure our children had LOTS of juice, it was good for them (speaking of which I should sue for my kids dentist bills). You'll have to understand why I don't care what they claim to know.

Here's what I know. Sugar is a simple carbohydrate. So is corn syrup, which is actually in more food than sugar. Carbohydrates are what we eat for energy. Sugar is considered a simple carbohydrate because it digests quickly, and hits your system quickly, giving a quick rush of energy resulting in a energy crash.

Here's what else I know - all children are different in how they metabolize food and how they handle the above mentioned rush of energy. My nephew goes to sleep after he eats candy and my son starts climbing walls and gets flat out belligerent and my daughter doesn't do anything. So yes, sugar doesn't make ALL children hyper, but how in the WORLD the AAP has the nerve to make blanket statements about children like 'sugar doesn't make kids hyper' is beyond me. I'll tell them what, I'll let my son (who is ADHD and has aspergers syndrome) eat candy for breakfast and then they can take care of him. Idiots.

Because in controlled studies it didn't make kids hyper. The evidence simply doesn't support the saying, regardless of how many people say it. And yes, medical advice has changed over the years because researchers are better able to study and measure all sorts of things.

Personally I'm just interested in what the evidence shows in all areas. There are some doctors who aren't really up on the research; they just follow what they've observed in their patients or what they've practiced for years for one reason or another. There are many different parenting and health perspectives out there -- from doctors to midwives to other parents and self-appointed experts -- and when I need to sort through all of that, I look at the evidence.

ETA: And by the way, I don't allow my kid much candy at all (Halloween is pretty much it), but that's for other obvious reasons.

 

[Goodgirl4him]

good friends make me smile

 

[midwestyankee]

Because in controlled studies it didn't make kids hyper. The evidence simply doesn't support the saying, regardless of how many people say it. And yes, medical advice has changed over the years because researchers are better able to study and measure all sorts of things.

Personally I'm just interested in what the evidence shows in all areas. There are some doctors who aren't really up on the research; they just follow what they've observed in their patients or what they've practiced for years for one reason or another. There are many different parenting and health perspectives out there -- from doctors to midwives to other parents and self-appointed experts -- and when I need to sort through all of that, I look at the evidence.

ETA: And by the way, I don't allow my kid much candy at all (Halloween is pretty much it), but that's for other obvious reasons.

I read a discussion of this very topic just last week and some are starting to suggest a possible link between artificial food coloring agents and the so-called "sugar hper" that many parents report.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

Congratulations. And here's the straw you'll be eating through for the next couple of days.

ETA: Yes, I know that after most dental procedures, they tell you not to use a straw for 24-48 hours. It's still funny. Laugh, damn it!

Thanks Sir Winston, and its a twisty one as well

I can only open my mouth far enough for a straw so damn them and their no straw rule. I need food before i go insane and attack someone for their breakfast. OK the insane part has already happened.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

As much as this amuses me, I also just *had* to put it in for DVS:

http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/October-25-2011-00-28-12-ScreenShot.jpg

 

[intothewoods]

I read a discussion of this very topic just last week and some are starting to suggest a possible link between artificial food coloring agents and the so-called "sugar hper" that many parents report.

Could be. Actually I find nutrition for kids is an area that could benefit from more research. I mean, that and a zillion other things, but there does seem to be a lot of recommendations that don't add up. For example, everyone is concerned with obesity, so the recommendation is to get kids on nonfat milk (as opposed to whole) as soon as possible. And yet the evidence (in adults anyway) suggests that full fat dairy products aren't really a cause of weight gain for most people. I suppose the recommendations against juice track this.

 

[midwestyankee]

Could be. Actually I find nutrition for kids is an area that could benefit from more research. I mean, that and a zillion other things, but there does seem to be a lot of recommendations that don't add up. For example, everyone is concerned with obesity, so the recommendation is to get kids on nonfat milk (as opposed to whole) as soon as possible. And yet the evidence (in adults anyway) suggests that full fat dairy products aren't really a cause of weight gain for most people. I suppose the recommendations against juice track this.

I suspect you're right that not enough good research has been done on children's nutrition. No doubt one of the complicating factors is development - children's brains are constantly developing so something that affects a child in one way at age 4 might have quite a different effect at age 10 at least to the extent that the effect has anything to do with brain chemistry and/or neuronal connections.

 

[BluKitten]

My son thinking he was going to die from scrapping his knee!

"Please miss me when I'm dead, mom!"

 

[Kurokami]

My son thinking he was going to die from scrapping his knee!

"Please miss me when I'm dead, mom!"

I would be so tempted to say no to that, which I suspect makes me a horrible person.

 

[graceanne]

I read a discussion of this very topic just last week and some are starting to suggest a possible link between artificial food coloring agents and the so-called "sugar hper" that many parents report.

I could see that. Another possibility is gluten, because gluten intolerance and ADHD have similar symptoms.

Could be. Actually I find nutrition for kids is an area that could benefit from more research. I mean, that and a zillion other things, but there does seem to be a lot of recommendations that don't add up. For example, everyone is concerned with obesity, so the recommendation is to get kids on nonfat milk (as opposed to whole) as soon as possible. And yet the evidence (in adults anyway) suggests that full fat dairy products aren't really a cause of weight gain for most people. I suppose the recommendations against juice track this.

I did a paper on this recently. One of the interesting things I found is that corn syrup doesn't give you a 'full' feeling, no matter how much you eat, which is one of the reasons it's in so much food. You eat and eat and never feel full. That, along with the fact that a large majority of parents won't let their kids play outside because they might be kidnapped, is what I blame on the rise of childhood obesity.

I would be so tempted to say no to that, which I suspect makes me a horrible person.

I'd say something along the lines of 'well. maybe for a minute or two.' or 'you're gonna die, sweetie. We'll cut this owie off, and then it wont' hurt you anymore. SWEETIE! GET THE LEG CUTTING OFF KNIFE!'

But I already know I'm horrible. My sister tells me so regularly and thinks our mom should have drowned me at birth.

It rocks to be me, sometimes.

 

[BiBunny]

A new website and design, plus some new designs for existing sites.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

SUGARY FOOD COLORING for everyone! I'm buyin'!

I'd say something along the lines of 'well. maybe for a minute or two.' or 'you're gonna die, sweetie. We'll cut this owie off, and then it wont' hurt you anymore. SWEETIE! GET THE LEG CUTTING OFF KNIFE!'

But I already know I'm horrible. My sister tells me so regularly and thinks our mom should have drowned me at birth.

It rocks to be me, sometimes.

The Leg Cutting Off Knife. Hehehe.

Do you have it in a small glass cupboard, with "In case of scraped knee, break glass" printed on it?

Thanks Sir Winston, and its a twisty one as well

I can only open my mouth far enough for a straw so damn them and their no straw rule. I need food before i go insane and attack someone for their breakfast. OK the insane part has already happened.

I'm thinking this didn't REALLY make you smile or laugh today. Ow.

A new website and design, plus some new designs for existing sites.

You design websites? I didn't know that. Or are these designs for products?

 

[BiBunny]

You design websites? I didn't know that. Or are these designs for products?

Oh, no, no. I don't design. The web designs came from my friend and colleague. I can fuck around with certain things, but I don't have mad Photoshop skills to make graphics and so forth. Search engine optimization is my field.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Oh, no, no. I don't design. I can fuck around with certain things, but I don't have mad Photoshop skills to make graphics and so forth. Search engine optimization is my field.

Gotcha. So, in other words, you are among the small shadowy geekband that runs the world.