What's too scary? What's not? And why?

[AngelicAssassin]

... Btw, AA, what is a Hairy Larry?

Actually, it comes from the movie

A lovely story of deviant behavior and big scary words that make a woman cum buckets in the stacks of the college library.

 

[Xelebes]

Being tied to a chair would do it

Not necessarily on topic, but ahhhh... the memories.

In grade 10, in comm tech when the teacher was not around they ganged up on me and taped me to a chair. Humiliating? A bit. But I had fun with it, giving impish grunts as they had used duct tape on my mouth shut. But then they didn't want to get me caught so they untied me. No, I consented to this- as I was being just silly.

 

[FungiUg]

Actually, it comes from the movie

So which bit of that is the scary bit?

 

[shy slave]

Re: Too scary (from my submissive days)

Blindfolds!! EEK, ack. Hate em, don't want em near me. I can't think about not being able to watch what is happening to me. Hell make me close my eyes, but don't blindfold me...

There you have it, in a nutshell.

Luna

Hey Luna its scary that we have the same dislikes... I close my eyes but blindfolds, masks freak me out. Does this mean we are alike??

If so wonder if He will let me try being a Domme and have pets.

*sigh* I asked Him and He said "just you try it...."

Wonder if that means I can

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Re: Re: Too scary (from my submissive days)

Hey Luna its scary that we have the same dislikes... I close my eyes but blindfolds, masks freak me out. Does this mean we are alike??

If so wonder if He will let me try being a Domme and have pets.

*sigh* I asked Him and He said "just you try it...."

Wonder if that means I can

LMAO!!

Ya see darlin, I went at it bass-ackwards..

started out in '93 as an active dominant..fell in love with a chick ('99 or thereabouts) who was also an active Top so bottomed to her..for a long period of time...(Never did get over being dominant with everyone else though...she was the only one that got in my head..)..

mayhap you just have the same issue as me..you wanna see it coming (or at least have the ability to)...

(and honestly, I can't imagine you Topping anyone..but that could be because you seem so innocent on the boards)

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Hmmmmmm....

Right now, personally, I find whips and floggers to be intimidating by the sheer fact that I have no idea what they feel like. Rulers, belts, straps and even ruten (or bundles of sticks) are fine, but whips and floggers intimidate me.

Yep, you can say that again. I'm a noob.

As a more than three decades Dom, I have to admit that whips still intimidate me to some extent... for the simple reason that I haven't taken the time to familiarize myself with them enough to feel that I could use one without *hurting* (e.g. causing unwanted pain and/or damage) the target. With floggers, with each sub it was a process - begin with relatively light strokes, working upward in intensity, checking with the sub periodically for a safeword.

Especially with new subs, I use graduated safewords - e.g., red is "stop now," orange is "I'm very close to red, yellow is "hmm... this is intense but tolerable," blue is "intense but enjoyable," and green is "keep goin' - I'm fine - don't stop!"

I shy away from any kind of intentional blood play, and will stop an activity if blood is inadvertantly drawn, for the sub's safety, the safety of anyone else nearby, and my safety. In these times, one cannot be *too* safe.

As far as being afraid of something because you don't know what it will feel like... did that stop you from having sex the first time???

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Caning, blood play and public sex/scening are all too scary for me. And hey, I'm a Dom!

Public scening was a bit of a nervous moment for me the first time. In fact, the first play party we went to, we only watched, even though we had brought all the toybags with us (one double long-gun case of floggers, single long-gun case of canes, rolling suitcase of paddles, wartenburg wheels, violet wand, and other small toys). The next party we scened - 3 times, if I remember correctly. She was/is a greedy little slut

Within six months, we were performing demos on a weekly basis at a local swingers' club that had BDSM night on Wednesday, and later at a local bar. (She had to keep her nipples and genitalia covered at the bar, though - local blue law.)

All this is to say, yeah, the first time doing a public scene, even if the entire visible public is members of the same play party, can be a bit intimidating... but it's also exciting, exhilirating, and addictive.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'm a complete total newbie.. everything scares me.

I've been lurking around a bit, and right now, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by most of this stuff. I know what seems like it'd be fun, but it also seems like I'm too afraid of anything to take a step in that direction.

meri,

Knowing at this point ("complete total newbie") what it seems you would enjoy is a good first step toward *experiencing* the things you would enjoy. Being afraid to take the next step and experience at least *some* of it, however, is not standing still - it's a step backward, because you are retreating from something that you are fairly sure would be enjoyable. Find an experienced Dominant(m/f)/trainer, and *negotiate, negotiate, negotiate!*

The first step of those negotiations is safewords: you *will not* go any further without establishing agreed-upon, cast-in-concrete safewords. If this is not agreeable to the Dom/me/trainer, end negotiations immediately and proceed to the next in line. Within 100 miles of any town of any size, you *will* be able to find one.

Step two of negotiations is the schedule of training. Set your first experiences at least a week apart. This allows you to fully absorb your first scene before getting into the second - to analyze it, decide what you did and did not like, and decide what you do and don't want to happen in the second scene.

Step three: negotiate the first scene itself. It can be somewhat ad lib, or almost scripted, if you like. "I want to...(a)...(b)...(c)..." You should, however, limit the scene to at most three or four different experiences (e.g., hand spanking, light or moderate paddle, light flogger (or crop, or...). Too many different sensations will tend to blend together in your mind and in your memory. The idea is to be able to separate the sensations, the experiences - if not blow by blow (so to speak), at least group by group.

The first scene usually should not exceed sixty minutes in length. I know that seems like an awfully short time, but it will expand to many times that, both during the scene itself, and in your memories. Also, too much, for a first scene, can be overwhelming and frighten you away from moving forward.

If you are meeting someone for a scene for the first time, I always recommend a "safe contact." This is someone with whom you have previously arranged that you will call when you arrive at your scene location, to confirm that that is where you are, and to confirm that you will call once again immediately *after* you leave the location. It should also be arranged that if you do not call to confirm that you have left safely by a certain time, that your safe contact will call the local authorities, tell them where you last were (scene location), and that they are very concerned that you have not made the safe departure call by the prearranged time. This can possibly lead to embarrassment (e.g., if you forget to make the departure call) - but it *has* saved lives.

Enough pontificating. meri, more than 30 years of Dominance, and more than 50 years of living have taught me two things beyond doubt:
(1) If you don't try to do what you want to do, you will always regret it.
(2) The only person who never makes a mistake is the one who does nothing.

Life is hard enough, with the outside influences that (try to) prevent us from living the lives we choose. Don't let inside fear restrict you even further. Confront it, conquer it, LIVE.

 

[fallon2]

What

What is scary is when the Master won't respect the safe word since that should never happen! Very scary indeed!

 

[shy slave]

Re: Re: Re: Too scary (from my submissive days)

LMAO!!

Ya see darlin, I went at it bass-ackwards..

started out in '93 as an active dominant..fell in love with a chick ('99 or thereabouts) who was also an active Top so bottomed to her..for a long period of time...(Never did get over being dominant with everyone else though...she was the only one that got in my head..)..

mayhap you just have the same issue as me..you wanna see it coming (or at least have the ability to)...

(and honestly, I can't imagine you Topping anyone..but that could be because you seem so innocent on the boards)

You say the sweetest things

As for seeming innocent, have been coming out of my shell a bit with some posts, I may be a slave and 4'10" but I have my moments lol

 

[D's mariposa]

Not for the faint of heart

[B

What are needle zippers...they sound scary. [/B]

They are scary..

A regular zipper is when you take a fistful of clamps, clothespins or clippy things and run them along a thong or braided lanyard thing. Then you can place a line of clips along any part of your victim's, er, pyl's body.

If you know what needle play is, skip to the next part. For you newbies..

Needleplay is when you take some needles (preferably sterile, D gets hypos without syringes at a medical supply store.) and taking a pinch of skin, you insert the needle through the pinch, so it lays along the flesh. it looks kind of like a straight pin through cloth when it's laying flat. (Note, you can take the needles and poke them straight into the flesh, accupuncture style, but I've heard this isn't any fun. The only time I've seen it is in a still from a really bad torture film. The "dom" was using needles with the syringes intact. It looked kind of silly and clueless. It's also not considered real safe.)

Now then: Needle zippers. Hypos work best for this cause they have the plastic doohicky on the end where it attaches to the syringe. You also need a length of surgical tubing. (I suppose that thick, tightly woven string can work too.)

You take the first needle and you poke it through the tubing til the doohicky is flush with the tubing and the needle pokes out the other side. You then needle your victim, er pyl. You move down the tube a little bit, and add another needle, and then another. Finally, you have a pyl peirced with however many needles you wish, all attached by a length of tubing. You then grab the free end and RRRIIIPPPP! all the needles out in one fell swoop.

I've never been zippered, with clamps or needles. I might be able to handle a clippy one, but the thought of a needle one makes my tummy hurt in a non cool way.

special thanks to D for explaining and reading this over so I sound good.

 

[Netzach]

accurate gruesome and barf inducing description. *hurl*


no offense to those who love them.


And I LIKE play piercing!

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

~skips over D's mariposa's description to avoid nightmares~ Thanks for the info, anyway. Please don't take that personally.

AA, you're right, that is scary.

 

[boyb]

accurate gruesome and barf inducing description. *hurl*


no offense to those who love them.


And I LIKE play piercing!

Netz,

box full.

PM Lew!

 

[mr happy]

All you Ladies in my bedroom!!!

Now thats scary

 

[D's mariposa]

accurate gruesome and barf inducing description. *hurl*


no offense to those who love them.


And I LIKE play piercing!

Y'know what, so do we!! But zippering me, no thanks.. I asked D how they do that and he explained, and the first words out of my mouth were "Sir, this was a request for further info, not a request for experimention!" He laughed, and said needle zippers are a pain to do, so I'm probably safe.

Sorry for the yuck factor, but shy did ask. Ieven edited for the yuckiness..

 

[meri-t]

Weeeellll, okay then! Now some of the subs are scaring me!

Thanks for the good advice, Winston.

Truth is, I've read a lot. I'm so anal retentive about the details of stuff, that I've "studied" this sort of thing. I've read most of the obligatory books. Stuff like, "screw the roses", "sm 101" , " Loving Dominant", most of the classics. I've also read some fiction too. So I know what sounds good, in theory.

As far as reality goes, I've met a really sweet and wonderful online Dom, who's agreed to some online training, with the possiblity of meeting for some real time interaction, eventually.

Also, in a really weird "7 degrees of whatshisface" sort of way, I've realised that one of the subs here is employed by the same company as me, and is even sort of local! So I have a subbie to bug with my endless questions about life on this end of the flogger. When I'm not pestering him, about life on his end of the flogger, that is!

 

[Esclava]

<-----Truly Scared...

...just finding out that I may, indeed, have masochistic tendencies.

Blood play, scat, extreme pain (wire brushing and needle zippers DEFINITELY fall into that category) and no "safe word" all take my breath away and make me want to run away as fast as I can!

Perhaps finding a r/l Dom/me will allow me to experience more intensity and push past some of the fear of flying.

Esclava

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I keep thinking about this one, and then not post. Hmm, wonder what That could mean.

What's most scary to me, truly, is that this won't work with my partner/lover/husband. That even the ways he likes to get into this stuff may be antithetical to... that we just aren't a match in this way. And that 'it' will continue to simmer in me until it erupts in some stupid way that goes against my very deepest, most ... that east and west won't meet, that getting what I most want would mean losing what I most value. That kind of frivolous stuff.

Otherwise, I'm afraid of nothing. Nothing physical at any rate. That I'm aware of anyway. Things that are too extreme for me, like someone said on another thread, just leave me cold rather than causing fear. I don't want to die, don't particularly care for being maimed, and that's about it.

In another way, on the other part of my brain, I have lots of fears. Of walking across narrow walls where I could fall on the rocks below, that sort of thing. Getting burnt hurts for a long time and I don't like it. I used to be Very afraid of needles until I had to take 75 or 110 (forgot how many) for fertility treatment, and got over it.
The first time I faced having to give my husband a shot I thought i was gonna die. Felt sick. Couldn't Stand the thought of deliberately causing him physical pain. The nurse thought I was such a wimp. After practice on an orange I just did it. Like throwing a dart. somehow expected to feel the pain in my own body. His poor sweet strong butt. And once it was in I had to push the plunger quick and get it out. The first time I let go and it went waggling back and forth. I was told that hurt. Had to grab it and plunge it and gt it out. Next time was better. He was looking at me though when I did it that first time and his face looking so innocent and sort of bewildered, even though we both knew I was gonna, was hard to take. (I think the nurse kinda enjoyed her shot at him though. Older lady, she had this funny smile on her face. Well he's damn goodlooking and it Was a nice butt.)

So fears of physical stuff? No, just of heartbreaking.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

What's not

Teeth, blood, tears, honey, salt stains, sweat in the eyes, raking nails, laughter, wailing, grunting and roaring ... these are a few of my favorite things.

Getting a cramp in the arch of a foot mid-orgasm ain't scary, just annoying as hell ... until laughter falling out of the bed makes everything alright.

 

[brokenhallelujah]

safewords

Not too scary:

really, anything that both parties will consent to that does not present the opportunity for death or maiming. my edge and your edge are probably not the same edge, and establishing that boundary takes negotiation. alot of it.
and the more I learn, the more I learn that everyone's standard is very, very different.

that said and done, play away!

Too scary:

Playing without a safeword. Unless partnered up longtime with someone you know and who knows you in complete detail, a safeword is a must, in my book. Even with years of experience with just the two of us, Me and subbie nearly always use a safeword. Accidents happen, and I find it necessary for both parties to build that "release valve" into the session.

 

[GrayCricket20]

Few of my fears involve pain. I have a rather high pain-tolerance; and find pain to be quite pleasurable. That said, I doubt I will ever consent to knife-play. I'm certain I could handle--and enjoy--needle-play, but knife-play is a different thing entirely. Just the thought of someone who has power over me possessing a knife is enough to terrify me. When my boyfriend and I used to experiment with BDSM, he always wanted me to cut him lightly across the chest and belly, and he really enjoyed it. Seeing how much he enjoyed it, I decided I would try to confront my fears. I let him tie me up but the minute the knife came within a few inches of my skin, I screamed--and I rarely scream.

But I don't think it's the pain I'm afraid of; I think it's the fact that the knife is a little more potentially lethal than most implements used in BDSM sex and there's no one, NO ONE, I trust with one near my skin.

That, and--vanilla as this is--I don't think I could handle being gagged. It's the last trace of control I feel I have if I am blinded and tied; and I am terrified of giving that up. I'm also a little skittish about whips/canes/crops but the pleasure of being whipped is well worth coping with a little nervousness.

 

[lassarina]

i'm afraid of...

Breath play due to several bad experiences in deep water. i used to have knife play on that list and have worked past my fear. With a lot of patience from my Dom! Needle play wasn't really a fear but something that i'd thought that i'd never enjoy (too much like work.....i'm a paramedic!) but now i also enjoy that to a small degree. Gags scare me-i'm afraid that i'll choke if i throw up. Playing in public terrifies me. The first and only time that i did that i thought that i was going to pass out. i tend to be a little shy around people that i don't know well.

 

[Miss Diva]

I am a newbie also. When I went to my Master's house for our first session he had all the toys displayed on the bed. I nearly ran out. I had one foot in the bedroom and the other in the hallway ready to make a run for it.

 

[snowy ciara]

Needles, knives and blood, oh my! Fisting too.