What's up with this? Calling all "straight but..." guys and gals!

[Etoile]

Men like labels and if they feel like they are generally a label but bend it a bit, this is how they will do it.

The sky is mostly blue but sometimes it glows red.

And once in a while, in certain places, GREEN.

 

[BritPup]

but it slays me that there are those whose mantra is "straight but..."

I'll try again: there are sexual emotions and reactions that we have no control over and there are ways we choose to have sex. They are not the same and they may not correlate in some people.

And that's why the label "straight but..." is more meaningful. Another point that follows is that some people are "gay but..."

And for both groups, "bisexual" is only a good label if you care only about actual behaviour and care nothing for underlying feelings. (Which anyone other than a strictly Behavioural Psychologist would tell you is not very useful for understanding the human psyche.)

Oh, and you can't just choose groups of people and say "they're paid actors or prisoners and therefore they don't count". It's all human behaviour choice; after all, there are plenty of actresses who don't do lesbian porn and plenty of prisoners who don't fuck their own sex. Again, if you want to understand the human psyche, you need to explain this behaviour, too.

2c, please.

 

[Harrowborg]

in reply to the original post, it seemed to miss out guys/girls who may identify as straight with homosexual tendancies. that, to me, seems to be what most guys on the GLBT forum and who you have an issue with seem to be saying. having a straight sexual orientation but thinking of same sex encounters. which you can, i feel, then push on to all genders and orientations. lesbian but thinking of men, bi-sexual man thinking of women, bi-sexual girl thinking of men and so forth...

granted there are a lot of men saying 'straight but...' but having a thought about another guy doesn't make you bi-sexual just curious.

 

[versatile1]

As soon as I started having urges to suck cock, I told others that I think I'm bi. Soon after, I just called myself bi, but not actively. Once I tried it I settled on bi.

Never ever did I think that I would kiss a guy, but when it got down to actually trying sex with another male, I was all over him just like I would be all over a woman and it was HOT.

You might surprise yourself in the heat of the moment.

 

[Odyssean]

.....

 

[alaskabibear]

I am not sure when someone is labelled and when they are not. It seems however the consensus falls in the area of intimacy or emotional feelings towards one's sexual partner which determines the status of what one calls him or herself.
I wonder however if those who call themselves straight aren't being governed by societal pressures to stay above board but yet engage in what is considered homosexual practices. A male who fellates another is engaging in homosexual behavior (or if you don't like that particular word, male on male behavior) or even those "straights" who enjoy being taken anally. Even the "active" side of the equation is engaging in homosexual behavior. Face it, no matter how you look at it, it is NOT heterosexual sex.
To ease this concern about being labelled, psychology in the field of human sexuality do offer a continuum of 1 to 7 (1 being exclusively straight and 7 being exclusively gay) in sexual behaviors or desires. Personally I feel that most people fall between those ends of the spectrum but am willing to submit that those same "most" never step over the line. But one has to admit that whatever sex there is, there is something that has to be "labelled."
Yes, there is an "exclusivity" in sexual preference and whatever it is, no one is putting a gun to your head as to what it is. It is something we want to do all the time, some of the time, or never.
I think the important thing here is to admit to oneself that this is what we enjoy and who gives a shit about what others are thinking. Normally we don't broadcast it anyway except on boards like this. This isn't a "kaffeeklatsch" matter and no one's business.
Go ahead and call yourself whatever you want, but bottom line is that you are engaging in behavior that you wouldn't tell your mother about and that same goes for me too. I am straight some of the time, I am bisexual some of the times, and I am homosexual some of the times. I enjoy all three.

As I was reading through the thread posts, what Martin said above was coming to my thoughts. He said so well, I don't have to say it again.

However, it seems to me that what causes the confusion in using such phrases as "I'm straight 8, I just like to suck a dick now and then" is that; some people try to describe their homosexuality in a purely sexual/physical way devoid of any emotional connection, while others speak of their homosexuality in a way that couples the physical sex act with an emotional attraction. We are basically trying to talk to each other with the same words, but they hold different meanings for each of us. Thus, the "straight" guy is really just saying I like homosexual sex but no emotional connection. However, the term "straight" carries a normal meaning that does not include any homosexual behavior!

It is confusing, we try to find definitions that describe something so variable as human sexuality! But, if one just takes the definition of homosexuality (e.g. sexual attraction and/or activity between persons of the same gender) it becomes less confusing. When one just uses the simple definition, looks at their own behavior/desires and either says; yes, I am a homosexual person to some degree - or, no I am not... well, it seems much more clear to me. The use of "straight 8" seems to imply no homosexual attraction/activity, and that gets confusing when it includes - "but I do like to suck a dick now and again"???

 

[BritPup]

If we follow your line of argument, then we'd end up with something like 5% homosexual, 90% bisexual and 5% heterosexual. Once again, "bisexual" ceases to be much use.

The OP had a problem with "straight but..." and seemed to imply that it's some sort of cop out or denial. The more people I meet in the GLBT world, the more sure I am that's not true.

Oh, FYI, and "straight 8" means nothing at all. Some people say "str8" (phonetic txtspk) and some write "st8" (same idea but wrong).

 

[infinity706]

If we follow your line of argument, then we'd end up with something like 5% homosexual, 90% bisexual and 5% heterosexual. Once again, "bisexual" ceases to be much use.

The OP had a problem with "straight but..." and seemed to imply that it's some sort of cop out or denial. The more people I meet in the GLBT world, the more sure I am that's not true.

Oh, FYI, and "straight 8" means nothing at all. Some people say "str8" (phonetic txtspk) and some write "st8" (same idea but wrong).

Oh, I think the ends are probably less than 5%. That's what I mean when I say everyone is pretty much bi to some extent. Yes, it does make being bi pretty much irrelevant, but it also sort of makes the idea of same sex interaction being "wrong" obsolete, too. Afterall, if everyone desires the same sex and opposite sex to some extent, it becomes pretty natural.

 

[BritPup]

Oh, I think the ends are probably less than 5%. That's what I mean when I say everyone is pretty much bi to some extent. Yes, it does make being bi pretty much irrelevant, but it also sort of makes the idea of same sex interaction being "wrong" obsolete, too. Afterall, if everyone desires the same sex and opposite sex to some extent, it becomes pretty natural.

I agree.

But here's a fun task for those who like to live dangerously: find a Politically Gay person and try to persuade them that they are even 0.1% hetero!

I've worked with gay guys who were sure that bis were just gay people who were dithering due to social pressure. You can't win...

 

[infinity706]

Well, to be honest, 'politically gay' probably isn't much different than 'politically straight' or any other 'politically.' Any obsessive fanatic is going to push their concept even in the face of overwelming evidence.

 

[Martin1110]

The Continuum Continued

I agree that 5% on both ends is a pretty low number. By the same token though, probably 90-95% of those that rate a 2 on the straight side of the continuum never interact with the same sex anyway.

 

[none2_none2]

I agree.

But here's a fun task for those who like to live dangerously: find a Politically Gay person and try to persuade them that they are even 0.1% hetero!

I've worked with gay guys who were sure that bis were just gay people who were dithering due to social pressure. You can't win...

-------------------------------------

While I know a few gay guys with that attitude: "Sex with women -- yuck" or "vagina smells like rotten fish"... I don't think most gay guys feel that way. Some may be pushy about the gay sexuality simply because of all the years the need to be str8 was crammed down their throats.

I do think there are a lot of bi-men who do use the "str8, but..." because anything that might indicate a loss of manhood, needs to be lessened for them to keep a positive self-image. Words like "gay", "anal bottom in sex", "kissing/hugging a man" and "cock sucking" are not positive masculine labels. So for some to take one of them out or say anything but emotional probably makes them feel a lot like they are less likely to be unmanly.

The whole thing about your only gay if you want to hug/kiss or look at something other than his penis is SO weird and illogical. What about gay guys who only want one night stands. Not every gay guy wants to settle down. Does that mean he is "gay, but..." or "str8, but"...???

I personally don't care much for penis, but being attracted to hairy, muscular, manly guys means it comes with the territory. If I have to have a label, I go with the gay label because it makes it easier for other people who don't have an interest in getting to know me. I'm not in denial, I'm just being honest. So if I were single again and looking, I simply would want to be honest with whomever I'm with...

I wouldn't get much out of mutual Jo'ing. I would eventually just go soft. I can suck a little while on a cock. It can be tasty to have some pre-cum, but I don't care to suck for a real long time as my jaw gets sore and I don't care for it when guys like to pound your face. I also do not care for the taste of cum. It is great to see it shoot, and smells good, but that is the extent of it. I don't see it as some "fine wine". As to getting sucked, I really only enjoy it if I can go deep and stay deep. Guys' cannot breath that long. I don't care to get fucked. I used to think versatility and/or bottom was a requirement for non-str8 guys unless you were super hung. So I wasn't in denial, I was mis-informed. Once I realized it wasn't a requirement and the fact that I simply hated it, I stopped doing it. The last time was 25-June-1985 -- an ex's birthday, and I don't miss a penis back there one bit. On the other hand, when I finally got to fuck a guy, I took to it like a duck takes to water. If the guy is hairy and muscular and manly, then it trips my trigger like most wouldn't believe.

Now the few experiences I had with women, wasn't yucky. What bothered me the most was the smallness of bones and the looseness in the vagina. Nevertheless, I wasn't grossed out.

If I was the big guy up there designing the perfect creature mate, I would have designed a VERY hairy human with lots of muscles, a masculine attitude (but with enough softness to say I love you), a tight ass that was very receptive, nice big balls in a loose sack, and a vagina that was also receptive. I'd probably do mainly anal (as it seems to be tighter, but to breed such a human would be a dream to die for.

All that being said, I have a wonderful partner. He does have a penis, and because I love him just the way he is, I wouldn't ever wish him to loose anything. That is the difference between love and lust. I do regret that I never sired kids, but being gay and infertile makes it kind of difficult.

That is the twist to my "gay" label.


If a guy just has to insist that he is "str8" except for a craving for cock, there is nothing to stop him from saying that way. If cock is truly the only thing he wants, then he might as well let the other person know. In my single days, I fucked plenty of married guys some of whom had that attitude. They were happy; I was happy; and I never felt the need to pull out a ring and ask them to dump the wife & marry me. I admit that those that were absolutely opposed to hugging and kissing were not so much an emotional turn off to some gay sensitive nature that I must have. Rather, it was just that they were simply not very good in bed. That is to say: If I just wanted a hole, I could rent a hoover or a blow up doll or just stick it in an ABS gloryhole. Note that there were gay guys who had similar attitudes. Some of them were gay guys in a relationship. (That too was always weird to me. It was alright to go home to their lover with cum breath, but heaven forbid if they had another man's saliva on their breath.) Also, I was probably thankful that they didn't need the kissing part, for those occasions when the guy didn't have very good breath. I would also state that I think most guys if told by a partner that they could either only kiss/hug or fuck, most would be thankful for the fuck....

I could say I was "gay, but". However, I know inside that when I say what I like, I'm just trying to be honest. I could also say I was "str8, but..." In this case the "but" would be "except I like non-penis parts of a guy. So I don't do any "sexual-preference, but...". I would just tell the individual I was with what I really crave and thus am really good at: fucking, fingering, rimming, hugging, and kissing. Thank goodness that is precisely what the man in my heart loves!!!

 

[undermythumb1]

I consider myself straight because I have no desire whatsoever to make any kind of contact with men, or have them touch me, but I get turned on by big cocks, guys jerking off, and jerking off with other guys. (Not nearly as much as women turn me on, however.) I don't know what that makes me, not bi, not really bi-curious even.

 

[Etoile]

I can suck a little while on a cock. It can be tasty to have some pre-cum, but I don't care to suck for a real long time as my jaw gets sore and I don't care for it when guys like to pound your face. I also do not care for the taste of cum. It is great to see it shoot, and smells good, but that is the extent of it. I don't see it as some "fine wine". As to getting sucked, I really only enjoy it if I can go deep and stay deep. Guys' cannot breath that long.

Can I borrow this for the next time somebody says women should love sucking cock? Because what you've said is valid for both men and women.

 

[infinity706]

Can I borrow this for the next time somebody says women should love sucking cock? Because what you've said is valid for both men and women.

Well, men and women both have mouthes, so I'd assume they suck cock similarly. That being said, its still an individual difference thing. Some men and women will love doing it and some won't.

 

[BritPup]

I do think there are a lot of bi-men who do use the "str8, but..." because anything that might indicate a loss of manhood, needs to be lessened for them to keep a positive self-image. Words like "gay", "anal bottom in sex", "kissing/hugging a man" and "cock sucking" are not positive masculine labels. So for some to take one of them out or say anything but emotional probably makes them feel a lot like they are less likely to be unmanly.

Well, like I said already (twice!), I prefer the "straight but..." label simply because it reflects the way I feel towards F and M. Everything about being with a woman is fantastic to me, but only the smallest part of a guy is of equal interest.

Unmanly... in some backwards communities, I suppose. But there I'd expect it to be unmanly to be have ANY type of unorthodox sexual preference (gay, straight but, bi, celibate).

 

[none2_none2]

Well, like I said already (twice!), I prefer the "straight but..." label simply because it reflects the way I feel towards F and M. Everything about being with a woman is fantastic to me, but only the smallest part of a guy is of equal interest.

Unmanly... in some backwards communities, I suppose. But there I'd expect it to be unmanly to be have ANY type of unorthodox sexual preference (gay, straight but, bi, celibate).

-------------------------
You must live a very sheltered life if you think that m2m sex is only considered unmanly in backwards communities. I've known people from all over the world. Middle easterners (Muslim) may have one of the severest penalties for homosexual sex. A Saudi told me that the traditional penalty is to throw adult guys caught engaging in homosexual sex from the tallest building in the community. He did state that m2m sex goes on behind the scenes (especially when traveling outside the country) and is culturally (not religiously) considered unmanly only for the guy getting fucked or sucking. The guy who is just getting his rocks off has still kept his manliness. (It is also interesting to note that if you are willing to have a sex change and become a woman, then that is ok at least in the dictates of Iran's deceased Ayatollah Khomeini. Again, keeping with the idea that you cannot both be men if you engage in m2m activity.)

A similar attitude is found among many in the Hispanic world as far as one keeping his masculinity. When I lived in the Philippines, it was very common to see guys hugging and holding hands or walking arm in arm when they left work for the day. However, there wasn't anything gay about it. It wasn't common to see such closeness with a member of the opposite sex as it would imply that the woman was a hooker. Though they had guys who wanted m2m sex, they were looked down on. Homosexuals were referred to (in English) as "Billy boys" -- the connotation was something less than a real man. In all fairness, most of the "billy boys" that I saw were very similar to drag queens. Though in public they might be wearing men's pants and shirt, many had effeminate hair styles, might put on a little makeup for their eyes, and some would even carry something that looked like a woman's purse. I'm sure the attire was part of the unmanliness, but it was also the fact of what others new they did sexually. About the only culture I have heard where little is thought about what gender a guy has sex with has been the Brazilian culture. It does seem that in their world, m2m sex is no different than str8 sex.

Even in some cultures present and future where there has been some toleration of m2m sex, it is usually m2b sex. The ancient Greeks may have glorified homosexual activity, but it was always with one partner being a boy where the boy was taking on the role of the woman, and thus the adult man preserved his masculinity.

As to alternative sexualities, bi or "str8, but..." may not be as manly as truly str8, but the fact that it is identified with someone who at least does the "right thing" (sex with women, marriage, kids, etc...) to some degree, means it isn't quite as frowned upon. Especially if the guy is a young man, it is probably considered experimenting past the teen years. As to celibate, I think few put that down. If the culture's religion has a place for celibate men -- such as Catholic or Buddhist, then it is actually an honor to have such a guy in your family.

 

[BritPup]

No such data

 

[infinity706]

I still think that sounds a lot more bi. If you were truly straight, you certainly wouldn't fuck a guy even if you weren't going to have access to women for a while. It sounds like more of a bi with a strong preference for women, though.

 

[Etoile]

I still think that sounds a lot more bi. If you were truly straight, you certainly wouldn't fuck a guy even if you weren't going to have access to women for a while. It sounds like more of a bi with a strong preference for women, though.

I wouldn't call a prisoner bisexual just because he fucks guys, or gets fucked by guys, while locked up. Then again, perhaps he could be called bisexual but not biamorous.

That's a word that needs to be in this thread...biamorous. Oh, and the phrase "fluid sexuality" could get bandied about more too!

 

[infinity706]

Well, bisexual is fucking both sexes, right? It doesn't necessarilly have to mean you have to lust after guys.

 

[Etoile]

Well, bisexual is fucking both sexes, right? It doesn't necessarilly have to mean you have to lust after guys.

Ah, but see, that's assuming something. Bisexual doesn't necessarily mean fucking both sexes. Maybe it means an attraction to both sexes, or an interest in both sexes, or a desire to have a lifelong relationship with both sexes, or very specific situational interest in both sexes...you can't pin one definition on the word and assume it works for others.

 

[Netzach]

Most of my attraction is to XY people, or people who started that way on average.

I am, however, definitely NOT straight.

Nothing about straight sexuality really appeals to me, its norms.

That and I've also had a woman in my past I was sorely sorely tempted to ride off into the sunset with. It wasn't her gender that kept that from being feasible.

 

[south_florida_bicur]

Ah, but see, that's assuming something. Bisexual doesn't necessarily mean fucking both sexes. Maybe it means an attraction to both sexes, or an interest in both sexes, or a desire to have a lifelong relationship with both sexes, or very specific situational interest in both sexes...you can't pin one definition on the word and assume it works for others.

so true.. thats why I prefer to call myself "open minded"..

 

[BritPup]

No such data