What's up with this? Calling all "straight but..." guys and gals!

[Martin1110]

Attraction or not, any engagement of sex with a member of one's own gender is a homosexual act. It doesn't matter whether that person is giving or taking. The fact that more intimate acts such as kissing or not doesn't make it any less so.
It's funny how in most "straight" porn films women kissing each other, going down on each other, etc. is considered "natural" but with men, they bend over backwards to avoid any "sword crossing." The closest to any kind of homoeroticism between men in straight porn is double penetration which is probably nothing but a glorified version of frottage (cock on cock).
I guess I am a bit puzzled by how many men, particularly on this board, go out of their way to call themselves anything but... I think though that women do have less constraint in this matter, but that doesn't mean that every woman is willing to engage in homosexual or bisexual acts such as many men like to believe.
Again, to be realistic, most people do not act out in same sex dynamics if one uses the continuum scale that I have mentioned before. I think however that the Internet and its anonyminity allows people to express things or fantasies that they would never do otherwise. Literotica aficionados are probably the most broad-minded of the bunch, but it is by no means the majority of people.
I am going all over the board here and so I better stop while I am ahead. lol
Martin

 

[Etoile]

Right, acts can be homosexual or heterosexual without speaking to the sexuality of the participants. But I think we are talking not about what people do with each other, but rather what people label themselves based on what they do or don't do with each other.

 

[BritPup]

Attraction or not, any engagement of sex with a member of one's own gender is a homosexual act. It doesn't matter whether that person is giving or taking. The fact that more intimate acts such as kissing or not doesn't make it any less so.

Er... where did anyone on this thread say otherwise? You're making up daft counter arguments to make your own points seem clever. That's normally a General Board tactic!

Again, to be realistic, most people do not act out in same sex dynamics if one uses the continuum scale that I have mentioned before.

But your over-simplistic scale is absolutely NOT realistic - for the reason that I've been wibbling about and that Etoile has made a LOT clearer. For Dog's sake, our choice of car isn't even mono-dimensional, so it shouldn't be a surprise that our choice of partner isn't either.

 

[Martin1110]

I will respond to both Etoile and BritPup in the same thread.
Etoile, I like your perspective on things here, but labels, labels, labels, ad nauseam, it doesn't change the fact that a guy sucking on a cock, or even on the receiving end of it, it is still a homosexual act. Any truly hetererosexual person would say that upon observation.
BritPup, I didn't make up that continuum scale. It is recognized in many psychological circles. I admit that I am an over-simplistic guy, but again, this isn't something that I made up. As for the choice of a car: Sucking a cock is like picking out a car? Find me 10 people who agree with that observation and I'll bite my words.
This thread is replete with guys saying that they are anything but... It is more or less about rationalization... I'm straight but I love cock... Oh please..

 

[Etoile]

Etoile, I like your perspective on things here, but labels, labels, labels, ad nauseam, it doesn't change the fact that a guy sucking on a cock, or even on the receiving end of it, it is still a homosexual act. Any truly hetererosexual person would say that upon observation.

I think you're missing the point. This thread isn't talking about acts. It's talking about people. What I am trying to say is, just because a guy sucks a cock, doesn't mean he's gay. It doesn't even necessarily mean he's bisexual. Yes, he is doing a homosexual THING, but that doesn't mean he is a homosexual PERSON. It's the same for bisexuality. We're talking about how people define themselves and the labels they use, not what they do in their free time. So yes, labels labels labels...that is what this thread is about.

Nobody's saying a guy sucking cock isn't a same-sex act, of course it is. What we are saying is that doesn't mean he has a same-sex preference or orientation. It's about politics and identity, not what you DO. We're talking about why some people who engage in same-sex acts still identify themselves as partly or fully heterosexual.

I didn't make up that continuum scale. It is recognized in many psychological circles. I admit that I am an over-simplistic guy, but again, this isn't something that I made up.

I assume you are referring to Kinsey's 0-to-6 scale. Perhaps I can explain what this thread is about this way: some people say they are a 0 but their activities might indicate they are a 1 or 2. Why do they still say they are a 0? Why not say they are what they are, 1 or 2, rather than insisting they are 0? That's what the thread is about. "I'm a Kinsey 0 but I like to suck cock" is a common statement on this board...so the thread is talking about why people say that.

The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid makes much more sense than the Kinsey scale.

 

[ttm_mtt]

What....No Videos????

 

[BritPup]

BritPup, I didn't make up that continuum scale. It is recognized in many psychological circles. I admit that I am an over-simplistic guy, but again, this isn't something that I made up.

First, my degree was Psychology. It is not a science (which is ultimately why I gave it up). Psychologists who stick with outdated mono-dimensional explanations tend not to thrive because human behaviour keeps contradicting their predictions. It's suitable only for 'pop-psychology' of the type that is dumbed down enough to be saleable through TV programmes like Oprah and tabloid newspapers. Etoile has, again, given you a pointer for more research - you might like to follow it up.

The out-dated contiuum you mention (heterosexual through to homosexual) precludes important factors: all understanding of changes over one's life, person-situation interaction and any number of other well-known influences over behaviour. And it ignores the amorous dimension that Etoile raised, which I earlier called attraction.

As for the choice of a car: Sucking a cock is like picking out a car? Find me 10 people who agree with that observation and I'll bite my words.

Again, you're using a General Board tactic - casting the subject of my argument in as daft a possible manner to make you seem smart. It's playground debating - and it won't wash here. I said that behavioural choices are rarely made on a mono-dimensional basis. I gave an example of a less contentious issue (car choice) precisely to show that we make decisions based on more than one thing.

It seems like the only thing you really care about is that anyone who has had a same-sex act must forever be denied the word "straight" as any part of how they struggle to describe themselves in simple words. I can't help you with that problem. You'll just have to deal with it <shrug>

 

[skylonda]

Someone said it above already - it's about attraction (=no choice) vs sexual activity (=as much choice as your Super Ego allows).

I can walk down the street in any city in the world and see a women every few minutes that makes my innards do a "fuck me, she's gorgeous" flip. I mean the sort of heart-stopping, nut-churning reaction that I have no control over. And now it's summer, when I see a shapely woman's legs or glimpse of midrift, my mind automatically starts to imagine more. Or I might see her smile or frown and wonder what she might be like as a person to spend time with. Again - no control, it just happens.

Whereas - despite having a genuine curiosity about playing with another guy's cock - I have never had (and could never imagine having) the same reaction from seeing ANY guy: bears, chubbs, jocks, twinks, yadda, yadda. And when I see a guy's legs or torso, my mind doesn't have the same runaway imagination about the rest of him. I'm not interested in him at all.

So... I do consider myself straight because that's where the attraction part of me is directed. But I wonder about cocks. So I'm definitely "straight but something".

Here, here.

I am in much agreement with you BritPup. This is the way it is for me, you have outlined it perfectly!

But let me ask you a question. What would your answer be if we changed your scenario. What if those guys walking around you don't pay attention to, what if they were walking around naked and there are floppy cocks bouncing around everywhere you look?

What then?

Would you change your answer?

 

[BritPup]

No such data

 

[none2_none2]

If all your interest is in cock is curiosity, then when does it get satisfied? Once you have tried it, why do it again if all it was was curiosity? Are you wanting to find someone with tastier cum? Are you wanting to get a different guy's reaction in his facial expression or the way he moans when he cums?

As for cocks that look like your own, that is kind of strange. Obviously cocks come cut/uncut, in different shades, different abilities to produce pre-cum. Obviously you aren't talking about length or thickness because you imply that you want yours, just scaled up a bit. Does that mean you have a certain head to shaft ratio you must see or a certain amount of veininess, or a certain straightness in the shaft? Plus put this all together a soft cock does not necessarily give you the final idea of what it looks like hard. Thus you most likely have to go so far before you know if you are interested I would assume.

I am glad I am much more into asses. As long as they are clean, what you see is what you get -- (sure you need them to spread it a bit to get the entire picture). I also think you have to realize that even among us non "straight, but..." guys, attraction can be pretty narrow. I would say the majority of guys are not attractive to me. Not that I'm Mr Universe, but my cock never got hard just because I was seeing another naked male.

 

[sterculius]

I'm a married guy who absolutely LOVES everything about women. I have always considered myself to be the yang to their yin and feel that we complement each other in temperament. But having said this, I must add that I love sucking cock. I have no desire to do with men, physically, the many things that I love to do with women, but I'm an avid, enthusiastic cocksucker. What pigeonhole would you put me in? To what purpose?

 

[JHarrison01]

I was thinking for guys it is probably an ego thing or maybe societal pressure to call yourself straight.

I used to consider myself straight, but only because I had never done anything sexual with a guy. I suppose the fact that I was fantasizing about being with another guy was enough to change that designation to bisexual.

 

[human_male]

For me, and I gather a lot of us that this is aimed at, don't really identify as bi because we're not actually attracted to men. I'm not, and I don't think I really want to do anything with guys but I fantasise about it so I suppose I can't say I'm totally straight. But I'm not bi either because that defines a person who's attracted to both sexes.

I can't really explain it but if you're confused about it how do you think we feel?

This bit might not be so common, it might be just me, but I feel I'm in a sort of weird limbo. Neither straight, gay or bi. I yearn for female companionship. I adore boobs, and some women are so beautiful they make me ache. But when it comes down to it I'm more turned on by the idea (idea mind) of gay sex. But I'm not at all attracted to men. Well, maybe a tiny bit. It baffles me but I've given up trying to figure it out. I'm not really comfortable with it yet though.

I'd almost feel sorry for any woman that does get involved with me. Imagine trying to figure all that out.

No one who's ever read even one of your posts would think you're trying to offend anyone.

 

[iswallowloads]

I basically only use the "straight but..." label on myself in places like this forum, or when I know a guy is asking certain questions because he's attracted to me. It cuts down the number of times I get hit on by guys, particularly bottoms, and I don't have to feel bad about telling them no.

I also agree with some of the other things said. I always thought bi meant you could have an intimate emotional relationship (be it long term or otherwise) with either sex. I personally adore 'the feminine' almost to the point of worship, I love everything about women, inside and out. Masculinity doesn't do anything for me.

There's a few men that I love, but it's more like a sibling love (literally in one case) and I've never been sexually attracted to them. Now there's women I love like a sister, and I'm not sexually attracted to them either - anymore.

 

[kingkhan1]

For me it started out that way I would say str8 but, like cock but, after playing around with cock it seems a kind of hard to say I am str8. I like cock so much lol. but, I am not really attracted to guys and my attraction to them is mostly to there cock and the experience of getting off with them and it lacks that spark, that my attraction to me women has. Women can get me weak in the knees but, men cant.

 

[JHarrison01]

Sexuality can be quite dynamic - when I hit puberty I started playing with both boys and girl, by the time I hit sixteen I had no interest in boys/men in fact the thought never even occurred to me. Somewhere in my thirties I tried being with a couple guys, but didn't really enjoy it. I was pretty much straight for the next six or seven years, but as I entered my mid-40s, I started fantasizing about men again.

Being married has something to do with it. I love my wife, but my sexual drive is greater than hers. At this point an affair with a women could result in more than just sex, so I gravitate now more toward men knowing that I will never develop the same kind of emotional attachment that would undermine my marriage.

Does that make sense?

 

[iswallowloads]

Sexuality can be quite dynamic - when I hit puberty I started playing with both boys and girl, by the time I hit sixteen I had no interest in boys/men in fact the thought never even occurred to me. Somewhere in my thirties I tried being with a couple guys, but didn't really enjoy it. I was pretty much straight for the next six or seven years, but as I entered my mid-40s, I started fantasizing about men again.

Being married has something to do with it. I love my wife, but my sexual drive is greater than hers. At this point an affair with a women could result in more than just sex, so I gravitate now more toward men knowing that I will never develop the same kind of emotional attachment that would undermine my marriage.

Does that make sense?

Makes sense to me. I guess sometimes labeling ourselves can be pretty tricky, but at least I'm labeling me and not somebody else.

 

[FantaSeaGirl]

Jumping In

OK, so I have to admit to racing to the end of this thread as my mind formed a clearer thought & not giving all posts the attention I should.

I am staight. For me there is no BUT about it. That said... I have been attracted to just a handful of women in my life. All of these have been women I have talked to & got to know on one level or another. It was a situation of "really liking her" as a friend to the point that I wanted to express this sexually with them rather than being sexually attracted to them as the primary motivation. While I appreciate that there are many women who are beautiful on the inside & out I am not necessarily attracted to them in a sexual way. This to me tells me that I am straight.

As I am now faithfully married I guess that I will never know. I don't feel as though I am giving up part of myself though. If I were truely a lesbian or bi then I think that I would feel more as though I was limited in my sexual expressions. If I hadn't been married and I had been able to meet more women who I was attracted to perhaps I would have developed a better appreciation for women sexually. I imaine that had this happened I would have started to label myself as bi.

Maybe I have just disproven myself. Perhaps I am straight BUT open / bi-curious or hetroflexible... I really don't mind. Anyone can label me as they chose. They may be right or they may be wrong. As long as I know who I am and I don't let anyone peg me then I am happy & following the life I want.

 

[infinity706]

OK, so I have to admit to racing to the end of this thread as my mind formed a clearer thought & not giving all posts the attention I should.

I am staight. For me there is no BUT about it. That said... I have been attracted to just a handful of women in my life. All of these have been women I have talked to & got to know on one level or another. It was a situation of "really liking her" as a friend to the point that I wanted to express this sexually with them rather than being sexually attracted to them as the primary motivation. While I appreciate that there are many women who are beautiful on the inside & out I am not necessarily attracted to them in a sexual way. This to me tells me that I am straight.

As I am now faithfully married I guess that I will never know. I don't feel as though I am giving up part of myself though. If I were truely a lesbian or bi then I think that I would feel more as though I was limited in my sexual expressions. If I hadn't been married and I had been able to meet more women who I was attracted to perhaps I would have developed a better appreciation for women sexually. I imaine that had this happened I would have started to label myself as bi.

Maybe I have just disproven myself. Perhaps I am straight BUT open / bi-curious or hetroflexible... I really don't mind. Anyone can label me as they chose. They may be right or they may be wrong. As long as I know who I am and I don't let anyone peg me then I am happy & following the life I want.

Are you sure you don't want to be pegged? They even make strapons for guys to use on women, you know.

 

[jshawk52]

Being married has something to do with it. I love my wife, but my sexual drive is greater than hers. At this point an affair with a women could result in more than just sex, so I gravitate now more toward men knowing that I will never develop the same kind of emotional attachment that would undermine my marriage.

Does that make sense?[/QUOTE]

Well put - this is how I feel too. 'Friends with benefits' works a lot better with the same sex - no chance of emotional involvement if two married guys are just enjoying getting each other off

 

[texharley]

I've seen a lot of people (but guys, mostly) describing themselves as things like:

-normally straight
-mostly straight
-pretty straight
-"straight"
-straight but curious
-completely straight

In the contexts I'm thinking of, there's usually a "but..." though, and it involves wanting/enjoying some kind of same-sex sexual encounter, such as giving/receiving a blowjob/oral, or being fucked by another dude.

Now, I'm not one to slap labels on other people, and I truly believe people can identify/label themselves however they want, but I honestly can't figure this one out.

How come these people (who say they're straight but want same-sex encounters) are so vocal about being "straight"? Why not say they're "bi" or "bi-curious" if they're attracted to the opposite sex AND at least desirous of having a same-sex encounter of some type? Or maybe "bi with a (strong) preference for relationships with (wo)men"? Are they in denial? Afraid of being bi or bi-curious for some reason(s)? Is being bi a bad thing, or is it better to be "straight but..." in some way? And if so, how do you feel it's bad/better?

If you identify as, or say you're, "straight but..." could you help me understand why that is?

*****
Please understand I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm simply trying to understand this because I feel ignorant about it and would like to hear personal perspectives. I apologize in advance if it does offend anyone; I see where this could be a touchy subject, and I haven't spent a ton of time reading my post from every perspective.

Thanks in advance for your time and honest perspectives!
*****

It took me many, many years before I could admit to bein bisexual. Most men grow up in a culture where being gay or bi is bad and you are harrassed and made fun of. Being called gay or worse is a bad thing growing up in a straight society. It is better today in the 2000's than when I grew up in the 1950's and 1960's but still guy can face a rough time growing up. Part of being a "normal" guy is having many girlfriends and if a guy is like I was shy and had only 4 dates in high school then they are in danger of being labled gay which is bad in the straight society. I am also seeing many men my age and older saying to hell with what they think I am who I am and if no one likes it to hell with them.

I live a stright life because I have a wonderful wife that I would love to stay married to but since do have desires to suck cock and be assfucked and cyber with guys online I do admit to being bi. If my wife ran me off and would not have me back I am not gay because I do like pussy more than cock and I am one of those men who crave cock but cannot kiss a guy and am not attracted to men like I am women. But I also know that desiring to suck cock is a bi thing and don't mind being bi.

If the wife was into it I could share her with another man and share his cock and I also would not mind sharing another lady with her either. But she is not into it so I just have my fantasies. Even today I had a couple of friends who found out I was bi and they dumped me like a hot cake but to hell with them.

 

[texharley]

Makes sense to me. I guess sometimes labeling ourselves can be pretty tricky, but at least I'm labeling me and not somebody else.

Makes sense to me also. I have always been weak willed when it comes to women and having sex with women can lead to an attachment for me.

 

[infinity706]

Being married has something to do with it. I love my wife, but my sexual drive is greater than hers. At this point an affair with a women could result in more than just sex, so I gravitate now more toward men knowing that I will never develop the same kind of emotional attachment that would undermine my marriage.

Does that make sense?

Well put - this is how I feel too. 'Friends with benefits' works a lot better with the same sex - no chance of emotional involvement if two married guys are just enjoying getting each other off[/QUOTE]
Well, it's certainly not universal. I know I could certainly fall for a guy as easily as a woman.

 

[sterculius]

Married straight cocksucker

Most women view sexuality much differently than men do. A woman, to be the counterpart to the "straight but' guys, would be someone only interested in having non-emotional oral sex with another woman. No kissing or fondling, just the pussy. I don't know if that's possible for a woman. It's no secret that women's brains are very different than those of men. We're hard wired differently. Men always say that if they were women, they would be nymphomaniacs. That's because we imagine ourselves as having a male brain in a woman's body. Most men have no problem separating the physical from the emotional. With women, I don't think it's so easy. In my case, I had a suckbuddy relationship with my best friend as a young teenager, but aside from enjoying sucking his cock, we were still just friends. I can't imagine myself having the emotional connection with another guy that I feel with a woman. I love my cock. I think an erect cock is a beautiful, powerful thing. If I had the contortionist skill, I would suck myself off daily. Since I can't, I do the next best thing. Women are so lucky.

 

[Etoile]

In what way are women lucky? It's much easier for a man to suck himself off than a woman, so I assume that's not what you meant.