When she won't look you in the eye...

[Guest]

 

[mcopado]

I am a firm believer that when people want to do something they make the time to do it. No one ever finds time to do things.

My suggestion would be to go in there again, and tell her that you hope asking her to go for coffee did not make her uncomfortable. Tell her that you have enjoyed the conversations you have had and thought that being able to chat a little while outside of her workplace seemed like a good idea. Also tell her that if she's not interested, you understand (wait a bit to see if she says anything - this gives her an "out" if she really isn't interested and was only saying those things last week so she didn't hurt your feelings.) If she says something that sounds like a stall tactic, then just tell her the invitation is open but you don't want to be pushy about it, then say something like "if you decide you would like to go for coffee sometime, let me know."

Then keep making appearances at your regular frequency like nothing has changed, but keep them on the brief side. You also might want to think about setting your sights elsewhere. If she hasn't said anything about going for coffee in a few weeks, you might want to say something like "Have you given any more thought to going for coffee?"

Bottom line is, if she really wants to go, she'll make the time. So at some point it's best to move on.

Good luck!

Exactly!!!!

 

[human_male]

Oh well, the balls in her court.

Is it possible to miss someone you never actually got to know?

 

[australwind]

Of course............because what you're missing is the possibility of what might have been!

You miss the way the expectations you had, gave you a lifting of spirit and a lightness of step. You miss looking forward to what you hoped was going to be something special.

Funnily enough, its almost a grieving process, strange as that may seem.

You will make it through to the other side and there will be other chances.....

 

[m.j.h]

Of course............because what you're missing is the possibility of what might have been!

You miss the way the expectations you had, gave you a lifting of spirit and a lightness of step. You miss looking forward to what you hoped was going to be something special.

Funnily enough, its almost a grieving process, strange as that may seem.

You will make it through to the other side and there will be other chances.....

So true.

 

[Honeygirl]

So many people have come up with much better comments than mine - especially in this last page. I'm going to just come out with this - H_M, you're a really good looking, sweet chap who (at least from your posts) is really funny and entertaining. Without sounding like a Hallmark card, don't let these small disappointments get in the way of finding someone really fantastic and delicious. You may well have just caught her at a bad time or with her mind full of end of year guff...don't let it knock you off the horse. If it looks like a dead end, then pick another pony (not Shetland...actually, maybe I should leave the horse analogy alone). Anyway, get back out there - and good luck .

 

[manloveswomen]

Your situation sounds like something that happened to me a few years back. I've told this story here before so here's the abridged version.

I saw this girl behind the counter at the grocery store. I would go in once a week to buy lottery tickets. There was something about her that caught my eye. It took a few months to get my nerve up. I asked her for their frequent shopper card application. After I filled it out, I told her that I really didn't want the card, I just wanted to say hello & that she seemed very nice. I asked her if she was seeing anyone & if I could give her a call sometime. She told me that she was involved with someone but she appreciated me saying hello.

I did go back to say hello a few times but it seemed like too much work to talk to her while she was working with customers. Unfortunately my dad got sick so I couldn't stop to chat for a few months so I figured this was the way it was meant to be.

A few times, I'd go in the store & she would be on the floor so I would walk by her & gently touch her arm & say hi.

I have no hard feelings towards her since I knew I was taking a chance. I had to talk to her or else I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I haven't gone out of my way to say hello for awhile but she's still there & I see nothing wrong with stopping by & exchanging a pleasant hello which I may do when I get a chance. But basically it's up to her to keep the conversation going & initiate a friendship because I don't want to look like I'm desperate.

 

[human_male]

I have no hard feelings towards her since I knew I was taking a chance. I had to talk to her or else I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I haven't gone out of my way to say hello for awhile but she's still there & I see nothing wrong with stopping by & exchanging a pleasant hello which I may do when I get a chance. But basically it's up to her to keep the conversation going & initiate a friendship because I don't want to look like I'm desperate.

Yeah that's gonna be my philosophy. I'm not going to be unfriendly but I'm not going to try to chat to her anymore and certainly not ask her out again.

Thanks so much Honeygirl. And I think you could be right, she may have just been busy or stressed or just pissed off that she had to work when she probably wanted to be home (out of town) with her family. There was just such a change in her behavior toward me, from warm to tepid, that it really threw me for a loop.

Anyway, I really just wanted to be friends with her, so it's not like I'm broken hearted. Just disappointed. But I'll post any developments (I'm sure you'll all be thrilled to hear) and I want to thank everyone for their comments and support.

 

[mcopado]

BTW

Happy New Year H_M, may 2006 bring you all the love and friendship you desire!!!!

 

[human_male]

Dear Diary... Fuck fuck fuck.

I went in there today, and she said hi how are you and how was your new year, and then she chatted about hers a bit, but it was back to her old, offhand manner. Looking around the shop and not really paying attention to me. Back the way it was months ago before that blissful Friday when I asked her out.

I just let her talk for a minute and said see ya, and left. I'd been daring to hope that she might mention the coffee, or at least seem pleased to see me again, but no.

I feel like the first tiny hope in a long long time at a scrap of happiness has been dangled tantalizingly in my face then cruelly snatched away. And I don't know why. I don't understand any of it.

But on the other hand... maybe it's the thought of what might have been that I was enamored with rather than her. But I'll never know.

I wish she'd never been nice to me that first day all those months ago. That was what set the whole thing off in the first place.

Oh well.

Fuck shit cunt balls ass dick cock barbara streisand!

 

[m.j.h]

Dear Diary... Fuck fuck fuck.

I went in there today, and she said hi how are you and how was your new year, and then she chatted about hers a bit, but it was back to her old, offhand manner. Looking around the shop and not really paying attention to me. Back the way it was months ago before that blissful Friday when I asked her out.

I just let her talk for a minute and said see ya, and left. I'd been daring to hope that she might mention the coffee, or at least seem pleased to see me again, but no.

I feel like the first tiny hope in a long long time at a scrap of happiness has been dangled tantalizingly in my face then cruelly snatched away. And I don't know why. I don't understand any of it.

But on the other hand... maybe it's the thought of what might have been that I was enamored with rather than her. But I'll never know.

I wish she'd never been nice to me that first day all those months ago. That was what set the whole thing off in the first place.

Sounds like the best thing to do is find another shop to go to.

Oh well.

Fuck shit cunt balls ass dick cock barbara streisand!

LMAO at that.

 

[silverwhisper]

HM: it's always nice to see another south park fan. :>

ed

 

[human_male]

Sounds like the best thing to do is find another shop to go to.

I think you're right. It's just I don't meet women so it's hard to let go. Especailly since I suspect we'd have a lot in common and would get on really well.

There is the possibility that she is fond of me but doesn't show it because maybe she's like me, and just isn't all smiles and sunshine all the time. When I see her I don't exactly beam at her, I just smile and say hey because that's just what I'm like. And now I've stopped chatting with her maybe she's as confused about my behavior as I am about hers, but I DID ask her out. Twice! So she must know I'm interested.

 

[mcopado]

I think you're right. It's just I don't meet women so it's hard to let go. Especailly since I suspect we'd have a lot in common and would get on really well.

There is the possibility that she is fond of me but doesn't show it because maybe she's like me, and just isn't all smiles and sunshine all the time. When I see her I don't exactly beam at her, I just smile and say hey because that's just what I'm like. And now I've stopped chatting with her maybe she's as confused about my behavior as I am about hers, but I DID ask her out. Twice! So she must know I'm interested.

You've done your part, buddy, she's not dumb, you've clearly and succinctly asked her out( so she's WELL aware of your intentions)...and she's not going for it for whatever reason...(Between you and me, it's her loss my friend ) don't pine away for someone who's clearly not interested..she probably has someone already...

It sucks, but move on.....the right one is out there....

(I just realized you're in New Zealand...WTF is the deal with the kiwi Pavlova?)
It's like your national desert or something...Everyone who I know who has any connection to NZ raves about it....

 

[incubus'_sub]

You know, when I wrote my first response to this question I said that this girl was not interested, just doing her job being pleasant to the customers.

I still believe that & it seems I was correct, but when I assumed that human male was just in his late teens, early twenties I was very wrong.

You're what, 34, 35 years old? I'm sorry, but not only is she not interested, she's probably creeped out by your advances, as gentle as they have been.

I'm not against age differences in any way, my own fiance is 14 years younger than I, however we are more mature people and once you're over a certain age it tends to matter less. However, there is a huge difference between a teenage girl and a man in his mid 30s. Leave the poor girl alone so that she's not forced into being rude to you. You are starting to sound like an obsessive stalker.

 

[human_male]

You know, when I wrote my first response to this question I said that this girl was not interested, just doing her job being pleasant to the customers.

I still believe that & it seems I was correct, but when I assumed that human male was just in his late teens, early twenties I was very wrong.

You're what, 34, 35 years old? I'm sorry, but not only is she not interested, she's probably creeped out by your advances, as gentle as they have been.

I'm not against age differences in any way, my own fiance is 14 years younger than I, however we are more mature people and once you're over a certain age it tends to matter less. However, there is a huge difference between a teenage girl and a man in his mid 30s. Leave the poor girl alone so that she's not forced into being rude to you. You are starting to sound like an obsessive stalker.

Erm... she's 24.

There was another one who I discovered was only 17 and since I found out I steer clear of her.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Oops, sorry, got the 2 mixed up, but it's still too young for you don't you think, and you were eyeing off the other, younger one as well for a time.

OK, you do seem to be rather inexperienced for your age and maybe your maturity levels would match with a 24 year old, but she's unlikely to have seen you as a potential date herself.

Please, do yourself a favour & stop thinking & writing about what could have been...

 

[human_male]

Oops, sorry, got the 2 mixed up, but it's still too young for you don't you think, and you were eyeing off the other, younger one as well for a time.

OK, you do seem to be rather inexperienced for your age and maybe your maturity levels would match with a 24 year old, but she's unlikely to have seen you as a potential date herself.

Please, do yourself a favour & stop thinking & writing about what could have been...

That's alright. I was trying to get to know the other one also because I assumed she must be at least 18, and would have guessed in her twenties but since I found out she's not I've not spoken to her and wouldn't even think about asking her out.

I realise I seem obsessive and banging on and on but it's really only because there's fuck else going on in my life. If I had a normal sort of social life I'd have dropped this weeks ago. I'd hate to think I'd done anything to make her uncomfortable, but it's not like I go in there every day to see her. I see her about two or three times a month, maybe, and only when I'm going in there anyway. There's no way I'm going to ask her out again. And like I've said I'm really more interested in being friends.

I am inexperienced and you could say immature in these matters. But I'm not sure 24 is too young to socialise with on a friends level. I dunno, what's everyone else think?

 

[mcopado]

I am inexperienced and you could say immature in these matters. But I'm not sure 24 is too young to socialise with on a friends level. I dunno, what's everyone else think?

Age is irrevelant, it is interests, life experiences, and maturity level that matters...In my twenties and 30's I dated women 10-25 years older than me...

Now I'm involved with a 24 year old that is far wiser, far sweeter, more loving, more spiritual, and less fucked up then women twice her age....(i'm 40)

I used to think that by dating older women I avoided the stupid games "girls" played...found out there was a whole new set of games...

It just depends on the person, not the age...

 

[human_male]

You've done your part, buddy, she's not dumb, you've clearly and succinctly asked her out( so she's WELL aware of your intentions)...and she's not going for it for whatever reason...(Between you and me, it's her loss my friend ) don't pine away for someone who's clearly not interested..she probably has someone already...

It sucks, but move on.....the right one is out there....

(I just realized you're in New Zealand...WTF is the deal with the kiwi Pavlova?)
It's like your national desert or something...Everyone who I know who has any connection to NZ raves about it....

You're right as ever, and thanks. And don't worry, I'm not going to press.

I don't know what's up with pavlova. Kiwis are really excited about anything that gets them noticed overseas. Like Peter for instance. I don't really like it, though. I'd prefer chocolate cake.

 

[human_male]

Age is irrevelant, it is interests, life experiences, and maturity level that matters...In my twenties and 30's I dated women 10-25 years older than me...

Now I'm involved with a 24 year old that is far wiser, far sweeter, more loving, more spiritual, and less fucked up then women twice her age....(i'm 40)

I used to think that by dating older women I avoided the stupid games "girls" played...found out there was a whole new set of games...

It just depends on the person, not the age...

I agree. I couldn't see a problem with someone 25 and someone 35, or 40 or whatever. But I thought I should ask in case everyone said, "yeah you're a perv."

I'm glad you're squared away in the woman department. She sounds very special. How'd you meet if I may ask?

 

[mcopado]

I agree. I couldn't see a problem with someone 25 and someone 35. But I thought I should ask in case everyone said, "yeah you're a perv."

I'm glad you're squared away in the woman department. She sounds very special. How'd you meet if I may ask?

Here on lit......after thousands of dollars worth of phone calls, webcams, emails,computer cords, memory upgrades, hours and hours and hours of talking, getting past our fears, pouring our hearts out to each other, tears...we fell in love...

 

[human_male]

Here on lit......after thousands of dollars worth of phone calls, webcams, emails,computer cords, memory upgrades, hours and hours and hours of talking, getting past our fears, pouring our hearts out to each other, tears...we fell in love...

So have you actually met?

 

[incubus'_sub]

Excellent question. It's very easy to impress with words, much harder when you have to be yourself, in the flesh.

HuMale - What do you do to try to make a life for yourself? Not here, not on chatrooms etc, but with real live people. You are obviously shy and not very confident (might be that face, lol). Do you have interests or hobbies and the time to pursue them. I sense a nice guy in you who could offer a lot to the right woman, but I don't think you're going the right way about it.

 

[m.j.h]

Excellent question. It's very easy to impress with words, much harder when you have to be yourself, in the flesh.

HuMale - What do you do to try to make a life for yourself? Not here, not on chatrooms etc, but with real live people. You are obviously shy and not very confident (might be that face, lol). Do you have interests or hobbies and the time to pursue them. I sense a nice guy in you who could offer a lot to the right woman, but I don't think you're going the right way about it.

If he is anything like me then it would be hard.
Don't know why but just can't get into the whole nightclub/pub scene and this is where all the women want to hang, so yeah it can be tough.