Who wants questionable advice?

[Soma99]

Oh, I need your help! At a bar last night my boyfriend came back from the bathroom and caught me kissing a girl . How do I get out of this one?

KEEEEEEEEEP KISSING!!!! Then wink at him.

You haven't committed to anything but he's gonna want you to do it again.

Now, if this was his sister this doesn't work. When I got caught kissing my boyfriends sister I had to resort to some extreme measures. I mean I can lose a boyfriend but his mom used to like to take me shopping and I couldn't lose that.

I mean I probably didn't need to plant THAT MUCH meth on him, but his mother didn't trust anything he said afterwards, and I look SLAMMING now that I got the heels and earrings to go with my favorite dress.

He gets out in like 6 months, someone remind me to call him.

 

[socalgrl]

Girl Crush!!

Hi sexy advice counselor!! I love the naughty recommendations you are giving and hoping you can help me out. See, I got this crazy girl crush goin on and I just can't stop thinking about her. We have only emailed, and I just know she is sexy as hell, but I don't know how she feels about me . How do I go about asking her

 

[Soma99]

Hi sexy advice counselor!! I love the naughty recommendations you are giving and hoping you can help me out. See, I got this crazy girl crush goin on and I just can't stop thinking about her. We have only emailed, and I just know she is sexy as hell, but I don't know how she feels about me . How do I go about asking her

OK so reading people's emotions is very difficult. This is where having multiple therapists who you are fucking comes into play.

It's easier to just create the emotions you want them to have through an extensive mixing of pharmalogicals. Get a little of this from the first therapist, mix in a bit of that from the next one and before you know it you have created a chemical dependency only you know how to fix.

Since they don't know what they are addicted to all they know is they feel so much better when you are around. I think that's the definition of love.

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

I know this girl and I think she is very cool. We used to have witty banter and had, what I thought was a good rapport. However I don't hear from her much lately. I'd like to keep in touch with her. What should I do?

 

[Soma99]

I'm ready to give more advice. I have no idea why anyone ever stopped asking for it........

 

[mnbreastluver]

Would you rather date someone who refuses to cuddle or who refuses to go down on you?

 

[Soma99]

Would you rather date someone who refuses to cuddle or who refuses to go down on you?

OK so this is more of a personal question then advice but it covers an important topic.

Cuddling sucks.

Like I don't mind a hand on my thigh once in awhile, or maybe leaning on a guy for a bit during a movie, but like for 15 minutes tops.

If you put your arm around me while I'm trying to sleep I will bite you and pretend I was having a bad dream. There is a fucking reason pillows do not feel like arms.

Also if you HAVE to cuddle or have physical contact with your person in public I seriously wish you would just pee on them to let everyone know they are with you.

 

[Iceprincess12]

What is the best way to keep my sexual banter in tip top shape? Chat with virtual strangers or find a stable friend with benefits?

I’m really looking to take my game to level 2.

 

[Soma99]

What is the best way to keep my sexual banter in tip top shape? Chat with virtual strangers or find a stable friend with benefits?

I’m really looking to take my game to level 2.

Have you heard of the 10,000 hours theory?

The idea that it takes 10,000 hours to become supieror at something. It's very convenient that it's such a nice round number but it was in a book so it's true.

So obviously you need to do 10,000 hours of dirty talking. Everything in your life you should be sexualizing.

Your burrito is now "the warm, sticky love rod I will engulf in my hungry mouth during lunch."

You uber driver is "the stud of a man who took you to places you had never experienced before."

When someone asks you for a peice of gum tell them "only if I can watch you caress it with your tongue, slowly, gently, succulently"

I just told my boss I was late for work today because I was letting the warm water of the shower run across my bare skin, it was wonderful as it warmed my body which made me more sentive to the touch of my lubricated hands as they spread the soap over my nipples and breasts.

The meeting ended ubruptly after my story.

I gotta go, this HR bitch is calling again.

 

[Owwee]

OK so this is more of a personal question then advice but it covers an important topic.

Cuddling sucks.

Like I don't mind a hand on my thigh once in awhile, or maybe leaning on a guy for a bit during a movie, but like for 15 minutes tops.

If you put your arm around me while I'm trying to sleep I will bite you and pretend I was having a bad dream. There is a fucking reason pillows do not feel like arms.

Also if you HAVE to cuddle or have physical contact with your person in public I seriously wish you would just pee on them to let everyone know they are with you.

Now that's funny!

Nice to know not everyone is into cuddling or smothering the other person.

 

[Owwee]

Have you heard of the 10,000 hours theory?

The idea that it takes 10,000 hours to become supieror at something. It's very convenient that it's such a nice round number but it was in a book so it's true.

So obviously you need to do 10,000 hours of dirty talking. Everything in your life you should be sexualizing.

Your burrito is now "the warm, sticky love rod I will engulf in my hungry mouth during lunch."

You uber driver is "the stud of a man who took you to places you had never experienced before."

When someone asks you for a peice of gum tell them "only if I can watch you caress it with your tongue, slowly, gently, succulently"

I just told my boss I was late for work today because I was letting the warm water of the shower run across my bare skin, it was wonderful as it warmed my body which made me more sentive to the touch of my lubricated hands as they spread the soap over my nipples and breasts.

The meeting ended ubruptly after my story.

I gotta go, this HR bitch is calling again.

That's the Mae West Effect, she made even breathing a sexy moment and flirting part of foreplay to get around the Hollywood Censors of her day.

 

[Iceprincess12]

Have you heard of the 10,000 hours theory?

The idea that it takes 10,000 hours to become supieror at something. It's very convenient that it's such a nice round number but it was in a book so it's true.

So obviously you need to do 10,000 hours of dirty talking. Everything in your life you should be sexualizing.

Your burrito is now "the warm, sticky love rod I will engulf in my hungry mouth during lunch."

You uber driver is "the stud of a man who took you to places you had never experienced before."

When someone asks you for a peice of gum tell them "only if I can watch you caress it with your tongue, slowly, gently, succulently"

I just told my boss I was late for work today because I was letting the warm water of the shower run across my bare skin, it was wonderful as it warmed my body which made me more sentive to the touch of my lubricated hands as they spread the soap over my nipples and breasts.

The meeting ended ubruptly after my story.

I gotta go, this HR bitch is calling again.

I really hope someone asks me for gum!

I don’t question a word of this advice. Like sugar syrup dripping down my throat. So smooth I don’t even need to swallow.

 

[AuroraLens]

I really hope someone asks me for gum!

I don’t question a word of this advice. Like sugar syrup dripping down my throat. So smooth I don’t even need to swallow.

Do you have any gum?

 

[Ghostee]

I really hope someone asks me for gum!

I don’t question a word of this advice. Like sugar syrup dripping down my throat. So smooth I don’t even need to swallow.

With your voice you'll be snake charming and or making lips wet in no time!

Well do you have any Gum?

 

[Iceprincess12]

Do you have any gum?

With your voice you'll be snake charming and or making lips wet in no time!

Well do you have any Gum?

My first real test. Ahem, ahem.

You can each have a piece on the condition that I get to unwrap it for you, slide it between my lips until it’s soaking wet, slip it into my mouth )) and wait for a kiss so you can take it.

How many hours is this worth Great One?

 

[weisseKaninchen207]

My first real test. Ahem, ahem.

You can each have a piece on the condition that I get to unwrap it for you, slide it between my lips until it’s soaking wet, slip it into my mouth () and wait for a kiss so you can take it.

How many hours is this worth Great One?

That sounds delicious, as long as I don't get the dancing banana gum. Personally, I was thinking melon flavor, the one with the flavor crystals. I like the way it feels rolling it around with the tip of my tongue. Biting ever so slightly causes those tiny sparks of energy to course through your skin. Then I commence blowing just enough to make it really pop out. I know I've done a good job when I hear that tiny explosion and feel the stickiness for myself. I'll suck it back in again and again. Some people move on when it gets kinda hard. For me, that's when the enjoyment really begins.

Don't get me started on the cherry flavor.

 

[Iceprincess12]

That sounds delicious, as long as I don't get the dancing banana gum. Personally, I was thinking melon flavor, the one with the flavor crystals. I like the way it feels rolling it around with the tip of my tongue. Biting ever so slightly causes those tiny sparks of energy to course through your skin. Then I commence blowing just enough to make it really pop out. I know I've done a good job when I hear that tiny explosion and feel the stickiness for myself. I'll suck it back in again and again. Some people move on when it gets kinda hard. For me, that's when the enjoyment really begins.

Don't get me started on the cherry flavor.

So you just earned 50 hours to my 1. If I get pm’s you have to answer them!


I like the creamy flavors of gum the best, also sugar-free so there is no guilt.

The smooth, cool package gently warms in my hand and I swear I can feel the gum expand in size. A sudden desire overtakes me, I rip it open, not able to hold back, my fingers brushing up against the smooth surface, wrapping around the one I want, tugging until it comes free...A soft inhale. I have what I want, time to slow down and enjoy it. Exhale.

It’s bursting at the seams, I can see the glisten of the liquid center trying to escape and I quickly run my tongue across the tiny slit. I pause to savor, not swallowing, just holding the single drop on my tongue for one moment longer. I look again, another drop is forming, I quickly swallow and lick again. I’ll never be able to keep up at this rate. I bring the sweet filled treat to my lips, smiling as I realize I am too slow and it drips. I let it run down my lips, my chin, tipping my head back to feel the cool wetness on my throat.

I can’t wait any longer.

My tongue searches for the slit, finding the soft opening and my lips wrap around it, sucking slowly at first then harder, faster, wanting, needing, every last drop....

Before I can fill my mouth with the soft empty shell, a co-worker walks by and reminds me there is no gum chewing. I toss it into the nearby can. I have what I wanted.

 

[weisseKaninchen207]

Ya couldn't let me have a moment of glory!!

Oh well, if ya can't lick 'em...

(And I can't because you've licked 'em all and now they're in the office trash)

...suck 'em. If you can't suck 'em, finger 'em. If you can't do that, THEN join 'em.

All hail the Ice Princess!!

 

[Iceprincess12]

Ya couldn't let me have a moment of glory!!

Oh well, if ya can't lick 'em...

(And I can't because you've licked 'em all and now they're in the office trash)

...suck 'em. If you can't suck 'em, finger 'em. If you can't do that, THEN join 'em.

All hail the Ice Princess!!

You had almost 2 hours of glory! Next time I’ll let you wear the tiara, but really it’s up to the teacher. Maybe we are both winners.

 

[weisseKaninchen207]

Dear Soma99,
I had a birthday recently, on which I got lots of well wishes, but virtually no gifts. A certain very eloquent lady offered me a gift, but then rescinded the offer when I didn't respond. Alas, I didn't see the post until the next day. She did offer to give it to me on my next birthday, assuming I'm around that long. I'm torn to shreds at the thought of waiting 361 days to experience said joy, but I don't know what I can do to counter such outrageous cruelty from someone so worthy of worship.

I do hate that I neglected to respond. Such lack of response is tantamount to being rebuffed outright, which is highly regrettable and never something that I would consciously do.

So how do I go about convincing her to reconsider? Or at least only save it for Christmas or say, Halloween?

Thanks for the advice!

 

[AuroraLens]

My first real test. Ahem, ahem.

You can each have a piece on the condition that I get to unwrap it for you, slide it between my lips until it’s soaking wet, slip it into my mouth )) and wait for a kiss so you can take it.

How many hours is this worth Great One?

If you had said that to me face to face I would be asking for gum from you everyday.

 

[Soma99]

Dear Soma99,
I had a birthday recently, on which I got lots of well wishes, but virtually no gifts. A certain very eloquent lady offered me a gift, but then rescinded the offer when I didn't respond. Alas, I didn't see the post until the next day. She did offer to give it to me on my next birthday, assuming I'm around that long. I'm torn to shreds at the thought of waiting 361 days to experience said joy, but I don't know what I can do to counter such outrageous cruelty from someone so worthy of worship.

I do hate that I neglected to respond. Such lack of response is tantamount to being rebuffed outright, which is highly regrettable and never something that I would consciously do.

So how do I go about convincing her to reconsider? Or at least only save it for Christmas or say, Halloween?

Thanks for the advice!

OK sorry I missed this....

Your a very selfish person- SHAME ON YOU!

You need to watch for her birthday and then offer her an equal gift. It's always better to give then receive unless your giving to me, then it is much better to give.

 

[weisseKaninchen207]

OK sorry I missed this....

Your a very selfish person- SHAME ON YOU!

You need to watch for her birthday and then offer her an equal gift. It's always better to give then receive unless your giving to me, then it is much better to give.

You're so right, Miss Soma. I'll find out her birthday, buy her dozens of actual presents, and then send them off as soon as I find out your mailing address. That's what you meant, right?

 

[Iceprincess12]

You're so right, Miss Soma. I'll find out her birthday, buy her dozens of actual presents, and then send them off as soon as I find out your mailing address. That's what you meant, right?

Her advice is always so spot on it’s scary. Gift cards are nice too.

 

[Soma99]

Thank you! I’m always happy to provide half baked careless and unthoughtout advice to strangers!