Why are many Literotica poems so vague?

[sack]

The way I determine the worth of art, music, writing...

I have a method in determining the worth of music, art, writing, etc. Quite simply, I just ask two questions:
1. How hard was it to do?
2. Could anybody do it?

For example, to use this approach with the Sistine Chapel:

How hard was it to do? Very hard, took ages
Could anybody do it? Absolutely not, only the very best artisians of the day had enough talent to complete it.

Therefore, the Sistine Chapel earns high marks.

Now, to use the same technique with something John Cage composed by thowing dice:

How hard was it to do? Not hard at all, just throw dice
Could anyone do it? Yes, anyone could learn how to throw dice and notate music.

Therefore, such a piece of "music" earns low marks.

Now, to return to poetry. Let us take Lauren Hynde's Berlin-Los Angeles:

How hard was it to do? At least reasonably difficult, I doubt it if the words just came to her mid-air!
Could anyone do it? Absolutely not!! This kind of writing is actually very sophisticated and requires a lot of life experience and practice with the craft of writing.

Therefore, Berlin -Los Angeles gets high marks.

And this technique can be applied to absolutely anything.......

As to works standing the test of time, there are "extremists" in any field. Sometimes they are just a flash in the pan, in other instances they become the standard in the field once the initial shock has worn off and what was once extreme becomes more and more the norm. I had an interesting experience today. While driving in my car, I happened upon a radio station where someone was reciting a short story. At the conclusion of the story, the narrator then read a list of poets and writers that had passed away in 2004. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't recognize ANY of the names. Perhaps we should have a "Tomb for the Unknown Writer". It's so sad that many truly exceptional writiers never achieve the respect and fame they deserve.

Sack (who is amazed this thread has garnered so much attention in just a few days. Is everyone on vacation???)

 

[Angeline]

Please don't return to your usual tranquilty - tell us what you see in Berlin-Los Angeles
examples please

Ok. But not tonight. I want to write fun stuff now. Not that I don't love La Lauren. I do and she knows it. I just don't want to write about writing anymore tonight.

 

[Angeline]

Re: The way I determine the worth of art, music, writing...

I have a method in determining the worth of music, art, writing, etc. Quite simply, I just ask two questions:
1. How hard was it to do?
2. Could anybody do it?

For example, to use this approach with the Sistine Chapel:

How hard was it to do? Very hard, took ages
Could anybody do it? Absolutely not, only the very best artisians of the day had enough talent to complete it.

Therefore, the Sistine Chapel earns high marks.

Now, to use the same technique with something John Cage composed by thowing dice:

How hard was it to do? Not hard at all, just throw dice
Could anyone do it? Yes, anyone could learn how to throw dice and notate music.

Therefore, such a piece of "music" earns low marks.

Now, to return to poetry. Let us take Lauren Hynde's Berlin-Los Angeles:

How hard was it to do? At least reasonably difficult, I doubt it if the words just came to her mid-air!
Could anyone do it? Absolutely not!! This kind of writing is actually very sophisticated and requires a lot of life experience and practice with the craft of writing.

Therefore, Berlin -Los Angeles gets high marks.

And this technique can be applied to absolutely anything.......

As to works standing the test of time, there are "extremists" in any field. Sometimes they are just a flash in the pan, in other instances they become the standard in the field once the initial shock has worn off and what was once extreme becomes more and more the norm. I had an interesting experience today. While driving in my car, I happened upon a radio station where someone was reciting a short story. At the conclusion of the story, the narrator then read a list of poets and writers that had passed away in 2004. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't recognize ANY of the names. Perhaps we should have a "Tomb for the Unknown Writer". It's so sad that many truly exceptional writiers never achieve the respect and fame they deserve.

Sack (who is amazed this thread has garnered so much attention in just a few days. Is everyone on vacation???)

I read your post and applied your theory to my job. Now I'm depressed.

 

[Liar]

Re: The way I determine the worth of art, music, writing...

I have a method in determining the worth of music, art, writing, etc. Quite simply, I just ask two questions:
1. How hard was it to do?
2. Could anybody do it?

You sure about this? I think something that meets both those requirements could still...well...suck. They do apply to good art, yes. But I think there must be some other, less defineable element there too.

And with that I'm going to bed. It's been a fun thread.

#L

 

[Maria2394]

Re: The way I determine the worth of art, music, writing...

I have a method in determining the worth of music, art, writing, etc. Quite simply, I just ask two questions:
1. How hard was it to do?
2. Could anybody do it?

For example, to use this approach with the Sistine Chapel:

How hard was it to do? Very hard, took ages
Could anybody do it? Absolutely not, only the very best artisians of the day had enough talent to complete it.

Therefore, the Sistine Chapel earns high marks.

Now, to use the same technique with something John Cage composed by thowing dice:

How hard was it to do? Not hard at all, just throw dice
Could anyone do it? Yes, anyone could learn how to throw dice and notate music.

Therefore, such a piece of "music" earns low marks.

Now, to return to poetry. Let us take Lauren Hynde's Berlin-Los Angeles:

How hard was it to do? At least reasonably difficult, I doubt it if the words just came to her mid-air!
Could anyone do it? Absolutely not!! This kind of writing is actually very sophisticated and requires a lot of life experience and practice with the craft of writing.

Therefore, Berlin -Los Angeles gets high marks.

And this technique can be applied to absolutely anything.......

As to works standing the test of time, there are "extremists" in any field. Sometimes they are just a flash in the pan, in other instances they become the standard in the field once the initial shock has worn off and what was once extreme becomes more and more the norm. I had an interesting experience today. While driving in my car, I happened upon a radio station where someone was reciting a short story. At the conclusion of the story, the narrator then read a list of poets and writers that had passed away in 2004. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't recognize ANY of the names. Perhaps we should have a "Tomb for the Unknown Writer". It's so sad that many truly exceptional writiers never achieve the respect and fame they deserve.

Sack (who is amazed this thread has garnered so much attention in just a few days. Is everyone on vacation???)

Sack, sorry to disagree with you, but by your standards of determining artistic worth coulnt be more flawed. did you know? there are usical geniuses who can compose at such early ages, does that mean, that because it came to them, it wasnt hard, so they do not deeserve their work to ve valued?

did you know? that Shirley Jackson's ( ie) short story, the Lottery, was written in a single sitting over the course of just two to three days? Does that mean the awards she won on that were undeserved?

There are some poets on here who have written some of their best work on the Passion thread, it was obviously fast, thus not hard to do, so therefore, according to you, it deserves less respect...hmm, sounds wrong

You cannot determnine the artistic worth of a piece, based on length of time it took to compose.... sorry, your theoy is intrinsically flawed.....just my opinion

 

[HomerPindar]

From Angeline:

"If I write something and you read it, isn't your expectation to understand what I've written? That contract. Ok, it's not "binding" in a legal sense, but if I haven't communicated to you, neither of us met our expectations."

I disagree, "you" is everyone who might read the message. Who the message is written for is not everyone who might read the message.

From Sack:
"In other words, all poems are beyond criticism, people just don't get them?? I don't buy that."

Hence your problem.

There is no definition of poetry. It, as with so many other facets of communication, gets boiled down to the concept of a social object, an agreed upon aspect of social exchange. You cannot write a definition for poetry that will be met with every poem.

Two reasons why social objects refute definition, 1) they welcome change, societies demand change in order to grow and continue. 2) they require a concensus view of all people capable of responding to the object, and a concensus of so many people cannot be met.

But, defining poetry wasn't the original question - why are so many poems here vague? To that question I can offer a number of suggestions, but as I did not write all of these poems, I cannot offer a solid fact in response. This leads to defining vague, the description applied to poetry, which leads to describing what is being vague which requires a definition of poetry and of course, we're back where we started unable to define poetry because vague is as much a social object as poetry in this case.

That last sentence was a poem, by the way.

(lucky you, I just wrote my senior thesis on defining a literary form, social objects and this sorta stuff...that, and it's 1am, four glasses of wine and very tired posting...imagine what this woulda read like had I been totally sober and finished the whole thread.)

((better yet, don't))

 

[Tathagata]

Re: Re: Re: well then, the next logical progression is...

I love it when you use Robert Fripp to make a point.

How often can ya do it??
lol

 

[Tathagata]

Re: The way I determine the worth of art, music, writing...

I have a method in determining the worth of music, art, writing, etc. Quite simply, I just ask two questions:
1. How hard was it to do?
2. Could anybody do it?

For example, to use this approach with the Sistine Chapel:

How hard was it to do? Very hard, took ages
Could anybody do it? Absolutely not, only the very best artisians of the day had enough talent to complete it.

Therefore, the Sistine Chapel earns high marks.

Now, to use the same technique with something John Cage composed by thowing dice:

How hard was it to do? Not hard at all, just throw dice
Could anyone do it? Yes, anyone could learn how to throw dice and notate music.

Therefore, such a piece of "music" earns low marks.

Now, to return to poetry. Let us take Lauren Hynde's Berlin-Los Angeles:

How hard was it to do? At least reasonably difficult, I doubt it if the words just came to her mid-air!
Could anyone do it? Absolutely not!! This kind of writing is actually very sophisticated and requires a lot of life experience and practice with the craft of writing.

Therefore, Berlin -Los Angeles gets high marks.

And this technique can be applied to absolutely anything.......

As to works standing the test of time, there are "extremists" in any field. Sometimes they are just a flash in the pan, in other instances they become the standard in the field once the initial shock has worn off and what was once extreme becomes more and more the norm. I had an interesting experience today. While driving in my car, I happened upon a radio station where someone was reciting a short story. At the conclusion of the story, the narrator then read a list of poets and writers that had passed away in 2004. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't recognize ANY of the names. Perhaps we should have a "Tomb for the Unknown Writer". It's so sad that many truly exceptional writiers never achieve the respect and fame they deserve.

Sack (who is amazed this thread has garnered so much attention in just a few days. Is everyone on vacation???)

Well then you judge everything by your own standards and this whole argument has no point.
You ask what makes art and poetry and then tell us how you judge it.
why bother?

Anyone can throw dice and make notation...but who thought of it?

and you are missing the point of that whole exercise also.

yes anyone can do it...but not anyone can do it with the right state of mind.
and not everyone can understand it.
It goes beyond " throwing dice"
Like Jackson Pollack's works goes beyond paint splashes.
Art becomes spiritual at some point.
and some art can only be understood by people who are of a certain " mindset"
That's my opinion anyway
You say the Sistine chapel is brilliant...but do you really think you see was the painter wanted you to see?
do you think you feel what he felt?
are you inside his mind??
Of course not

Are you inside Cage's mind when he throws the dice?
no

If you are, or are near where his mind is...it transforms you
Poetry and any art that hits you changes your consciousness...even for a second and thus transforms you forever.

That is art

You shouldn't'r be thinking if it was hard
you should be reading it with your " belly"
as the Japanese say
You should be feeling it...not seeing if the words all line up like ducks

The whole this is about connection
not how " hard" it was to write.
Anyone can do martial arts...why aren't there a thousand Bruce Lee's running around?


I think you'd gain a lot more by reading and noting what it makes you see and feel rather than wondering why it's so vague.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
"One falling leaf is not just one leaf, it means the whole autumn" - Shunryu Suzuki

 

[twelveoone]

Re: The way I determine the worth of art, music, writing...

I have a method in determining the worth of music, art, writing, etc. Quite simply, I just ask two questions:
1. How hard was it to do?
2. Could anybody do it?

For example, to use this approach with the Sistine Chapel:

How hard was it to do? Very hard, took ages
Could anybody do it? Absolutely not, only the very best artisians of the day had enough talent to complete it.

Therefore, the Sistine Chapel earns high marks.

Now, to use the same technique with something John Cage composed by thowing dice:

How hard was it to do? Not hard at all, just throw dice
Could anyone do it? Yes, anyone could learn how to throw dice and notate music.

Therefore, such a piece of "music" earns low marks.

Now, to return to poetry. Let us take Lauren Hynde's Berlin-Los Angeles:

How hard was it to do? At least reasonably difficult, I doubt it if the words just came to her mid-air!
Could anyone do it? Absolutely not!! This kind of writing is actually very sophisticated and requires a lot of life experience and practice with the craft of writing.

Therefore, Berlin -Los Angeles gets high marks.

And this technique can be applied to absolutely anything.......

As to works standing the test of time, there are "extremists" in any field. Sometimes they are just a flash in the pan, in other instances they become the standard in the field once the initial shock has worn off and what was once extreme becomes more and more the norm. I had an interesting experience today. While driving in my car, I happened upon a radio station where someone was reciting a short story. At the conclusion of the story, the narrator then read a list of poets and writers that had passed away in 2004. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't recognize ANY of the names. Perhaps we should have a "Tomb for the Unknown Writer". It's so sad that many truly exceptional writiers never achieve the respect and fame they deserve.

Sack (who is amazed this thread has garnered so much attention in just a few days. Is everyone on vacation???)

Here you are comparing two different things to assign a value on yet another.

Suppose I wanted to paint Mt Rushmore blue?
Is it hard to do? - yes
Can anybody do it? - no, can anybody paint bridges?
Of what value is it?

Before I answer that, consider this, art is a "statement" of the times.
Consider this, who is up there on Rushmore, who do we have now?
I would think some of them would be "blue", I'm a genius, no? not yet.
Cage deserves high marks for thinking of 4:33 or whatever that piece was called, it was a statement, as does Warhol for his soup cans, as does "R.Mutt" for hanging a urinal in a gallery, remember they did other things to, made other statements.

Getting back to Blue Rushmore, if that was the only statement I made...
Suppose, I continue on, painting the Washington Monument pink, that is a little less of a statement, but one begins to see a consistency in the statements, one is forced to see things in different way, one begins to appeciate the genius of these statements. Will they stand the test of time, not if I use water colours, not like the pyramids.

Of course, we can value human achievement by who builds the biggest pyramid. Nothing new is done.

This takes your arguement to the most absurd point.
Tath, maria, and Homer have supplied you with more reasonable arguements.

Now, on to Berlin -Los Angeles , you give it high marks, give us examples of why, not reasons. Some might view it as "extreme". The reasons you give can be applied to at least 25-50% of what is posted here.

 

[tarablackwood22]

Re: The way I determine the worth of art, music, writing...

I have a method in determining the worth of music, art, writing, etc. Quite simply, I just ask two questions:
1. How hard was it to do?
2. Could anybody do it?

For example, to use this approach with the Sistine Chapel:

How hard was it to do? Very hard, took ages
Could anybody do it? Absolutely not, only the very best artisians of the day had enough talent to complete it.

Therefore, the Sistine Chapel earns high marks.

Now, to use the same technique with something John Cage composed by thowing dice:

How hard was it to do? Not hard at all, just throw dice
Could anyone do it? Yes, anyone could learn how to throw dice and notate music.

Therefore, such a piece of "music" earns low marks.

Now, to return to poetry. Let us take Lauren Hynde's Berlin-Los Angeles:

How hard was it to do? At least reasonably difficult, I doubt it if the words just came to her mid-air!
Could anyone do it? Absolutely not!! This kind of writing is actually very sophisticated and requires a lot of life experience and practice with the craft of writing.

Therefore, Berlin -Los Angeles gets high marks.

And this technique can be applied to absolutely anything.......

As to works standing the test of time, there are "extremists" in any field. Sometimes they are just a flash in the pan, in other instances they become the standard in the field once the initial shock has worn off and what was once extreme becomes more and more the norm. I had an interesting experience today. While driving in my car, I happened upon a radio station where someone was reciting a short story. At the conclusion of the story, the narrator then read a list of poets and writers that had passed away in 2004. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't recognize ANY of the names. Perhaps we should have a "Tomb for the Unknown Writer". It's so sad that many truly exceptional writiers never achieve the respect and fame they deserve.

Sack (who is amazed this thread has garnered so much attention in just a few days. Is everyone on vacation???)

I think I could write a thesis detailing the weaknesses in both theory and logic there, but the important points have already been covered.

Tath and 1201, I always said you guys were smart.

 

[Tathagata]

Re: Re: The way I determine the worth of art, music, writing...

I think I could write a thesis detailing the weaknesses in both theory and logic there, but the important points have already been covered.

Tath and 1201, I always said you guys were smart.

speaking of important points...

Hi Tara

 

[jd4george]

Some random responses...

If all art, poetry included, were to be judged on whether people see, hear and feel the same things, then there would be just one flavor in this world: vanilla.

I.A. Richards said that "rhetoric is the study of misunderstanding, and its remedy". He didn't say poetry. He didn't say prose. He didn't mention art at all. In my mind, art is about reaction... from "I like it", to "what the fuck!?"

I write for two reasons... because I have to, and because I want to. It's generally the former that comes closest to being art. However, in both cases, the act is pointless unless it is read. The poet needs a reader to consumate the creation... otherwise, I suspect that masturbation would make you pregnant.

The maliciousness of the one vote trolls drives me nuts, because of the maliciousness. However, I defend their right to be assholes. As for the voting in general... I'm not running for office. I'm writing and sharing my poetry. The votes are fun, just as a poetry slam is fun. But, it is not measure of art, or success, or worthiness. It's simply a quick, mass reaction. I've posted stuff that I'm proud of, and I can't seem to buy a comment or vote. Other times, one or two people bubble and gush over a piece, and suddenly it's got 16 votes and a ridiculously high score. It's human nature to react to the reactions of others. But it is not necessarily a measure of my work.

I'm not so sure the toil involved is a good way to measure of art. Some of my finest verse has changed little from the first write. Other verse has been labored over for decades! (The latter still seems like crap to me, which is why I'm still reworking it). If I apply the measure of uniqueness and effort to judge my work, then my art is crap, and my crap is art. If that's the case, I'm truly fucked as a poet.

I read an incredible amount of poetry. Some I like. A lot I hate. Some I understand, and some I don't. But I respect each piece in their claim of being poetry. There are great poets who have written some sorry-ass stuff. Some sorry-ass writers have created some incredible work. I think that old Bill Shakespeare would be embarrassed by some of what we now call inspired art, and I suspect that he would change a lot of his stuff. (Just imagine the words he'd be making up in the process!!!).

I'd like to write one great poem before I die. However, if what I create along the way affects just one person, then the journey is all that much more sweet. Besides, isn't it the journey that's important? After all, the destination is the same for us all... we land up worm food.

(I just reread what I've spewed out here. God! I can be an opinionated asshole!)

This brings me to the shortest correspondence in history. e.e.cummings was wondering about the reception to his latest work. He scribbled the following on a piece of paper and sent it to his publisher:

?

The publisher wrote back:

!

I understand it. It was creative and unique. It was incredibly succinct, and minimalist. The simplicity of it is almost poetic. Was it art? I got no idea.... and, I don't care. I'm just pleased to have seen it and reacted to it.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I'm finding it amusing that my name is coming up so often in this thread, because of all the things people have said of my poetry in the last three years, "vague" was never one of them.

Go on, though.

 

[tarablackwood22]

I'm finding it amusing that my name is coming up so often in this thread, because of all the things people have said of my poetry in the last three years, "vague" was never one of them.

Go on, though.

Holiday wishes to you, you wonderful thing.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Mwah!

 

[Tathagata]

Mwah!

I don't get it??

 

[Lauren Hynde]

 

[Tathagata]

Now that I undersand

 

[Angeline]

Now that I undersand

You never heard of mwah?

(Mwah Tara)

 

[tarablackwood22]

You never heard of mwah?

(Mwah Tara)

Mwah!

 

[Tathagata]

Mwah!

must be some secret hot poet lesbian language


( he said drooling on his shirt)

 

[tungtied2u]

must be some secret hot poet lesbian language


( he said drooling on his shirt)

I think it's code
My Wips Am Hungry

 

[sack]

my imperfect technique...

Re: The way I determine the worth of art, music, writing...





Sack, sorry to disagree with you, but by your standards of determining artistic worth coulnt be more flawed. did you know? there are usical geniuses who can compose at such early ages, does that mean, that because it came to them, it wasnt hard, so they do not deeserve their work to ve valued?

did you know? that Shirley Jackson's ( ie) short story, the Lottery, was written in a single sitting over the course of just two to three days? Does that mean the awards she won on that were undeserved?

There are some poets on here who have written some of their best work on the Passion thread, it was obviously fast, thus not hard to do, so therefore, according to you, it deserves less respect...hmm, sounds wrong

You cannot determnine the artistic worth of a piece, based on length of time it took to compose.... sorry, your theoy is intrinsically flawed.....just my opinion




Hi Maria, I'm sure every theory of determining artistic worth is intrinsically flawed.....although I wouldn't go so far as Homar Pindar....that kind of thinking is just an excuse not to evaluate poetry and absolves artists of personal responsibility.
There are exceptions to every rule of course, and "extreme cases" are always hard to evaluate. Child prodigies will always be rare by nature, and I bet that their efforts are more considerable than anyone can see. As far as writing fast goes, the only piece I've written here that won a contest was The Little Candle Girl, which was written in one setting in less than three hours. I consider it to be "good". However, my best story, The Door, took considerably longer despite placing lower in the rankings. I compose music as well, and can write very fast if the occasion calls for it....yet, so far a 15 minute masterpiece has not ensued, despite my best efforts! You are forgetting that although Bach, Beethoven , etc. could whip off the first version of something extremely fast, time was also spent in the revising process. So, IN A BROAD SENSE, something which is tossed off is GENERALLY inferior to something which requires more painstaking and thorough preparation. Just because a certain system doesn't work for all cases is no reason to abandon it entirely. I still find my "brainchild" to be useful as a quick and dirty yardstick in most instances, and that's all I intended it for.....


Sack

 

[Tathagata]

Re: my imperfect technique...

Re: The way I determine the worth of art, music, writing...





Sack, sorry to disagree with you, but by your standards of determining artistic worth coulnt be more flawed. did you know? there are usical geniuses who can compose at such early ages, does that mean, that because it came to them, it wasnt hard, so they do not deeserve their work to ve valued?

You cannot determnine the artistic worth of a piece, based on length of time it took to compose.... sorry, your theoy is intrinsically flawed.....just my opinion


Sack

you're the one who's asking about " vague" poetry and seem to be more concerned with what gets " higher or lower" marks.

it's your " system" you are trying to validate by asking the people here to explain poetry to you.

it seems to me you are a tad too argumentative and " wont empty your cup" to taste anyone else's tea.

I will say this...using your " method" you won't find much poetry here you are going to enjoy.

namaste' and good luck

 

[sack]

Tathagata's Five Corners: An Analysis

Someone asked me to talk about Hynde's Berlin-Los Angeles. That would take hours! I prefer to go over what I consider to be a mini-masterpiece, Tathagata's Five Corners. My observations are in parentheses:


Five Corners




Crossroads.

Always crossroads.

That's where you go,
at midnight..

You know the story...

(The author could have single spaced these lines, as the astute Wicked Eve suggested, but that gives a different rhythm. Using blank lines in between gives a certain emphasis and heaviness to the writing. Crossroads (breath)...Always crossroads (breath). Can't you just feel the author's halting, the initial indecision? Personally, I think it was sheer brilliance to begin the poem this way!)


Ebb and pull
of culture and language,
dreams left melting on sidewalks,
rainbow sherbet puddle,
oil slick water,
bubble gum sticky,
hopscotch avoidance.


(There are some incredible lines here. "Dreams left melting on sidewalks", "Hopscotch avoidance". Notice the expert manipulation of syllables for each line.....3-6-7-5-4, which gives a natural rhythm to the entire paragraph!)


Home to daddy.

He who breathes you.

Who spreads the world out.

He has the gift, the words,

"Open sesame"

(Again, the double spaces lends emphasis here. Home to daddy...breath....He who breathes you...breath. Absolutely necessary and continues the pattern of the opening stanza.)


and Ali Baba's cave opens...
Riches undreamed of,
all yours for the taking.

(This is all one thought, thus the return to single spacing.)


He preens your wings and nudges you
from the nest.

The urge to fly greater
than the ego of comfort.


(See how masterful this is. Tathagata is tightening the screws a little at a time. Most people have felt this way at some period in their life. Change always takes a certain amount of risk and that is what the poet is tapping into here....)

Pop up wonder of candy stores
and meat markets ,smells of imported coffee,
smoked sausage and liquor,
rich tobacco ,and the scent
of lives lived,and stories told.

(a lovely imagery with the cool "pop up line" to take the description out of the ordinary.)


Snow globe reality,cocooned,
swaddled in love
and hugs.
The familiarity of pipe smoke,
and polished wood.

(here again Tath expertly evokes the comfortable feeling of the familiar. Remember how satisfying it was to know the snow in the globe would always settle to the bottom? Yes, our comfort is always "cocooned" and swaddled, this is a believable comparison.)


Life hangs in the air.

(the pause here leaves us hanging.)

Humid and real...
Each breath draws in
that miasma of perfume and sex and death.

(God that's powerful! Perfume, sex, and death go together so well, and define our five corners even more.)

Wrung out of blind alley romance,
and 4 am newsstands.
Blackened hearts
and blackened fingers.

(a fabulous structure here...the third line is a consequence of the first and the fourth line is a consequence of the second!)

Monoliths keep watch
over Mom and Pop groceria's.
Where the hand of kindness
smoothes a hair ribbon,
and slips a candy into
your princess purse.

(An interesting message. The "Big guys" (Monoliths) are keeping watch over the "Little guys" (Mom and Pop). I like the idea of a "hand of kindness" doing all those nice things. It reveals to me the heart of this poet.)

Memories pool at crossroads
slow syrup tar,cooled lava.

(I can visualize the lava and tar slowly harding as the individual wrestles with competing memories.)


Unable to make the leap to modern day.

(in other words, the actual action of change is always extremely difficult, since one needs to leap from the past.)

They wait
loyal dogs sad eyed and confused
for your return,
to 5 corners.

(This ending is both a surprise and a satisfying conclusion. Memories can always be "brought back" for further consideration. Moreover, the author suggests change is an ongoing process!)


That, to me is an absolutely expert poem, virtually beyond criticism. (which is why I NEVER public comment on Tath's poems....why should my drivel sully the pristine waters?)

Now, go back and read the original poem I brought up here and tell me there isn't a difference. Who was it that said "the difference between good and great.........." Both poems have potential, but this one really expresses its potential to the fullest. Thanks, Tath, for sharing your seemingly endless talent with us. I am overwhelmed....


Sack (weak in the knees after that poem!)