Why aren't male subs taken more seriously?

[Ebonyfire]

male subs generally lack 'drawing power' because saying,
"I want to be looked after by you, and to fuck you" just doesn't have the same import and impact when said by a man, as opposed to a woman.

Especially since it is not said by a man. I doubt that any Domme would even bother to reply to such a shallow and inane request.

Eb

 

[Evil_Geoff]

So all I was wondering is why that is, why submission can't just be viewed as gender-neutral, why one gender seems to be taken more seriously in their submission than the other.

... And then the more I looked into things, the more it seemed like sub males had a much bigger challenge in terms of being taken seriously in the scene. So really I just wanted to know why that was.

Breaking it down to the very bottom line basics:

1) In terms of the entire BDSM scene, the very largest population of participants are submissive males.
2) Submissive females come in next
3) Dominant males come next
4) The very smallest population of participants are Dominant females.

Now depending on who's surveys you want to believe, the overall ratio of submissives to Dominants varies anywhere from 5/1 to as bad as 20/1.

This means that for the most part, Dominant females have an incredibly "target rich environment". They do not have to respond to ads placed by submissive males, they are usually BURIED by all the responses they get to _their_ ads. The Dominant females get to pick and chose from the best and brightest responses. Why in the world would they spend time, energy and effort trying to cull through the thousands of ads placed by submissives? The idea is "Let the wheat sort itself from the chaff, let them make the effort to find ME."

As for gender bias, well, do you want to serve a male Dominant? Hmmm? If not, why should you expect anyone else to be "gender neutral"? Very very few people are truly "gender neutral" when looking for relationship partners.

Now me, in MY case, I am an equal opportunity sadist. I'm a play slut and I will spank, beat, tie, torture and otherwise inflict pain on pretty much anyone, regardless of gender. I will gladly accept service (and by service I mean WORK, not sex. Like housecleaning, laundry, doing dishes, cooking, yardwork, etc) regardless of the sex of the person providing the service. But when it comes to having SEX, helloooo, I'm straight. No dick for me, thank you! I want my sexual partners to be of the female persuasion.

I love male subs! Male slaves are even better! They start off with "Oh yes Sir! I want to serve you Sir! Let me worship your cock Sir! I'll drink your cum Sir!" But damn, as soon as I mention the service I want includes yardwork, they disappear like the frickin' Phantom. *sighs*

So if you want to be taken seriously as a male submissive:
1) Don't present a list of "do me" fetishes to the Domme's you contact.
2) Never, EVER tell Mistress Dominatrix that you want to suck her clit all night, or have her sit on your face, or that you are the greatest lover of all time, or how big your dick is. I can guarantee you she has a vibrator that will last longer than you will ever dream of going, and if, IF she wanted something that big up inside her, she'll already have it.
3) Read HER profile BEFORE you initiate contact.
4) If you are REALLY good, you'll actually bother to learn about the vanillla things she enjoys, and will be able to discuss them with her.
5) Be polite, use good grammar and spelling.
6) RESPECT. To get it, you have to give it.

nytemist, you are ahead of the game here. You've shown sincere interest, a desire to learn, you are articulate, well spoken. Now just work on a bit of patience. The game is afoot, Watson!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... It used to bother me, but now, I am having way too much fun with the men who submit to me to care what others may think.

*GRINS*

Gotta love the way Eb says things. Straight up, straight from the heart. THAT's a Dominant for you. "I'm me, I do it my way, if you don't like it my way, that's fine, go play elsewhere! Don't expect me to play by _your_ frickin' rules!"

 

[AngelicAssassin]

3) Dominant males come next

How the fark did we come in third?

You didn't count all the hanging, dimpled, shadowed, and green chad ... did you.

BoT, i take them seriously until they show otherwise.

 

[CutieMouse]

How the fark did we come in third?

You didn't count all the hanging, dimpled, shadowed, and green chad ... did you.

BoT, i take them seriously until they show otherwise.

Now now... no grumbles... Third is perfectly acceptable.

(I suspect I should not post after as many vanilla rum & cokes as I've had this evening...)

 

[Never]

I doesn't matter if you come third if you come more than once.

 

[Netzach]

One thing I seem to have noticed from browsing various online sites is that male subs don't seem to be taken very seriously. A male sub could put up an ad looking for an online Mistress, and get no responses, even if he seems to be totally sincere, whereas a female looking for an online Dom gets tons of responses instantly.

I see part of the problem, and other people kind of touched on it, but here's the heart of it.

You are still talking about heteronormative stuff here, to my understanding. You can't compare your experience seeking to that of a woman, whether she's sub or not.

This is not Sadie Hawkins day just because the women you desire are controlling, ergo, you need to compare the fact that a Dominant MALE will not have people pounding his door down either when placing an ad. He's got to do the polite, well behaved asking and has a lot of dorks out there spoiling his chances too.

 

[Hooper_X]

Supply and demand.
As Bugs Bunny might say, You get a dozen for a dime, it's maaaaaaaagic.

 

[Aeroil]

Personally, I have never messaged a Domme online.

But, if I did, I would totally charm the pants off them, Geoff's list strikes me as the very basics of being polite.

Of course I'm too shy to message them in the first place

Paradoxes!

 

[Ebonyfire]

So if you want to be taken seriously as a male submissive:
1) Don't present a list of "do me" fetishes to the Domme's you contact.
2) Never, EVER tell Mistress Dominatrix that you want to suck her clit all night, or have her sit on your face, or that you are the greatest lover of all time, or how big your dick is. I can guarantee you she has a vibrator that will last longer than you will ever dream of going, and if, IF she wanted something that big up inside her, she'll already have it.
3) Read HER profile BEFORE you initiate contact.
4) If you are REALLY good, you'll actually bother to learn about the vanillla things she enjoys, and will be able to discuss them with her.
5) Be polite, use good grammar and spelling.
6) RESPECT. To get it, you have to give it.

Listen to the man, he is giving you the good advice, ESPECIALLY if you approach Me!

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

This is not Sadie Hawkins day just because the women you desire are controlling, ergo, you need to compare the fact that a Dominant MALE will not have people pounding his door down either when placing an ad. He's got to do the polite, well behaved asking and has a lot of dorks out there spoiling his chances too.

*** Nodding my head in agreement!** Well said!

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

How the fark did we come in third?

You didn't count all the hanging, dimpled, shadowed, and green chad ... did you.

BoT, i take them seriously until they show otherwise.

I cannot help it! I GOTTA love ya AA!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Reading Profiles

I have a Profile & Journal on CollarMe. And I go into great detail about what I will and will not reply to.

I can instantly tell when a submissive has read both before messaging me. If I ascertain they did not read what I wrote, I immediately delete the message without reply. I will not waste my time. If they read what I wrote, but I do not find them compatible, I send one of the applicable stock replies that CollarMe has so conveniently provided.

So it really depends on a potential submissives ability to read and understand simple instructions.

Eb

 

[SilencedNeeds]

 

[Ebonyfire]

Assumptions

There are also mistaken assumptions about Female Dominants. I belong to several associations of Female Dominants. We talk to each other and contrary to popular opinon, we discuss the submissives who contact us.

So if a submissive is sending out mass mailings of letters to dominants who live in the same area and/or who belong to some organizations, chances are we will know who you are, and if you send out the same message plea to us all, your chances of getting a reply are slim to none.

That means that if you are not sending individual messages to the Dominant of your dreams, then you most likely will be "pissing into the wind".

I ain't gonna reply to ya, and if I do, you will get one of the formula replies that CollarMe provides.

A word to the wise is sufficient.

Tell the same lie more than once, we will know it.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

There are thousands (probably much more than that) of Dom males out there that would like to know how you'd manage that. I keep seeing whining Dom males out there that haven't gotten any replies for weeks/months/years.

Evil_Geoff nailed it neatly IMO.

I have heard the same thing from my Dom male friends!

Eb

 

[Shankara20]

There are thousands (probably much more than that) of Dom males out there that would like to know how you'd manage that. I keep seeing whining Dom males out there that haven't gotten any replies for weeks/months/years.

Evil_Geoff nailed it neatly IMO.

hmmm I wonder if the "whining" part tells anything about how they present themselves?


That's just what I'd be looking for in a Dom/Domme should I choose to bottom again.

NOT!


A bitch or a bastard is fine, a whiner in a no go

 

[Ebonyfire]

That's just what I'd be looking for in a Dom/Domme should I choose to bottom again.

NOT!


A bitch or a bastard is fine, a whiner in a no go

It's not whining, it's venting to a friend. I vent and it has not held me back any. why would you vent to a sub or bottom anyway? That is like preaching to the choir in my book! LOL

Eb

 

[Shankara20]

It's not whining, it's venting to a friend. I vent, and it has not held me back any.

Eb

not you my dear, I was address the statement about posts from Doms that were whining about not finding subd.

My point, not very well stated on my part, is that whining about not having a sub might not be a way to draw a sub's interest.

this is the post I was commiting on " I keep seeing whining Dom males out there that haven't gotten any replies for weeks/months/years."

I guess I do need coffee this morning after all.

 

[Ebonyfire]

not you my dear, I was address the statement about posts from Doms that were whining about not finding subd.

My point, not very well stated on my part, is that whining about not having a sub might not be a way to draw a sub's interest.

this is the post I was commiting on " I keep seeing whining Dom males out there that haven't gotten any replies for weeks/months/years."

I guess I do need coffee this morning after all.

No I think you were pretty clear in fact. I just looked at the question from a different angle. I "see" things differently I think.

Eb

 

[Shankara20]

No I think you were pretty clear in fact. I just looked at the question from a different angle. I "see" things differently I think.

Eb

 

[vanelane]

Find a local group. Attend a munch or play party. Observe. Get to know people. Figure out what appeals to you and what doesn't. Proceed from there. You don't have to jump in saying "I'm a male sub who needs to find a Domme today!" Express that you're intrigued and interested and want to learn more.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Find a local group. Attend a munch or play party. Observe. Get to know people. Figure out what appeals to you and what doesn't. Proceed from there. You don't have to jump in saying "I'm a male sub who needs to find a Domme today!" Express that you're intrigued and interested and want to learn more.

Always good advice. Too many times people are in a rush.

Eb

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I cannot help it! I GOTTA love ya AA!

You too darlin'.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I doesn't matter if you come third if you come more than once.

Fuck that ... i'm shooting for five stars.