Why do some women's sex drive just stop? and others don't?

[Fingerfuxs]

Oh i ve tried that.Sad that i have to stand in front of her to get a peck of a kiss. Even from day one she wasn't into deep and long kissing, but when your in love dating you dont see those things. We just chatted yesterday about it again..." you just dont listen told you i have no interest in it anymore" But she came back to bed mid morning. So being i cant penetrate her because of menopause pain/dry i decided to just lay there. She rubbed me i rubbed her body. about 45 minutes. Then we got up and started the day. So i would be happy if she just kissed more and rubbed my body with out having to ask for everything. my 2 cents

What you described in my mind is intimacy On her part. Thanks for sharing , I might suggestion saving that post someway and re reading it when ever you are bummed out about your sex life at this time of your life. You actually do have love , and a caring woman in the flesh. Lots of people don’t have that. Treasure it , it’s golden.

cheers
FF

 

[KatieDoes]

I haven't had too many women in my life but I have worked in teams with a lot of men all my life who have frequently talked openly about this. My experience from what most middle aged men say is that most women tend to shut up shop in two stages. The first one is a few years after marriage when frequency and enthusiasm drops and the second big drop is after having a family. The impression I get is while most men in their 50s are regularly up for it, most women given the choice would rather have a cup of tea while he did the ironing.

There are women here, posting. You don’t need to ask men what women think. You can just go back and read what @Diosax wrote

 

[KatieDoes]

What you described in my mind is intimacy On her part. Thanks for sharing , I might suggestion saving that post someway and re reading it when ever you are bummed out about your sex life at this time of your life. You actually do have love , and a caring woman in the flesh. Lots of people don’t have that. Treasure it , it’s golden.

cheers
FF

Lots of men think intimacy = fucking, and anything that doesn’t result in their orgasm is a waste of time. Then they’re shocked to find out that their wives aren’t sexually attracted to them anymore. Women, so complicated, right?

 

[Fingerfuxs]

Lots of men think intimacy = fucking, and anything that doesn’t result in their orgasm is a waste of time. Then they’re shocked to find out that their wives aren’t sexually attracted to them anymore. Women, so complicated, right?

Honestly, no , not that complicated at all if you’re a closer….

“You don't get to rest and have coffee if you haven't closed the deal."

kudos for the choice of words { lots of men } rather then just “ men “ kudos on the advice I’m reading that you are so generously sharing in the thread to.

cheers
FF

 

[KatieDoes]

Honestly, no , not that complicated at all if you’re a closer….

“You don't get to rest and have coffee if you haven't closed the deal."

kudos for the choice of words { lots of men } rather then just “ men “ kudos on the advice I’m reading that you are so generously sharing in the thread to.

cheers
FF

View attachment 2151131
‘Not All Men’, but also…..


Seriously, though. This thread.

Why do some women lose their sex drive?

Women ‘often women feel unheard and dismissed and that’s not arousing at all’

Men ‘Imma skip right over what women say and tell you what my buddies think is wrong with women’

 

[curioustxn]

I have been on LIT for awhile I have written 4 stories. I see/read about so many women that are sexually active in their 50's and even 60's..Why are some stilll active and why do some just shut down completely?? I think many divorces, (among other reasons) happen this way!

As with many things, sex drive depends on hormones, and as we grow older, our hormones change. Hormones can be affected by many things such as aging, diet, environmental factors, stress, etc.

 

[oneblueye]

Oh i ve tried that.Sad that i have to stand in front of her to get a peck of a kiss. Even from day one she wasn't into deep and long kissing, but when your in love dating you dont see those things. We just chatted yesterday about it again..." you just dont listen told you i have no interest in it anymore" But she came back to bed mid morning. So being i cant penetrate her because of menopause pain/dry i decided to just lay there. She rubbed me i rubbed her body. about 45 minutes. Then we got up and started the day. So i would be happy if she just kissed more and rubbed my body with out having to ask for everything. my 2 cents

See what you did there and said there, thats where I started when my wife was going thru the 'BIG Pause'. Just that.

I would touch her (non-sexual ways) as much as I could, kiss her when she would let me. Told her for no reason other than the fact that I love her, 'I love you' and it don't matter what it takes, it don't matter how long it takes, I'm here. I may not like it, I may fuss about it but I'm here and I ain't leavin like all those big dick, big mouth, all talk, no fighting "Real Men" you threw me over for... Unless you send me away, this is where I'm staying.

 

[oneblueye]

View attachment 2151131
‘Not All Men’, but also…..


Seriously, though. This thread.

Why do some women lose their sex drive?

Women ‘often women feel unheard and dismissed and that’s not arousing at all’

Men ‘Imma skip right over what women say and tell you what my buddies think is wrong with women’

Yes Katie, we all heard you and whether we like it or not we acknowledge you.

 

[curioustxn]

Just my opinion, but I think what KateDoes is trying to say, when it comes to sex with woman, it's not just about sex for her, it's about your relationship with her.

 

[Mtnmike]

"--, just seemed more was never enough,"

'More' of most anything is hardly ever the answer to anything. More is always nice to have and certainly is desirable but the 'answer' (?), rarely if ever. Even for those of us who we consider to be 'sex-starved', the having of "more" sex isn't the answer we need. It certainly would make things easier in our minds and the way we feel but the answer to the original problem is still the same.
The over all answer still is OPEN, HONEST, and SANE COMMUNICATION.

Then I'm screwed ( no pun intended ). She has never wanted to discuss it, her thinking is it's my problem not hers.

 

[Mtnmike]

Just my opinion, but I think what KateDoes is trying to say, when it comes to sex with woman, it's not just about sex for her, it's about your relationship with her.

Thank You, I understand that & I starting to figure out she no longer cares for me like she once did but when I asked if she thought we should get a divorce all she said up to you but you know what it'll cost you.

 

[Bonnybrainymilf]

Thank You, I understand that & I starting to figure out she no longer cares for me like she once did but when I asked if she thought we should get a divorce all she said up to you but you know what it'll cost you.

OUCH! Have you asked her about trying HRT?

 

[Mtnmike]

OUCH! Have you asked her about trying HRT?

Don't know what that is, to be honest?

 

[xxyyxx]

There are women here, posting. You don’t need to ask men what women think. You can just go back and read what @Diosax wrote

Even if they are real women ( We are online so I haven't got a clue if they are) we are on a porn site. I would hazard a guess the average woman isn't posting on porn sites like this, hence them being in the minority here. Even then common sense tells me women posting here will be skewed towards the higher sexed end of females in society. Meanwhile the men I spoke to over the years have been average Joe's sat across a canteen dining table from me, so I knew who they were and who I was talking to.

 

[KatieDoes]

Even if they are real women ( We are online so I haven't got a clue if they are) we are on a porn site. I would hazard a guess the average woman isn't posting on porn sites like this, hence them being in the minority here. Even then common sense tells me women posting here will be skewed towards the higher sexed end of females in society. Meanwhile the men I spoke to over the years have been average Joe's sat across a canteen dining table from me, so I knew who they were and who I was talking to.

By all means, then….. continue to listen to men instead of women when you want to know what women think and feel and want. Rock on.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

Even if they are real women ( We are online so I haven't got a clue if they are) we are on a porn site. I would hazard a guess the average woman isn't posting on porn sites like this, hence them being in the minority here. Even then common sense tells me women posting here will be skewed towards the higher sexed end of females in society. Meanwhile the men I spoke to over the years have been average Joe's sat across a canteen dining table from me, so I knew who they were and who I was talking to.

Ouch!! I think here lays some of the problem to be honest. What is assumed to be an 'average' woman. I can assure you I'm very female and 'very average' and I suspect most women on here are, in every other aspect of their lives, other than an interest in sexuality. That makes us no different from the guys you've met on here. Although looking back through 1000's of past post on here over a couple of years, I'd say a lot of guys (not all) are no where near 'normal' (it's boring anyway, who'd want to be!?) in normal society and I doubt they'd discuss their real interests on here with colleagues in the work canteen.

I'd also put money on, what your wives talk about within a safe group of their best female friends, is very different from what is said to you.

As a 60 year old woman, with a vast collection of similar age, very normal friends, I can divulge some of our 20 years of discussions on this subject. Menopause, perimenopause and whatever other 'pauses' hit us (including manopause), sometimes from 40 years old, definitely cause major physical problems. BUT, that aside, much of a woman's sex drive is driven (or not) by her mental state. If a woman's head says or thinks and means, 'no', her body follows suit eventually.

This is a question we, as a group of mostly married women starting on the slightly downward turns of family life and marriages (most are still married now), posed about 20 years ago. We've mulled over it frequently ever since .... if ladies with no sex drives are, in the future, available to start new relationships and they find a new man of their dreams: if they are given the opportunity to start new lives without all the metal baggage they've accumulated over their long relationships, how long do you think it will be before their sex drives are back?

As we've got years into our 20 years of musings, we're beginning to see the answer to the question and it's very frequently, not very long at all! Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) quickly!

Over the years, especially in our work places, we've seen many medical problems miraculously cured by a new relationship. Mental anguish can manifest as physical pain eventually, so it figures if the metal state changes for the positive then so does the physical. Do older, free and single women who have active sex lives ever give it up without a fight? I don't know the answer but I suspect "no!", they'd be knocking at the Dr's door, trying HRT (if that was a solution) and have a bucket of estrogen gel by the bed.

"Why do some women's sex drive just stop? and others don't?" ....... life I guess, if it's not an actual, physically disabling, medical problem.

Life starts well but a marriage/relationship can turn out to be a long drawn out shift, filled with responsibility, accumulated baggage, tedious tasks and outside interferences. They all take up more time and thought than pleasing/pleasuring each other. It takes a hell of a lot of thought and effort to keep a relationship truly firing on all cylinders and how many people realise that in time or, if they do, have the time or inclination to constantly feed the fire? I think that's something we need to teach our kids before they marry tbh, no one tells you it till it's too late.

You guys will be happy with sex! I realise many of you do want intimacy, I'm not dismissing that need or want, you're open about that on here but plain old sex will suffice. Your wife, however, probably doesn't need that orgasm, she's managed years (the less she has, the less she wants and eventually its really not required, science but I can't remember where I read it) without it, or can scratch the itch herself at a more suitable time. We've all read on here, the occasional guy saying that women should just appease you now and again out of duty but they quite possibly did that for a few years before sex fully stopped. I don't think women wake up one day and think that today is the last day I'll ever have sex, it's a slow decline, mentally and physically.

 

[KatieDoes]

Don't know what that is, to be honest?

HRT = Hormone Replacement Therapy

That would be a conversation between your wife and her doctors. I doubt that she’s made it to her age and past menopause without having heard of it, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

 

[KatieDoes]

Ouch!! I think here lays some of the problem to be honest. What is assumed to be an 'average' woman. I can assure you I'm very female and 'very average' and I suspect most women on here are, in every other aspect of their lives, other than an interest in sexuality. That makes us no different from the guys you've met on here. Although looking back through 1000's of past post on here over a couple of years, I'd say a lot of guys (not all) are no where near 'normal' (it's boring anyway, who'd want to be!?) in normal society and I doubt they'd discuss their real interests on here with colleagues in the work canteen.

I'd also put money on, what your wives talk about within a safe group of their best female friends, is very different from what is said to you.

As a 60 year old woman, with a vast collection of similar age, very normal friends, I can divulge some of our 20 years of discussions on this subject. Menopause, perimenopause and whatever other 'pauses' hit us (including manopause), sometimes from 40 years old, definitely cause major physical problems. BUT, that aside, much of a woman's sex drive is driven (or not) by her mental state. If a woman's head says or thinks and means, 'no', her body follows suit eventually.

This is a question we, as a group of mostly married women starting on the slightly downward turns of family life and marriages (most are still married now), posed about 20 years ago. We've mulled over it frequently ever since .... if ladies with no sex drives are, in the future, available to start new relationships and they find a new man of their dreams: if they are given the opportunity to start new lives without all the metal baggage they've accumulated over their long relationships, how long do you think it will be before their sex drives are back?

As we've got years into our 20 years of musings, we're beginning to see the answer to the question and it's very frequently, not very long at all! Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) quickly!

Over the years, especially in our work places, we've seen many medical problems miraculously cured by a new relationship. Mental anguish can manifest as physical pain eventually, so it figures if the metal state changes for the positive then so does the physical. Do older, free and single women who have active sex lives ever give it up without a fight? I don't know the answer but I suspect "no!", they'd be knocking at the Dr's door, trying HRT (if that was a solution) and have a bucket of estrogen gel by the bed.

"Why do some women's sex drive just stop? and others don't?" ....... life I guess, if it's not an actual, physically disabling, medical problem.

Life starts well but a marriage/relationship can turn out to be a long drawn out shift, filled with responsibility, accumulated baggage, tedious tasks and outside interferences. They all take up more time and thought than pleasing/pleasuring each other. It takes a hell of a lot of thought and effort to keep a relationship truly firing on all cylinders and how many people realise that in time or, if they do, have the time or inclination to constantly feed the fire? I think that's something we need to teach our kids before they marry tbh, no one tells you it till it's too late.

You guys will be happy with sex! I realise many of you do want intimacy, I'm not dismissing that need or want, you're open about that on here but plain old sex will suffice. Your wife, however, probably doesn't need that orgasm, she's managed years (the less she has, the less she wants and eventually its really not required, science but I can't remember where I read it) without it, or can scratch the itch herself at a more suitable time. We've all read on here, the occasional guy saying that women should just appease you now and again out of duty but they quite possibly did that for a few years before sex fully stopped. I don't think women wake up one day and think that today is the last day I'll ever have sex, it's a slow decline, mentally and physically.

There’s so much accuracy here.

I mean. Someone is going to tell you it’s not right and then mansplain your own sexuality to you before the day is out.

But I appreciate you

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

There’s so much accuracy here.

I mean. Someone is going to tell you it’s not right and then mansplain your own sexuality to you before the day is out.

But I appreciate you

Thanks Katie, I won't lose sleep over anything said about it. It comes from experience (and I really am 'the woman next door') and men aren't the only ones who accumulate that. Husbands have the input of one woman who is trying to keep the peace, we women go through this ourselves, with our friends (and every man knows just how much we talk) and probably read a library full of books about it too. However, it's an uneasy realisation and no one wants to hear it, it took a while before I hit enter.

Personally, I think what I wrote is a good conversation starter. Show it to the wife and ask about it ... remove the Lit references first of course or her lack of sex drive won't be your only problem haha

 

[Mtnmike]

HRT = Hormone Replacement Therapy

That would be a conversation between your wife and her doctors. I doubt that she’s made it to her age and past menopause without having heard of it, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

She's past menopause by a few years, yes we have discussed it but she doesn't see a problem & will not talk to the Dr about her loss of libido. Thanks for your concern & the chats, she has said she doesn't want to hear or talk about it ever again, main reason I started coming to Lit.

 

[Mtnmike]

Ouch!! I think here lays some of the problem to be honest. What is assumed to be an 'average' woman. I can assure you I'm very female and 'very average' and I suspect most women on here are, in every other aspect of their lives, other than an interest in sexuality. That makes us no different from the guys you've met on here. Although looking back through 1000's of past post on here over a couple of years, I'd say a lot of guys (not all) are no where near 'normal' (it's boring anyway, who'd want to be!?) in normal society and I doubt they'd discuss their real interests on here with colleagues in the work canteen.

I'd also put money on, what your wives talk about within a safe group of their best female friends, is very different from what is said to you.

As a 60 year old woman, with a vast collection of similar age, very normal friends, I can divulge some of our 20 years of discussions on this subject. Menopause, perimenopause and whatever other 'pauses' hit us (including manopause), sometimes from 40 years old, definitely cause major physical problems. BUT, that aside, much of a woman's sex drive is driven (or not) by her mental state. If a woman's head says or thinks and means, 'no', her body follows suit eventually.

This is a question we, as a group of mostly married women starting on the slightly downward turns of family life and marriages (most are still married now), posed about 20 years ago. We've mulled over it frequently ever since .... if ladies with no sex drives are, in the future, available to start new relationships and they find a new man of their dreams: if they are given the opportunity to start new lives without all the metal baggage they've accumulated over their long relationships, how long do you think it will be before their sex drives are back?

As we've got years into our 20 years of musings, we're beginning to see the answer to the question and it's very frequently, not very long at all! Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) quickly!

Over the years, especially in our work places, we've seen many medical problems miraculously cured by a new relationship. Mental anguish can manifest as physical pain eventually, so it figures if the metal state changes for the positive then so does the physical. Do older, free and single women who have active sex lives ever give it up without a fight? I don't know the answer but I suspect "no!", they'd be knocking at the Dr's door, trying HRT (if that was a solution) and have a bucket of estrogen gel by the bed.

"Why do some women's sex drive just stop? and others don't?" ....... life I guess, if it's not an actual, physically disabling, medical problem.

Life starts well but a marriage/relationship can turn out to be a long drawn out shift, filled with responsibility, accumulated baggage, tedious tasks and outside interferences. They all take up more time and thought than pleasing/pleasuring each other. It takes a hell of a lot of thought and effort to keep a relationship truly firing on all cylinders and how many people realise that in time or, if they do, have the time or inclination to constantly feed the fire? I think that's something we need to teach our kids before they marry tbh, no one tells you it till it's too late.

You guys will be happy with sex! I realise many of you do want intimacy, I'm not dismissing that need or want, you're open about that on here but plain old sex will suffice. Your wife, however, probably doesn't need that orgasm, she's managed years (the less she has, the less she wants and eventually its really not required, science but I can't remember where I read it) without it, or can scratch the itch herself at a more suitable time. We've all read on here, the occasional guy saying that women should just appease you now and again out of duty but they quite possibly did that for a few years before sex fully stopped. I don't think women wake up one day and think that today is the last day I'll ever have sex, it's a slow decline, mentally and physically.

What you saying is pretty much how our life has gone, married 35 years & sex started dwindling around 18 years before finally stopping at 22 years. I will mention that personally I miss the intimacy more than the sex, as i've aged I to have lost some of my desire for sex to but I do miss the kissing, cuddling, the touching, the cutting up, goofing off with her, the other fun things we used to do. Yes i've tried doing things with her but she is just not interested anymore.

 

[Mtnmike]

It's amazing how many social & interpersonal factors go into a person's sexuality, you know? Thank you for sharing your thoughts. All these sorts of complexities are why I focused on human sexuality in my studies... Fascinates me more than anything just how unique every individual person is, and how fluid life can be. How much a person can transform over the course of their life, and how much they can impact their own life through their own decisions (and how external factors can do the same to them). Really gets it through one's head that "man" and "woman" are sometimes... almost useless categories! (Depends...!)

I'm fluid in my gender, so sometimes I present as feminine, sometimes I present as masculine, and my partner will refer to me as a man or woman interchangeably. It's interesting you mention the "not needing that orgasm" thing. I understand that, though I am in a different situation. I rarely crave sex, but when I have it, I don't want to receive anything. I just give my partner what he wants, and I don't feel the need to have an orgasm afterwards. It's my way of feeling close to him, and I know it's something that makes him happy. Getting an orgasm wouldn't make me happy, it would just be a pain in the ass... not literally.

I can just do that myself, lol.

(Nobody has ever been able to do that for me. Well, except for him with his patience, but it took him a long time and it wasn't that pleasant. Not anybody's fault, I definitely think it's on me/my body... So, no need for that!)

You're a sex therapist? I see, that explains a lot.

 

[Mtnmike]

Oh, no no, historian. But I focus on human sexuality. I have considered just saying goodbye to public history and saying hello to a life of sex education...

I see, my bad. Spouting all that scientific stuff instead of just putting in laymen terms through me off. You sounded like my psychology professor's in school lol.

 

[Tribe77]

I am a 64 year old woman. Still active and enjoying sex. I know I am not 20 any more but still when that orgasm starts, it is as good as ever. I have chatted with a lot of men whose wife is not longer interested but I have also chatted with some who are still going strong. I am no expert but I expect there are many reasons that older women give up on sex. Probably at the top of the list is a variety of mental issues. stress, anxiety, depression. Perhaps not significant enough to impact their day to day life but enough to impact their libido. I also expect that relationship issues may have some impact as well. It really is unfortunate because even for us older folk, a simple cuddle with a naked body is fun and good for us.

My wife blames the anxiety medication she takes. She'll take breaks from taking it here and there to get her drive back, but I hate that she has to do that. So I go long stretches of nothing. It's a struggle that I just deal with.

 

[PMarky2]

My wife still has some sort of a sex drive, but she also has an auto-immune disease, and CTCL which mean that the mechanics of sex are rather uncomfortable for her, except for the two or three times a year when both conditions go into partial remission at the same time. We give it a go every now and again, but the results are less than satisfactory. If I am lucky, we manage the 'oral sex on her' component, but she can't stand penetration long enough for me to get off, and she is averse to blowing me, so it usually ends up being a tit-wank, which is kind of 'meh' for me as I am not a boob man.