Why Do They *Fear* Us?

[Homburg]

I have long felt that people (in the U.S. at least) are guided as sheep to follow what is considered middle ground. The general masses should have their own version of the "DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS" sign except it should say "DO NOT UPSET THE STATUS QUO." What is unknown makes people uncomfortable. It makes them call into question their own standing in its regard. Not everyone desires to analyze themselves that deeply. It is better to self-repress rather than be one of the few standing in the spotlight

Yeah, that was me. I know that feeling. Let's be uptight and uber-moral because deep down inside I knew what I was capable of. Then my gal put the idea in my head, and we took off. Everyone has a little bit of that in them. Repression is safe. Safe is easy. Better to take the same path you've taken for years. You never know what might happen if you deviate.

-------------------------------------------------

Why are people uncomfortable? Because they're taught that it's "weird" or "dirty".. or in some cases, that we're mentally unstable.

Hell at the fair some woman looked at us walking by and said to her husband, "See.. there is the reason for the downfall of our community."

It's a reason as old as mankind itself. If we dont understand it, we dont like it and we stomp it out. Different is bad and must be erradicated

As I walked around that event with my mesh bag full of rope and toys, with my gal in her bright pink rope breast harness, and my friends, I didn't give a toss what anyone thought. Felt good.

Then again, I don't get hassled for what I do. Probably something to do with being a little scary. It's like my buddy James. He's gay, fully admits it to anyone that wonders. Doesn't hide it one bit. He's also 6'5" or so, and probably weighs 350lbs. Like he's fond of saying, in his enormously loud voice, "It's easy to be gay when you're huge!"

 

[madetotakeit]

But I do feel that they're allowing upbringing, societal rules and guidelines to dictate their personal enjoyment (a majority, but not all). And I simply want them to feel the joy and the connection and the feeling of contentment and peace that I feel having left those psychological trappings behind me.

We are taught from our first moments how we should act. Assimilation into the general consensus is how the majority of people find their "success." Work hard and you will have a home, have a home and you will have a mate, procreate under these guidelines and all things will come together and you will find happiness. In a way it is a protective reaction. A way to keep from being thrown to the wolves.

While one can be taught how to act, it is much more difficult to teach one how to think. We are however taught how to react to what we think. When people come into their own in this lifestyle chances are there are years of programming to overcome. Programming that comes from parents, church, and society in general. It is a perpetuating cycle. some will find it easier to overcome that programming than others. It all depends on how deeply ensconced the reward system has been drilled into their brains.

I know from my experience it was overcoming the expectations of being the "good girl." While not specifically stated, I knew that certain things were not considered "respectable." There is great pressure to be accepted during our formative years. It took years to cultivate and it does not miraculously disappear overnight. It took me time to come to terms that what was programmed was not necessarily right just because it had always been. I know what I find intriguing, some of what gives me pleasure (still so much to learn first hand.) Would I consider it to be what the mainstream finds acceptable? Not even 10% probably. Is that going to stop me? Not a chance. It is rather freeing knowing these things and being okay with them. How freeing? Ask me further along on my journey.

ETA:*Still waiting for that hand massage. I've been typing my rather round ass off tonight.

 

[twysted73]

ETA:*Still waiting for that hand massage. I've been typing my rather round ass off tonight.

You can break at any time you know.
I'll just stop feeding the fire and let it ember for a bit.

Sleep! I'm on that path right.......now.

 

[madetotakeit]

You can break at any time you know.
I'll just stop feeding the fire and let it ember for a bit.

Yep, yep...free will and all. If I hadn't enjoyed the thread and others posts, I wouldn't have continued to post. Good thread topic.

*Just goes to prove I suck at topping from the bottom...can't even finagle a hand massage

 

[catalina_francisco]

I wouldn't say I pity vanilla people. That's far too condescending a term or train of thought.
But I do feel that they're allowing upbringing, societal rules and guidelines to dictate their personal enjoyment (a majority, but not all). And I simply want them to feel the joy and the connection and the feeling of contentment and peace that I feel having left those psychological trappings behind me.
I feel like I'm coming off as a misguided hippie in a commune.
I know there isn't a utopia to be found in the lifestyle. (you must find your own path to it I think)
But I suppose I've seen more then my fair share of repressed individuals whom my perceptions pegged as curious but far too hessitant for whatever reason. (religion, upbringing, parental guidance, pyl)

But you are being condescending in a way by assuming they are not feeling contentment, joy and connection in the way they chose to live. Just because you have discovered this part of yourself, doesn't mean those who haven't are just not there yet. Everyone is different and just as one person may be gay and get the hots for someone of the same sex, not all people do or should if it is not who they are....some people just do not get a thing out of anything lifestyle related, and that is their right just as it is yours to be the opposite. They are not defective or lacking some magical awakening.

Why should anyone feel forced to hide who they are unless it's a simple matter or preference not to? I respect that choice as well)

I am not sure you understand that just because people do not advertise their sexual preferences, doesn't mean they are hiding anything, nor are they ashamed or afraid to, some of us are just more private. I have no problem being vocal about retaining my right to be who I am if and when needed, but I do not feel it is an automatic obligation I have as being a slave to shout it to the world either verbally or visually. I guess a big part of that comes down to firstly my not feeling the need to convert anyone; secondly as respecting the right of others to be who they are; and thirdly and probably most importantly, even if we were the only 2 people on earth who felt the way we do, it would not change who we are...IOW, we do not need to be part of a crowd or accepted to feel validated in being that which makes our souls soar.

Catalina

 

[twysted73]

I would never assume to think my ideals are all inclusive for every person out there. I just referred to those whom I've personally observed to appear and act interested yet hold back due to whatever their particular source of hessitation might be. That is all.

As for the last portion of your writing, I agree completely.

 

[Lady_In_Black]

Er...I am a little irritated by this actually...so if I come off rough, I want you to understand that I am not mad, just...agitated at something...though not at you or your opinion...

First off lets start with my husband. He is not kinky. He's really open minded though. I will never catch him looking at "alternative" porn or women dressed in black, or tied down to something, but when ever I want to try or do something in the "bdsm realm" of things, he's completely neutral to it. He'll do it, with no hesitation or reluctance , no qualms, as long as he knows it's safe. We even have a safe word.

Then there is my very dear friends sister who is completely A sexual. And to quote a character from L&O SVU who claimed to be quoting Frued "The only thing unnatural about sex is not having it". (I apologize I can't find an actual quote.)

Then there is me that wants to tie men up, put on tight black clothing, shiny leather boots and stomp on balls and tie up women.

I think your first problem is you seem to be making things black and white. And I know, saying that the world comes on all shades from purest black to brightest white is just as cliché.

Then you are classifying sex as something that uniquely causes *these specific* reactions. There are pregnant women that dance with poisonous snakes, peoples that eat the remains of the dead, people that kill and hate others because they were born differently then they them selfs. Everyone has stuff that makes them fear and then hate other people, this is just one of the many. Everyone is feared and hated them selfs. Everyone has lines they wont cross, in what ever aspect it might happen to be.

Then you seem to think or feel that people that are in this perverted group of ours are more open minded. You'd be wrong about that. For every considerate, thoughtful, kind, person here, there is some idiot sending me disgusting PMs that he has copy and pasted to every female on this board a thousand times over.

There is more but my brain isn't working too well...

 

[twysted73]

Hmmmm....

All very valid points every one of them.

But as I read I think those responding might be taking small portions or perceptions of small portions and running with them based on how that one portion made them feel.

I view people equally. Equal in that they each have their own tale. Their own life experiences from which to draw and react.
This allows me the perception that if there's on ething we can say in a generalized way about everyone, it's that everyone is different in their own way of handeling things, reacting, enjoying life, etc. Non-judgemental. If you like or don't like something, it's your choice, no worries kind of mindset.
Now from that outter ring come in one and find those who enjoy sex. Again, now that we're specializing and placing a lable on a group assuming they like sex vs. those who don't, we're removing those who do not from the equasion and now find ourselves focusing on those who do.
Now within THIS group you find multiple personality types and flavors as we're still referring to a very broad scope of the world's population.
(this is how I picture things when I refer to groupings of people.) Instead of dropping a disclaimer each time that "Although I am applying a general term to a broad variety of personalities whom I do not have first-hand, intimate knowladge of, I do understand that there are exceptions to every rule and in no way assume superiority in any sense of the word over those of differing views, blah blah blah".
I don't necessarily attack or condemn those not of the lifestyle persuasion.
I just seek to know the perceptions of others and the opinions of others as to why they think non-d/s'rs are so fearful, suspitious, intolerant or otherwise caustic towards those who are?
I wonder if, by putting too many words in the intro, I unintentionally disguise or obscure my initial queary.
So here's the watered down version sands the pretty wording.

"Why do you think Non-D/s types treat D/s types harshly? Have you run into this?"

Wanted to clarify. I've noticed a few responses were in tune with my q, some were not. No worries. I'm glad to have a new topic to talk about and differing opinions to read.
It really is that simple for me.

 

[Netzach]

My own sense of "weird" or "other" about SM, because growing up in NYC you're just exposed eventually to leathermen in public through pride and Halloween and whatever, was thinking "pain isn't hot"

I mean I honestly had no sense of the nuances of any of it, I figured these were people who found the kind of pain I was familiar with as a 10 or 12 year old at the dentist or falling down or playing softball --somehow sexual. People who just would beat one another up to get off - huh?

All this while still being horribly fascinated for reasons I couldn't explain and knowing not to tell anyone that.

And that still would be weird to me I admit, but once I got the nuances of it all and I was a bit older and had more of a sexual savvy about myself it made sense sense.

I don't remember my mom vilifying them or anything, or walking on the other side of the street with me, though I may have wanted to, but definitely treating it as one of those proof that you'll see everything in Manhattan moments. If my mother had crossed over, I'm sure those guys would think she was a phobic bitch, but honestly she would have been doing it because I was that kind of kid, I didn't like costumed mascots, clowns, popping balloons or anything really challenging when I was little and at 10 I think drag queens and leathermen were still kind of "whoa..."

It was more so like that then, I think you have to go to Brooklyn to see *anything* now.

Anyhow, my point is be nice to the people whose stauts quo you are fucking up. There is probably something and someone who would still get you to stare, yes, stare. Everyone has a status quo and a comfort zone and everyone becomes the same ignorant asshole when theirs is challenged.

If I'm in a confrontational moment, like Starbucks prior to a leather pride parade, I tip big and smile big and defy expectations. I've never been treated like anything other than a customer. In boots.

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

Anyhow, my point is be nice to the people whose stauts quo you are fucking up. There is probably something and someone who would still get you to stare, yes, stare. Everyone has a status quo and a comfort zone and everyone becomes the same ignorant asshole when theirs is challenged.

If I'm in a confrontational moment, like Starbucks prior to a leather pride parade, I tip big and smile big and defy expectations. I've never been treated like anything other than a customer. In boots.

I love the smile big (and, depending on circumstances, tip big) approach to messing with the status quo of others.

And there's nothing to be gained from assuming the worst about other people's status quo--maybe the lady crossing the street to avoid you/me has a little Netzach who's afraid of masks, clowns, balloons, etc.

 

[00Syd]

I told my mother a couple of months ago that I was interested in BDSM just to avoid any awkward moments in the future, and she was fine with it, but was also really curious. She doesn't know anything bout the lifestyle and is honestly not interested, but now that she knows its something I'm into and know about she'll come to me with all sorts of questions.

The other day she told me that she went to a christmas party where the centerpiece was a chocolate santa holding a butt plug and she asked a bunch of people what it was that santa was holding and everyone laughed and wouldn't tell her so she asked me. I blushed and told her and we both went on our way.

I feel like most vanilla people are the same way. Curious, in the same way people are curious when going to the sideshow, or slowing down on the highway to look at a car wreck. They don't really want to be involved but they definitely want to watch, and they are very curious about it.

Of course, not everyone is that easy going about it. Some people will react badly and attack you for it, the same way people are homophobic. But in my mind the number of people who would react that way is probably small compared to the number of people who are fine with it.

 

[Netzach]

I just want to get a chocolate Santa like that.

 

[00Syd]

I can't figure out where they got it. It must have been custom.

 

[ecstaticsub]

"Why do you think Non-D/s types treat D/s types harshly? Have you run into this?"

To be honest, I have seen just as many D/s types treat Non-D/s types hashly as Non-D/s treating D/s types harshly.

jmho

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

I can't figure out where they got it. It must have been custom.

Nope. Google chocolate santa butt plug.

 

[Betticus]

In response only to the original post. What do we have that they don't?

I think it's as simple as a more honest connection with the animal part of who we are.

I think that just about all of us here would agree that what polite society teaches us in regards to how to behave and treat others doesn't quite feel right. When we are open about who we are there will be some kind of reaction whether positive or negative.

I also think that with a lot of people they are intimidated by their own desires to either dominate or submit or both at the same time.

In my opinion, we are the normal ones as we are aware of ourselves and don't deny our inner kink.

 

[Erryn_Silver]

I wouldn't know about being normal, I've always been odd.

I didn't even know what liking pain was when I was little, all I knew was that I like the sensation I got when I pulled off scabs and bit the inside of my cheek for the blood.

I'm always finding new ways to scandalise people, so most people don't even guess that I'm into extreme stuff.

I have a beautiful collar I wear constantly, I'm actualy looking for a charm to put on it, either a small bell or an "S".

I have had issues because of my masochism though, I was in a bad way for a while and took up cutting. It was extremely hard to break because I like it too much, that's how I fond out I like minor bloodplay.

I can't say that I fit ANY catagories or stereotypes. I'm me, that's all.

People fear individuality because you have make your own decisions, and not just follow what everyone else thinks. People find being different scary, and so try to blend in and be accepted.

 

[00Syd]

Nope. Google chocolate santa butt plug.

Oh my god. I am astounded

Now I crave chocolate... More than I usually do anyway.

 

[00Syd]

In my opinion, we are the normal ones as we are aware of ourselves and don't deny our inner kink.

I disagree. Not everyone HAS an inner kink and its unfair to assume that they do and that they are in someway denying a part of themselves. I know what a lot of people, including myself, have had some revelation at some point concerning their kinky side but that doesn't mean that everyone will, or if they don't they are somehow denying it.

Some people just aren't kinky as simple as that.

And I do think that sometimes D/s people look down upon non D/s people as if we are somehow higher because we are able to look deeper into ourselves, or are more open minded, or whatever. But I think that just simply isn't true.

Some people are kinky, some people are kinky but deny it, and others are just vanilla through and through.

 

[Erryn_Silver]

I disagree. Not everyone HAS an inner kink and its unfair to assume that they do and that they are in someway denying a part of themselves. I know what a lot of people, including myself, have had some revelation at some point concerning their kinky side but that doesn't mean that everyone will, or if they don't they are somehow denying it.

Some people just aren't kinky as simple as that.

And I do think that sometimes D/s people look down upon non D/s people as if we are somehow higher because we are able to look deeper into ourselves, or are more open minded, or whatever. But I think that just simply isn't true.

Some people are kinky, some people are kinky but deny it, and others are just vanilla through and through.

I agree with OOSyd.

It's like your sexual preference, you're just born that way.

You might not admit it or even realise it until later in life, but it's a part of you that's either there or not...

 

[madetotakeit]

I think this is very true. The key is as long as the person is happy with what they are. Neither is better, it's just a different preference. Problems only arise when one preference attempts to hold theirs in an higher regard than another's or force those opinions...

 

[Netzach]

What if you're aware of yourself and you're just not interested? Do you have to manufacture some interest beyond lots and lots of fucking? Or maybe no fucking, maybe for other people, God love 'em it's a lot less important than it is for me. Sometimes I envy that.

 

[Erryn_Silver]

Then be like me and have lots of uncommitted fun until you find someone/something you're really interested in.

I just want to try everything at least twice...

And some more...

 

[twysted73]

I don't know why but when you say fucking Netz...it's hot


No, this isn't a come on. Just a self-observation. I noticed it in a few other posts.

 

[twysted73]

Then be like me and have lots of uncommitted fun until you find someone/something you're really interested in.

I just want to try everything at least twice...

And some more...

Actually Ms. Silver...that's EXACTLY how I approach sensuality, sexual/D-s experiences and such.
If it looks good, touch it. If it feels good, smell it. If it smells good, taste it. If it tastes good, eat it.

If you liked it, do it again! Yum!