With Apologies To The Patient Ones

[culloden]

I've learned a lot out of this whole mess... maybe it's because I fear the possible rejection too much, but I guess it can't hurt to just let someone know how you feel about them. If and when they break up, I'll definately let her know... though I might feel a bit like a douche... what with looking like I'm trying to profit off their terminated relationship...

Thanks a million for all the advice.

Don't let fear run your life. And do post back with how it goes.

 

[Mac98]

Don't let fear run your life. And do post back with how it goes.

Thanks for the help. I definately will post back with news, but I doubt they'll be breaking up anytime soon. I'm not sure I'm comfortable talking to her directly without going through him first (until they break up, that is). I'm still unsure of what to do, but at least I have a little more direction. I only start school on the 26th... until then I'll do my best to keep my mouth shut when I'm around them... which I'm not sure, but I think is the best thing to do right now.

Thanks for the support, truely appreciate not being flamed... I'll be back with either, good, bad or neutral news... I'm aiming for good news.

 

[littlebabyclit]

Thanks for the help. I definately will post back with news, but I doubt they'll be breaking up anytime soon. I'm not sure I'm comfortable talking to her directly without going through him first (until they break up, that is). I'm still unsure of what to do, but at least I have a little more direction. I only start school on the 26th... until then I'll do my best to keep my mouth shut when I'm around them... which I'm not sure, but I think is the best thing to do right now.

Thanks for the support, truely appreciate not being flamed... I'll be back with either, good, bad or neutral news... I'm aiming for good news.

Oh damn, just give me her phone number, I'll call her for you! Just teasing. Hope you do report back on what happens, though !

 

[Mac98]

Oh damn, just give me her phone number, I'll call her for you! Just teasing. Hope you do report back on what happens, though !

lol it would be really strange for her to receive a phone call: "Ya, you know Mac, your boyfriend's best friend? Well, he's on an erotic literature site writing how much he's in love with you... just thought you should know." *click*

I'd give you her phone number as a joke, but some asshole's bound to stumble upon it and call... It's a good thought, though. It would definately make things easier for me short-term xD.

Jokes aside, are you suggesting I let her know now? I thought you said wait till they've broken up? Garsh, I'm so utterly confused... I think I'll just stick to my poorly sought plan. Thank you, though...

 

[littlebabyclit]

If you look back at my posts, I'm more for being straightforward with her-whenever that may be. I am also for you following your gut instincts after evaluating all advice. Less confused (by me anyways?)

 

[kaycee217]

Another suggestion: when in doubt as for which plan of action to take, flip a coin and let fate decide.

Yes, I'm serious.

 

[Mac98]

If you look back at my posts, I'm more for being straightforward with her-whenever that may be. I am also for you following your gut instincts after evaluating all advice. Less confused (by me anyways?)

Yes, less confused as to what you were suggesting... but I'd feel like a douche going straight to her. I don't think my friend would appreciate it very much. I know I wouldn't if I were in his shoes. My gut instinct definately say I shouldn't tell her before telling him. He's going to find out one way or another... better it be from me.

Another suggestion: when in doubt as for which plan of action to take, flip a coin and let fate decide.

Yes, I'm serious.

I would need a coin with about 25 surfaces, right now...

besides, it's not right to force fate to decide between two alternatives... that's like forced fate. Though I guess if ever I came to an "A or B" dilema, I could always use that strategie. Good idea!

 

[kaycee217]

Yes, less confused as to what you were suggesting... but I'd feel like a douche going straight to her. I don't think my friend would appreciate it very much. I know I wouldn't if I were in his shoes. My gut instinct definately say I shouldn't tell her before telling him. He's going to find out one way or another... better it be from me.





I would need a coin with about 25 surfaces, right now...

besides, it's not right to force fate to decide between two alternatives... that's like forced fate. Though I guess if ever I came to an "A or B" dilema, I could always use that strategie. Good idea!

If you have 2 equally viable paths to take, with no one path being better than the other, then I don't think it's forced fate. But if you needed a coin with 25 surfaces, an icosahedron might work for you (doesn't have 25 surfaces, but it still has a lot!).

 

[Mac98]

If you have 2 equally viable paths to take, with no one path being better than the other, then I don't think it's forced fate. But if you needed a coin with 25 surfaces, an icosahedron might work for you (doesn't have 25 surfaces, but it still has a lot!).

LOLLL thanks for the tip! Few manage to actually make me laugh over the internet, but you sure as hell just did. Koodos to you, and I'll do my best to find a icoso-whatever... and then I'll try to find a way to make it flip multiple times in the air, catch it and slam it against the back of my hand, revealing the path that fate has chosen for me to follow.

 

[satindesire]

Here's a different idea:

Are you sure you're not just idealizing the thought of her, versus her as a real person with flaws?

I was in your situation, only -I- was the girl that was being lusted after. The guy was my friend for YEARS (literally he'd known me since I was a CHILD!) and had been my friend since then, I didn't have feelings for him in a strongly romantic way, (I considered him a very good friend and that's it) but he was in love with me for a long time. I went through five relationships while he and I were friends.

I often saw his little blogs and the innuendos of things he'd occasionally say to me, the slightly inappropriate gifts he'd get me for holidays and my birthday and stuff...and it was hard always telling him that he didn't really know me the way he thought he did. I broke out with pimples before my period...sometimes I forgot to shave my legs. I had bad breath in the morning, like every other person on the planet. But...This guy was convinced I was some kind of goddess or something.

Eventually I had to just stop hanging out with him. It was the kindest thing I could do for him, since he had a string of unsuccessful relationships that I'm almost positive were ruined because he never could get over the hump of putting me on a pedestal.

This isn't me bragging, btw. I was genuinely uncomfortable with that level of worship, trust...I have feet of clay, and more. I'm human, and it wasn't good for either of us.

I saw him just the other day. He's still single.

Unless you're 100% determined to win this girl over, you might think about starting to move on in a very serious way. She may not like you that way and it could be disastrous if you try to move in on her. If she rejects you, are you prepared to truly forget her and stop the hero-worship? To live your life fully, you have to put things like this aside. When something is impossible, it will totally STUNT your life if you keep hanging onto it.

 

[culloden]

Here's a different idea:

Are you sure you're not just idealizing the thought of her, versus her as a real person with flaws?

I was in your situation, only -I- was the girl that was being lusted after. The guy was my friend for YEARS (literally he'd known me since I was a CHILD!) and had been my friend since then, I didn't have feelings for him in a strongly romantic way, (I considered him a very good friend and that's it) but he was in love with me for a long time. I went through five relationships while he and I were friends.

I often saw his little blogs and the innuendos of things he'd occasionally say to me, the slightly inappropriate gifts he'd get me for holidays and my birthday and stuff...and it was hard always telling him that he didn't really know me the way he thought he did. I broke out with pimples before my period...sometimes I forgot to shave my legs. I had bad breath in the morning, like every other person on the planet. But...This guy was convinced I was some kind of goddess or something.

Eventually I had to just stop hanging out with him. It was the kindest thing I could do for him, since he had a string of unsuccessful relationships that I'm almost positive were ruined because he never could get over the hump of putting me on a pedestal.

This isn't me bragging, btw. I was genuinely uncomfortable with that level of worship, trust...I have feet of clay, and more. I'm human, and it wasn't good for either of us.

I saw him just the other day. He's still single.

Unless you're 100% determined to win this girl over, you might think about starting to move on in a very serious way. She may not like you that way and it could be disastrous if you try to move in on her. If she rejects you, are you prepared to truly forget her and stop the hero-worship? To live your life fully, you have to put things like this aside. When something is impossible, it will totally STUNT your life if you keep hanging onto it.

Those are interesting points, and perhaps the OP does romanticize this girl. But nonetheless I think your last paragraph is the most important. Were it me, I'd want to know, finally, one way or the other. Rejection might suck, but living life not having taken your best shot could be worse.

 

[bobinks2]

OP, you need to start going on dates with women, and you need to keep going on dates with women until you find one that you fall head over heels in love with. Then, keep dating women until you find two or three more that knock your socks off. Then, when the girl of your dreams' relationship with your best friend ends, you'll be able to approach her from a position of confidence rather than desperation. That's your best shot. In the meantime, you'll be able to get on with your life.

Good Luck

 

[Mac98]

Here's a different idea:

Are you sure you're not just idealizing the thought of her, versus her as a real person with flaws?

I was in your situation, only -I- was the girl that was being lusted after. The guy was my friend for YEARS (literally he'd known me since I was a CHILD!) and had been my friend since then, I didn't have feelings for him in a strongly romantic way, (I considered him a very good friend and that's it) but he was in love with me for a long time. I went through five relationships while he and I were friends.

I often saw his little blogs and the innuendos of things he'd occasionally say to me, the slightly inappropriate gifts he'd get me for holidays and my birthday and stuff...and it was hard always telling him that he didn't really know me the way he thought he did. I broke out with pimples before my period...sometimes I forgot to shave my legs. I had bad breath in the morning, like every other person on the planet. But...This guy was convinced I was some kind of goddess or something.

Eventually I had to just stop hanging out with him. It was the kindest thing I could do for him, since he had a string of unsuccessful relationships that I'm almost positive were ruined because he never could get over the hump of putting me on a pedestal.

This isn't me bragging, btw. I was genuinely uncomfortable with that level of worship, trust...I have feet of clay, and more. I'm human, and it wasn't good for either of us.

I saw him just the other day. He's still single.

Unless you're 100% determined to win this girl over, you might think about starting to move on in a very serious way. She may not like you that way and it could be disastrous if you try to move in on her. If she rejects you, are you prepared to truly forget her and stop the hero-worship? To live your life fully, you have to put things like this aside. When something is impossible, it will totally STUNT your life if you keep hanging onto it.

The thing you and bobinks fail to understand is that I've made my peace with the fact that she's most probably NEVER had those feelings for me. That's not the issue, here. The issue is forgetting her. I'm not even asking wheather or not I should tell her (or let him know), I want to know what the fuck it is I have to do to get over her.

I perhaps have romanticisez her, but I'm absolutely aware of the pros and cons of a relationship with this person. Truth is, like I said, that's not even what I'm aiming. I'm not looking to tell her in hopes that she'd one day come see me once she's single... in fact, I'm ready to face the possibility that she might even flip me off. I don't fear the rejection anymore, I just absolutely need to get this off my chest. Once she/he/they knows, I'll be able to move on (and satin, I'm absolutely aware that she's a human being and nay a goddess... I don't put her on a pedestal (like some have told me I do)).

You guys need to keep in mind, I'm not doing this in hopes of scoring the girl of my dreams, I'm doing this (if/when I do this) to finally set things straight. I don't mind being turned down, but to the words of Peter Griffin: "You don't wanna' spend your life wondering what could've been."

Those are interesting points, and perhaps the OP does romanticize this girl. But nonetheless I think your last paragraph is the most important. Were it me, I'd want to know, finally, one way or the other. Rejection might suck, but living life not having taken your best shot could be worse.

My sentiments exactly.

 

[littlebabyclit]

Well, Mac, I think you know what to do to forget her. It means getting involved with other women- and friends, and life. The best defense is a good offense, right ?

 

[Mac98]

Not when you're offense sucks. Like I said, it's not like I haven't tried...

 

[littlebabyclit]

Keep tryin' ... you got the rest of your life to get it right... and you're young... it ain't all over yet. Cheer up, Macky ! (((hug)))

 

[Mac98]

Keep tryin' ... you got the rest of your life to get it right... and you're young... it ain't all over yet. Cheer up, Macky ! (((hug)))

Macky! loll Haven't heard that since I was 8 .

I'll give people an example. I work at a coffee shop (btw, we appreciate tip ) and there's a girl there that I, at first, thought was VERY cute and, above all, I had a great rappore with... on top of it, we'd usually be the one's responsible for the closing shift, so we'd be just the two of us with nothing to do so we'd just chat and joke around and stuff.

At first I thought we were really getting along and felt that perhaps I'd soon start having feelings for her because she was a really sweet girl and seemed to enjoy my company (which means a lot, considering we have to wear those silly, ugly little hats and those dumpy-looking café shirts). Unfortunately, I've come to the conclusion that she's extremely easy. I've seen her become extremely embarrassed and awkward when 3 of our clients (this is in one evening) were guys she's recently made out with at a party (3 seperate occasions, mind you).. this is a story among others.

I really like the girl, she's cool and sweet... but I don't wanna' have to ask myself what disease I'm getting just from kissing her. This is the story of my life... always Something In the Way...

 

[littlebabyclit]

You still manage to like her, but yet you call her "easy." If a guy made out with 3 different girls at 3 separate parties, would he be "easy" in your eyes as well ? Just checking.

Anyways, keep trying. You can learn something from everyone you meet... including what you're really looking for (or not) in that special other person. There are a lot of fish in the sea, so they say... yes ?

 

[kaycee217]

Macky! loll Haven't heard that since I was 8 .

I'll give people an example. I work at a coffee shop (btw, we appreciate tip ) and there's a girl there that I, at first, thought was VERY cute and, above all, I had a great rappore with... on top of it, we'd usually be the one's responsible for the closing shift, so we'd be just the two of us with nothing to do so we'd just chat and joke around and stuff.

At first I thought we were really getting along and felt that perhaps I'd soon start having feelings for her because she was a really sweet girl and seemed to enjoy my company (which means a lot, considering we have to wear those silly, ugly little hats and those dumpy-looking café shirts). Unfortunately, I've come to the conclusion that she's extremely easy. I've seen her become extremely embarrassed and awkward when 3 of our clients (this is in one evening) were guys she's recently made out with at a party (3 seperate occasions, mind you).. this is a story among others.

I really like the girl, she's cool and sweet... but I don't wanna' have to ask myself what disease I'm getting just from kissing her. This is the story of my life... always Something In the Way...

Just out of curiosity. Is that fact that she is apparently "easy" bothersome to you? Or is it the concern that she is at higher risk for having an STI/STD?

 

[Mac98]

You still manage to like her, but yet you call her "easy." If a guy made out with 3 different girls at 3 separate parties, would he be "easy" in your eyes as well ? Just checking.

Anyways, keep trying. You can learn something from everyone you meet... including what you're really looking for (or not) in that special other person. There are a lot of fish in the sea, so they say... yes ?

Absolutely. In fact, I'd say most guys are easy cuz most guys have only one thing on their minds when they go out. I'm not most guys. When I go out, I'm only looking to have fun and perhaps piss a few people off while I'm at it (for shits and giggles, nothing too serious). Besides, I'm not basing the opinion that she's easy solely on this 3-guy story... there are many other signs and stories to go along with it, I just wanted to give a rough idea. Also, just because she's easy doesn't make her a bad person. She's a real sweetheart and very nice to chat with... but to me, being easy isn't exactly a quality...

Just out of curiosity. Is that fact that she is apparently "easy" bothersome to you? Or is it the concern that she is at higher risk for having an STI/STD?

Yes, it is bothersome for me. For this reason, if ever we were to go into a relationship, I'd have a real hard time trusting her. I don't go clubbing at night (which is what most people my age do, including her) so I wouldn't be able to trust her alone at a club. Furthermore, I would also be concerned of the higher risks for STDs, like you say. Sounds silly, maybe, but when you've tested the market like she has, you're bound to catch something. Besides, I've seen, met and even personally know some of the guys she's hooked up with (yes, it's THAT much) and I wouldn't even shake some of these guys' hands.

I do believe, though, that she drinks (yes, because she gets shit-faced about 3 to 5 times a week too) and fools around out of insecurity. She hasn't had it very easy in her past relationships, so I can see how that might spawn odd behavior, but it's still not something I wanna' get involved in. It's unfortunate, cuz other than that, she'd be exactly my type, on top of the fact that we get along great.

But my story is just to show how utterly unlucky I am when it comes to this. These types of stories happen to me ALL the time.

 

[culloden]

Absolutely. In fact, I'd say most guys are easy cuz most guys have only one thing on their minds when they go out. I'm not most guys. When I go out, I'm only looking to have fun and perhaps piss a few people off while I'm at it (for shits and giggles, nothing too serious). Besides, I'm not basing the opinion that she's easy solely on this 3-guy story... there are many other signs and stories to go along with it, I just wanted to give a rough idea. Also, just because she's easy doesn't make her a bad person. She's a real sweetheart and very nice to chat with... but to me, being easy isn't exactly a quality...




Yes, it is bothersome for me. For this reason, if ever we were to go into a relationship, I'd have a real hard time trusting her. I don't go clubbing at night (which is what most people my age do, including her) so I wouldn't be able to trust her alone at a club. Furthermore, I would also be concerned of the higher risks for STDs, like you say. Sounds silly, maybe, but when you've tested the market like she has, you're bound to catch something. Besides, I've seen, met and even personally know some of the guys she's hooked up with (yes, it's THAT much) and I wouldn't even shake some of these guys' hands.

I do believe, though, that she drinks (yes, because she gets shit-faced about 3 to 5 times a week too) and fools around out of insecurity. She hasn't had it very easy in her past relationships, so I can see how that might spawn odd behavior, but it's still not something I wanna' get involved in. It's unfortunate, cuz other than that, she'd be exactly my type, on top of the fact that we get along great.

But my story is just to show how utterly unlucky I am when it comes to this. These types of stories happen to me ALL the time.

I never dated a lot of girls (maybe a dozen or so over my singlehood), and I never was comfortable with bars and clubbing. I'm a lousy dancer, and small talk is too much work. That doesn't make it easy to meet girls. Eventually I realized that if I didn't like clubbing, why would I expect to meet girls there that I had anything in common with? (Maybe I could have applied reverse thinking there - approach the bored looking girl sitting in the corner.)

Relationships are mainly about sharing things you like. If your dream girl rejects you, then I'd say to move on. How to do that? Well, do the things you like to do. Expand your social circle by getting involved. Volunteer. Hike. Go climbing, skiing, whatever. Focus on your life. Eventually, you'll meet girls who share the same tastes. Those will the ones you'll want to pursue.

 

[Mac98]

I never dated a lot of girls (maybe a dozen or so over my singlehood), and I never was comfortable with bars and clubbing. I'm a lousy dancer, and small talk is too much work. That doesn't make it easy to meet girls. Eventually I realized that if I didn't like clubbing, why would I expect to meet girls there that I had anything in common with? (Maybe I could have applied reverse thinking there - approach the bored looking girl sitting in the corner.)

Relationships are mainly about sharing things you like. If your dream girl rejects you, then I'd say to move on. How to do that? Well, do the things you like to do. Expand your social circle by getting involved. Volunteer. Hike. Go climbing, skiing, whatever. Focus on your life. Eventually, you'll meet girls who share the same tastes. Those will the ones you'll want to pursue.

I absolutely agree, though it's hard to find a girl my age who doesn't enjoy clubbing. At least where I'm from. I'm more open to go out to bars and shoot some pool... that's sorta' my thing. And don't get me wrong, my life keeps going. I haven't abandonned anything since falling for this girl. I've remained true to my friends (which is more than I can say about some of them) and have always been open to finding someone else to occupy my time in that category. But like I said, I probably pissed Cupid off real bad in a past life cuz he seems to hate my guts. Everytime I get the opportunity to approach someone I like, something goes horribly bad.

I will definately let this girl know how I feel and how I've always felt about her. I don't fear the inevitable rejection anymore. But I need to set things straight... I can feel it, like it's something I'll never forgive myself for not doing if I keep my mouth shut... even if and when I'm rejected.

 

[satindesire]

You like to make people angry, for 'fun'?

 

[Mac98]

You like to make people angry, for 'fun'?

Wrong choice of words, sorry. haha I don't like getting people angry. I won't insult someone for the fun of it (unless I feel the person is being out of place in which I usually tend to get very irritated and insulting), I meant it more as, for example, jumping fences, climbing buildings, going to drive throughs with ridiculous orders... you know, boys will be boys, type of thing. I'm only a teen once, I'll make the best of this time before it becomes "immature for my age".

But I didn't mean it as I go out of my way to anger people. Example: The number 1 greatest adrenaline rush is running from the police... even when you're 100% innocent, running from the police is more fun than anyone could imagine... as long as you are innocent, though... I doubt the same can be said if you've just robbed a bank or shot someone.. yeesh!

 

[satindesire]

Wrong choice of words, sorry. haha I don't like getting people angry. I won't insult someone for the fun of it (unless I feel the person is being out of place in which I usually tend to get very irritated and insulting), I meant it more as, for example, jumping fences, climbing buildings, going to drive throughs with ridiculous orders... you know, boys will be boys, type of thing. I'm only a teen once, I'll make the best of this time before it becomes "immature for my age".

But I didn't mean it as I go out of my way to anger people. Example: The number 1 greatest adrenaline rush is running from the police... even when you're 100% innocent, running from the police is more fun than anyone could imagine... as long as you are innocent, though... I doubt the same can be said if you've just robbed a bank or shot someone.. yeesh!

Oh, okay. Phew.