With Apologies To The Patient Ones

[PertPerth]

I'm somewhat anxious to see how this'll end up affecting (if at all) my friendship with either of them.

Good luck.

 

[Mac98]

It will be interesting to see how things play out. Your friend's initial reaction was surprising somewhat. I'm wondering if and how his feelings may evolve. Worst of all, he may reconsider how desirable she is and renew his interest in and commitment to her. And then you're screwed for another year or so (that's still all I give their relationship.)

On the other hand, it's almost Valentine's Day. Maybe something magical will happen and your dream girl will call you up, tell you she's heard "the news" and let you know she's ready to fuck your brains out. One can dream, right ?

(And don't get all literal on me now and dissect why that couldn't happen!! )

I rarely laugh out loud to lit posts, but this one did. And I'll abstain myself from telling you exactly why that couldn't/won't happen. I will, however, respond to your first paragraph by saying this: When I spoke to him (Wednesday), I had taken into consideration that I wouldn't be seeing him for AT LEAST another week (and that's if I choose to drive back down from school). I kept in mind that his initial reaction may not be quite the same after he's had time to let the news sink in and really analyse what just happened. He said it himself, this definately was some shocking news for him (and he did give me kudos for fooling EVERYONE cuz he never would have believed that I had feelings for her... I guess I've got a miserable, burden of a gift).

But that's why I feel I'm not done talking with him and next time I see him, I'll sit him down again and talk some more about it, in case there's anything he's feeling towards all this that may not be healthy towards my friendship with him.

And as for the fact that this may renew his interest for her... good. I wish them both nothing but good luck. I had my chance a few years ago and blew it, so I'm not gonna' try and start jinxing their relationship just so I can get another shot. If they do end up living happily ever after (which I HIGHLY doubt), then good for them.



...why do I always end up writing long-ass texts when I respond to you LBC?

 

[littlebabyclit]

I rarely laugh out loud to lit posts, but this one did. And I'll abstain myself from telling you exactly why that couldn't/won't happen.

...why do I always end up writing long-ass texts when I respond to you LBC?

Because you like me, you really really like me. And you also know I want to see you realize your dream goddess dream.

Glad I made you laugh at your computer, that's cool.

 

[Luna_Bella]

IRelationships are mainly about sharing things you like. If your dream girl rejects you, then I'd say to move on. How to do that? Well, do the things you like to do. Expand your social circle by getting involved. Volunteer. Hike. Go climbing, skiing, whatever. Focus on your life. Eventually, you'll meet girls who share the same tastes. Those will the ones you'll want to pursue.

This is good advice if you ask me.

 

[Luna_Bella]

as for forgeting the other girl don't, just come to terms with the fact that it won't happen, at least not for now.....

btw I am on the side that says you should come clean... it will give you closure... if she says she's not interested, never was, never will be. you will be done asking yourself what could have been.

 

[Mac98]

Because you like me, you really really like me. And you also know I want to see you realize your dream goddess dream.

Glad I made you laugh at your computer, that's cool.

That's true. You seem to understand what I'm feeling. And be proud you made me laugh... it's usually hard to get a chuckle out of me through the internet, you managed to make me laugh.

as for forgeting the other girl don't, just come to terms with the fact that it won't happen, at least not for now.....

btw I am on the side that says you should come clean... it will give you closure... if she says she's not interested, never was, never will be. you will be done asking yourself what could have been.

I have come to terms with that. I've made my peace with the fact that she'll *probably* never feel the same towards me and *probably* never has. Of course, like I've been reminded of so many times, I can't read into people's minds, which is why I put * around "probably", but I've seen the way she looks at my best friend and she's never looked at me that way, which is fine. I accept defeat... doesn't make me love her any less though...

I promised my best friend I wouldn't say anything to her until they were broken up... for good... which SHOULDN'T be in too much time. But until then, I'll hold my promise and not say a word to her until they're no longer together. He's the first and only person I've ever admitted this to face to face (and she happens to be his girlfriend, in case you missed that part), and since he's also directly involved in this whole mess of a situation, I can't disrespect him and go ahead and talk to her about it anyways.

But I assure everyone, their relationship is really going nowhere fast. If I can remain patient for, say, another year, or year and a half tops, then I'll probably get the opportunity to finally talk to her... assuming I'm still feeling like this.

 

[Luna_Bella]

Ok so did tell him then.... did it surprise him any???

 

[Mac98]

Ok so did tell him then.... did it surprise him any???

This is what I posted several days ago (4 to be exact).

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Well, since I've been asked to keep everyone posted, I'll do my part and do exactly that.

I drove back down to my hometown as soon as school finished last Friday and am heading back in an hour or two. I don't have class on Mondays and I took today off to come back (Don't judge! You've all skipped school before too!). Therefore, I had 3 days around my friends and family and I decided that my chance to finally say something was either now or never.

Last night, for the first time in over 5 years, I finally let another human being know of my feelings for this girl who caused 3 pages of discussion, advice and debate on an internet site.

I'm not sure how I can put what I've just been through in the last 24 hours into words, so if the text is long, I apologize. Be patient... some more.

Last night, I called my best friend up and told him I needed to have a talk. I sat him down in his basement, just the two of us and, after a couple of hours of beating around the bush, trying to put words around the fact that I'm in love with his girlfriend, I finally told him. Not so bluntly, subtly, but he caught on right away and I can't say how relieved I was when I saw a huge smile on his face before he replied: "Really? REALLY?? Wow!".

I kidd you not when I say it took me a good 90 minutes to finally get it out. I had a dry mouth and the shakes, which I thought was a little extreme. I mean, it's not like I lost a limb! But as soon as the words came out of my mouth, and as soon as my head stopped spinning and my vision stopped blurring, and instant sense of relief came over me. The shakes stopped immediately and I had a LONG discussion with my best friend who, in the end, felt nothing but guilt.

I must admit, I wasn't expecting him to throw me out of his home, but I sure as hell wasn't expecting him to feel guilty. He said he felt bad that I had to go through that and keep it bottled inside for so long. He said he was extremely happy I told him this and finally got it off my chest.

It didn't take him long to ask me if I was still, today, in love with her, to which I, at first, replied reluctantly. I tried to gauge his reaction by simply asking: "what if I was?". He didn't really give me a straight answer, but the smile on his face meant everything.

I did eventually ask him if it were ok with him if I said something to her if they ever split up. He laughed and said he couldn't care less, so I guess that isn't a problem. Though I did promise not to ever say anything as long as they're together, which is a promise I'll keep.

I was thrilled to see how well he was taking the news and was it was nice to see how much he cared. I was a little aprehensive at first... this terrain is sorta new to me, so I had no clue how he'd react. Perhaps I was fortunate, but I guess it goes to show that friendship, although not as powerful as a relationship, is still a powerful thing... thank god.

To be fully honest, I can't say I feel any less about her than I did before, though I know I have to give it time, but I do feel VERY relieved that it's FINALLY out there and can't thank all of you enough for giving me the time of day and sticking around to help. I am forever greatful (grateful? whatever!).

So that's it in a nutshell.

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To save you this painful read, I'll quickly recap by simply answering your initial question: Yes, he was very surprised, but wasn't hostile or upset the least bit. He took the news incredibly well and seemed to wanna' know more about how I lived those couple of years with that burried inside me. Unfortunately, the conversation I had going was cut short when his girlfriend (the one I'm in love with too) walked in. There are still some unresolved issues and unanswered questions I'd like to attend to.

 

[Luna_Bella]

lol sorry, it's french-canadian slang... means suspicious, or... suspicious. It means suspicious, this I know...

It does mean suspicious in the sense that it would make you wary and by all means it isn't slang... It's very good and proper french!

Sorry about making you repeat.... I guess I'd missed that part....

all I can think of is how awkward it must have been for both of you...

at least you have a little off your shoulders now......

 

[Mac98]

It does mean suspicious in the sense that it would make you wary and by all means it isn't slang... It's very good and proper french!

Sorry about making you repeat.... I guess I'd missed that part....

all I can think of is how awkward it must have been for both of you...

at least you have a little off your shoulders now......

It is an actual french word, I know, but it's used regularly in the english language... for some odd reason, given that it doesn't actually exist as an english word. Perhaps it's due time the dictionary add a new word to their vocabulary: Mefiant: To be suspicious, weary.

Ok, so now that THAT'S been cleared, even though it was pretty irrelevant in every way, I have to say, it wasn't awkward at all. My friend made it anything but. He was very open, asked lots of questions and could not for the life of him get that smile off his face. He seemed honest when he said it changed absolutely nothing in our friendship. I've spoken to him via internet since, and he's still really cool about it.

It's eery, I know...

 

[Luna_Bella]

well its not that eery.... I was in a similar situation once... few weeks after I had broken up with a guy my best friend came to me to tell me that they were now couple, she was so scared I was going to be mad..... I laugh it off.... It was irrelevant to our friendship... I didn't want to be with the guy(not that I didn't love him because I did but not the "in love" kinda way we were just better friends than lovers) why would I be mad if they could find happiness together?

Now I wasn't actually with the guy, but I imagine her feelings for him were there before we broke up.

Your best friend was maybe relieved in someway, he probably was asking himself if he had done something wrong for you to distance yourself from them. and I mean, yes, you are in love with his girlfriend but its not like you are actively chasing after her... so he has no real reason to be mad at you.

 

[Mac98]

Well, see, that's what I thought... I loved her before they even started dating and, in fact, he met her through me... and when he was chasing after her, I encouraged him to the max! If anything, I feel he owed me.

But I still had no idea how he would react, and I'm happy he reacted the way he did. Not only was he ok with it, he was actually enthused and wanted to know more... even though he mentioned a few times how guilty he felt, now, knowing this.

But I see what you mean, and I fully agree, but there's just no way of knowing how someone's going to react in these kinds of situations.

Like I said, though, I still have things to talk about with him. Once the dust has settled, I want to make sure his opinion hasn't changed any.

 

[NightL]

"Do you know... I have been madly in love with you for years. I am glad you and my friend are happy together... but I wish it were me in the relationship"

...then just leave it alone and see what develops...

Now that would have been short and sweet... not really hurt anyone at all... saved pages and pages of agony writing... but now you have given your word that you won't talk to her... and that is just going to keep the agony going on and on.

Maybe he has told her already... thought of that?

What if she were willing to have a side affair with you... could you tolerate that? From what you have written, I doubt it. If, however, she said "I've made a big mistake... you are the one for me.", would you insist she change her ways and stop going out to clubs or would you have the guts to change your life to suit her outgoing nature.

From your writings you should consider joining a BDSM club... it sounds like you cherish the agony... much easier that than getting on with your life. Your fantasy relationship actually sounds like it would be highly incompatible if it were to be a reality. But you don't want the fantasy to stop... you rather the agony of the fantasy than the realisation that her outgoing nature would drive you nuts with jealousy.

She has a life... she is outgoing and enjoying herself... partying while young... has a partner she is in love with (who apparently has no problem with her lifestyle)... still managing to hold down a job while having fun... sounds like she is happy to me. So what do you have to offer that would make her life more worthwhile?

You only have one shot at this life... stuff the promise you gave to your friend... tell her and be prepared for the consquences... and that could be humilation... or..

Just face fact... you are not and never will be in her league... move on and find a nice quiet girl... or take a risk one night, go to a club, get drunk, and have a laugh with friends.

 

[Mac98]

I like the cut of your jib, NightL, I really do. However, I think you're somewhat confused. The girl I meantioned that parties till she gets shit faced and can't walk anymore even though she knows she works the next morning is not the girl I'm in love with. She's just a coworker I happen to find really nice and attractive. I'm not stupid, I know a relationship with her would never end up working out, and I don't see it as that big a deal. Apologies if that part lead to confusion or anything.

The girl I'm actually in love with isn't a party girl at all. She rather enjoys staying home watching movies, playing video games, card games, going out for a car ride or a walk, etc.

Is she out of my league? I seem to think so. She's attractive not only in my eyes, but in perhaps 95% of people who've met her. This being said, the last "girlfriend" I had I thought was out of my league... so who's to say. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't, I really don't have any clue anymore.

As for my best friend telling her what I said, he told me it isn't anyone's business but mine. He said he wouldn't tell, though honestly... I can't say I really care if he does or not. If he did, I wouldn't be mad. It would, in fact, give me the opportunity to say something directly to her.

I gave my best friend my word that I wouldn't say anything out of respect. If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't want someone interfering with my relationship like that. Besides, he's been my best friend for over half my life... I wouldn't want to compromise his relationship and my friendship with him like that. Sorry if that sounds illogical, I just see it as respect and putting friends first.

And listen, I didn't come here to grieve and ask for pitty, I came here for advice because I sincerely don't know what to do anymore. I've been over this again and again in my head, and obviously she has a bigger hold on me than I thought, otherwise, a year away from her on top of a somewhat bizzare relationship would have let me forget about her... but it hasn't. I'm at my wits end, so I ask advice. And although this isn't a feeling I particularily enjoy, nor would I want to feel like this for years ahead, it's pretty exagerated to say I'm in agony. Getting your leg sawn off by a metalsaw sterilized with vodka without anethetics is agony. Unrequited love isn't.

Perhaps you're right, though. Maybe telling her straight forward would have been a good idea. And you know what, if she wasn't dating my best friend and had I been a bit better friends with her, it's an option I probably would've considered more thoroughly. But I have a responsibility towards my friend, whether I like it or not. I can't just lay a statement like that on her and leave it at that. Not only would I feel it to be unfair towards her, but I would feel like a douche for never having told my bestfriend.

Again, sorry if this sounds like a million excuses, I'm just answering your post to enlighten you a bit more on the context and how I'm living it. I appreciate the advice, and maybe it would've been the ideal approach. I don't know. But I can't say I'm unsatisfied with the results of talking about it with my best friend... so far.

PS: I'm not really into BDSM... It's not exactly my cup of tea.

 

[NightL]

All cool... and yes my scanning of the previous posts was not thorough enough... my sincere apologies.

...But I still strongly suggest... just go for it... "Do you know... I have been madly in love with you for years. I am glad you and my friend are happy together... but I wish it were me in the relationship" ...get it over and done with. Love can break all the rules... and your friend will get over you breaking your word.

I recently went back to my home town after being away for over twenty five years... I bumped into an old acquaintance who was still lusting after one of my old friends... he was still single while she, having had many relationships, was now also single (and happy). When I spoke to her about this she just cringed and said that she had stopped the friendship with him twenty years prior because of the situation. Don't put yourself in that place...

There will be others who you can lust after and fall in love with equally as much.

...but to keep pining while doing nothing about it = being whipped fairly hard.

 

[Mac98]

All cool... and yes my scanning of the previous posts was not thorough enough... my sincere apologies.

...But I still strongly suggest... just go for it... "Do you know... I have been madly in love with you for years. I am glad you and my friend are happy together... but I wish it were me in the relationship" ...get it over and done with. Love can break all the rules... and your friend will get over you breaking your word.

I recently went back to my home town after being away for over twenty five years... I bumped into an old acquaintance who was still lusting after one of my old friends... he was still single while she, having had many relationships, was now also single (and happy). When I spoke to her about this she just cringed and said that she had stopped the friendship with him twenty years prior because of the situation. Don't put yourself in that place...

There will be others who you can lust after and fall in love with equally as much.

...but to keep pining while doing nothing about it = being whipped fairly hard.

Although your last comment may be right, I don't feel I have much of a choice. I'm not in this predicament because I want to, but more because this is where life and myself have brought me. And although I can't excuse your opinion or advice as useless, I already gave my word I wouldn't say anything. I got that weight off my chest, at least a bit, by telling my best friend, I also get the chance to channel some of this energy when I see him or talk to him. I live just about 10 hours away from them and see them perhaps once a month... if it weren't for school, I would have to say I moved so far away hoping I could finally let it go and move on. Believe me, it's all I want right now, as much as a relationship with her. I would absolutely settle with moving on in a heart beat.

In the past years, I have had my chances to tell her. I'd say the perfect moment was one night, at my cottage down by the lake, I was alone with her (waiting for my friends to come join us) and we were watching the stars. All I could think of was that if I ever had a chance to tell her, it was now (and my friend wasn't going out with her at that moment, but I could see that they had a connection). I never did, though, because I cherished my friendship with her and thought it would compromise it. If I admit my feelings towards her and she doesn't have them for me, then I could pretty much call our friendship quits and things would have remained awkward. It would also have compromised my friendship with my best friends for various reasons I haven't the willingness or the time to talk about. Long story long, I kept my mouth shut for the sake of my friendship with both of them.

Now there is the slight possibility that had I said something, I'd be in my bestfriends shoes... but it wasn't a risk I was willing to take at the time, given the cricumstances. If I were to redo it, I'd tell her. I wouldn't even hesitate. It's brought to much wasted energy, I'm well aware of that and too much time not well spent. But I did what I did out of consideration for others and what seemed logically best for my future. I guess that didn't end up workign out like I thought, though, huh?