wives of bi husbands

[anne27]

Re: actually dear...

im the only chick that posted...i think......

Nope, I posted, also. Been following this thread. Very interesting replies, too.

Just my 2 cents, but in my experiences bi men seem to be more open, in general, to trying new things.

All of our experiences so far have been positive ones, on both sides.

 

[kristycross]

My Wife Through Me out!

I let her find pic's of me dressed with other guys! She outted me to my family and tried to tell my friends. Finally I told my friends this summer and they took it well. Now I'm free to live as I like and have fun with women and men, but always tell the truth up front! The Truth shall set you free!
Kristy

 

[gingermango]

Re: My Wife Through Me out!

I let her find pic's of me dressed with other guys! She outted me to my family and tried to tell my friends. Finally I told my friends this summer and they took it well. Now I'm free to live as I like and have fun with women and men, but always tell the truth up front! The Truth shall set you free!
Kristy

Sounds like you wife (ex-wife, I hope) is a hateful, insensitive and insecure woman. I'm glad your friends accepted who you are and that you're free to be yourself now. They sound like true friends.

 

[kristycross]

Ty Ginger!

I'm getting ready to go out tonight! I have a date with a m/f couple to go to the Hippo in Baltimore and hopefully I'll end up at their place. hehehe

 

[reddcutie]

i would caution against

saying some one is insensitive just because they have an extremely negative reaction to finding out they have been lied to and maybe even cheated on....while i think you should love someone unconditionally, that can really only happen in an honest relationship..it may be hard to disclose your sexuality to a loved one..but if you dont, the only option is to never be your true self, never be truly free...

 

[gingermango]

Re: i would caution against

I would caution against . . .

saying some one is insensitive just because they have an extremely negative reaction to finding out they have been lied to and maybe even cheated on....while i think you should love someone unconditionally, that can really only happen in an honest relationship..it may be hard to disclose your sexuality to a loved one..but if you dont, the only option is to never be your true self, never be truly free...

I chose my words carefully, based on what the poster said - his wife outed him to friends and family. While she may very well have been hurt and angered when she found out about his sexuality and encounters with men, that does not give her the right to do what she did. What possible motivation did she have to do what she did except an angry, spiteful attempt to hurt him? What possible constructive purpose could it have served? Anger does not give one carte blanche to lash out. That's one thing that (supposedly) separates humans from animals.

I've been in his shoes before with my own ex-wife as we were divorcing; although my ex's reactions were not motivated by the same things, she, too, tried to hurt me in the same manner, via my sexuality and leaking things in a very misleading and biased way to close friends in an effort to alienate them.

Fortunately my present wife (goddessO, who posts regularly on several cross-dressing picture threads) is accepting and even actively encouraging of my nascent bisexuality and cross-dressing. The contrast is stark.

 

[reddcutie]

easy to say......

much harder to do...i believe you are morally correct...but a scorned woman will still be a scorned woman...particularly if the playing field includes both sexes...and she is the last to know

 

[wild175133]

The subject of outing is very personal to me as my ex wife did that to me when we divorced. She had no reason to do what she did. Other than to alienate me from my kids and family. In the end she was the one who was alienated. Because our kids was able to understand why she was doing what she did and my family really didn't care.

Now what was the reason she did such a petty thing. I think it was guilt on her part. She was the one who had the afair. To be honest I really didn't care about that. Although to this day she denies nothing happened between them sexually. There was a definaite emotional connection between the two of them that, was interffering with her responsibilities to me and the kids. Because she felt so much guilt she needed to lash out in order to absolve herself of any blame for demise of our marriege. Outing me to our children and my family was her way of getting even. In the end though she was the one who ended up looking petty and imature.

 

[geishaGirl]

Re: i agree with you gingermango...

however, the reason i stated my opion in this way is because the thread is wives of bi husbands.....not spouses of bi people....however, i think that an intelligent person would have to admit that we have a terrible double standard going on in western society right now. many, many people,(especially men) think that it is cute and/or down right arousing to picture 2 females together kissing and being sexual--but reverse the sexes, and the same people will exhibit scorn and down-right revulsion. I think this attitude has served to shame many men, and been the catylist for alot of sad deception later.

I would strongly agree with this reddcutie.

It is a double standard and one that would undoubtedly contribute to bisexual men feeling that "shame" you referred to and therefore encourage them to hide themselves. It is sad to think that men being sexual with men is viewed as "disgusting" whereas women being sexual with women is a "turn-on" etc. Men being sexual together is just as beautiful and just as sexy as women being together sexually.

 

[Nordic man]

Re: Re: i agree with you gingermango...

I would strongly agree with this reddcutie.

It is a double standard and one that would undoubtedly contribute to bisexual men feeling that "shame" you referred to and therefore encourage them to hide themselves. It is sad to think that men being sexual with men is viewed as "disgusting" whereas women being sexual with women is a "turn-on" etc. Men being sexual together is just as beautiful and just as sexy as women being together sexually.

yes people can accept "bisexual women, but much hard to accept bi-sexual men. It is like men can't be that way. If your with a man then you must be gay or not accepting of your being gay.. where as for a women it is accepted that she could be with both sexes

 

[wild175133]

I think we would all agree

I think we would all agree our society's view on maculinity is pretty fucked up. Just look at the kind of men we look up to today. Our professional sports players are nonger professional sportsman who display respect for the fans display exemptlary sportsmanship conduct on the field of play. Ethics no longer exist in business. Managers act like they are at war using their emplyess as cannon fodder on the field of econimic battle. I think we are endorsing the wrong values in this country which in turn endorses all the wrong behavior we see today.

Just to make my point. I know a guy he beat every woman he was with. He was also a convicted rapist. Did he have trouble getting women to be with him? The answer was no. In fact he had no problem getting women to go to bed with him at all. The question is why should he change his behavoir? On the other hand i know alot of nice guys who treat every one with respect and dignity and they spend a lot of saturday nights alone. Other than a good feeling in side knowing they are good men. What do they get? Where am I going with this? It's this simple we can longer endorse bad behavior in men.

The key here is women. Woman have a much larger voice in this than they understand. They are the ones who make the final choice as to whom they date and who they don't. By dating and marrying these neanderthall creeps they are endorsing this kind of behavior in men.

 

[Netzach]

Uh no.

Blaming women for misogyny is a total heap of dog poo.

Most of the "nice guys" who sit home alone are passive aggressive losers who don't have the gumption to actually ask a woman out, who would rather whine and pine than grow a spine and some self confidence.

Many of the men in functional relationships with women are nice guys who do have the nuts to have enough self confidence to ask for what they want.

Many of the men in dysfunctional relationships with women are abusive assholes Women do not deserve them for picking them, either accidentally or repeatedly because that's how they have been raised or conditioned to be, what they have come to expect as normal from being in an abusive family.

 

[Netzach]

Incidentally, I am marrying a bisexual crosdressing submissive fiance.

if I had found these facts out by finding pics of him strewn around in flagrante with other guys and dressed, I would certainly have kicked his ass to the curb and certainly probably have done whatever I could to make him suffer as much as I had.

Being yourself is great, expecting a wife to meekly turn the other cheek when she catches you with a mouthful of cock, is absurd. Reverse the tables, I'm sure you'd sit down and have a nice calm chat.

 

[wild175133]

Incidentally, I am marrying a bisexual crosdressing submissive fiance.

if I had found these facts out by finding pics of him strewn around in flagrante with other guys and dressed, I would certainly have kicked his ass to the curb and certainly probably have done whatever I could to make him suffer as much as I had.

Being yourself is great, expecting a wife to meekly turn the other cheek when she catches you with a mouthful of cock, is absurd. Reverse the tables, I'm sure you'd sit down and have a nice calm chat.

I think you missed the point i was trying to make. first as far as my wife goes she knew about my sexuality from the start. i was up front with her and it was her decision in the beginning to stay with me

second point i was trying to make was why men stay in the closet as to their orientation and it has to do with societies views on masculinity how we uphold agressive violent behavior and how we see men who know how to control their temper as weak and femimen

 

[gingermango]

Incidentally, I am marrying a bisexual crosdressing submissive fiance.

if I had found these facts out by finding pics of him strewn around in flagrante with other guys and dressed, I would certainly have kicked his ass to the curb and certainly probably have done whatever I could to make him suffer as much as I had.

Then you are yourself endorsing emotional sadism and bullying behavior, the kind of behavior that potentially has tremendous consequences to everyone in society, all to assuage your wounded pride and ego. That sort of response is exactly why so many men (and women, too, whether you realize it or not) supress their true feelings in ways that manifest themselves so destructively.

Being yourself is great, expecting a wife to meekly turn the other cheek when she catches you with a mouthful of cock, is absurd. Reverse the tables, I'm sure you'd sit down and have a nice calm chat.

You have no idea what I or anyone else would do. What you're doing now is called projection. You're endorsing revenge and spite as legitimate methods of resolving relationship conflict and acting as if, because you'd act that way, everyone else would. Fortunately for the world, not everyone does act that way.

The direction this thread has turned is focusing on why bisexual men feel and act sexually repressed. You're providing an embodiment of their worst fear. Congratulations.

 

[wild175133]

Then you are yourself endorsing emotional sadism and bullying behavior, the kind of behavior that potentially has tremendous consequences to everyone in society, all to assuage your wounded pride and ego. That sort of response is exactly why so many men (and women, too, whether you realize it or not) supress their true feelings in ways that manifest themselves so destructively.



You have no idea what I or anyone else would do. What you're doing now is called projection. You're endorsing revenge and spite as legitimate methods of resolving relationship conflict and acting as if, because you'd act that way, everyone else would. Fortunately for the world, not everyone does act that way.

The direction this thread has turned is focusing on why bisexual men feel and act sexually repressed. You're providing an embodiment of their worst fear. Congratulations.

ditto

 

[Netzach]

I didn't get the feeling that the person whose wife "through her out" was on the level at the beginning, that's the post I'm talking about, not trying to work something out from the start, failing to and that other person getting jealous and resorting to asshole antics.

So...it's fine to cheat if you are a bi male and women should greet the cheating with equanimity and smiles when they find out, and if they don't they are what's keeping you down. In fact any woman who acts out being told this extremely significant news about her spouse is a heterosexist phobic asshole, not a person who's been burned in the biggest way possible doing what people who've been burned will do.

You know, I am projecting. I am not suggesting what you would or would not do, I'm talking about what the majority of people in the society I know and love would do if they found pics of their wife with a mouthful of stranger cock strewn around.

Of course women are not entitled to an ego to wound.

 

[Netzach]

Yes, I'm just another intolerant asshole who believes in leaving a relationship I am not happy in in search of the next relationship or relationships. I'm just another bigot who's worked out the sexuality compatibility of her primary relationship with a bi male, and is also queer herself. I'm just another bitch who doesn't feel it's ok for someone to piss on me because he has a sexual need and telling me might be uncomfortable.

 

[gingermango]

Yes, I'm just another intolerant asshole who believes in leaving a relationship I am not happy in in search of the next relationship or relationships. I'm just another bigot who's worked out the sexuality compatibility of her primary relationship with a bi male, and is also queer herself. I'm just another bitch who doesn't feel it's ok for someone to piss on me because he has a sexual need and telling me might be uncomfortable.

No, apparently you're just another person who thinks two wrongs make a right, someone who believes hurt feelings or a broken heart make it okay to exact scorched-earth revenge, someone who doesn't understand that outing someone for revenge is exactly the kind of emotional response that keeps people (of both sexes and all orientations) in the closet.

 

[Netzach]

A lot of things keep people in the closet. Usually first and foremost the people in the closet.

Reagrdless of whether it's right -- it's human. It's understandable, whether you personally find it mature, psychologically and politically correct or not, it's a response.

If I were running around and not telling my partners what I was doing, I'd probably be smart enough to prepare for the eventuality that they might not be thilled.

 

[gingermango]

A lot of things keep people in the closet. Usually first and foremost the people in the closet.

Reagrdless of whether it's right -- it's human. It's understandable, whether you personally find it mature, psychologically and politically correct or not, it's a response.

If I were running around and not telling my partners what I was doing, I'd probably be smart enough to prepare for the eventuality that they might not be thilled.

I didn't say it wasn't human, nor did I say it wasn't understandable. I said it wasn't right. There's a tremendous difference between "not being thrilled" and emtional vengeance. Vengeance may be understandable but it is ultimately unsatisfying - having hurt the other person "to get him back" what good does it do you? Does it keep you warm at night? Does it make you feel like a better person? Will more people love and respect you in return?

Of course not; it does none of those things. And the news of your vengeful nature will get around; friends will pat you on the back in the short run but distance themselves in the long run for fear that they will some day run afoul of that same temper and harsh spirit.

And after everything is said and done, you'll still be alone but rather than being sad, you'll be sad and bitter. Sadness passes with time but bitterness tends to curdle and harden. Life's too short to embrace anger and bitterness.

 

[Netzach]

I'm glad though, that people who are running around, possibly engaging in high risk sexual behavior, behind their unwitting spouses back draw not one iota of moral uncertainty in this thread, whereas people who out people do. That's very ethically sound.

 

[gingermango]

I'm glad though, that people who are running around, possibly engaging in high risk sexual behavior, behind their unwitting spouses back draw not one iota of moral uncertainty in this thread, whereas people who out people do. That's very ethically sound.

My first comment above, the one that drew ire and talk of kicking people to the curb and so forth, was in the nature of emotional support for a person who was outed by a vengeful spouse. I know very well that sexual behavior outside of a marriage can be a Very Bad Thing. I'm 36 years old and I was married to my first wife for 10 years. I've seen a lot of stuff, good and bad, in long term relationships. I've got the divorce to prove it, too. I've been married to my present spouse for 3 years and I see how much better things can be when both parties are completely honest with their needs and wants, even in the face of disapproval and conflict.

But that's not what the thread is about, nor the focus of the post to which I was responding. That guy had needs and desires he couldn't express to his spouse and he chose an outlet for them she disapproved of. Okay, here you go: BAD POSTER! BAD, BAD MAN! DON'T CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE! Is that better? Good.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, the focus of the thread had turned to why bisexual men hide their natures and claim to be "str8" (why can't people just type "straight" or "hetero" anymore?) instead of admitting what they want or need? I posit that it's because they often don't know themselves until they find themselves years-deep into relationships with disapproving women. Further, as shown above, some women aren't just disapproving, they're mean, vengeful and full of spite. So rather than expressing their needs, these guys hide who and what they are in order to avoid the short-term conflict that comes from being honest. Yes, that's not an effective relationship strategy, either. But it's not actively hateful and angry, either.

 

[Netzach]

You can look at homophobia as a horrible crippling and rampant problem - often it is. For every person I know who's unable to come out of the closet there's another who has, often from far worse odds, in far worse straits and to much worse flak than the other person.

For some people, they stay in the closet so they don't get beaten to death. For other people they stay in the closet because they are afraid they might have to cash in their 401K in the divorce. I know a man who was closeted and did not tell his wife for years because she was terminally ill, he waited until after her death to come out, and I actually respect that a great deal. It's too contextual for me to say there's one factor or another keeping them in the closet. But everyone here seems to be very eager to place the blame on hetero women, which to me, is kind of absurd.

Guys made the patriarchy, I guess this is what lying in it looks like.

 

[mansome]

You can look at homophobia as a horrible crippling and rampant problem - often it is. For every person I know who's unable to come out of the closet there's another who has, often from far worse odds, in far worse straits and to much worse flak than the other person.

For some people, they stay in the closet so they don't get beaten to death. For other people they stay in the closet because they are afraid they might have to cash in their 401K in the divorce. I know a man who was closeted and did not tell his wife for years because she was terminally ill, he waited until after her death to come out, and I actually respect that a great deal. It's too contextual for me to say there's one factor or another keeping them in the closet. But everyone here seems to be very eager to place the blame on hetero women, which to me, is kind of absurd.

Guys made the patriarchy, I guess this is what lying in it looks like.

*clap* *clap*

I totally agree.. no one forced these men to get married.... if you'ld rather be with men then get a divorce... if you wanna explore having an open relationship with your wife then talk it out with her... but cheating behind her back and having sex with men or women is wrong no matter what context it is.... I know there are secrets that men and women have that are separate from their married lives but physically being with another person without their knowledge isn't the way to go... if you don't want to be with her then get out.....

and to Blame women for the position you are in and not understanding is absolutely ridiculous..... I know I don't want to be in any relationship where the other person doesn't want to be with me and would rather be with someone else.....

People have to start taking responsibility for their own demons and quit blaming others... this is at the core of bigotry.....


*S*