Women of Lit: A Safe Place To Share

[dombeotch]

Field trip!!

Gen you lead the way... For several reasons.

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

General question prompted by recent activity: ladies, what’s your attraction triggers for either women or men?

My early Bi experiences (I’m a cliche and had an Old College Try) were with a woman as little femme presenting as much as was possible at a Christian school in the early 90s. Back when I was still struggling to grow my hair out just to pin it up because that’s what we did she had short pixie cut hair, broader shoulders, and usually in jeans, tees, denim jackets. (Seeing her now she’s full carabiner and flannels). God was I ever entranced back then. Now that I’m looking again I’m generally more interested in femme presenting women in the mid 30s-50s - other moms essentially.

For men, well, did you see that comedy sketch about TimDer, the dating app for meeting Middle Aged and older capable and compassionate Minnesota democrats A La Mr Walz? Mostly that but maybe a bit more defined around the midsection. Not that I don’t get a little het up by fit men in well tailored suits but it’s the smile and eyes that get me.

Anyone else care to share?

I've always been a sucker for strong looking arms and pretty eyes. Color really doesn't matter... some eyes are just pretty and full of life.

 

[lil_jenni]

General question prompted by recent activity: ladies, what’s your attraction triggers for either women or men?

My early Bi experiences (I’m a cliche and had an Old College Try) were with a woman as little femme presenting as much as was possible at a Christian school in the early 90s. Back when I was still struggling to grow my hair out just to pin it up because that’s what we did she had short pixie cut hair, broader shoulders, and usually in jeans, tees, denim jackets. (Seeing her now she’s full carabiner and flannels). God was I ever entranced back then. Now that I’m looking again I’m generally more interested in femme presenting women in the mid 30s-50s - other moms essentially.

For men, well, did you see that comedy sketch about TimDer, the dating app for meeting Middle Aged and older capable and compassionate Minnesota democrats A La Mr Walz? Mostly that but maybe a bit more defined around the midsection. Not that I don’t get a little het up by fit men in well tailored suits but it’s the smile and eyes that get me.

Anyone else care to share?

With women, I like femme, taller than me (not hard to find—I'm five foot nothing), dark hair, brown or hazel or green eyes, more curvy than slender... There's this half Brazilian woman we know who checks all my fucking boxes and, based on some old social media posts, bi to boot. But despite all my dreaming and lusting (and maybe some scheming), nothing...

With guys, I like taller and slender (but not skinny), but it's not a strong preference, and I think I only have it because Hubby is built that way. Before him, I was all over the place. Then again, they were all casual anyway, so it was just what I wanted in the moment. I did hook up with a fair number if nerdy guys in college, but that was because they were a sure thing and very eager, which could be quite the ego boost for a girl who got her self-esteem one cumshot at a time...

 

[lil_jenni]

Well, there were a few instances I got it several at a time, but normally it was one at a time.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

I hope you are all doing well today. That is my wish.

 

[dombeotch]

I hope you are all doing well today. That is my wish.

Well I hope that's everyone's wish hun.

 

[stickygirl]

Fuck yeah it does. I had a couple misfires back when I was still drinking and trying to reignite my bisexuality. The most embarrassing was with my Hubby's cousin during pandemic lockdown. She was staying with us and I totally misread a bunch there. It got kinda awkward, of course.

I'm glad it's not just me. Thinking back I suspect a couple of women were pulling my chain, one giving me winks and 'phone-me' hands but she backed right off and made me feel stupid. So... given I'm autistic and can read even the most subtle gesture but have no clue how to interpret it, I tend to wait to be asked.

I've been with a guy atm after several relationships with women. We shared a common interest ( he was restoring an old sail boat ) and I offered to help. We still laugh about the situation when he asked: if was freezing cold, we were both in filthy old work clothes so there was no way we could clinch. Yup, I've got a good one.

Different topic but not. I had a quick discussion with another woman who couldn't see herself dating a guy ( she's trans too ). I tried to explain how I felt about good men and said it was like I could lean into him in a way I haven't been able to with another woman. The dynamic is surely different mf v ff but different can be okay.

TLDR It's brains and attitude I go for. If they've a good body it's a bonus

 

[genzsub]

I'm glad it's not just me. Thinking back I suspect a couple of women were pulling my chain, one giving me winks and 'phone-me' hands but she backed right off and made me feel stupid. So... given I'm autistic and can read even the most subtle gesture but have no clue how to interpret it, I tend to wait to be asked.

I've been with a guy atm after several relationships with women. We shared a common interest ( he was restoring an old sail boat ) and I offered to help. We still laugh about the situation when he asked: if was freezing cold, we were both in filthy old work clothes so there was no way we could clinch. Yup, I've got a good one.

Different topic but not. I had a quick discussion with another woman who couldn't see herself dating a guy ( she's trans too ). I tried to explain how I felt about good men and said it was like I could lean into him in a way I haven't been able to with another woman. The dynamic is surely different mf v ff but different can be okay.

TLDR It's brains and attitude I go for. If they've a good body it's a bonus

I can't even imagine how hard dating must be for you. I am SO glad you found someone! When I hear stories like yours, I often think that the human need for love can cross any boundary. At least that's what the romantic side of my brain says. The realistic side knows that there are still a lot of people who never find someone but I think those are a minority of the 8 billion people on the planet. So fuck realism, I like romance!

One thing you said was especially interesting to me:

I tried to explain how I felt about good men and said it was like I could lean into him in a way I haven't been able to with another woman.

I gravitate to strong, confident women who, nevertheless, present very feminine. The combination is SO hot to me. Because of that, possibly, I get that same feeling of being able to lean into them but I can't say if that is different for men. I have never wanted or even pretended to be attracted to a man so I couldn't compare.

Different is always okay and can be amazing

 

[JennyCapricorn]

I gravitate to strong, confident women who, nevertheless, present very feminine. The combination is SO hot to me. Because of that, possibly, I get that same feeling of being able to lean into them but I can't say if that is different for men.

God are confidence and capability sexy.

Saw a TikTok or Reels or whatever a while back from a woman positing that the rise in Mortal Woman/Immortal Partner romance (what she called “extreme age gap”) comes from the readers - mostly women in the late 20s through 30s - looking for men who were competent, made good decisions, and knew how to manage a house.

Yes, sure, he drinks the blood of the innocent but he also actually knows how to do basic repair, cooks a fine meal, and makes reliable financial decisions. And prioritizes my orgasm. It’s a hard call.

Being with someone you can lean into doesn’t have to be that extreme but it’s just such a relief. And it think it was the author Cat Valente who said the important thing about a partner who makes you laugh isn’t that they are funny. It’s that they make you comfortable enough to authentically laugh.

 

[stickygirl]

I can't even imagine how hard dating must be for you. I am SO glad you found someone! When I hear stories like yours, I often think that the human need for love can cross any boundary. At least that's what the romantic side of my brain says. The realistic side knows that there are still a lot of people who never find someone but I think those are a minority of the 8 billion people on the planet. So fuck realism, I like romance!

One thing you said was especially interesting to me:

I gravitate to strong, confident women who, nevertheless, present very feminine. The combination is SO hot to me. Because of that, possibly, I get that same feeling of being able to lean into them but I can't say if that is different for men. I have never wanted or even pretended to be attracted to a man so I couldn't compare.

Different is always okay and can be amazing

Dating for anyone has pitfalls, but in being trans there can be clichéd situations if a chaser's head is full of fantasy and not reality. I quickly shut down cold-calls and never use dating apps or go clubbing. I used to work at a university so it was easy to get to know people first and then trying to work out if they're just being nice or want a date. That mix of people are pretty open-minded towards gender and sexuality.

Yea, I never felt much of anything for guys, though I gave a friend a go to try out my surgery... you gotta take it for a spin After that it was women, whose company I generally prefer.

 

[stickygirl]

And prioritizes my orgasm. It’s a hard call.

Naturally!!

Being with someone you can lean into doesn’t have to be that extreme but it’s just such a relief. And it think it was the author Cat Valente who said the important thing about a partner who makes you laugh isn’t that they are funny. It’s that they make you comfortable enough to authentically laugh.

You nailed it - 'Such a relief' You don't feel you're giving up anything or losing autonomy.

 

[genzsub]

God are confidence and capability sexy.

Saw a TikTok or Reels or whatever a while back from a woman positing that the rise in Mortal Woman/Immortal Partner romance (what she called “extreme age gap”) comes from the readers - mostly women in the late 20s through 30s - looking for men who were competent, made good decisions, and knew how to manage a house.

Yes, sure, he drinks the blood of the innocent but he also actually knows how to do basic repair, cooks a fine meal, and makes reliable financial decisions. And prioritizes my orgasm. It’s a hard call.

Being with someone you can lean into doesn’t have to be that extreme but it’s just such a relief. And it think it was the author Cat Valente who said the important thing about a partner who makes you laugh isn’t that they are funny. It’s that they make you comfortable enough to authentically laugh.

This was so funny and so true! And the quote from Cat Valente is excellent. I'd never thought of it like that but as soon as I read it, I realized how true it was. Thanks!

 

[lil_jenni]

I fall very much on the love is love side of things. It's what almost everyone is looking for, and why the fuck is it anyone else's business who anyone else loves.

For me, I never thought I was built for love... or better put, shaped for it. And I didn't think I deserved it. I avoided real intimacy, even with friends, always keeping a buffer. For sex, that buffer was never getting close, never dating or hanging out or talking. I'd pick a guy, bluntly tell him what I wanted—or more often, what I would do for him—and then walk away when it was done. I never expected anything else from them, or from myself. I took care of them, and it made me feel like I had some worth. If I got anything for myself, it was almost always by myself. Let's just say the first guy I was ever with fucked me in many, many ways, ways I'm still trying to overcome.

That asshole taught me women were for a guy's pleasure, and any pleasure a woman had was incidental or up to herself. And even when I thought that wasn't what I was doing, it was. I was lucky to meet my Hubby, a real man who likes women and taught me something very different from what I had known. And I'm lucky as fuck I let him.

I mean, I like to think it would have worked it out on my own, eventually... but I think it would have been hell getting there. We were apart a year and a half at one point, because it all got too much and I cheated on him to sabotage it before he realized how fucked up I am and what a mistake he had made. And yes, that's what I thought. I then Spiraled for six months and took a year to after that to climb my way back up to something close to what I was before. Funny thing was that by the time we got back together, I felt more like I deserved getting better.

Ugh... Rambling. Sorry.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

.Ugh... Rambling. Sorry.

No need to apologize. Among friends. And we all support you.

And your first “lover” needs to be castrated.

 

[genzsub]

Dating for anyone has pitfalls, but in being trans there can be clichéd situations if a chaser's head is full of fantasy and not reality. I quickly shut down cold-calls and never use dating apps or go clubbing. I used to work at a university so it was easy to get to know people first and then trying to work out if they're just being nice or want a date. That mix of people are pretty open-minded towards gender and sexuality.

Yea, I never felt much of anything for guys, though I gave a friend a go to try out my surgery... you gotta take it for a spin After that it was women, whose company I generally prefer.

I feel for you. I did a lot of...experimenting...in college just never with guys. It's amazing how much more open people can be to intimacy when they don't think they are going to be judged. I got to be several women's foray into exploring their sexuality and it was always fun. (sigh, pause for reminiscing)

 

[JennyCapricorn]

I feel for you. I did a lot of...experimenting...in college just never with guys. It's amazing how much more open people can be to intimacy when they don't think they are going to be judged. I got to be several women's foray into exploring their sexuality and it was always fun. (sigh, pause for reminiscing)

Those of us who wanted to have our old college try appreciate your service.

 

[genzsub]

I fall very much on the love is love side of things. It's what almost everyone is looking for, and why the fuck is it anyone else's business who anyone else loves.

For me, I never thought I was built for love... or better put, shaped for it. And I didn't think I deserved it. I avoided real intimacy, even with friends, always keeping a buffer. For sex, that buffer was never getting close, never dating or hanging out or talking. I'd pick a guy, bluntly tell him what I wanted—or more often, what I would do for him—and then walk away when it was done. I never expected anything else from them, or from myself. I took care of them, and it made me feel like I had some worth. If I got anything for myself, it was almost always by myself. Let's just say the first guy I was ever with fucked me in many, many ways, ways I'm still trying to overcome.

That asshole taught me women were for a guy's pleasure, and any pleasure a woman had was incidental or up to herself. And even when I thought that wasn't what I was doing, it was. I was lucky to meet my Hubby, a real man who likes women and taught me something very different from what I had known. And I'm lucky as fuck I let him.

I mean, I like to think it would have worked it out on my own, eventually... but I think it would have been hell getting there. We were apart a year and a half at one point, because it all got too much and I cheated on him to sabotage it before he realized how fucked up I am and what a mistake he had made. And yes, that's what I thought. I then Spiraled for six months and took a year to after that to climb my way back up to something close to what I was before. Funny thing was that by the time we got back together, I felt more like I deserved getting better.

Ugh... Rambling. Sorry.

Wow, such a tough journey. I'm glad you made it out the other side with a great husband and a blossoming family. I agree with @JennyCapricorn, that first guy you were with needs a hot iron shoved up his ass. Then castrated. Or maybe castrated then the hot iron. And then castrate him again. Is that possible? Let's try!

 

[lil_jenni]

No need to apologize. Among friends. And we all support you.

And your first “lover” needs to be castrated.

For many reasons, some I can't post here.

He was my cousin's boyfriend, older than her and a lot older than me. He put her up to working at a brothel (a legal one in Nevada... I want to make sure I don't get in trouble for posting about illegal activity... ), and since those shifts are weeks at a time, he talked us both into letting him have me while she was not available to him.

My first sexual experience was actually with my cousin as he watched. I think that's the reason I was in deep denial about being bi in college. I mean, I did kiss some other women, and let two of them do things to me, but I didn't reciprocate because, well, I want bi... But of course, I am. I just repressed it and missed out on so much...

He was in prison for several years (until quite recently). I better not put why, but I will say my cousin and I were far from his only victims.

She killed herself several years ago, and I put a lot of that on him. If it were up to me, he would have never gotten out. But... I try to live my life for me and those I love now, and I try not let anger and hate seep into my heart. But I will always fucking hate that man. I can't help it. I just don't have to let it define me.

 

[genzsub]

For many reasons, some I can't post here.

He was my cousin's boyfriend, older than her and a lot older than me. He put her up to working at a brothel (a legal one in Nevada... I want to make sure I don't get in trouble for posting about illegal activity... ), and since those shifts are weeks at a time, he talked us both into letting him have me while she was not available to him.

My first sexual experience was actually with my cousin as he watched. I think that's the reason I was in deep denial about being bi in college. I mean, I did kiss some other women, and let two of them do things to me, but I didn't reciprocate because, well, I want bi... But of course, I am. I just repressed it and missed out on so much...

He was in prison for several years (until quite recently). I better not put why, but I will say my cousin and I were far from his only victims.

She killed herself several years ago, and I put a lot of that on him. If it were up to me, he would have never gotten out. But... I try to live my life for me and those I love now, and I try not let anger and hate seep into my heart. But I will always fucking hate that man. I can't help it. I just don't have to let it define me.

Fuck! I was half joking before but he truly deserves so much worse! I take it back, he shouldn't be castrated. His pain needs to last. I say as a condition of his release, any of his victims get to kick him in the balls as hard as they want once an hour. If none are around, a big burly woman is paid to do it for them.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

She killed herself several years ago, and I put a lot of that on him. If it were up to me, he would have never gotten out. But... I try to live my life for me and those I love now, and I try not let anger and hate seep into my heart. But I will always fucking hate that man. I can't help it. I just don't have to let it define me.

And they wonder why we pick the bear.

You’re on the right track Jenni. And you have friends.

 

[lil_jenni]

Fuck! I was half joking before but he truly deserves so much worse! I take it back, he shouldn't be castrated. His pain needs to last. I say as a condition of his release, any of his victims get to kick him in the balls as hard as they want once an hour. If none are around, a big burly woman is paid to do it for them.

Yep. Like I said, I try not to let it have power over me. I can go weeks without thinking about him. But then...

But I don't want to bring people down, and I'm already starting to refocus. I just need to let this all out once in a while. And I guess today was one of those times. And I really appreciate the support.

 

[genzsub]

Yep. Like I said, I try not to let it have power over me. I can go weeks without thinking about him. But then...

But I don't want to bring people down, and I'm already starting to refocus. I just need to let this all out once in a while. And I guess today was one of those times. And I really appreciate the support.

You've always got friends here ready to listen and just be here for you.

 

[lil_jenni]

And they wonder why we pick the bear.

You’re on the right track Jenni. And you have friends.

Thank you.

And yes, when the whole bear question came up, he was who I thought of first. Give me the bear. At most, the bear will just kill me. A man can do so much worse.

But like I wrote above, I m working on redirecting. I have my family and friends, I have self worth (even if it's shaky from time to time), and I have a good life to live.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

As a change of topic, recently said in our bedroom
Me: “sorry I bit you”
Him: “it wasn’t somewhere that won’t heal….”

 

[KatieDoes]

Well I just spent some time cruising Pinterest for older sexy ladies so some of those will go up soon.

ETA: be the change you want to see in the world

I know that this wasn’t supposed to be funny… but it’s hilarious to me that Pinterest is where to find older sexy women. Absolutely hilarious.

And I’m 100% an older sexy woman on Pinterest