Writing Challenge ~ January 2011 ~ Reviews and Comments

[Vail_Indigo]

Thanks much, Alana!

I too am having a bit of a hard time keeping up with all the entries, but I'm trying!

 

[Jewelskye]

I've removed my entry, thank you for the comments that were provided, but I have no desire to be a part of this anymore. I was under the impression this was something done to help people better their writing, not deal with inflated egos and "look at how much better I can use your ideas than you can".

 

[PenIsMightier1]

The mask in the Box - Vail

This was great, that's really all I can say. But what the hell, I'll give it shot and try say more.

As much as I love the sexual energy in your first one, I prefer this one, I love the wit and darkness that you've captured so well that comes from a film noir piece.

The last sentence adds even more intrigue and makes this piece seem like more than just a random excerpt.

 

[Alana_]

I've removed my entry, thank you for the comments that were provided, but I have no desire to be a part of this anymore. I was under the impression this was something done to help people better their writing, not deal with inflated egos and "look at how much better I can use your ideas than you can".

Um...Ok.

For my part, I'm not sure what you're talking about, but ok. If that's what you feel you should do, cool. Sorry the exercise wasn't what you wanted, and apparently seems to have caused you some kind of offense.

That's too bad. Maybe another time.

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

The Masquerade Party – Emerald_Lilly:
The sensual touch between two women has always made me blush. With nothing very solid to make connections on I was pleasantly shocked when I connected with one of the characters. Feeling neglected from a loved one usually ends up in destruction, where this one ended up in pleasurable sparks. Very nicely done.

Thanks SS! I am so glad you connected with one of the characters ... the pleasurable sparks were fun to imagine (and allowed me to pull on rl experiences ... yum!)

The Masquerade Party - Emerald Lily
There's so much good here. It's a twist on the knight in shining armor motif, but then again everything is a twist on something else so no complaints at all. I think a few more words about her building panic, or maybe a few to increase the dullness that her husband brings into the story, would have enhanced the rescue and made what followed seem a bit more vivid. Still, wonderfully done.

LR, thanks for the feedback. I actually cut out sections and rewrote the feeling of abandonment and loneliness several times .... trying to balance the set-up with the "climax" so I understand your comments completely! (And I am a total romantic, so a knight in shining armor is a common motif for me!)

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

filthysami,
Your entry actually gave me chills! I liked the cyclical way they each revealed themselves as well as the way their comments to each other can be taken with deep meaning or on a more literal level. Very nice!

 

[monique_minx]

So, I haven't got a thing for this particular picture but then, lately, I find myself in more of a combative mood where I'm interested in writing action pieces and this just screams drama at me.

Anyways, my reasons aside. I did a little reading, you guys are quite hard to keep up with and there's some seriously long posts in there. Sorry to the ones I haven't gotten around to yet, I'll get to you guys!

Alana - I really love the WW2 concentration camp stories, yours kind of reminds me of Inglorious Bastards just a bit!
I really loved the focus on the 'eight' part which made the ending that much more dramatic and enticing, it finishes by really bringing the reader into it completely, it left me grinning.
I also like the realism and attention to detail that you involved, the actual facts were enjoyable because it gave me a better picture all around.
I like the layout of the paragraphs as well, it's lengthy and would otherwise be difficult to read if you hadn't spaced it out so beautifully. All in all, an awesome creation you should be proud of.

Vail - Because you have a second entry further down, I'm going to leave this one alone until I read that next one simply because; while it was intriguing, I love your writing and have read quite a bit of it, I think you can do better so I'm reserving commentary until I can read the other entry.

Pen - The beginning of your story is admittedly, quite cliche and reminds me a lot of Spiderman's adversary - Green Goblin, at the beginning of the movie, when it's talking to him. That, or the Mask with Jim Carrey which is similar.
But as you got further along and truly moved into the story, the reader's perspective starts to change with the scene and while it's vague throughout and doesn't really emotionally involve the reader; I really did love the ending which just gave me a small thrill and a chilling 'what the fuck' moment to follow.
It left me curious as to what was going on with not only the mask but the woman herself, it leaves you wondering if she's crazy or the mask has these super wonderfully scary powers. Top effort!

Aus - This reminds me of The Da Vinci Code actually, the religious sect that protects the descendant of Christ and how they use sex to worship. But this seemed even more powerful than that by the language and names chosen, the ending in particular because she's named 'The Living Goddess' and yet, at the end, it seems like a sexual sacrifice of life. It also becomes supernatural at that point and leaves me wondering because she vanishes, is she dead? And so on.
A very intense entry, I loved it.

 

[Alana_]

Minx thank you. Im delighted that you enjoyed this. Thanks for your generous feed back.

 

[Ahren]

I'd be interested to see some more stories that aren't sexual. Just for variety's sake. It's a writing challenge, after all. Try something different.

 

[Alana_]

I'd be interested to see some more stories that aren't sexual. Just for variety's sake. It's a writing challenge, after all. Try something different.

Why don't you write one?

 

[Ahren]

Because I'm pretty familiar with my own writing. I'm curious to see what others would write.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

And, as you well know, we're here to amuse Ahren.
Well, I know I am, at least.

 

[Alana_]

Because I'm pretty familiar with my own writing. I'm curious to see what others would write.

Then try for once to be a little less ' Ahren' and more civil, and offer more than a blanket criticism of most of the thread's content, that people have worked very hard on.
Constructive criticism was asked for and encouraged by most participants, ..but what you posted was just rude.

 

[Noon_Shadow]

Then try for once to be a little less ' Ahren' and more civil, and offer more than a blanket criticism of most of the thread's content, that people have worked very hard on.
Constructive criticism was asked for and encouraged by most participants, ..but what you posted was just rude.

Plus, to be honest, the sexual content is actually less than I expected for a writing challenge in a sexual role playing forum. It seems like a pretty lame criticism. shrugs Perhaps he was reaching for some blanket negative comment to make?

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Plus, to be honest, the sexual content is actually less than I expected for a writing challenge in a sexual role playing forum. It seems like a pretty lame criticism. shrugs Perhaps he was reaching for some blanket negative comment to make?

you are right there. Most of the sexual content has either been implied, or wasn't really for the sake of sex. Most of this you wouldn't, say, expect to read in the Literotica story section

 

[Alana_]

you are right there. Most of the sexual content has either been implied, or wasn't really for the sake of sex. Most of this you wouldn't, say, expect to read in the Literotica story section

Plus, to be honest, the sexual content is actually less than I expected for a writing challenge in a sexual role playing forum. It seems like a pretty lame criticism. shrugs Perhaps he was reaching for some blanket negative comment to make?

It's Ahren...He'd find fault with himself if he had nothing else to give out about.

 

[Ahren]

Then try for once to be a little less ' Ahren' and more civil, and offer more than a blanket criticism of most of the thread's content, that people have worked very hard on.
Constructive criticism was asked for and encouraged by most participants, ..but what you posted was just rude.

I was quite civil. I'm not meticulously picking apart every story, nor did I even say I disliked any of the ones that were there.

If anyone else had posted that, you would have probably smiled and respected their opinion, even if you didn't agree. But because it's me people like to just assume I mean the worst all the time.

 

[Alana_]

I was quite civil. I'm not meticulously picking apart every story, nor did I even say I disliked any of the ones that were there.

If anyone else had posted that, you would have probably smiled and respected their opinion, even if you didn't agree. But because it's me people like to just assume I mean the worst all the time.

No one else did post it.

 

[Britwitch]

coughs quietly

I'm glad to see people are reading and posting but lets end this now please...Ahren, thanks for reading and taking the time to comment but even you have to admit that saying you would be interested in reading stories with a higher 'sex' content and that people should write something other than what they've submitted can't really be classed as constructive criticism now can it?

And you must be able to understand that people who have taken the time to write something, to share their work, can feel a little peeved to get such 'advice' from someone who 'is familiar with their own writing' and doesn't want to participate. To join in or not is your choice but don't knock others for joining in in whatever fashion they choose.

Anyway...moving on...

I too am behind on the latest posts but will get to them asap!

 

[Ahren]

Yeah, that's not what I said at all.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

I rather like Ahren's voice of dissension. Many of us are quick to think that he's out for blood or something, but he pointed out that he'd like to see a few stories which aren't overtly sexual in nature. Which is completely fine.

Although Ahren, being the intelligent doll that he is had to realize that he was posting this on LitEROTICA. I would hope, otherwise he's been so very confused all this time.

I really really dislike that we are all so quick to jump at Ahren instead of taking a step back and really reading what he says. Not everything he says is negative. I've seen him be nice too.

 

[Ahren]

I'm well aware of our location. That's entirely why I made the comment to begin with.

If people are caught up on my lack of participation, then the reasoning is that I'm just not a storyteller. I roleplay because I think of it as acting. Writing a story on my own is an entirely different matter and I'm not skilled at it nor am I really interested in attempting.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

*snicker*

You're welcome you ungrateful whelp.

Moving on- anyone willing to take on the challenge of writing something non-sexual? I don't even think I have that in my repertoire.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

*snicker*

You're welcome you ungrateful whelp.

Moving on- anyone willing to take on the challenge of writing something non-sexual? I don't even think I have that in my repertoire.

At the very least, I did and Alana did

 

[PenIsMightier1]

I don't see why writing about something non-sexual is anymore of a challenge than writing about something with sexual tones.

The challenge is writing a good piece, and if you can write something that has sex in and still makes literary sense then challenge completed, surely