Writing from your opposite sex perspective

[nice90sguy]

My best-selling books are in the voices of lesbians, which I'm not.

Writing from the POV of a lesbian is slightly easier for me, because a lot of lesbians enjoy non-penetrative sex with a woman, just like I do.

And the "women are more empathetic and talk about feelings more" observation is not my experience at all, so that side of it isn't a problem for me. I think it's that I've never had any desire to be penetrated, and I don't find men sexually attractive, so it's hard for me to really imagine sex with a man, and getting off on it.

 

[KeithD]

Writing from the POV of a lesbian is slightly easier for me, because a lot of lesbians enjoy non-penetrative sex with a woman, just like I do.

And the "women are more empathetic and talk about feelings more" observation is not my experience at all, so that side of it isn't a problem for me. I think it's that I've never had any desire to be penetrated, and I don't find men sexually attractive, so it's hard for me to really imagine sex with a man, and getting off on it.

I don't include graphic sex in my lesbian works. These are mainstream books. I write their emotions, how they relate to each other, and how they maneuver in the society around them. That's the base that I'm putting myself inside them to be able to write them--not centering their lives on the sexual part, although getting them to bed to indicate it's there. I slid into writing their series almost accidentally. When the e-book revolution hit, I was doing publishing consulting. I put together a workshop on how to take advantage of using e-booking to expand access to smaller audiences that publishing house had been denying. To demonstrate I picked an underserved market, light lesbian mysteries, and wrote a book to use as demonstration in the workshop. My regular publisher published it, it did well, and it led to another and then another and another, to something over thirty-five.

This is still a good way to use the e-book world. Look for underserved niches and fill them. Your audience will be relatively small, but you'll have one.

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

If you still have that story saved somewhere you should definitely continue with it

Sadly I got so fed up I deleted it completely. My intention was that she would be shocked at first, and phone her best friend. The friend was be alarmed, for sure, but the cock being 8 inches got her curious and excited. They found out that it 'worked' and this led to steamy sex scenes as they tested it out.
By the way, there were big testicles to go with the cock.

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

Post one from the male perspective not giving the game away and then ask.

I suspect I would have to write under a different name for that to work properly.

 

[KeithD]

I suspect I would have to write under a different name for that to work properly.

Why? I write separate stories from a jumble of gender perspectives--and post them to a jumble of Literotica accounts. I think you're overthinking this and spinning wheels. But, as I noted, if you state what you're trying to do off the top, the story can't then be objectively analyzed for that element.

 

[intim8]

I try to write characters as people first, then as individuals with specific personalities, wants, needs, hopes, fears, hangups, attitudes, etc. Then color all that with specifics of how those work with their gender, socially, sexually, and sometimes even politically. What turns them on, what gets them off, what they expect or hope for from a sexual encounter and what worries them about one, mechanical specifics, etc.

I figure if the first two are believable enough, the third can't be too far off. Though obviously that third one leaves me prone to stereotype when writing female characters.

 

[AlinaX]

Picture a cat sitting on your lap. A happy cat. Contented. It starts making money.

Okay, but... 'making money'?

 

[AG31]

As I'm personally more interested in the differences, rather than the similarities between male and female sexuality, I do overthink this, a lot.
I'm constantly surprised by (hetero-)sexually experienced women getting male sexuality completely wrong. Consequently I'm very cautious about the converse. Some people are better at imagining what it's like to be the opposite sex than others. I'm pretty sure I'm worse than many people at it.

If you think about this a lot, I'd be interested to know if you think I get the male POV right. I've gotten opinions from two or three other people and would like yours too. My best and longest of my dozen or so stories is Twelve Maxbridge Street, but all but one are from the male POV.

The catch is that my MCs are all in a masochistic situation. I don't write about male desire for women or men. The one time I tried I clearly failed. The story was M/M, and what I failed at was describing male desire. I didn't publish it and haven't tried again. In Maxbridge I have a section involving a loving relationship, but I don't dwell on the physical.

So, my advice to the OP is don't try unless you can think yourself into the personality of the character you're trying to describe.

 

[AG31]

Picture a cat sitting on your lap. A happy cat. Contented. It starts making money. it's a happy cat, so it might move round a bit. It decides to turn round and face you. Its paws are right above your delicate bits, and its claws... well, the pyjamas won't give much protection.

What does "making money" mean in this context?

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

Okay, but... 'making money'?

The Internet says that the Kneading behaviour of cats is sometimes called 'making biscuits'. No idea about the money thing.

 

[TheLobster]

The Internet says that the Kneading behaviour of cats is sometimes called 'making biscuits'. No idea about the money thing.

I did read it as a Britishism (or StillStunned-ism?) for kneading. Although now that I think of it, maybe it refers to raking your lap with the cat's claws. Making money = raking in money = raking? idk

Please @StillStunned, resolve our confusion!

 

[StillStunned]

Yeah, kneading. I've mostly heard it called making money.

Not that my damn cats ever make any actual money. Lazy creatures.

 

[WrongFrog]

I try to write person first, genitals later. If I know who my characters are as people first, I know what will drive them, attract them, and how they'll react in a given situation.

I'm currently writing the same story from four different perspectives. One of those perspectives is female, the other three are male. I try to write each perspective from the point of this is who the person is and what they want and what their motivations are, not this is what is in their pants. Some of my male characters are the more nurturing, loving emotional types. Some of my male characters are very much dominant and possessive personalities. I can write physical reactions based solely on genitals if I just want to write a quick stroke story. If I actually want to write a story that will connect with the readers and draw them into the story, I need to get inside the character's head long before I get into their pants.

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

I need to get inside the character's head long before I get into their pants.

Well put. I think that is what I am most keen to find out. Did I achieve that?

 

[WrongFrog]

I don't think you failed, if that's what you're wondering. Both characters felt very muted, but I think you have the right idea. You did well at narrating Henry's inner thoughts and feelings.

 

[OffNSFW]

I think it's more important to come up with a distinctive character than to follow prescriptive generalizations based on gender. That said, there are common gender-specific experiences (women have to be more cautious to avoid gender-based harassment and violence, men are expected to tamp down their emotions, etc.) that I think are important to the honesty of the story.

 

[Carnevil9]

I guess I disagree with the prevailing opinions on this thread: I think it is important to write from the perspective of the sex of your main character. Well, in first-person narratives, anyway. I have read professionally published novels of a first-person woman, written by a man, and never bought it. "People are people" is of course true, but I don't think it is the operative fact here. Men and women feel different things, notice different things, think different things, and do different things. Especially when it comes to sex, so it is especially important in erotic writing.

On those occasions where I have had to write a female narrator (I am male, by the way), I try to picture a particular woman friend of mine telling the story, and I write it the way it would come out of her mouth. That seems to work well enough.

 

[Cagivagurl]

Writing from a different gender perspective is a mind altering experience. In many ways you have to see the world through different lenses.
However, I believe that the most important part is to get the character, not the gender right.
Draw out the aspects of your character that are important to the story. Are they kind, generous, loving, forgiving, cruel, heartless, a holder of grudges...
The rest will write itself. Men, women, gender fluid, non binary people are merely people by any definition.
There are kind generous members of all our little groups.
From a purely sexual perspective. None of us can get it right, because every human on the planet is different. Will react to different stimuli.
Focus on what you do know... That adage of writing what you know is valid for a reason....
Everybody is capable of waking in the morning feeling amorous.

Merely my thoughts.
Cagivagurl

 

[gunhilltrain]

I guess I disagree with the prevailing opinions on this thread: I think it is important to write from the perspective of the sex of your main character. Well, in first-person narratives, anyway. I have read professionally published novels of a first-person woman, written by a man, and never bought it. "People are people" is of course true, but I don't think it is the operative fact here. Men and women feel different things, notice different things, think different things, and do different things. Especially when it comes to sex, so it is especially important in erotic writing.

On those occasions where I have had to write a female narrator (I am male, by the way), I try to picture a particular woman friend of mine telling the story, and I write it the way it would come out of her mouth. That seems to work well enough.

Well, that's why it's fiction - you have to make it up! I find my female narrators to be quite amusing at times. Like 42-year-old Marion Delaney, nee Baumer has a kind of Indiana down-to-earth side. (The story is in Nevada, and her home state is not mentioned until the end.) She does feel guilty about lusting after her college-age stepson, the offspring of her second husband. "Oh Lord, I tried to be a good girl, I really did. But just like the heart knows what it wants, so does the pussy."

She is good-natured towards her stepson during the seduction scene, but she is quite blunt about the shortcomings of her husband. "He's a good man, but somewhat lacking in the marital arts. Let's just say that he'd have trouble finding a clitoris if there was a chart of it on the bedroom wall."

Trucker Mom

 

[TheLobster]

Draw out the aspects of your character that are important to the story. Are they kind, generous, loving, forgiving, cruel, heartless, a holder of grudges...
The rest will write itself. Men, women, gender fluid, non binary people are merely people by any definition.

Those aspects you mentioned, and many others, are colored by sex, though.

A kind and generous man is kind and generous in a different way than a kind and generous woman.
A loving and forgiving man is loving and forgiving in a different way than a loving and forgiving woman.
And by golly, a cruel and heartless man is definitely different than a cruel and heartless woman.

People aren't merely people, and sex is one of the most important things that define us. In erotic writing doubly so, just because the spectrum of situations you are putting your characters through now also include those that mainstream fiction omits.

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

The dust has settled a bit and I am delighted with the scores. 70 votes at average 4.70
My calculations suggest 51 5s, 17 4s and 2 3s.
( I did say I overthink things...)

 

[Cagivagurl]

Those aspects you mentioned, and many others, are colored by sex, though.

A kind and generous man is kind and generous in a different way than a kind and generous woman.
A loving and forgiving man is loving and forgiving in a different way than a loving and forgiving woman.
And by golly, a cruel and heartless man is definitely different than a cruel and heartless woman.

People aren't merely people, and sex is one of the most important things that define us. In erotic writing doubly so, just because the spectrum of situations you are putting your characters through now also include those that mainstream fiction omits.

Kind and generous people of all genders are different to the ones standing beside them. We are all different.
Gender is not as important as the characters.
Do they love each other, despise each other.
It is their interactions that make the story interesting.
Is there emotion, tension, a half decent plot?
They are the important aspects.
Can a female write a male character? I think so... Is the opposite true??? Yes I believe so...

All you have to do is make your characters seem believable. Their actions plausible...

Cagivagurl

 

[M_K_Babalon]

There are other things that she'd discover that men spend a large portion of their lives figuring out. How not to get your foreskin caught in your flies, for instance. How not to sit down on your balls. How not to get your pubes caught in your foreskin. What underwear gives the proper protection during cold weather to avoid frostbite from an icy wind. How to make things less noticeable if you find yourself with a chubby while you're walking down the street. How to pee standing up, and remembering to put the toilet seat up and down.

The flies and the balls things are the most important, though. Oh, and a cat making money while you're in your pyjamas can also be an excruciating experience.

Probably most of those things are something I don't worry about.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

After writing two stories and ditching them in frustration, I managed to complete another story. I tried to write it from a male point of view. I consulted my partner and some friends about what how sexual desire manifests itself, but suspect I have fallen far short. Authors in this forum were very helpful giving advice when I started writing erotica, and I would appreciate your words of wisdom again.

The story

Ophelia

I’ve written exactly one story with a male viewpoint character: Unorthodox Protocol

It about a female scientist who goes into heat after taking an experimental drug. I started out writing from her perspective, but it wound up being kind of like Flowers for Algernon— all about the experience of feeling her rationality slipping away. The only way I could make it work was to tell it from the perspective of her male assistant who gets swept up in the experiment.

I don’t think I really nailed the make perspective. For example, the narrator spends a lot of time describing his (very nice) cock which I don’t think male writers tend to do. He’s not really a character. He’s just a camera with a dick, but that’s all I needed him to be.

 

[Voboy]

I don’t think I really nailed the make perspective. For example, the narrator spends a lot of time describing his (very nice) cock which I don’t think male writers tend to do. He’s not really a character. He’s just a camera with a dick, but that’s all I needed him to be.

Not monolithically, no, but some males do.

This is the point: all people are different. I know men (the Todd Packer character in The Office is an example) who'd talk about their own dicks allllll day long, if you let them. Most men I've met aren't like that.

So if I was writing (or reading) a narrative in which a character did that, it wouldn't automatically ring false to me... but I'd expect that character's other traits and quirks to support the idea that the character was an arrogant asshole. If they didn't, then the obsession with his own meat would be discordant, even unsettling.

More to the point of this thread, I'd handle a female character the same way: I assume there are women out there who love rhapsodizing over their own pussies, and women out there who don't. The first kind of woman is likely to be brash, outgoing, and agressive; the second, maybe less so. And those archeypes can be subverted, too, for a more interesting story, or for a "Flowers For Algernon" situation such as you describe.

But it all starts when we reject the notion that men or women have a reliably gender-based "perspective."