WT: Mental Health Issues and BDSM - Can They Co-exist Happily?

[catalina_francisco]

I agree with everything said here. But I remember the offensiveness of the "look I cured my Crohn's without meds and so can you!" people.

Even though I went on their diet, I remember thinking "it's not like I asked to go on a chemo med, assholes."

It's not about purity, nature, "better than those poisons the establishment gives out like candy!"

for me it's about throwing as much shit as I can back at my disease to keep it away, it's about keeping the less attractive options at bay. "Never" is a really a lot to live up to.

I didn't say never, just that I give a lot more thought to what medical practioners suggest as options more so than just accepting it as best for me because they say so. I even had one stupid female gyno in her late 50's abuse me because I refused to 'let them rip all my bits out' as she so delicately put it so I could avoid having any more periods and pain. Her reasoning was why would any woman choose to continue through to natural menopause if she could have it all surgically removed...of course she also refused to discuss the downside of premature and surgically induced menopause and the risks associated with HRT as she didn't see that as relevant...of course not, it wasn't her problem, and interestingly, she didn't have a hysterectomy herself.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

The last thing I am going to say on the matter - at least I think - is that I am happy with my medicated life. Sometimes I forget to take them, and I have a much lower quality of life when I'm that way, and I am much harder for the people around me to deal with. I like my meds, and if somebody wants to stay off meds for themselves, that's their business - but I don't like when people suggest I'm inferior for taking mine.

(BTW, I'm only referring to my crazy meds. My disorder meds are not negotiable anyway.)

 

[neonflux]

Weighing in late, so excuse if I'm saying something that others have said. Can only speak from personal experience on this one.

Never thought about taking meds until recently, when just had too many upsets in my life to cope without support and they wouldn't see me at Kaiser more frequently than 1x per month (wasn't addicted to alcohol or drugs and wasn't suicidal). Welbutrin helped me make it through that time and still function (BDSM cleansing also helped). I am slowly weaning myself from it now, but am grateful for it - didn't keep me from dealing with the issues that came up; rather gave me the time and space to do so. Sister takes it for ongoing depression (to which migraines contribute) and also does talk therapy.

One warning, re: side effects. Have done very well on it except for the 1st and 2nd week when felt a little "jumpy" and the 3rd week when felt very weepy - after this haven't had any symptoms. My doc said that sometimes it's just a matter of finding the best drug for the individual's biology - we went with Welbutrin because I was concerned about not losing my libido and he thought I stood a good chance of doing well on it since my sister had...

 

[SpectreT]

Totally unrelated to the "are pills good or bad" discussion, but are you in the U.S.? Perhaps not being able to afford insurance qualifies you for something? Admittedly I don't know much about it, except that I know our system sucks.

Northeastern U.S. - Central New York State, to be as precise as I wish to be at the moment. We've got such a convoluted screwball of a system, I'll be totally honest and admit I have no farkin' clue what, if anything, I do or don't qualify for. Just looking at the paperwork made my eyes water and my head swim, so I wouldn't be surprised if something I could be taking advantage of is out there. I also wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't a damn thing. Maybe I'll go back with a really big mug of coffee and a friend with a cattle prod and sift through that malarkey again some time.

 

[Mamid]

The one thing that really pisses me off about the entire psychomedical crap is the lay people who have maybe a corresponding degree (councellor or social worker) who label people with a mental ilness who don't actually have a degree in psychiatry. Or worse, label the person because their coworker has talked about them in a staff meeting and have never met the person.

That's how I got labelled with a specific psychiatric disorder - a councellor's coworker who never met me said to my councellor "she sounds like my friend who has been diagnosed with it. she probably has it too." (I have the paperwork!) Yet, a court ordered psychiatrist said that not only that I don't have that diagnosis, but was instead extremely stressed and had lost my trust in the system for well documented reasons.

So I know I don't have what that councellor diagnosed me with, but that I do have PTSD at the least. I can't have anything tight around my neck and there are other squicks. Thankfully, I have a loving partner who is willing to take things slow.

And to top it off, what really pisses me off about social workers is that if you dare say that you're on so and so medicine and then a few months later tell them that you've gone off it for whatever reason, they will (and have) flip out. Doesn't matter the reason why you were scripted it either. You are not allowed to stop taking it so long as they are involved in your life even if you and your doctor agree to stop it. That's why we're telling everyone that Penalt is on something for his blood pressure, not post partum depression. Yes, men can get it too.

 

[FurryFury]

I am extremely uncomfortable with prescription drugs for some very good reasons.

Granted, I have some friends who have been helped by using drugs in a dramatic nearly overnight fashion. I've known whole families start with one member and then before long the entire family is on drugs. I can't help but think that is wrong.

I'd sat with a teacher in my son's classroom to hear he needed to be put on drugs and held back a year. Later I learned that she told that to every single male child's parents and that she had all three of her kids on drugs. I've served as a girl scout leader and watched the medications I had to be responsible for in the troop increase by a huge and unbelievable amount over a few short years.

I've seen my mother's doctors hook her up to drugs (which she was scared of) and tear her apart with them. She does not react "text book normally" to drugs in general. There is no perfect drug for her or if there is, they haven't found it yet, in spite of the many, many drugs and combinations they have used. What they have done is confused her mind and body chemistry even further and given her, tons of her favorite method to attempt suicide.

However that doesn't mean I am comfortable with "natural" herbs and minerals and so on as an alternative. IMO, any substance you take that does more than a placebo will also have side effects, nothing is completely safe or natural. It takes a lot of research to find the right dosage for yourself if you are going to go that route. You must also take into consideration what else you are taking into your body that might cause interactions which can range from making one or both of the substances neutralized to making them deadly together.

Like most things you need to be an aware consumer and advocate for yourself where these things are concerned. It's not simple or easy, it's hard work, IMO.

Fury

 

[Netzach]

Northeastern U.S. - Central New York State, to be as precise as I wish to be at the moment. We've got such a convoluted screwball of a system, I'll be totally honest and admit I have no farkin' clue what, if anything, I do or don't qualify for. Just looking at the paperwork made my eyes water and my head swim, so I wouldn't be surprised if something I could be taking advantage of is out there. I also wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't a damn thing. Maybe I'll go back with a really big mug of coffee and a friend with a cattle prod and sift through that malarkey again some time.

When I made the appointment at the University psychiatric clinic it took me a year to pay for they were good enough to give me a list of ALL the sliding scale clinics in the area and clinics geared toward the lower income individual for therapy. I'm sure I could have gotten the list without the meds from the nurses. State stuff is totally draining sometimes - I hear you! ... but I've found that asking the clinics and dealing with the clinics directly is a little more manageable should you choose to go this route.

 

[Mamid]

I've known whole families start with one member and then before long the entire family is on drugs. I can't help but think that is wrong. I'd sat with a teacher in my son's classroom to hear he needed to be put on drugs and held back a year. Later I learned that she told that to every single male child's parents and that she had all three of her kids on drugs. I've served as a girl scout leader and watched the medications I had to be responsible for in the troop increase by a huge and unbelievable amount over a few short years.

Our son plays with a friends' son (and grandson). Grandmother has two teenaged sons still in school and both of them are "autistic" according to her. High functioning supposedly, but still.

Anyway, Grandmother, not the mother, keeps on telling us that our son is autistic and he should be on the same drugs her kids are on because it helps her kids so much. blah blah blah blah blah. I roll my eyes everytime she starts.

Our son is hearing impared, not autistic. He's scheduled for surgery pdq to see if its just a jam of ear wax or actual physical malformation of his ears. According to my father, the way my son is acting is normal for hearing impaired children. He should know. His wife is deaf. His brother-in-law is deaf. And his son, my half brother, is deaf.

So, who am I to believe? This woman who has happily put her kids on drugs without questioning the diagnosis or my father?

And no, we don't plan to put him on drugs any time soon.

 

[Etoile]

Our son is hearing impared, not autistic. He's scheduled for surgery pdq to see if its just a jam of ear wax or actual physical malformation of his ears. According to my father, the way my son is acting is normal for hearing impaired children. He should know. His wife is deaf. His brother-in-law is deaf. And his son, my half brother, is deaf.

In this case, I would believe your father. This other woman is a total outsider and has no right to be questioning your son's health or parenting or anything. It sounds to me like there is genetic deafness in your family - if that is the cause of your father's deafness, anyway. I didn't realize you were a CODA, pleased to meet you. Are your parents oral deaf or culturally Deaf? I'm an ASL interpreter by profession.

 

[Mamid]

In this case, I would believe your father. This other woman is a total outsider and has no right to be questioning your son's health or parenting or anything. It sounds to me like there is genetic deafness in your family - if that is the cause of your father's deafness, anyway. I didn't realize you were a CODA, pleased to meet you. Are your parents oral deaf or culturally Deaf? I'm an ASL interpreter by profession.

Um... actually, the deaf parent is my stepmom, not father. there is no genetic deafness in my family. There might be in Penalt's family. His father, my fil, said something about that, but it was generations ago.

CODA? Child of deaf adults? Not really. I learned some sign language on my own when I was a teen, but I never really met my stepmum till I was 18. She has about 30% in one ear and is an interpreter. I think my brother has cochlear implants. I wouldn't know. They're on the right coast and we're on the wet coast. I guess I would be considered a step-coda.

And social workers once again proved their illeducation to me when one of them told me that having my son sign at 18-20 months was stalling his verbal and that if I didn't stop, he'd be taken immediately. WTFH!!! We still signed with him, or tried to. He refused to learn. DD signs when she wants something she can't quite communicate if she knows the signs for it. We plan on doing the same thing for D2.

These same social workers freak about BDSM. If only they would look deeper than "its abuse" to the consentual part of it. He doesn't do anything to me without my consent and we even have words to stop it if either of us don't want it to continue. We don't have to do the SM part of it either. Its part of our relationship, it doesn't mean we are abusing each other or our children. He's not allowed to leave bruises on me, etc etc etc. If anything, our relationship is more defined and far healthier than "straight" relationships.

 

[Etoile]

Um... actually, the deaf parent is my stepmom, not father. there is no genetic deafness in my family. There might be in Penalt's family. His father, my fil, said something about that, but it was generations ago.

Oh! *smacks head* Now that I read it again, I see that. Sorry.

And social workers once again proved their illeducation to me when one of them told me that having my son sign at 18-20 months was stalling his verbal and that if I didn't stop, he'd be taken immediately. WTFH!!! We still signed with him, or tried to. He refused to learn. DD signs when she wants something she can't quite communicate if she knows the signs for it. We plan on doing the same thing for D2.

Oh good grief. Yeah, some people used to think kids wouldn't want to speak if they could sign, but over and over again kids have shown that once their vocal coordination is developed enough that they CAN speak, they do! Baby sign is still considered "fringe" I think though...I know a lot of people who do it, but they are either involved with the deaf world already or have asked me for my advice because they know I'll know about it.

 

[FurryFury]

Baby sign language is all the rage now. It makes good sense to me that kids who don't have words yet, might understand and be able to communicate with sign language. My pre-school teacher partner and I used it years ago with great success in our toddler class. We believe it helped the frustration level of both the toddlers and us.

Yes, I have noticed that some of the people on drugs or with children on drugs tend to "push" it on others. I would go with what you father and doctors say rather than this grandmother / stranger.

Fury

 

[Mamid]

well, the social worker in question, we call him Peon cause that's pretty close to his real name without it being his real name, should have known better. Not only was his wife running a daycare centre, I had a book and video set (which has since been tossed out due to mold) that I had loaned him right after he made his pronouncement. He didn't read it. I also took a baby sign course within 3 months specifically to shut the effer up.

But if he was that illeducated about something as simple as trying to communicate with pre-verbal children, what about something more complicated like a husband and wife with a bdsm lifestyle?

Peon would have flipped and taken DS right away. Any had any other children taken immediately at birth.

After all, BDSM is part of the DSM (not sure which version though) as a mental illness.

Then again, smoking is also classified as a mental illness there (subsection:addictions/addictive personality). Been a few years since I last danced my way through that book.

But if you dig further, you can find just about anything in the DSM as an illness. No wonder they want to script everyone - even if you are "healthy" you are "sick" and should be treated. DSM has to have been created specifically to enable (I hate that word) pHARMacy companies to come up with the newest greatest drug in the world to cure all ills.

Snakeoil salesmen anyone?

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, we still continue to walk this path, both in our own relationship and with those in both our immediate families who go from periodocally institutionalised to mild depression. It has been an education and also strenghtened who we are as a couple. I often wonder why he is still here beside me taking each painfully dark step together, but then I guess that is what love is all about. I don't know where it will lead, and I don't know if we will continue to pick ourselves up after each serious (as opposed to normal for me) episode, but I suspect we will as we are both survivors of a variety of life's dramas as well as totally committed to the commitment we made to each other and this relationship long term. My dream is that one day I will be rid of depression, as will be my son, but I know that can only be a dream and likely never a reality. It does make getting up difficult some days, but you have to. Perhaps some of the shared experiences in this thread will help others to cope with their own relaity.

Catalina

 

[babybluangeleyes]

Same feelings

LOL, we still continue to walk this path, both in our own relationship and with those in both our immediate families who go from periodocally institutionalised to mild depression. It has been an education and also strenghtened who we are as a couple. I often wonder why he is still here beside me taking each painfully dark step together, but then I guess that is what love is all about. I don't know where it will lead, and I don't know if we will continue to pick ourselves up after each serious (as opposed to normal for me) episode, but I suspect we will as we are both survivors of a variety of life's dramas as well as totally committed to the commitment we made to each other and this relationship long term. My dream is that one day I will be rid of depression, as will be my son, but I know that can only be a dream and likely never a reality. It does make getting up difficult some days, but you have to. Perhaps some of the shared experiences in this thread will help others to cope with their own relaity.

Catalina

Hello,
I just found this website and joined today.
Catalina, as I read the things you had written it was as if I had written it myself. I know that I haven't walked in your shoes, but this is the closest thing I've read that even comes close to how i feel.
Good luck on your journey. Feel free to email anytime.
blueangel eyes

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I have had depressive bouts on and off from MY teenage years on into adult hood.... I was on meds for a short period of time, but got My house in order spiritually though Buddhism and took Myself off of them. I could not write for shit on Prozac... (Not sure I can write for shit without prozac, but at least I write without it.. LOL)

I can look back at My life and see so many oppertunities lost to My depression and self loathing... but instead I choose to look at the beauty of My present with My rose and know that I have turned a corner.

In fact, My name Phoenix refers to My defeating depression. Not that I still don't have tinges of it from time to time, but I can USUALLY see it coming and head it off at the pass... I was in a horrid situation, living in Vegas with My psychopathic ex whateverthehellshewas... and watched two years of lies laid bare... I could see the abyss of darkness once again calling to Me... I stood on the perapace and thought of the other time I had stood on the peripace and the fight to get out... It was then that I realized I had arisen from My own ashes of self destruction, and would again... I realized that I am the PHOENIX... and I grabbed that totem with both hands, and haven't looked back....

>The Phoenix can carry a heavy load
>The tears of the Phoenix are healing
>The Phoenix will continually arise from the ashes of his own self destruction...

Well folks, that is why I am called Master Phoenix and not Master P****** (My given name) or something else.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i suffer from depression. i am on medication for it, though i haven't taken it in a long time, and i really really should, i know that i need it and i see the difference in myself when i stop taking it, but i HATE having to take something to function, and constantly try to prove to myself that i don't need it. how does Master deal with it? i'm not sure to tell you the truth, but He does a good job of it and a better job of seeing the symptoms and helping me to NOT fall back into the black pit that i once lived in. before i was diagnosed, (knew i had the problem but didn't want to admit it or deal with it) i locked myself in the bathroom and took some pills, my husband (at the time) kicked in the bathroom door and rushed me to the hospital, luckily for me, he did that because i would not be here now if He hadn't, though the situation i was in with Him (He was very abusive) was making my depression worse. they admitted me to the 'hospital' and that is where i was diagnosed and put on meds.

i have my good days and i have my bad days, but i take them as they come. Master knows me well enough now to know when a bad day is coming on and Usually can help me to end it before it starts, but not always. it helps to have someone who knows and understands what it's like. i have a friend who does not understand and just thinks i'm lazy and making excuses as to why i don't want to do something, when in reality i CAN'T do it because i can't function enough, i jsut want to sleep, and would sleep all day and sometimes do. i've been doing that alot more lately and i'm wondering if it's a sign bad days are to come. so many think that depression is about being sad, it's not, not always anyway. there are days i literally have to fight myself to crawl out of bed, days that i have to talk myself out of taking my own life simply because it would be easier than dealing with not being able to function right in this world, or listen to those who think they have the answer to my 'issues' my family included.

does it effect my D/s relationship? yes, it does, more so in the past when i shut Him off and wouldn't talk to Him about anything and it almost destroyed us, luckily a dear friend of ours tipped Him off that something wasn't right with me and He broke my silence by pulling it out of me. anyway, this is my experiences and input..for what it's worth. it's good to know i'm not alone.

 

[catalina_francisco]

so many think that depression is about being sad, it's not, not always anyway.

That is one of the biggest misconeptions about clinical depression and the reason many people think they understand and thus tell those who suuffer with it they just need to get a grip, but the reality is you can be in your deepest depression and appear and feel happy. I know many years back, it was when to the world I appeared to be outstandingly overjoyed I was at my worst and most dangerous. Guess that is why so many comedians have depression and many have suicided and shocked everyone. Sadness is a whole different thing to depression.

The sleeping thing I can relate to. I remember a time (well actually I don't remember it too well because I can't even say whether it lasted months or longer) when all I did was sleep and couldn't drag myself out of it. I set the alarm to get up to feed my children and take them to and from school...the rest of the time I was deeply asleep. I never want to go back there and get panic attacks when I feel it sliding in that direction...and it is so hard to fight.

Of course now I am living in Europe after a lifetime in super bright light year round, I am prone to seasonal light depression. I am hoping this year I can get a blue light and use it at home and hopefully get some relief. I drive eveyone crazy with trying to let more light into the house and light things up for both my depression and eyesight, but nothing can give me the light my body is used to so each winter it is a wait and see as to how it affects me. But life goes one as it must.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hello,
I just found this website and joined today.
Catalina, as I read the things you had written it was as if I had written it myself. I know that I haven't walked in your shoes, but this is the closest thing I've read that even comes close to how i feel.
Good luck on your journey. Feel free to email anytime.
blueangel eyes

Good that we were able to connect on this level. It is vital to realise you are not the only one, and are not imagining your symptoms or just not doing what you need out of laziness. I seem to have more downs than ups, but for the most part I hang in there and try not to give up. It is surviveable...or so I am told.

Catalina