You have to really like S&M to give yourself to critics--anyone agree?

[Tzara]

Back in the day when we were young and lithe
we danced like mad to turn the beat around.
Spoon up the nose, lucite heels, spandex blithe,
now we limp, wheeze, groan--

Hey! Turn down the sound!

What's that up my nose? A lil Vasiline.
My left nostril's been fucked since eighty-four.
Slow that boogie down, this old disco queen
has hips that don't move so good anymore.

My brickhouse done crumbled like cheap plywood.
I used to be young but now I'm learnin
When you're out late not eating like you should,
your heart and feet will be burnin, burnin

Damn I used to be one glittering fox.
Whadja say sonny? Oh. Make mine Maalox.

Detour

A little Vaseline, a replaced hip,
A Maalox cocktail? If you hear The Sound,
Right on this bare and empty dance floor, stripped,
My big-haired baby, I would lay you down.

(Though at my age, I'd probably fall asleep,
My snoring likely killing any mood.)
I know, I know. I've promises to keep,
And keep I will. I've no wish to be rude,

Just steady in the face of danger, like,
Oh I guess, zombies—hungry and undead.
Because they're zombies, they all look alike:
Perpetually needy and unfed.

This poem, so far, has had no S&M.
Nor shall it, I think, for this is its End.


.

 

[Tzara]

Here. Not zombies exactly but disco. And don't tell me if the meter is fucked. I still like it.

The meter is not "fucked," though it is not regularly iambic, nor is it regular pentameter. There are some interesting things about it, though. It mostly works, rhythmically, for me. Because it is not strict about either iambics or feet.

My opinion (and scansion), of course.

We could talk, publically, about this, if you like. Or not.

It's a good poem, I think (but I may very well be a dunce).

 

[Angeline]

The meter is not "fucked," though it is not regularly iambic, nor is it regular pentameter. There are some interesting things about it, though. It mostly works, rhythmically, for me. Because it is not strict about either iambics or feet.

My opinion (and scansion), of course.

We could talk, publically, about this, if you like. Or not.

It's a good poem, I think (but I may very well be a dunce).

We can but I'm not interested in editing it now--I wrote it about five years ago. I think it's mainly funny and has some good references. When I write sonnets I just listen to the rhythm in my head and if it sounds right to me, I'm ok with it. I won't be the first or last sonneteer to do that. I know there are places I could play with it and make it better, but it's not an important enough poem for me to invest the time. You know what I mean.

I love feedback, but I'm bein honest.

 

[Tzara]

We can but I'm not interested in editing it now--I wrote it about five years ago. I think it's mainly funny and has some good references. When I write sonnets I just listen to the rhythm in my head and if it sounds right to me, I'm ok with it. I won't be the first or last sonneteer to do that. I know there are places I could play with it and make it better, but it's not an important enough poem for me to invest the time. You know what I mean.

I love feedback, but I'm bein honest.

That wasn't my point, but that's OK. Be well.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Perhaps she would prefer a movie.

You wonder in strange places on YouTube

 

[vrosej10]

I see alot of newbies on the forum are afraid of the critical pull-apart that we receive as peers. I think they're looking at it all wrong. If your passion is strong enough in what you write, the fire only makes the subject more delicious. It doesn't cause you to abandon it or lose your vision. Aren't we all playing literary S&M? Like good S&M, it enhances your senses so that you feel, see, etc. everything more intensely. To the reluctant out there, I recommend you try it--real-life and in forum. Even if it does not make you more original or masterful, it definitely helps hone you into being and knowing who you really are.

I am trying to write professionally and I have come to accept criticism as part of the process. You really need to separate criticism of your work for personal criticism.

 

[Palba_Noruda]

I see alot of newbies on the forum are afraid of the critical pull-apart that we receive as peers. I think they're looking at it all wrong. If your passion is strong enough in what you write, the fire only makes the subject more delicious. It doesn't cause you to abandon it or lose your vision. Aren't we all playing literary S&M? Like good S&M, it enhances your senses so that you feel, see, etc. everything more intensely. To the reluctant out there, I recommend you try it--real-life and in forum. Even if it does not make you more original or masterful, it definitely helps hone you into being and knowing who you really are.

I would say this is why people get around other people, to put themselves out there, to enhance the senses, to feel things more intensely, or at least feel something new, try to ride the power of multiple peoples' energy; people who are together rather than people who are apart. People can be together through writing. It is different in some ways than being together in person. I don't know how, exactly. What do you think?

I think anybody at one time or another will feel shy or hold back--writer or not. Any given forum or any given place to respond in online venues gets, what, 12% of people who view the thread to post?

I feel more alive in S&M, I feel more meaning when flirting with men. It borders on destiny or determinism, the feeling of rightness. If I give in to the feeling of rightness will I be more right than if I didn't? If I don't give in, what inside me holds me from letting go? Is that also not destined?

 

[DeepUnderground]

I suppose a lot of people write poetry when they are at a low point in their life, or going through some kind of emotional turmoil.

So in a sense it's like kicking someone when their down, but then if they are an S&M fiend they will prob enjoy that