Kindness and Dominance

[KRey32]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

I think Dominance has more to do with control and assertiveness not so much treatment.

 

[Lady2020]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

I hear what you're saying. Doms and subs are all different. There are those in both groups who scare the hell out of me. Sometimes it takes a while to sync with someone. Sometimes it takes one explosive night on Lit.

There's a time for kindness like anything else. Subs might see it as an opening to challenge, which some Doms might appreciate, some might not. But I'm guessing.

 

[cookiecat]

There is nothing sexier than a Dominant with a gentle, kind demeanor who also enjoys seeing his / her submissive suffer for their pleasure.

The quieter my guy got, the more I knew his brain was spinning creative, sometimes cruel, definitely always arousing situations.

But that's what I like. Other subby type folks might like a more aggressive, loud kind of Dominant. Neither way is right or wrong. It's what's right for you.

As Lady2020 said, it takes some time to sync up styles.

 

[L3gacy]

There is nothing sexier than a Dominant with a gentle, kind demeanor who also enjoys seeing his / her submissive suffer for their pleasure.

The quieter my guy got, the more I knew his brain was spinning creative, sometimes cruel, definitely always arousing situations.

But that's what I like. Other subby type folks might like a more aggressive, loud kind of Dominant. Neither way is right or wrong. It's what's right for you.

As Lady2020 said, it takes some time to sync up styles.

Interesting. Thanks for that.

 

[Master_Doctor]

Dom /sub dynamics. D/s and M/s

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

So in the same vein, I as a Master and a Dominant believe that a True Dominant/ Master should be one that shows class, respect and kindness to every submissive.

When I have a submissive girl (because I am straight) I value her. I want the best for her. I do everything I can to give her the best life that I am and show her that she is values and to meet her needs... and as many wants as I can. It doesnt matter what fetishes we both are or are not into. The foundation is there. If I sub craves and needs pain (yes there are those that need a certain level of pain as a need Believe it or not), am I being unkind or disrespectful to give her what she needs and craves in a safe way? Not at all. This is the point I personally dont enjoy inflicting pain. I enjoy the act IF and only when my girl craves it and or needs it from me. I DO enjoy the control, being able to lead her and take care of her. I also enjoy the feeling that she desires to come to me to get her needs met. A small example is the submissive who cant feel balanced unless she has been sternly spanked at the end of the day. The simple act to some cleanses them from daily stresses etc. So under these conditions would you suppose I would be less or more respectful and kind if I gave her the bare bottom spanking she needs and begs for?

That being said. There are those do literally do NOT want to be shown any kindness or respect. There are some who find those aspects to be signs of weakness and they do not want the slightest weakness to show in their Dom. You can only imagine the mix mash of mental and emotional facets that create such a submissive. However, Ive met more than a few in my time.

In my experience and opinion. I will still choose to operate the way I do. I have facilitated countless fetishes or kinks that on the outside (vanilla people especially ) may not see as being respectful or kind. If you can imagine that... then let me ask you a question. A supposition if you will.

If a submissive craves and wants to explore a fetish or kink that many think of as dark, edgy, or dangerous. Would you rather it be facilitated by a sadist or other Dom that doesn't care about their well being... or woulds you prefer someone like me who at my core will always have her safety and respect for her at the very front of my mind?

Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.[/QUOTE]

on a side note here. All my previous girls who thought even for a moment to mistake my kindness and respect for an inability to fulfill my role as their strict dominant... all it ever took was an instant look (if they had crossed a line) to remind them of their misconception of my abilities)

dont EVER mistake kindness, caring or class with weakness...

 

[Miss_Sasha_P]

Personally I’m more of a subtle Dom. I’m not shouting and swearing and so on, basically I like to manipulate them into being complicit in their humiliation, it’s only when it’s too late that they realise that they have no power left, they belong to me body and soul. It’s a dance not a fight.

 

[Beachaged]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

You should read up on sensual dominance. Sensualists do as you suggest. Not every dominant or submissive is into extreme pain or sadomasochism. I think sensual domination is probably what you most align with or at least seem to be suggesting.

 

[KRey32]

You should read up on sensual dominance. Sensualists do as you suggest. Not every dominant or submissive is into extreme pain or sadomasochism. I think sensual domination is probably what you most align with or at least seem to be suggesting.

That is great input, thank you. But I believe I may have expressed myself poorly. I am not talking about necessarily showing kindness and respect in the midst of a Dom/sub sexual encounter. That is a completely different dynamic. I am taking about showing appreciation for her outside of that in the context of the relationship if there is one.

 

[ultramarineblue]

So in the same vein, I as a Master and a Dominant believe that a True Dominant/ Master should be one that shows class, respect and kindness to every submissive.

When I have a submissive girl (because I am straight) I value her. I want the best for her. I do everything I can to give her the best life that I am and show her that she is values and to meet her needs... and as many wants as I can. It doesnt matter what fetishes we both are or are not into. The foundation is there. If I sub craves and needs pain (yes there are those that need a certain level of pain as a need Believe it or not), am I being unkind or disrespectful to give her what she needs and craves in a safe way? Not at all. This is the point I personally dont enjoy inflicting pain. I enjoy the act IF and only when my girl craves it and or needs it from me. I DO enjoy the control, being able to lead her and take care of her. I also enjoy the feeling that she desires to come to me to get her needs met. A small example is the submissive who cant feel balanced unless she has been sternly spanked at the end of the day. The simple act to some cleanses them from daily stresses etc. So under these conditions would you suppose I would be less or more respectful and kind if I gave her the bare bottom spanking she needs and begs for?

That being said. There are those do literally do NOT want to be shown any kindness or respect. There are some who find those aspects to be signs of weakness and they do not want the slightest weakness to show in their Dom. You can only imagine the mix mash of mental and emotional facets that create such a submissive. However, Ive met more than a few in my time.

In my experience and opinion. I will still choose to operate the way I do. I have facilitated countless fetishes or kinks that on the outside (vanilla people especially ) may not see as being respectful or kind. If you can imagine that... then let me ask you a question. A supposition if you will.

If a submissive craves and wants to explore a fetish or kink that many think of as dark, edgy, or dangerous. Would you rather it be facilitated by a sadist or other Dom that doesn't care about their well being... or woulds you prefer someone like me who at my core will always have her safety and respect for her at the very front of my mind?

Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

on a side note here. All my previous girls who thought even for a moment to mistake my kindness and respect for an inability to fulfill my role as their strict dominant... all it ever took was an instant look (if they had crossed a line) to remind them of their misconception of my abilities)

dont EVER mistake kindness, caring or class with weakness... [/QUOTE]

I agree with a lot of this.

If a PYL can't be kind and show their humanity, I have trouble respecting and taking them seriously. I would question if they were safe. I have a good friend that is a sadist and he is very kind. We have discussed this at great length because he tends to believe that he would not be able to he a master to someone he showed his weaknesses to but I think that would garner even greater respect and submission. We're not robots so we aren't the same all the time. I would feel that I wasn't trusted enough to share everything. A moment of weakness doesn't mean a person is weak. I don't know why people view kindness as weakness either but it often is viewed that way.

 

[KRey32]

on a side note here. All my previous girls who thought even for a moment to mistake my kindness and respect for an inability to fulfill my role as their strict dominant... all it ever took was an instant look (if they had crossed a line) to remind them of their misconception of my abilities)

dont EVER mistake kindness, caring or class with weakness...

I agree with a lot of this.

If a PYL can't be kind and show their humanity, I have trouble respecting and taking them seriously. I would question if they were safe. I have a good friend that is a sadist and he is very kind. We have discussed this at great length because he tends to believe that he would not be able to he a master to someone he showed his weaknesses to but I think that would garner even greater respect and submission. We're not robots so we aren't the same all the time. I would feel that I wasn't trusted enough to share everything. A moment of weakness doesn't mean a person is weak. I don't know why people view kindness as weakness either but it often is viewed that way.[/QUOTE]

So well put. And right on point. Thank you. It is not about “weakness.” Strength that also manifests kindness and appreciation is the safest environment and leads to even greater degrees of freedom and submission.

 

[cookiecat]

That is great input, thank you. But I believe I may have expressed myself poorly. I am not talking about necessarily showing kindness and respect in the midst of a Dom/sub sexual encounter. That is a completely different dynamic. I am taking about showing appreciation for her outside of that in the context of the relationship if there is one.

So she wants an asshole all the time?

 

[KRey32]

So she wants an asshole all the time?

Well, I suppose if she wants to be treated like shit all the time then, yes.

 

[cocktaildress21]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

Being unkind and disrespectful are incompatible with being a dom - they are essentially only compatible with being a scumbag.

Now, if we're talking sexual humiliation, in the context of sexual play, that's different. But if you're unkind and disrespectful, you're basically unfit for human companionship.

 

[KRey32]

Being unkind and disrespectful are incompatible with being a dom - they are essentially only compatible with being a scumbag.

Now, if we're talking sexual humiliation, in the context of sexual play, that's different. But if you're unkind and disrespectful, you're basically unfit for human companionship.

Precisely.

 

[Primalex]

I've never called a woman lowlife for her kinks. Not sure if this makes me kind and respectful.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[LauraWilling]

I believe my late husband found the right balamce point. He took very good care of me, but I always knew he owned me. It did not take me long to understand he was more my owner than what most would think of as a husband. That husband part was mainly for several legal and tax reasons. I knew there were consequence if I messed up or did something he did not like or gave me permission to do. But our everyday life to an outsider would probably think it was a normal marriage with a husband as the definite head of the family.

Sexually he would share me with others, friends mostly and I knew not to say "no." Also I was to tell him everything that happened during these times with others if he did not witness it, which he often did. Pain was part of our sex life both physical and emotional, but always a comforting aftercare once others were gone. Being a natural submissive, I have to say I do not regret they way I was handled and used. I received a lot of pleasure and mor of it than many might expect. I miss that life now that he is gone.

 

[cookiecat]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

So she wants an asshole all the time?

Well, I suppose if she wants to be treated like shit all the time then, yes.

I think I'm misunderstanding your original post.

Are you talking about a specific person you're currently with? Or in general?

 

[cookiecat]

I believe my late husband found the right balamce point. He took very good care of me, but I always knew he owned me. It did not take me long to understand he was more my owner than what most would think of as a husband. That husband part was mainly for several legal and tax reasons. I knew there were consequence if I messed up or did something he did not like or gave me permission to do. But our everyday life to an outsider would probably think it was a normal marriage with a husband as the definite head of the family.

Sexually he would share me with others, friends mostly and I knew not to say "no." Also I was to tell him everything that happened during these times with others if he did not witness it, which he often did. Pain was part of our sex life both physical and emotional, but always a comforting aftercare once others were gone. Being a natural submissive, I have to say I do not regret they way I was handled and used. I received a lot of pleasure and mor of it than many might expect. I miss that life now that he is gone.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

Since you posted here, in a thread about kindness and Dominance, are you saying your husband was kind to you even though he caused you physical and emotional pain?

 

[LauraWilling]

Sorry to hear about your loss.

Since you posted here, in a thread about kindness and Dominance, are you saying your husband was kind to you even though he caused you physical and emotional pain?

Yes, I guess I am, but maybe I did not express it really clearly. Physical pain and emotional was usually done during BDSM sessions or exhibiting me to others, but he was able to balance this with our everyday life together. He provided for me. Supported me in my career (photographers model). He was good as a protector, I always felt secure both physically , emotionally and financially. Our marriage was not what most would think of as a marriage. He was looking for someone like me when we met. He knew what and who I was before we met.

His passing was not unexpected and it has been almost 5 years now since his passing and I am doing well now. Confused at ties with everyday life things he always took care of. but I have help with the important things. Thank you for your concern.

 

[Primalex]

I think I'm misunderstanding your original post.

Are you talking about a specific person you're currently with? Or in general?

Wait, there is something to understand? I thought it's one of those:"Look at me, I want you to know I'm different (except when I call them lowlife)." posts.

I mean, under what non-imaginary circumstances do you do something kind or respectful towards your partner and the waiter or cashier or father or best friend goes:"Eeey, you can't treat your woman respectful like that!" At worst it's vice versa along the line of:"Eey, you shouldn't allow your girl to treat you with disrespect like that." A solid advice no matter the sex involved (if it's really disrespect).

And if we are talking about just the two persons in the relationship, it becomes even more ridiculous. If she says she can't take him seriously as dominant when he is kind to her, then what exactly is the point of the starting statement?
"You shouldn't say that!"?
"You shouldn't feel that way!"?
"You hurt my ego, because I'm Mr. Dominant-Master!"?

*shrugs*

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

You and the subs you’re interacting with obviously do not understand the process.

Under your cold, heartless chiseled chest beats a kind and wounded heart, and it is only through the devotion and persistence of the right submissive that it can be finally revealed and nurtured, and then sequel.

 

[cookiecat]

Yes, I guess I am, but maybe I did not express it really clearly. Physical pain and emotional was usually done during BDSM sessions or exhibiting me to others, but he was able to balance this with our everyday life together. He provided for me. Supported me in my career (photographers model). He was good as a protector, I always felt secure both physically , emotionally and financially. Our marriage was not what most would think of as a marriage. He was looking for someone like me when we met. He knew what and who I was before we met.

His passing was not unexpected and it has been almost 5 years now since his passing and I am doing well now. Confused at ties with everyday life things he always took care of. but I have help with the important things. Thank you for your concern.

Thanks for the reply.

It's good you got to have this kind of connected relationship.

 

[Primalex]

Under your cold, heartless chiseled chest beats a kind and wounded heart, and it is only through the devotion and persistence of the right submissive that it can be finally revealed and nurtured, and then sequel.

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well.

 

[Master_Doctor]

on a side note here. All my previous girls who thought even for a moment to mistake my kindness and respect for an inability to fulfill my role as their strict dominant... all it ever took was an instant look (if they had crossed a line) to remind them of their misconception of my abilities)

dont EVER mistake kindness, caring or class with weakness...

I agree with a lot of this.

If a PYL can't be kind and show their humanity, I have trouble respecting and taking them seriously. I would question if they were safe. I have a good friend that is a sadist and he is very kind. We have discussed this at great length because he tends to believe that he would not be able to he a master to someone he showed his weaknesses to but I think that would garner even greater respect and submission. We're not robots so we aren't the same all the time. I would feel that I wasn't trusted enough to share everything. A moment of weakness doesn't mean a person is weak. I don't know why people view kindness as weakness either but it often is viewed that way.[/QUOTE]

It was an old guard belief that you could not be an effective Master if you had emotional connections with your sub/ slaves. A mentor of mine and I struggles and researched this conundrum for over 10 years. An unbiased, honest result was... frankly that they were correct in concept. Being emotionally attached to someone does open you up to being manipulated and limits your effectiveness because you want them to love you back and you dont want them to think badly of you.... and you honestly dont want to hurt them in a bad way... so we came to two conclusions.

1) yes. having emotional connections does restrict your ability to be an absolute Master over another person. It just does. When all the fact are examined... you really cant deny it.

2) We also determined that being a Master of someone else without that emotional connection... Isnt worth it or desireable for my and my mentor. Its just not worth doing for us.

So in the end. We decided to just do the best we can be while accepting the wisdom and the truth that our emotional connections weaken us... but our love for our subs is what makes it all worth doing to begin with.