Kindness and Dominance
- Thread starter KRey32
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BBWSeekingSugarDaddy
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There is nothing sexier dom who is kind and affectionate. It takes a special man to make me submit to him entirely, and I've never been a fan of loud and boastful.
Slickrick123
Experienced
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- Oct 3, 2016
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A Dom should be kind and treat his/her sub like royalty, however, the kindness shouldn't be confused with weakness.
I think a lot of the discussion comes out of the perception from all the garbage out there, porn, popular writing, etc, of a female dominant and the wimpy male sub that she abuses and humiliates (more on that in a second), or the male dominant with a female sub as an abusive asshole. It is filtered through a lot of prejudice, that is for sure.
There are subs who like that kind of thing, crave humiliation, being demeaned, etc (not my scene at all, I had enough humiliation growing up with my asshole family, thank you) and Dom/mes who get off on that, and that is fine, that is their relationship and I would hope underlying it there is respect and caring there. If you don't respect and care about your sub as a domme (or vice versa I will add) it isn't much of a relationship and honestly scares the crap out of me if there is't that respect and caring.
To me it is just about how the dynamic is expresssed. I had a friend, a lifestyle domme who I got to know originally through pro sessions, who said she got shit because when asking slaves to do things, she always said please and thank you, and was told that that "diminished her power"...it didn't, she had some incredible slaves, M and F, who would beg to differ, that dominance was all over their relationship. Thing is she didn't have to yell or demean them or 'appear angry' to have them obey or do what she wanted, she would look at one of them disappointed if they did something wrong and it was fucking amazing to watch how devastated they were.
Again, that doesn't mean someone who has a more 'forceful' dynamic is wrong if that is what works for them. I have met dominants I considered complete assholes who I woudn't go within a mile of, their treatment of subs was not underlying respectful it was an egotistical ass who had no clue what two way street meant, caring, etc (in other words, bad dominants, a not unknown phenomenon).
Lot of Dominants never use physical punishments (those are for play and reward, and not having it is punishment to them), they make clear what they want and expect being obeyed and if not being shunned or treated distantly does wonders for them.....Heck I know one domme who reminded me of Dinsdal Piranna in a Monty Python sketch, she used sarcasm and man was it effective
My problem is never with the form, mine is when people make statements like a dominant who is polite to a sub or talks to them as they would anyone else isn't really in control; someone who assumes to be in control you have to yell, scream and act like a tyrant is like a parent who thinks the same thing about raising kids is likely someone not very good at what they are doing IMO (someone whose style is "rough' would never criticize a dominant whose style is sublime/subdued, because they understand dominance is an art form with a zillion ways to make it work
There are subs who like that kind of thing, crave humiliation, being demeaned, etc (not my scene at all, I had enough humiliation growing up with my asshole family, thank you) and Dom/mes who get off on that, and that is fine, that is their relationship and I would hope underlying it there is respect and caring there. If you don't respect and care about your sub as a domme (or vice versa I will add) it isn't much of a relationship and honestly scares the crap out of me if there is't that respect and caring.
To me it is just about how the dynamic is expresssed. I had a friend, a lifestyle domme who I got to know originally through pro sessions, who said she got shit because when asking slaves to do things, she always said please and thank you, and was told that that "diminished her power"...it didn't, she had some incredible slaves, M and F, who would beg to differ, that dominance was all over their relationship. Thing is she didn't have to yell or demean them or 'appear angry' to have them obey or do what she wanted, she would look at one of them disappointed if they did something wrong and it was fucking amazing to watch how devastated they were.
Again, that doesn't mean someone who has a more 'forceful' dynamic is wrong if that is what works for them. I have met dominants I considered complete assholes who I woudn't go within a mile of, their treatment of subs was not underlying respectful it was an egotistical ass who had no clue what two way street meant, caring, etc (in other words, bad dominants, a not unknown phenomenon).
Lot of Dominants never use physical punishments (those are for play and reward, and not having it is punishment to them), they make clear what they want and expect being obeyed and if not being shunned or treated distantly does wonders for them.....Heck I know one domme who reminded me of Dinsdal Piranna in a Monty Python sketch, she used sarcasm and man was it effective
My problem is never with the form, mine is when people make statements like a dominant who is polite to a sub or talks to them as they would anyone else isn't really in control; someone who assumes to be in control you have to yell, scream and act like a tyrant is like a parent who thinks the same thing about raising kids is likely someone not very good at what they are doing IMO (someone whose style is "rough' would never criticize a dominant whose style is sublime/subdued, because they understand dominance is an art form with a zillion ways to make it work
JamieJ424
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Posts
- 596
Yea exactly. The submissive has to SUBMIT. Otherwise no amount of yelling is going to change a thing.
I think a lot of the discussion comes out of the perception from all the garbage out there, porn, popular writing, etc, of a female dominant and the wimpy male sub that she abuses and humiliates (more on that in a second), or the male dominant with a female sub as an abusive asshole. It is filtered through a lot of prejudice, that is for sure.
There are subs who like that kind of thing, crave humiliation, being demeaned, etc (not my scene at all, I had enough humiliation growing up with my asshole family, thank you) and Dom/mes who get off on that, and that is fine, that is their relationship and I would hope underlying it there is respect and caring there. If you don't respect and care about your sub as a domme (or vice versa I will add) it isn't much of a relationship and honestly scares the crap out of me if there is't that respect and caring.
To me it is just about how the dynamic is expresssed. I had a friend, a lifestyle domme who I got to know originally through pro sessions, who said she got shit because when asking slaves to do things, she always said please and thank you, and was told that that "diminished her power"...it didn't, she had some incredible slaves, M and F, who would beg to differ, that dominance was all over their relationship. Thing is she didn't have to yell or demean them or 'appear angry' to have them obey or do what she wanted, she would look at one of them disappointed if they did something wrong and it was fucking amazing to watch how devastated they were.
Again, that doesn't mean someone who has a more 'forceful' dynamic is wrong if that is what works for them. I have met dominants I considered complete assholes who I woudn't go within a mile of, their treatment of subs was not underlying respectful it was an egotistical ass who had no clue what two way street meant, caring, etc (in other words, bad dominants, a not unknown phenomenon).
Lot of Dominants never use physical punishments (those are for play and reward, and not having it is punishment to them), they make clear what they want and expect being obeyed and if not being shunned or treated distantly does wonders for them.....Heck I know one domme who reminded me of Dinsdal Piranna in a Monty Python sketch, she used sarcasm and man was it effective
My problem is never with the form, mine is when people make statements like a dominant who is polite to a sub or talks to them as they would anyone else isn't really in control; someone who assumes to be in control you have to yell, scream and act like a tyrant is like a parent who thinks the same thing about raising kids is likely someone not very good at what they are doing IMO (someone whose style is "rough' would never criticize a dominant whose style is sublime/subdued, because they understand dominance is an art form with a zillion ways to make it work
wallstreetguy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 31, 2020
- Posts
- 778
This all depends on the woman. Sometimes, a sub wants to be treated awfully. It is the kink. Being "nice" is a turnoff, in this situation.
In real life, she might be annoyed that a male does not act 100% gentleman/professional. But once in the bedroom, even the smallest kindness turns her off.
I prefer showing kindness as a reward for good behavior.
In real life, she might be annoyed that a male does not act 100% gentleman/professional. But once in the bedroom, even the smallest kindness turns her off.
I prefer showing kindness as a reward for good behavior.
Absolutely! As a Dom, I've always looked as submission as a gift that should always be respected and valued as such, even if the sub wants to be treated like shit as part of their kink. When I see D/s stuff go wrong it's so often to blame on a Dom that is not smart enough to tell the difference between the two.
