Kindness and Dominance

[Master_Doctor]

I agree completely. But that wasn’t really the point I was trying to make. I think a sensual
Dominant has a more evolved and more heightened sense of sympathy, empathy and compassion than a strict dominant.

Now I have to take a bit of an exception to your assumption here. Im classifies as both a Loving Dominant and a strict one as well. Why is it that you think you cant be both? Strict, to be honest, merely means that you adhere to the negotiated set of rules. It isnt inherently negative or positive. Rules are good. If I tell a submissive to do something... I expect her to obey instantly... why for her safety. If we are playing or in a scene... if she doesnt then she could get seriously hurt. So why is it that you think that a strict Dom cant be empathetic, or compassionate?

Had you instead substituted the term strict with self-absorbed sadist... then I would have agreed with you completely.

Just food for thought. Im strict because I care dearly for the submissives under my authority. Just as a strict parent... is to because they love their children and want to protect them.... not because they want to abuse them.

 

[sweettalk4u]

I agree. Dominance doesn't mean you can't be strict and show compassion and passion. Firm but fair. Thanks!

 

[Ropebunny]

By that noticing, why does a sadist have to be “self absorbed?”
I know some very altruistic sadists.

I think we are picking apart too minutely, here.

I’m with you on this. All a sadist is is someone that gets off of the application of pain and discomfort. I’m a sadomasochistic, primarily getting off of my own experience (but also enjoying the enjoyment of my sadistic partner, thanks submission!) It’s a little sliver of a label, that describes no one in reality without a slew of other labels to further clarify because no one is *just* anything.

Pretty sure there are even submissive sadists out there, enjoying dishing out the pain only on instruction. Hmm, I might need to put one of those on my shopping list...

 

[AnnieLit]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

I would say that if he is NOT showing any respect to a woman, he is a dick, not a dom. There is time and place to be aggresive and rough, and there is time and place to be kind and carrying. To me one does not work without the other.

For one thing, what is an aftercare, if not a pure kindness? I guess there are subs that want to be just left struggling for breath on the floor to fend for themselves, but most of us like to be brought back to the normal world in a much gentler way.

 

[AnnieLit]

Aftercare should be for both of us, not bestowed kindness, yes?

Maybe it should, but I have never been in a situation where the dominant partner needed it actively provided, beyond just the sub being receptive to the cuddling and such.

Hm... Correction, I was, once, but I don't think the sub in that case was capable of providing it. Or even knew that it was needed for that matter. And I am not sure at all if I was capable of accepting it either.

 

[Master_Doctor]

By that noticing, why does a sadist have to be “self absorbed?”
I know some very altruistic sadists.

I think we are picking apart too minutely, here.

Never once did I say that a sadist had to be ANYTHING. You are putting words in my mouth. I merely added a qualifier as an example of what would have better fit the narrative of what had been expressed.

 

[LauraWilling]

I have mentioned a time of two that I had and older(than me at least ) Master as a personal mentor. He was an ex military specialist, who owned a younger wife/slave. He was a gentleman Master. I never once heard him raise his voice at anyone. He was amazingly supportive of her... supported her advanced education and she was the apple of his eye and vise versa. He passed a couple of years ago now. He left a hold not only in her heart and mine, but in an entire community. He always showed respect to others until they proved that they were unworthy of it. I know you say your doing well. But I understand well what loosing such an person means. I grieve with you.

Thank you. I really appreciate that.

 

[SeeMeRolling]

I merely pointed out the words you wrote, and asked a question.

That is very Alinksy of you.

 

[SeeMeRolling]

*swoons*


Hush. I wasn’t doing that, this time.

Okay. Maybe a little.

Though I do forget which number rule that was. I might have to reread that book.

 

[TheOriginalSA]

I don't believe you have to be mean or overly aggressive, in order to be dominant. You can be kind and gentle, but at times you have to make her understand, exactly what this relationship is.

 

[Duncan113]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

I couldn't agree with your more. I thought I was alone in this. I used to be a Dom male (meaning I'm too old for that now), but always a very gentle, loving one. My girlfriend and I created a space that was healing, therapeutic. If the right two people find each other and they do the power exchange in the right way, it can truly heal.

 

[AnnieLit]

I used to be a Dom male (meaning I'm too old for that now).

No, you are not! You might be too old to want it, but that can happen at any age and going by the fact that you are here, it is not the case with you. As far as your physical abilities go, you can read, you can write, you most likely can listen and talk -- that's enough for at least an online relationship.

 

[sweettalk4u]

And this man writes stories that really speak to the heart of this issue. The C&s Club is one I’m reading now
https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=838252&page=submissions

 

[LatexSolarBeef]

Well said, I agree 100%.

 

[Littlebeau]

Agree wholly

And this man writes stories that really speak to the heart of this issue. The C&s Club is one I’m reading now
https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=838252&page=submissions

Agreeing with you completely.
May I ask what is this C&s Clug?

 

[mj3719280]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

I agree. I've been in the lifestyle as a Dom for over 30 years. The key to me is that as a Dom I'm in control. It's up to me how I decide to treat my subs. I can be kind and gentle or rough and mean depending on my mood. All of the subs I've had, have clearly understood that me being kind or respectful to them in no way changed the fact that I owned them.

 

[Fmlawdaddy1]

This is exactly what I've been searching for, not too many out there that understand that or want that

 

[lanceGibs]

I believe that a man showing kindness and respect to a submissive woman is not incompatible with sexual dominance. Unfortunately his kindness is not always well received or is mistaken for an inability to properly fulfill a dominant role.

Dominance ,kindness and care are a psychomoral aspect of masculinity
Either you have it or you don't
My view

 

[Smoothshavendad]

It’s all about trust and communication. With those two things, you will get what you need from me. Oftentimes before you even know that you need them.

 

[Conager]

The one has nothing at all to do with the other.

If kindness is being conflated with weakness it probably isn't kindness but something else. Appeasement or accommodation, maybe.

There is nothing unkind about things like setting boundaries and insisting on accountability on the flip side.

I'd worry less about what you call something and how it is perceived and more about being genuine and clear about your expectations.

 

[JamieJ424]

I can only speak for myself, but to me dominance is first and foremost rooted in care. The dominant does not run roughshod over the submissive needs in favor of his own, his role is to incorporate her needs into their interactions. So dominance can be spankings and floggings and punishment, but it can also be kneeling down to tie her shoe, or making her favorite meal, or taking care of her when she’s sick, or packing her lunch to take to work.

 

[KatieDoes]

I would never, ever, submit to a Dom that was unkind to me, or that I didn’t feel was an overall kind and decent person.

 

[Bohemian_Dream83]

It’s all about trust and communication. With those two things, you will get what you need from me. Oftentimes before you even know that you need them.

Thats very nicely put. I think trust and communication is extremely important. However I like a Dom who's protective but not overbearing, nice but knows how to guide his sub. Everyone is different and wants different things.

 

[KRey32]

I would never, ever, submit to a Dom that was unkind to me, or that I didn’t feel was an overall kind and decent person.

Very well said. And nice to hear.

 

[IrisAlthea]

If kindness is being conflated with weakness it probably isn't kindness but something else. Appeasement or accommodation, maybe.

There is nothing unkind about things like setting boundaries and insisting on accountability on the flip side.

Yup.

Anyway, find someone you mesh with, who recieves what you offer well OP.