2008 News & Views: Discussion and Announcements for the Survivorphile

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Horsie horn

Speaking of Boxlicker and unicorns, I saw a unicorn today. I never knew they existed. It was the first one I had ever seen.

Only, it was a talking unicorn. And do you know what it said to me? It was pissed by the way. You don't want to get in the way of a pissed unicorn. They are big and powerful.

Anyway, what it said was this.

"Why do they call me a unicorn any way? What the Hell come of a name is that for a horse with a horn. If anything they should appropriately have named me a horsie horn."

I just thought that was weird. Oh, shit, I'm nearly out of scotch. I need to go buy another bottle.

 

[KarennaC]

BFW, while I greatly appreciate your concern for my mental health, well... I don't have any mental health. I have children; they've taken all my sanity. So there's no need to worry; the Survivor contest won't affect me in the least. lol And a talking unicorn???

Sweetprettyass, welcome to the dungeon... beware of BFW, he might steal your flashlight. Or flash you...

Erin, how's your day going? lol

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Green E

Well, KarennaC when you get like PrincessErin, babbling, and end up like Sweetprettyass not knowing where the Hell she is or who the Hell anyone is, don't say I didn't warn you.

Gees. You know, I deserve a bit more respect here. I am the 2nd place winner in Literotica's year long 2007 Survivor Contest.

Both of you should be down on your kness.

Sorry, I had a momentary lapse with that vision of you and PrincesErin down on your knees before me.

Yes, as I was saying both of you should be down on your knees before me kissing my big, shiny Green E.

Yep, I have a Green E. I never take it off. I wear it all the time.

Did you know that if you earn a Green E that Literotica give you a Green E satin jacket with your name on the front and the words, Literotica in script letters with the words Green E winner underneath. Literotica sent it to me next day express.

They gave me a Green E baseball cap, too. Any time I go out, which is very seldom because I'm kind of reclusive in the way that Sean Connery was when he play Forrester in the movie Finding Forrester. Anyway, any time I venture out, I wear my Green E jacket, Green E baseball cap, and my Green E.

Only, I'm not allowed to drive while wearing the Green E. It's too shiny and it blinds oncoming traffic, so I turn it around the other way. I got a ticket from a state trooper the last time I wore it.

The thing weighs a ton, too. It must weigh ten pounds and it's wayyyyyy bigger than an Olympic gold medal. I don't know what it's mad out of, but I think it's something really precious. I suspect that it's Kryptonite. It's probably worth a lot of money on the black market. Gees, I wonder if there is a Green E black market, now that I think of it.

Yeah, so as I was saying, you two should be down on your kness kissing my big Green E.

(Gees, I betcha Laurel is really sorry that she ever gave me a Green E. I'll probably never get another one the way that I make fun of receiving a Green E, as I did in my Green E story. Sorry, Laurel, just kidding.)

 

[KarennaC]

BFW, no wonder you're in first place in this year's contest, with an imagination like that. Unfortunately, you're spending so much time posting here, trying to discourage Erin and me...

Oooh, I want a Green E!

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Wait

You want a Green E? I have one you know. Maybe, we can work out a deal.

I'd give you my Green E if...wait, what do you look like?

 

[starrkers]

Erin, that doesn't necessarily mean he's teaming up with anyone; Scouries could have been referring to one of the other Survivor competitors, for example you or me. I know there was one day I had four stories go up... Haven't managed to repeat that yet.

I think Laurel and Manu are keeping an eye on things around here; the Survivor stories do have to be the work of one and only one person, and I think they'll pay attention to make sure that's the case. And will pay attention to any complaints indicating that someone(s) are violating that rule. (I was kind of bummed about the one person rule, because a friend and I had a very hot IM conversation I was thinking of submitting to Transcripts, but now I can't use it except as inspiration.)

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere last year that Laurel and Manu don't run the Survivor contest. It is run by the authors for the authors, all the checking is done by the moderators and the authors. L&M provide the prizes.

They also move stories that have been put in the wrong category, but they have to be told about it first, usually by the readers.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Gees, Box, where the Hell do you live? Africa? It's been snowing everywhere lately, even southern California.

I'm just glad I don't live near Buffalo or Fargo.

I'm so done with snow. Next year, I'm buying one of those snow blower things. My shoveling days are over.

I can't wait to retire, but that's a ways off. We want to move someplace warmer than where we are now, but not too warm. I don't want to go to Florida.

Maybe, I'll just move down to Connecticut (lol), that's south of me.

I live in California's Central Valley. Sometimes there will be a cold snap, and the temperature will drop to near freezing. We've never had any snow in the four winters we have lived here. Of course, in the summer we pay for that when the temp. reaches 120.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

What's your excuse?

Boxlicker, you've lost all credibility. You see unicorns. I'm sorry, but anyone who has seen a unicorn cannot be trusted to give a weather forecast, especially if that forecast is for southern california, the crazy part of the United States.

I'm sorry that I had to tell you this, but someone had to step up and tell you. They've been talking about you, you know, whispers. They think you've lost it. Now, I don't know if you drink, but you got to stop writing about unicorns. They don't exist.

Maybe, you should take some time off from writing. I think this contest has gotten the better of you. Now, I posted a warning message above that does not apply to you because you are a man and I've already seen enough of your naked photo in your AV.

There is another solution for you to help get your mind back. I'm told that there is a unicorn farm in Vermont. You need to go there to see for yourself that there are no unicorns and for that matter no unicorn farm. Send me an e-mail when you get there. You can't miss it, it's just after Brattleboro. There's a big freaking sign on 91 of a big ass Unicorn that says Unicorn farm.

Only, don't tell them that I sent you there. They lknow me. Well, you know, I put a horn on a horse when I was a bit drunk and called the horse horsie corn. I could have sworn that horse was talking to me. Maybe, not, but I was drunk. What's your excuse?

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Aha!

"Aha! The conspiracy thickens."

This contest is run by authors for authors. Damn. It makes me wish my name was author instead of Freddie. Now, I know why I didn't win it last year. What was his name, oh, yeah, Author MungoPark III.

Well, that's it for me. I guess I'll pack it all in. I have no Hell of a chance...wait, one minute. I know, I'll change my name to author. Yeah, that's it. I'll just change my name. Damn, I'm so freaking smart some times.

I hope no one else finds out about this.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Boxlicker, you've lost all credibility. You see unicorns. I'm sorry, but anyone who has seen a unicorn cannot be trusted to give a weather forecast, especially if that forecast is for southern california, the crazy part of the United States.

I'm sorry that I had to tell you this, but someone had to step up and tell you. They've been talking about you, you know, whispers. They think you've lost it. Now, I don't know if you drink, but you got to stop writing about unicorns. They don't exist.

Maybe, you should take some time off from writing. I think this contest has gotten the better of you. Now, I posted a warning message above that does not apply to you because you are a man and I've already seen enough of your naked photo in your AV.

There is another solution for you to help get your mind back. I'm told that there is a unicorn farm in Vermont. You need to go there to see for yourself that there are no unicorns and for that matter no unicorn farm. Send me an e-mail when you get there. You can't miss it, it's just after Brattleboro. There's a big freaking sign on 91 of a big ass Unicorn that says Unicorn farm.

Only, don't tell them that I sent you there. They lknow me. Well, you know, I put a horn on a horse when I was a bit drunk and called the horse horsie corn. I could have sworn that horse was talking to me. Maybe, not, but I was drunk. What's your excuse?

I just write about unicorns, in the third person. That doesn't mean I have really seen one. I write about Zuzie from the planet Zoop, and I write in the first person about sex with her in her flying saucer.

I don't predict the weather. I 'm just telling you what it has been in the last three plus years.

I also don't live in southern California.

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

You want a Green E? I have one you know. Maybe, we can work out a deal.

I'd give you my Green E if...wait, what do you look like?

I see you really do have a green E, but in Reviews and Essays. It doesn't have a red H.

Maybe you and I can work out a deal. That's Little Old Me in my AV.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

forgive me

Forgive me, Boxlicker. I was just having a little fun at your expense. I'm a bit zany today. I have the flu and I think the medication is getting to me.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I see you really do have a green E, but in Reviews and Essays. It doesn't have a red H.

Maybe you and I can work out a deal. That's Little Old Me in my AV.

I have some red H's. Maybe we can work out a deal, if you are sure that is really you in your AV.

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

I have some red H's. Maybe we can work out a deal, if you are sure that is really you in your AV.

Of course it's me. Who else would I have there? How do you think I came up with my name? I already have one red H, but I could use another one. If you want to negotiate, PM me.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

It doesn't have a red H because I am, without doubt, the most bashed writer on this board. I delete more gashing comments than most writers get votes.

Routinely, I have bashers going through my scorecard and giving me low scores on multiple computers to erase my red H's. They think that I care. They think that they can get to me by doing that.

I had 88 red H's once, I'm down to 25 and as soon as I write this, I'll be down to 10 (lol).

I'm a bit outspoken with some of my essays and I've pissed some people off with my essay about the 250 favorite author list, the essay about the Survivor Contest, the essay about bashers and bashing, et al.

Nonetheless, I'm open for a deal. What do you have in my sweetprettyass. Actually, shouldn't it be prettysweetass?

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

It doesn't have a red H because I am, without doubt, the most bashed writer on this board. I delete more gashing comments than most writers get votes.

Routinely, I have bashers going through my scorecard and giving me low scores on multiple computers to erase my red H's. They think that I care. They think that they can get to me by doing that.

I had 88 red H's once, I'm down to 25 and as soon as I write this, I'll be down to 10 (lol).

I'm a bit outspoken with some of my essays and I've pissed some people off with my essay about the 250 favorite author list, the essay about the Survivor Contest, the essay about bashers and bashing, et al.

Nonetheless, I'm open for a deal. What do you have in my sweetprettyass. Actually, shouldn't it be prettysweetass?

No, it's SweetPrettyAss. You can call me SPA if you want to. Do I call you WRITER FICTION BOSTON?

 

[Boxlicker101]

By the way, SPA, where have you been? I haven't seen you for a while, and I really do enjoy seeing you. It's none of my business, but I'm curious.

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

By the way, SPA, where have you been? I haven't seen you for a while, and I really doenjoy seeing you. It's none of my business, but I'm curious.

I've been around, but not around here.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Let me sleep on it.

With an ass like that you can call me anything so long as you allow me to feel it, cup it, caress it, covet it, and lick it.

You have a pretty, sweet ass, sweetprettyass, er, I mean Spa.

So...about that Green E. I think that we can make a deal, that is, so long as PrincessErin and KarennaC aren't falling over themselves to make a deal with me for it.

I'll tell you what, Spa, as Meatloaf would say, in his song Paradise By The Dashboard Light, let me sleep on it.

I'll let you know after I sleep with you (lol).

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

I saw her first

Hey, Boxlicker. I saw her first. Besides you are way too old for her.

I'm only 35 and in my prime.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Hey, Boxlicker. I saw her first. Besides you are way too old for her.

I'm only 35 and in my prime.

Actually, I saw her almost two years ago.

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

Actually, I saw her almost two years ago.

Don't I have anything to say about it?

 

[Boxlicker101]

Don't I have anything to say about it?

Of course, but you should know that I didn't get my name because I lick cardboard cartons.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Gees

Well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. You're old enough to be her father, er Dutch Uncle, er way older brother. (Pick one that fits.)

You know, it doesn't get any better than this, we get to flirt with all these young, sexy women. If we did that in the street we'd have our faces slapped.

Actually, you never know about some of these women, sweetprettyass could very well be Dan from New Jersey. And PrincessErin could be Peter from Encino and KarennaC could be Kevin Colby from Spokane.

Gees, I was having such a good time until I put those three images in my head. I have to go gargle.

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

Well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. You're old enough to be her father, er Dutch Uncle, er way older brother. (Pick one that fits.)

You know, it doesn't get any better than this, we get to flirt with all these young, sexy women. If we did that in the street we'd have our faces slapped.

Actually, you never know about some of these women, sweetprettyass could very well be Dan from New Jersey. And PrincessErin could be Peter from Encino and KarennaC could be Kevin Colby from Spokane.

Gees, I was having such a good time until I put those three images in my head. I have to go gargle.

For what Box has in mind, age usually equals experience, and that's a good thing.