30 Poems in 30 Days (Redux)

[Moochienanu]

4-8

Existential Mumblings and Diary Thoughts

I am no more an artist
Than art.
There was a time when I found myself beautiful,
Now, I find myself purposeful,
Which is better in so many ways.
I have meaning.
I know what I need and want, hope for and long for.
I know what suffering is,
Have seen it in faces of others
And myself
As I walk through this endless darkness.

Psychological warfare:
Feelings on the brink of eruption
As I fill my own mind
With insecurities driven by nothing
And everything.
Each word, a life raft to get me ashore.

The world will not listen to science
As I watch my life change in a matter of moments,
I weep for the ones lost
And the many that will come
Due to the indifference of others.

Walking into the grocery for milk last week,
In,
Straight to the dairy case,
Grab it,
To checkout,
Out.
But not before the group of five kids,
Not much younger than me,
No masks,
No regard for personal space of others,
Complaining loudly
About how I must be scared of catching it.

If I was braver,
Or more foolish,
I would have told them
That yes,
I was.
But I was more afraid of spreading it to stupid shits like them
Who aren’t thoughtful enough to wear a mask around others,
Or keep their distance
From the ones who work with the sick.

I wish I didn’t have to hear their impotent views,
But if not from them,
Then from my mother
Who thanks me in one social media post
For being a hero
And then in the next proclaims what I do a lie.

I’m tired of being the silent one
Who only speaks when asked.

The art and never the artist...

I need to change myself
Into someone who will speak up,
Before I try to change others.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-9

Lace

The strain of them pressing, full on against it
As the night wears on
Slowly whittled into mere moments
Until the end
And sweet release.

They feel heavier, weighted with want
To be held, suckled
By only your hands, lips
In the way you do
Unlike anyone ever has before.

They compress against their prison
Until finally, the loops and whirls
Are set free, unclasped and dropped to the floor
Forgotten completely,
If it weren’t for your thumb’s glide
Over imprinted patterns.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-10

Incognito

I’m not me today.
I’m the furthest from me I’ve been in a while.
Or perhaps it is
That I simply don’t feel myself
And am projecting that thought
Into the world
That receives it and is keeping it’s distance
In a way that makes me feel it more.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-11

I’ve reserved it

The place where I told you aloud
For the first time
What I had literally traced
In letters across your heart,
And written out for you in verse
In the same place before.

The place where we made discoveries
About new sounds,
Both yours and mine,
As expressions were memorized
And catalogued for later thoughts
While scrolling together while apart.

The place where you lead me
To countless cliff edges,
Helping me to let go
In ways I’ve never imagined before
And assisted in the conception of a library
Back in service tomorrow morning.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-12

Jump and fall

Feel

the

ground

disappear

beneath

feet

as your

heart
​

p
l
u
m
m
e
t
s
.
.
.
to
be
with
another.​

 

[Moochienanu]

4-13

It can’t have been just yesterday...

I had not been that nervous
Since our very first kiss,
When my universe fell
Out from beneath me so quickly.

Breathing every inch of you in
As though time would never be
On our side again,
Even after your assurances.

Memorizing each line of your face,
Thoughtful expression in your eye,
Every muscle on the tips of my fingers,
To feel you while apart.

Even with the mementos you left me with,
And the promise of soon again
Still lingering on both our lips,
I can’t help but ache for you.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-14

Hidden and Known

Soft forest floor beneath us
Sun streaming
Through the canopy
Warming skin smelling
Of sweet earth
And musky, tousled hair
Falls upon
Your arm, my pillow.

Lay with me
As hips speak words
We could never say aloud
Among the sound of woods
Singing their knowledge
Of us in creaks and
Twittering animals
My body, your escape.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-15

My Night, Since You Asked

The bottom of my whiskey bottle
Proclaims that every spirit has a story
I place a number one in a line without any
And proceed

Billions drones in the background
About maintaining relationships
I place a four in a square that fills it
And the game continues

My mind falls to a place where I’ve become
Someone else entirely as you hold me
I wonder if it is time for the eight
And play it

I am yours into my marrow now
Which makes my whole mind spin in new ways
I finish placing nines
And a puzzle, game I never wanted to be

Is.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-16

Shovel

Trying not to dig
As I feel unwanted walls
Rising around me
Blocking out
Light from above.

I’m told
It is harder to see
The light
When you are
The stars.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-17

When it Rains

The grey blanket pulled up and over,
Spilling salt-free tears slowly -
Several dripping faucets left open,
Over miles to keep pipes from freezing
Until emptied, close to disappearing
High above with no one who cares
Except to avoid.

The bright spot behind filters through,
Shines straightforward into the day
Bending only once in a bow of colours
Shooting through the grey,
Pulling eyes upward, from one side to another,
In hopes of a golden end
To eternal mirage.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-18

Participals

When the smoke and fog
Rolled in so thick around us
That seeing the distance
Wasn’t happening anytime soon,
Through the unclear sights
And unimaginable depths,
You found me.

When a new day breaks,
And I’ve been awake
since the one before,
Tired from a body worked
Past an age it is and into
A place I’m not recognizable,
Through the distance and time between
And your spinning, waking minds,
You find me.

When the light knock on the door,
Before a flood of colour in cheeks,
After a heart pounds so fast
With nerves suppressed
All hours as necessary,
Through the opening door you walk
And that kiss waiting, I know
You will find me.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-19

Gags

The drool,
Saliva spilling from an open bottom lip
Extended in an ever-falling line of clear
From my chin to the tops of my breasts.

The breath,
Unsteady whimpers with each gasp through
Or around the obstacle added in hastened precision
To quiet and subdue, feel less - and more.

The control,
Taken and given without a word exchanged
That extends to every mindful thought
And each movement made or not while it is there.

The look,
From one up and the other down
Both into sea deep eyes of a storm
That speak enough for the one who can’t.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-20

Buttons

Your shirt
Is my challenge,
How quickly can I
Make my thumbs,
Fingers move
From top to bottom,
Slipping carefully
As we kiss.

You get the cuffs
Each time,
Deftly flicking
Fingertips at
Each wrist,
A practiced motion,
Each time
My wandering mind
Is reminded of
When those same fingers
Find another place
So ready to open
For you.

After, when
Arms have found
Sleeves again,
With each done
I become un,
Whimpering pleas
For you to stay.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-21

By a nose

Skating in
Under the wire
Like the cat burglar
Stealthily negotiates
A laser grid
Only in movies.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-22

Closed Captions

I like to watch television
With the captions on the bottom.
A lot of reasons contributed to starting,
And many more to not stopping.

(Murmuring din of a cafe)

You see, there are two main reasons
Why I don’t stop watching films
With words scrolling
Along the bottom of the screen
Simultaneously.

(Exhales forcefully)

The first is practical:
Due to some hearing loss from
Hours around clangorous machines
As background
To the background music,
I miss some of the dialogue
When a face isn’t toward the camera
To capture.

(Melodies swell to a suspenseful theme)

And the other reason
Is because I love how some caption artists,
Yes, I believe the deserve the title,
Are able to capture an otherwise
Unfathomable sound
In words.

(Soft rain patters like a plinking guitar against the roof)

Because of studies following my sister,
I am able to capture many basic English words
And some rudimentary concepts
Without speaking a word aloud.

(Screaming)

But I fear,
I will never come close
To being able to describe
With my hands
What three words in yellow can
At the bottom of a screen.

(Dramatic, chaotic music)

 

[Moochienanu]

4-23

Sip and Lip Rhyme

I wish that I could kiss you now
With these lips soaked in bourbon
And longing for yours
More than I could ever remember.

They are two screaming for two
To caress and hold them,
Flower petals and oak leaves
One falling to the other as it joins.

Don’t stop needing them,
These sweet, vanilla-honeyed presses
That make the earthquaking world
Feel like a record left on the player.

Don’t stop craving them,
These hard, spiced, and peppery touches
That sink their teeth into flesh
And make ice crawl up the spine.

They are yours to take,
Each with their own sugary bite,
As we lay in each other’s arms
Drifting down a river of foliage.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-24

Waiting

It’s torment,
These thoughts of you
Getting me closer
To an edge



you won’t let me fall over
Until we’re together again



...It seems...



Like catching a whiff of your musk:
Bringing my whole mind to it’s knees
As you look down on me there

In midst of worship

To you.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-25

In my eyes

I don’t want you to go
As you kiss my forehead,
Soft press against my soul
Retching my insides apart
With the thought of you
Imminently stepping out the door.

I don’t want you to go
As we shower and steal
Those final moments of together,
Naked flesh close, touching
With nothing but rivulets of water
Running rivers between.

I don’t want you to go
As your clothes are put back on,
Resting myself against you
From behind while you lace your shoes
To smell your shirt, your flesh
One more time again.

I don’t want you to go
As your hand lingers on the knob
My fingertips on yours,
Saying the last ‘I love you’
As they disappear through the openning
Out into the world

 

[Moochienanu]

4-26

When You Kiss me Like This...

There was a moment
When I looked back to find you
As the heat of my body took over
And you knew...

Somehow you knew.

Your hips drove further, deeper
As I pushed back,
Your teeth sunk in.

The moan
After my breath returned,
Body shaking
Under yours
Still using me,
Needing me,
Loving me,
And that kiss:
That sealed it.

Over and over...

And when you tell me
How you love my cunt
Wrapped tight around you,
And I think about how much
That word from your mouth means,
I can’t help but let it wash
Over, and into me
Like your body does:
And I am all yours.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-27

Super Hero

Pulled from the ashes
Started from scratch
A world with nothing but chaos
To offer to the newly found.

Don’t find me in the wreckage
Of these fallen dreams,
Because I am flying above them
Unable to feel similar anymore.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-28

My Calming Storm

I want you to tear into me.
Ravage my mind with a glance,
Pulling each muscle of wandering thought
From their bones with your words.
Sever my worries from everything else.
Rip them from me,
Your hands pillaging through each pound
Of anxiety and fear
Until nothing remains.
Remnants of a plundered, ruined body
Falling to knees,
With an unstoppable hunger for more
Of the hurricane
Only you let loose upon it.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-29

What I need today

I need new analogies.
I need someone to hold me.
I need a new song to listen to
And a new radio station to tune to.
I need hard, thudding blows
And stinging thwacks that make my skin crawl away.
I need soft kisses.
I need you.
I need the volume of the world turned up.
I need a veggie sandwich from Utter Culture
And the plane ticket to get me there and order it.
I need a long hug from my best friend
Who doesn’t think that I’m crazy, or wrong for who I am.
I need to feel safe when I walk to and from my car
Without keeping my keys splayed between fingers
Like specialty brass knuckles.
I need to sing something loud and in front of people.
I need you to hear me when I talk and when I don’t.
I need to loose the pounds I’ve gained in the last four months
And find a way to stop myself from self-sabotage in the venture.
I need time to enjoy the things I’ve worked for
And to not feel guilty about it.
I always feel so guilty...
I need to not feel guilty about being myself anymore.

 

[Moochienanu]

4-30

P a u s e

It felt like the space between words
Turned into a bottomless chasm,
And each word’s letters
Seemed to gape open,
Middles dropping out until every sound
Was emptier than the last
As soon as they were spoken.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-1

Healing

It’s hard to see
If there is an end
To the way this hurt
Fills every crevasse,
Carving deeper
Into places
Never thought to exist,
Possibly didn’t before.

Like the Colorado River,
This pain cuts slowly,
Causing small scars
To tear and grow,
Until finally -
Once able to
Pull away
From the limited view
Of tumultuous water,
The beauty of what’s become
Of the surrounding landscape
Can be appreciated.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

5-1: SeeSaw

I feel...
Off.
Like an old see
Missing it’s saw.
Nobody wants to
Play on a rickety
Unbalanced,
Broken thing.

I feel stuck
In down,
Waiting for that feeling of
Up.
But when I look across from me,
There’s nothing.
And nobody
Wants to play on
An unbalanced,
Rickety,
Broken
Plaything.