30 Poems in 30 Days (Redux)

[Moochienanu]

5-15

I am an experience

Experience me:
An old-souled kitten
With bright, beaming eyes
Asking you,
Begging you,
For more time
In our place
To find out what we can
And do
And know,
Without the distractions
Of life.

Experience me:
An ever-eager pout
With blushing bruises
Sometimes unseen
Across each inch
Of soft, smooth skin
Wishing for nothing
But you close enough
To kiss,
Even chastely now
Because there isn’t a way
To hide meaning
Away in a kiss.

Experience me:
A lonesome-lusty dove
Searching by night,
In lamp light,
For a feeling filled
By only one
Who has held hemp
And caressed curves
On which it lays it’s body across,
Overtime becoming
Marked lines
Harking closer to held.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-16

I can feel it

There’s this knot of feeling
That’s growing larger
By the day,
Hour,
Minute,
Second.

It is screaming for me to listen,
But I’m told I shouldn’t,
That I should find a way -
Any other -
To distract myself
From falling into it’s hole.

This is something I have struggled with
Since I can remember.

Sometimes it’s better,
Especially after I feed it.

There is a release of endorphins
And a feeling like,
After,
I could
And am...
Okay.
...
For a little while.

But then,
Sooner than I am willing to accept,
It starts a wrap around my chest.

Over time it coils and binds itself
Getting tighter,
Firmer,
Sterner,
Begging me to listen.
Making it more difficult to think
Of anything else
But breathing,
And how can I get rid
Of this weight?

I know I will give in

I always do

It is just a matter of time.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

5-16

Tied up, tempted, teased and tasted
And tasted and tempted, teased, and teased
Until the rope holding you is tightened,
And the patterns embed themselves
Into skin so perfect that
Your inhibitions fall down
Just as easily as the hair on your head.
Dripping and dropping dollups of
Dew that are tastefully licked up
And picked off of you. Lips steady,
Tongue wagging, such a wonderful view
Such a wonderfully,fantastic delectable you.
In my hands, with my plans, understand this, love..
That right now, you’re extreme delight is All I can even think of.
Hands shaking, mind resolute, determination steely too,
Cause when I handle you,
Oh...I’m gonna handle you.
I’m gonna kiss you up one side
And the down the other,
With fingers engaged,
Cause I’m a considerate lover,
And with you as my canvas,
Oh, the image I’ll paint..
While the passionate passions
Overtake your happy brain.
But maybe I’m insane....
But you’ll be writing my name
Upon bites and a red ass
That keeps asking for the same.
At the end of all things,
Then the rope comes off?
You’ll sleep happily
Until the next alarm goes off.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-17

Smile

It starts in your eyes.
They become
A little brighter
As it spreads
Out from there,
Reaching every millimeter.
There’s this way your whole face
Is touched by it,
That makes your smile infectious.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-18

Fireflies

I’ve never seen
A firefly in person,
But I like to imagine
They are what skitters about
Inside me everywhere
When I think you.

You see, whatever it is
That happens,
Has much faster wings
Than a butterfly could flap,
And I almost feel
A burn when I focus on it
For too long.

It is like there are little fires
Moving about
Throughout my veins sometimes.
Fires that make me shiver
And want to hold them,
Catch each
And keep them forever.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

5-19

There are moments
When the proximity
Is such that I feel your breath
On my neck.
Or I hear your sighs
Cascading across my ear lobes
Before caressing my ear drums
And your voice
Lending itself
To my melting.
Or there are still other moments
Where I can almost feel
Your touch...
The heat that accompanies it.
Proximity is not always physical,
Especially the way that you do
What you do
To me.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-19

NSFW

I want to run my fingers
Back and forth on your bare clavicle
As we talk or don’t.

I want to feel my hands in yours
Pinned above my head
As you press your hips to mine.

I want to kiss your thigh
And look up from my knees,
You filling every sense there.

I want to squirm
As your teeth sink into my flesh
And my mind whirls away from itself.

I want to tell you
How much I ache with want,
But there are no labeled quantities
High enough to equate.

You will have to settle
For finding out someday
In that next first kiss.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

5-19

Just once,
I don’t want to be known as the good guy,
With the good heart,
Who is always there,
Who will always care.
I don’t want to be handsome
Or cute,
Or any of those other innocuous words
That fill empty spaces
Where other words might go.
Just once,
I don’t want to be “such a special person”
With such awesome gift”
Or an “amazing talent”.
I’d rather not be that guy.
Just once.
I’d rather not be “like a brother”
Or such a great friend. Miss me
With that bs. I’ve heard it time
And again and again and....
Sigh.
I’d rather be unforgettable.
An experience.
Or one of those other words
And adjectives that are used
To describe people
That you just must be around
And experience.
The kind that you hate to leave,
Or just have to have.
The man with magnetism
And.....
Why even bother.
I guess there’s nothing wrong with vanilla...

Except when you aren’t.
Unless I see differently
What other people see when
They get the flavor of me.
More than once.

But if I can’t be called,
Or can’t be seen
Or can’t be experienced..
Or chosen?
Just once?

Why be anything at all.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

5-20

Heart beating so fast
Thinking this might finally
Bring healing again.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-20

Night Sky

Through a break in the clouds
Right above,
The heavens were open
Sharing a darkness
That felt inviting.
As the tiny stars twinkled,
Beckoning eyes to gaze
And be lost
In the vastness,
I felt your hand
Upon my cheek,
Reminding myself
I am just as bright.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-21

Dress Shopping

A family photo
To stuff holiday cards
Taken early November,
Chosen and sent in late.
The little one is easy,
We buy to match,
Coordinating like
Every family:
Smiling, frozen in time - happy.

The part unseen this year
Is the anxiety attack
That hits in the middle
Of the shopping mall store
When a clerk, walks too close
And has the gall to ask
“Did you find what you need?”
As though I need
Yet another person too close to me.

And behind my mask,
I can’t breathe.

I look to my husband,
Tears in my eyes,
And I can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe
Because no, I didn’t find what I need
And it’s not here
And it never will be
And this whole thing is stupid
And there are too many people close to me
And I’m so tired
And why do I need to pretend like this
And who the fuck do I actually think I am
And there is the door
And I’m flying through it
And I’m followed to the car
And I can’t breathe.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

5-22

The season is changing.
I watch the leaves morph
From green into yellow, fire orange,
Blazing reds.. that increase in frequency,
Almost like a last gasp effort to say, “I’m here”.
I feel like those leaves, except
My colors don’t change.
But like those leaves, as the season establishes its
Dominance,
I’ll be gone soon, too.
Gone away from here.
I’ll be gone soon.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

5-22

The helpless feeling
When you can’t help who you love
That shit is the worst

 

[Moochienanu]

5-22

in the end

Run aground,
Shoreline raised up in the distance,
A jump swim to safety
In inky waters
Surrounded in skirts
Ripping each off
Cold sinking in
Every movement slowed
Frozen fingers attempting removal
A sodden weighted corset
Under labored breath
Kicking legs giving their last
Stop
And sink.

The ending of this story
Is always the same,
And that is to say,
That everything ends
Even stories.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-23

Support Group

Come in
It’s a welcoming room,
We will share our Pre-poured coffee
And individually wrapped snacks,
With large, trying-too-hard smiles
Behind novelty masks
Giving you staring eyes
That are meant to make you feel
At ease,
But actually leave you
With a crawling, want-to-escape thought
You can’t quite put a finger on.

Sit down
On a chair in the circle
Where every seat is apart
But together
As best as possible,
And the wood creaks under your weight
As though it is older than it is
Because it has likely seen
So many of these meetings
And knows these faces
Better than they know each other
By the indents of cushions.

Hear the words
You know well
Because the internet tells you
What to expect when they talk
And say their names
Or what you presume
Must be their names.
You say yours
Knowing it’s a lie
Because your name
Is one not spoken anymore,
And belongs on lips
That aren’t ever going to be
In a circle with you again.

You speak
Telling a story
About what brought you to this room,
And who this is really about
But that’s a lie too,
Because no one can know
Because even though it’s not really your lie
It is now,
And you’ve become so good
At shifting
That the eyes of the audience,
Who are so much more weathered,
Can see you’re as honest
As you can be
For now.

A tear falls
When you don’t mean it to
And another as your hands raise,
Looking to the leader
To save you from sharing any more,
Because it will ruin you
To speak another syllable.

Make no promises
To come back again after,
Because you can already tell
That this isn’t going to help,
Just like every other thing you’ve tried,
It all feels wrong;
A knocking at the door
That can never be answered,
Unless you find out
You’re the only one
Who will be on the other side.

6 hours between meetings.
Lives are lived in 6 hours.

Will you wait outside,
Dreaming of the drug
That is this brain chemistry
Created only in those moments
Between a knock that never comes again
And the final slip of fingers away?
Or will you walk away and know
That it isn’t about being someone’s,
But rather someone worth another?

 

[Pervy_Sage]

5-23

Where is the mirror
That tells the truth?
The one unafraid
Of revealing the authentic you,
Not just the brokenness,
But also the power and strength?
Where’s that mirror?

And if you found it,
Would you even look?

 

[Moochienanu]

5-24

Conditioning

Running over itself,
Through,
Each fiber rubbing
Against the others
Leaving shards
Falling like
Odd precipitation.

The flames dancing,
Burning,
Every errant strand
That threatens
To loose itself
Rubbing uncaring like
Splintered wood.

Warming oil in palms,
Smooth,
Softening touch
As they run the length,
A symphony of colours,
Textures flying by like
Kissed lips.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-25

Easy

I remember the first time,
Seeing your hands
And wanting to feel the tips of each finger
Pitter patter
Across, over, up, inside
Every inch of me.

I remember the look in your eye,
Feeling me ready
And wanting to capture that moment of
Super soft surprise
Filling, searching, learning
My very center.

I remember how I never wanted to forget
Any moments spent close
And tried to capture everything I could
Even if it’s not my forte,
Examining, keeping, storing, immortalizing
The way we were.

I did my best,
But I’m not easy
And neither are you.

That was well brought up.
Too bad you weren’t.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-26

Poet

Where does this need to write come from?
This drive to put pen to paper is
Like no one in my family
That I can remember.

My father,
Always too angry or too tired
From his two jobs
And his long commutes,
Would never tinker
With talking
Let alone writing
For fun or need.
Is he who I am?

My mother,
Always softly scuttling
And also exhausted
From the raising of five kids
Plus the extras,
Would keep a journal of the days
That passed,
But these aren’t poems,
Rather lists of prayers,
Of things done
Or left undone,
On her mind to finish later
But nothing more.
Is she who I am?

My siblings,
Too studious
And in their own paths
To take the time
To look to the side
For a younger sibling
Who wanted to be them
And nothing close to
How they are.
Are they who I am?

Where did this come from?
What am I if not this?

 

[Pervy_Sage]

5-27

Just fire and flames?
Are we fire and flame?
Or is one the accelerant causing the other
To burn more brightly...
Hotter...
hotter still..
Until we are exhausted in a rage of smoke
And haze
And everything around us
Has burned to the ground
Except us.
Then do our flames extinguish?
Or do we accelerate toward the next blaze?
Yes.
We burn toward the next blaze.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-27

The Fogs

Reconciling the frozen fog
With the heat of the flame
And smoke today.
I want to breathe deep of each,
But know that they’re not meant
For that.

The fluid-minded water
Is trapped by sudden chilly fog
Freezes quickly,
Covering entire surfaces
In frosted fur,
So that small towers of crystalline heights
Are erected and held
With a tension
Of micro-miles
Until,
A flame several feet away,
without even touching
Or coming close to the surfaces,
Can melt it’s exterior,
Leaving no trace
Of that fog
And a warmed wet surface
That was never physically touched
By either.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-28

Corrupt

Integrity lost completely,
The air exchanges slowly stop,
A soft hum of something mechanical
Trying to die,
The malware ate through
Everything worthwhile,
A bug unseen
Chomping away
Making holes in the data,
Like a caterpillar eating its way
Through a juicy, ripe apple.

It wasn’t until
Your stroke of the keys,
An affirmation of observation,
That it all starts to fall apart.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-29

Leaves

Trembling colours -
From goldenrod
To crimson,
From muted tones
To unruly brightness.

My favorite road
To walk along
Lined with the fall
And fallen,
Crunching under foot.

Listen as the wind
Asks a question
To each tired frond
And hear them answer,
Soft, with a wave.

 

[Moochienanu]

5-30

the flame

I lit the match
To watch the red tip
Engulf itself
And the flame
Slowly walk it’s way
Up the blackening tinder
Toward my fingers.

I lit the candle
To watch the wick catch
Slowly glowing brighter
As the wax of it’s body
Softened and turned
From pliable to liquid,
Giving the air
A tinge of extra sweetness
Escaping in the heat.

I smothered the match
To watch the smoke
Rise in ribbons
And to hear the soft sizzle
Of the heat being snuffed
Under the running water
From the tap.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Don't know - 1

I want you to sing silly songs of long ago and far away
want to grow young with you, while our hair turns grey
.
I want to colour in favourite picture books with you,
attach go faster stripes to walkers, in shades of blue.
.
Be crazy, thoughtless and totally uncontrolled
as we grown ever younger, and our kids grow old.