A question about transsexuals

[Etoile]

That's definitely a choice many trans people are forced to make: should they continue to identify as trans, or simply as their new gender? I know one woman who is active in trans discussion groups but in person is simply a woman. I know other people who will never be just "male" or "female" but deliberately occupy that middle ground of trans.

 

[Stefani]

Hi,
Kinda new to posting here but this thread really hits home. Stefani, let me just say your courage and commitment is both commendable and inspiring. I too am a m2f transsexual but identify more as a woman than anything, it tooks years of torment for me to come to terms with that. Unfortunately, about a year ago I had to take a couple of steps back in my transition and go back to 'living the lie' for a while, but I'm wiser for it and will be better prepared next time. I do not like being thought of as neither male or female, or as both, or as the best of both worlds and get turned off rather quickly when a romantic interest refers to me as such. Hopefully the man I am currently chatting with and preparing to meet is true to his word and has no interest in my 'curse', but I have to wonder. What many don't understand, is this is NOT a choice, it is something that has torments and keeps one from living a full life until it's resolved. Best wishes to you and in my eyes you are ALL woman.
Gabi

Hi Gabi,

I feel for you in your situation, and I do wish you the best in your transition if that's the course you choose to go.

Admittedly, it's time for me to "come out" here on the board about something. Although I've been taking female hormones since 1996, and walked the walk for a long time, I've decided to give it up.

Over the last couple of weeks I've stopped taking hormones, cut off all my hair, stopped shaving my legs, etc... and have gone back to living as a man.

Why?

A couple of reasons. The first was that I fell in love with a woman. Which for me, was a bit different, because I'd only been with men for the last 15 years. The more involved I became with this woman, I began to have feelings that I haven't had since I was a young man. I wanted to make love to her. Nor could I do this with my body pickled on hormones.

That was what started my transition back.

The second thing is that I was beginning to feel that I'd never have a 'normal' relationship with anyone as a TS. Although I had relationships with men that lasted 6 years and then 5 years, for the last 4 years I've been single, and growing tired of it. I felt like all of the men I met only wanted me as a sex partner. None were willing to take me home and introduce me to their family and friends. They all wanted to climb into my bed, but none were interested in integrating me into their life. I just got tired of it.

With all of these things happening, I went into counselling earlier this year, and for the first time ever found a therapist that wasn't more screwed up than I was. All of the counsellors I'd ever met in the past told me I should have a sex change - which they seemed to say before they even really knew me, based on my appearance, so they all seemed like quacks. From talking to this current counsellor, I came to the conclusion that I am not a TS in the classic sense of a "woman in a man's body." I never really felt that way. For me, it was more of a lifestyle choice. I learned too that some things that happened to me when i was young influenced me into wanting to be a woman - all of which made me realize that I was taking hormones and living as a woman for the wrong reasons.

I'm sorry for the long post. I've discussed these issues in private with some people, and just thought it was time I became more public about what I'm going through. Sorry to all of those who wanted to date me as a woman. For now, that's something I want to get past.

Please, those who are MtF TS's here, don't take any of this as a knock as to where you are or what you are doing. It isn't. I walked the same path as you for 8 years and for the most part enjoyed it. I'm just starting to realize that it's not for me. For the first time in a long time, i actually feel comfortable in the body God gave me, and for me, that's been a long, hard transition in itself. When i first started coming out as a man again, my friends all teased me and said that I didn't "pass" as a guy. Which is what made me cut off all my hair. I'll add a pix taken just last week to my signature line so people can see what i look like today.

Good luck to all,
S.

 

[Etoile]

Stefani, thank you for sharing with us. I can definitely appreciate wanting to be yourself online, rather than being a person you used to be but don't feel you are anymore. Even if it is for the benefit of others (in this case, being seen as a trusted source), it is still difficult to keep living online as someone else. Have you read the Shapeshift columns at BMEzine? It's about the author's transition from male to female and back.

 

[Her sissy slave]

web site

luv the web site. i am very impressed..jealous.......envious.

 

[onceburned]

For the first time in a long time, i actually feel comfortable in the body God gave me, and for me, that's been a long, hard transition in itself.

S., you are a courageous and resilient person. I imagine many people would not have held up as well has you have done. I am very happy that you have found peace and comfort with your body. (something most of us take for granted)

You were a pretty woman, but as a man you have that 'boy-next-door' charm.

God bless you.

Chris

 

[Wolfman1982]

Stef: You are a still a cool eeerm guy and good luck to you on your path

 

[Stefani]

Thank you all for the supportive responses. It's as much true here as in real life, that when you go through trials and tribulations, you find out who your real friends are.

Etoile, thanx for the link to the Cora Birk journal. Just read some of it, and can relate to some of it, although I think I went a bit farther than Cora. He was on hormones for 18 months, I was on them for over 8 years.

There were times during those years that I was very, very happy. I dated a NY Ranger hockey player for a while. I dated a man that was an ex-football player, 6'7", 250 pounds. I did everything and went everywhere I wanted to as a woman, passed 95% of the time, had a lot of fun, enjoyed a lot of positive attention, and won the respect of the vast majority of my friends.

During that time I never considered going back to being a man, nor did I ever think it possible that I'd fall in love with a woman. Both thoughts were the farthest thing from my mind.

Ultimately, I am extremely glad that I never went through SRS. I've heard of a couple of cases where people went thru the surgery only to decide 1-2 years later that they wanted to go back - but it was too late. I'm glad I didn't make that mistake.

Going off the hormones my body is going through another metamorphisis. People think the hormones just grows your titties. It does a lot more than that... they affect your skin, pores, hair, emotions, even the way you think and the way you reason. And of course your libido. Woke up not long ago with the first morning wood i've experienced in years. Sort of made me feel like a teenager going through puberty all over again.

All in all, I am blessed. It's a wonderful life.
S.

 

[rcuhljr]

Congrats on falling in Love S! hope the shift back goes as smoothly as possible.

 

[Etoile]

During that time I never considered going back to being a man, nor did I ever think it possible that I'd fall in love with a woman. Both thoughts were the farthest thing from my mind.

Ultimately, I am extremely glad that I never went through SRS. I've heard of a couple of cases where people went thru the surgery only to decide 1-2 years later that they wanted to go back - but it was too late. I'm glad I didn't make that mistake.

It's funny to see the places life can take us, isn't it? Sort of a cosmic alignment mixed with sheer luck sort of thing.

I have also heard of women (but no men, oddly) who were disappointed with the result of their SRS and later felt that they wanted to go back to their birth gender. I can only assume that this speaks to the quality of care these people received - that their psych and medical treatment did not turn up the fact that they were indecisive. That, or they had everyone, including themselves, utterly convinced of a falsehood. Either way, it's not a good place to be.

Love that picture of you in the red dress by the way!

 

[onceburned]

Sort of made me feel like a teenager going through puberty all over again.

You get to experience the joys of puberty three times!

Which is not necessarily a bad thing... I think I marveled at puberty.

 

[sweetsyn]

S,
Sorry it took so long to respond. I honestly do wish you all the happiness in the world. I am so happy for you that you have found happiness and I hope all works out wonderfully for you. Personally, I have tried finding happiness as a man also, but it has never worked. It hurts so much that the woman I have loved since adolescence and is dearer to me than anything couldn't fix this pain that is inside me, but she is still there for me as a friend. just remember the quote, 'to thine own self be true'. If this is the true path meant for you then those that really do care about you will always be there. I would like the chance to be one of those people, you seem like a true sweetheart. Keep us posted and if you ever need a shoulder it seems you've found quite an abundance of them here.
Gabi

 

[GhostRider7]

No issue

md3lt4 is 100% correct.

Although we love it when a man thinks we're a genetic female, it can get you killed. And it has gotten TS's killed.

Anyone watch "Boys Don't Cry?" Basically the same premesis. Men do not like to be fooled.

Anyone hear the news story about 3-4 years ago about a Mexican TS that was murdered in California (her name escapes me). She was about 19 and very passable. She went to a party, and had sex with a 20 yr old boy... I'm guessing oral sex, because he didn't know her true identity.

Well, later at the party, a girl shows up that knows the Latina is a TS and blabs it to everyone. When the 20 yr old boy realized he'd had sex with a "man" he freaked out. Mostly because he was afraid all his guy friends would tease him about being gay.

So he and his 21 yr old brother and about 2 other guys lured the TS into the garage where they beat her to death... chopped up her body... threw it into hefty bags... and dumped it all over the desert. I think this was somewhere near Sacramento... but I could be wrong.

This is a true story. And a prime example why no smart TS wants to play those types of games.

Steffie

I had an affair with a TS and she never lied to me and I enjoyed it 100%. She told me the truth and I accepted it for what it was. Would I have an affair today. Yes, as long as she could "pass" for a 100% woman. I can't have a TS/TG that looked peculiar. As far as loving them, yes I could. It is up to them.

 

[Hooper_X]

Well, I am watching Maury Povich today, and he was having female to male transsexuals. Anyway, it got me wonder, would you guys (or girls) do a person who neither a man or woman?

How many of the F2M Tranny's potential babydaddies took a DNA test in a vain attempt to determine the paternity of "her" 150lb. two year old son?

I think that I would get it on with a very passable, feminine, and beautiful pre-op shemale, but only if "she" was hung like a jack mule. And when I say passable, feminine, and beautiful, I'm not grading on a curve. She'd have to really look and sound like a pretty woman, with no odd-ball plastic surgery. As for a post-opt M2F t-girl, I'd like to believe that I could think of her as a woman, so the transgender thing wouldn't come into play.

Here's a picture of a tranny I'm sure I could fall head over heals in love with, assuming she's at all personable. She's more beautiful than all but a few of the women known to me either in person or by reputation.

http://img344.imageshack.us/img344/2115/tgirlfine039nk.jpg

 

[fun4all6969]

Thanks Stefani

Stefani,

Thank you for sharing yourself on this forum. It has sure helped me understand transgendered people better.

 

[Third Eye]

Relationships

I've read most of the replies and feel that it depends on the person. Relationships are always difficult. It doesn't matter what sex the parties are. The biggest problem I have seen is not being honest in the beginning, at least that's what I've seen in mine with both men and women. You have to be able to talk once the sex is over.

I've met several transgendered people in the past few years, but only casually, like the clerk at the 7-11. My problem is not being a closer, as they say in the sales world. I never seem to know that a person is interested or coming on to me until it's too late. They either move away, or someone else has swooped.

If we had a good personal relationship, I don't think it would matter to me what equipment they had

 

[GhostRider7]

I agree

Hm... why do you say that a TS is "neither" a man or a woman. On the contrary, I consider myself "both" a woman and a man. I have breasts and a penis, doesn't that make me a bit of both?

Not to be hyper-sensitive but...

Your comment "would you do" typifies the attitude most people have about transsexuals. We're for sex only. Wind us up, stick your penis in, and see if we spit out quarters.

I'd much rather know if people would be willing to have a "relationship" with a transsexual. Plenty of men are quite willing to screw our brains out, very few have the guts to actually date us and take us home to meet momma.

Steffie

I had a relationship with a pre-op TS and nobody knew any different. She was beautiful! The female hormones developed a nice rack, good hips, and a full butt, so she was very authentic. I made a conscious decision to stay with her. I don't see any reason to turn my back on a TS, unless it is obvious they don't fit the mold.