Anyone else?

[GPLockwood]

Sad but nice I’m not the only one. Starting to feel like marriage is not what we were told as kids

I get it, Jae. And I saved my virginity for 26 years, figuring I would make up for it once I was happily married! (Fortunately, I fell off of that wagon shortly before I meet my wife or I would have gone to my grave having never known real passion.) No, you're not alone. Far from it. I could have gotten my needs met with a female friend of mine who was being neglected by her husband the same as my wife was neglecting me- we almost did it, but ultimately we decided to be faithful to our spouses. I still look back at that decision to remain faithful with very mixed feelings. I love my wife dearly, and would never want to hurt her. But the sex and romance in our relationship is entirely one-sided. I've got a best friend and roommate, but not only am I not getting my needs met within my marriage, being married is the reason my needs aren't being met at all. Monogamy sucks.

 

[curvyjae]

.

Monogamy shouldn’t suck but * Here we all are

 

[Stucoy101]

Monogamy shouldn’t suck but * Here we all are

Yeah exactly - pretty frustrating at times! Never thought it would be that frustrating...

43m southern New England, 508/401 area, Skype: stucoy1 Paltalk: stucoy101

Open to some chat!

 

[HoneyMeadows]

This is my situation. I'm happy and sad every day to know that I'm not alone

 

[Smoothshavendad]

This is my situation. I'm happy and sad every day to know that I'm not alone

I know the feelings all too well. Sadness. Loneliness. Frustration. Desire. A definite mixed bag. We should start a club.

 

[RDM97756]

Saddly yes I know it very well, my marraige became sexless after the second year. I have now been married 7 years up until this last year we rarely fought. This last year and a half it has turn into me some how being a bad guy not loving her how I should... the truth is because one person is not feeling love the other isnt getting live in retyrn. This is not even a vengful situation but really 2 people who are completely drained doing everything they can for the other person but both of us are failing to mert the others needs and this year it has turned in to fighting. I have been asked to leave the house 3 times. Been hit and punched... i want to stay I do love her. But I can not be a punching bag any more... i am trying to do what is best for my children now. Sexless marraige by definition is sex less than once a month. I have not had sex in a year now. Sorry to vomit on this thread this was not my intent...just feeling lonely.

 

[TapMan45]

This is my situation. I'm happy and sad every day to know that I'm not alone

I’m glad to see another woman chimed in. I was starting to feel guilty…like “am I just another guy complaining because I’m horny and not getting any?”

 

[MrSilence]

Marriage got better

This is going to sound as if I’m advocating for ENM or having an open marriage. I’m not. It’s what my wife and I do. It’s okay if it’s not for you. We are not the same person nor should we be.

I was a miserable bastard, making sure those around me felt it. Until I had a career change and realized what I had become. My wife and I were on the edge of divorce. We came to the understanding that we couldn’t be the person the other wanted 100% of the time, couldn’t be the ALL for the other. It’s impossible to do so. You lose who you are in doing so and also lose the person you fell in love with.

As soon as we knew that we decided to open up our marriage.

We are polyamorous. It works for us.

 

[chillindad]

This is one situation where misery doesn't love company, at least I don't. I really wish others were not is the same or similar situation I am in. Just I have probably been there longer.
We had a vibrant sex life, until our daughter was born (second child). Then she was done. No sex, no intimacy no passion. Well essentially none, 6 ... maybe 8 times since then. Last being in 2013. Hard to believe my daughter turned 31 this year.
For a long time I stayed because she had anger issues. Can't count how many times she lost her temper and hit me or got mad at one of the kids and I would step between them and she would hit me.
Now its more financial issues. Just easier having a room mate than unravelling 35+ years of finances.
Not that anyone much cares. just hoping venting a little can be cathartic.

 

[curvyjae]

This is my situation. I'm happy and sad every day to know that I'm not alone

I totally get this! Happy and sad at the same time!

 

[GPLockwood]

It sure does make me feel better to know I'm not alone. Happy and sad at the same time, as others are saying. A few years ago, I made a married friend of the opposite gender right here on Lit. We started fooling around a bit online and had a pretty awesome friendship for a good while. I've never actually cheated on my wife and I hope I never do. Many thanks to the rest of y'all- this place helps keep me sane, and helps keep me from actually needing to cheat (in real life, at least) in order to get my needs mostly met.

 

[Pad_Foot]

Safer to find online friend with same problems than to cheat for real

 

[JonBHappy]

Sometimes it's for health reasons.

 

[Hawktalon]

Not unusual. Menopause has got the wife away from the sex. Im still in love, and there isnt a woman that holds my interest like she does. So me staying is due to love.
We have seperate rooms in the house. I do spend alot of time on sex forums. Just not ready to cheat.

 

[jenai88]

Same Story

Same story here, I’ll even give 85% happy but miss the passion and sex. I think what I miss the most is the sexually titillating erotic conversations that spark within. That is what really gets me off. Once a relationship has experienced that charged connection, it leaves a difficult to fill void. Right in this mess with you all!

 

[Fishesquire70]

I'm also in the same boat. Life is mostly pretty decent, but there's no excitement or intimacy.

I really miss the feeling of sexual connection that I had in the past.

 

[curvyjae]

Safer to find online friend with same problems than to cheat for real

Very true. Less risk and still some satisfaction.

 

[MrDevereaux]

Do what you need to do to make yourself come alive with your own energy. Prepare to have a conversation about your needs in the marriage. From the responses here, there are plenty of people in your situation, possibly more who have not responded but read with interest.

 

[HoneyMeadows]

I have had that conversation and it's becoming an annual occurrence. I do hope this is the last time I need to have it, for both of our sakes.

 

[MrDevereaux]

Hope it does have the desired effect, HoneyMeadows. Everyone has needs, no one needs being roped into something they don’t enjoy.

 

[tawarren]

I have not been married, but I have had past girlfriends call me about their sexless marriages. I do sympathize on their present relationships. They have asked me to have affairs with them thinking that will make things better. There are 3 sides to every story, her side, his side, and the truth.

 

[NorthernVAM]

Sad but nice I’m not the only one. Starting to feel like marriage is not what we were told as kids

I'm just curious -- is there any part of life that "is" like what we were told as kids? In my experience, I'd say most of what I saw in the popular culture when I was growing up in the 1970s wasn't even close to what life is really like for me.

Honestly, when I was 12 -- I think my favorite TV show that year was Kolchack: The Night Stalker -- because he was out there tracking down real monsters. TV shows like the Partridge Family, The Brady Bunch, The Waltons, etc. were outside of my experience.

I guess I'm asking why would anyone ever think that "real life" is like anyone tells you it is. Everyone wants to present an idealized version of what their lives are like, rather than admit that life just isn't ideal for most of us. And while there may be a lucky few who are living the dream, I'd say that's probably not true for 99.9% of the people in the world.

Or am I just being a pessimist here?

 

[one1wild00]

Sounds all too familiar to me as well. - looking for a side to satisfy and leave the home ship situation alone

 

[RDM97756]

I fear a divorce is on tbe horizon... I have been telling myself I will not leave, she has to kick me out, I want to stay for the girls... but I for the first time told myself, that I am ready, and I want a divorce. I have not said it to her, but I fear that is about to be sooner than later... I was hoping to last through the hollidays, but I am not sure I can. I love her and want the nest for her. And she is making it very apperent she does not want me for who I am but wants me for the image.

 

[FictionRomantic]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

I now have three significant women in my life.
Unless you count some brief kisses with a married woman who isn’t my wife this year, the last time I had full sex was with my wife just over 18 years ago, after a stillbirth she lost all sexual desire for me.
My wife is still the most beautiful woman in the world to me, but that’s not enough anymore.
I found out this year that (for my age of 53) I’m actually good-looking, only my wife finds me repulsive.
I’ve shed more than I few tears about that.
Why it’s so much easier to find women who want to be my other significant other than it is to win back my wife’s love is puzzling and seems a cruel trick.
My physician told me “You had to try [to win the affection of my wife back], it was good that you tried, but there was never any hope”
The choice remains do I want to cheat or never feel loved again?
I see no way not to feel like a betrayer in this situation, either or myself, my wife, or another woman.
In May I was invited by one woman to live with her, I now do and after we watched the sunset at the ocean and drank wine together I’ve fallen in love with her, she calls me “honey” despite neither of us touching and both of us dating others. Also in May a married woman told me “I think we can comfort each other”, she had since given me the first kiss I had in 18 years, we still see each other once a month.
After I moved out my wife begged for me to come back three nights a week to pretend that for her conceived via in-vitro kids that I’m only away four nights a week because of the commute, she sometimes holds my hands again which she didn’t do even when I was told “you have an 80% chance of advanced lung cancer”.
I want all of us to be happy, but I don’t see a way.