Anyone else?

[curvyjae]

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think it's more unusual for women to be in this position. I'm married to a man 20 years younger than me, so you would think we would be in the opposite situation, but here I am on Lit with my Lit partner wondering my husband doesn't desire me like all the men on this thread want their wives. It's too depressing to think about, so I try not to think about it. Besides, if the men on Lit are any indication, I could get laid multiple times a day if I really wanted to cheat.

I’m in the exact same boat. Aside from that my husband is a couple years older than me. But him not wanting sex or affection makes me feel undesirable but on here men act like if they were nearby that they’d fuck me all the time. It’s conursing at times but I can totally relate.

 

[Luv2havfunWU]

I will be your huckleberry!!

 

[chillindad]

Bambie and curveyjae,
I beive you are both right, more likely males facing this issue then women.
I have no doubt either of you could have a bevy of male admirers to scratch that itch, if you so desired.
However, the issues/guilt of cheating are not less due to the ease of abtaining said satisfaction.
I think for most, the lack of intimacy, passion, feeling are the greatest loss.
Just a tumble between the sheets foes not provide the missing element. It just scratches the itch, which just scratches the surface of what is truly missing.
At least my perspective. Cheers.

 

[Glazedcorneas]

Hello All, I’ve been laying low on the radar for a few months, pray you all are well and safe.

I figure visiting Lit would maybe bring some new hope or at least hear great news about my fellow lit peers relationships and it appears to have remained the same or worst.

As some on here already know, I’m in the same boat as most, great roommate , but no intimacy, non zero and at this juncture I don’t event know how to be intimate with my wife, it’s been greater than 3 years now and I’m only in my 40s… thus sucks… at this point I would be happy for a terrible high school style handjob from my wife, which I hate handjobs….. geez I’m rambling now, I’m sorry.

I hope you all are well and I hope to reconnect with those I was chatting prior to stepping into my real life demands.

 

[falkor207]

Jae

Chiming in with a slightly different tale. Been with my girlfriend 20yrs now. She got sick about 10 years ago and gotten progressively worse with our sex life declining at an equal rate to a virtually non existent state, hence my presence here. We were so great and compatible on so many levels before she got sick. She even tried to push me away, giving me permission to leave early on. I couldn't leave then, I don't want to leave now. I'd feel like an ass for abandoning her. I've always had a high sex drive and being on Lit I've discovered new things and changed my thinking on some others yet have no outlet to explore much less experience them. Thankfully I've met some wonderful people I can chat with and some I sometimes play with virtually. It's an agonizing choice for sure and as you've discovered there are more than a few of us who can relate in some way. I wish you the best of luck whichever way you go. Happy to let you bend my ear if you wish to PM

 

[SassySheDevil]

I'm going to say this bluntly. Because so often. People forget the "reality" of life when they come here.
I hear this all the time, and see this all the time, and for some reason, it annoys me.
So many will say to a Woman (especially, but yes, it gets said to Men also) "I don't understand your husband, I'd fuck you every day, I'd shower you with gifts every day, I'd...."
But you all are forgetting the reality. The reason our spouses have changed, the reason we have changed is life. Reality.
I don't care how fucking beautiful a woman is. Or how hot a man is. Life gets in the way. Drama gets in the way. Kids change things, our bodies change, We have to live, and pay bills and.. Stress.
All these factors are taken away in the online world.
You aren't going to argue with Ms Fucking Sexy as hell, about where the next Mortgage payment is coming from. You aren't going to argue with Mr Hot as fuck about why his sex drive is changing.
Men and women hit their peaks at different times. It's a fact of life. My husband his his peak much sooner than I did.
So yeah, our sex drives run on opposite spectrums. But guess what. I can find a guy on here who's sex drive matches mine, or at least his mental mind matches mine.
Technically, I could tell anyone on here that I wanted the same things they did, but bring in all the realistic shit of life, and many other things wont line up.

There are some fucking sexy as hell people on here, and telling someone you'd be their knight in shining armor just because of how they look is stupid as fuck. I see this a lot.


So yes, most of us are in the same boat. We are here because we are lacking something, but next time you want to tell someone you don't understand their spouse not wanting to jump their bones every 5 minutes, ask yourself. Have you put that much energy into your own spouse. Have you thought about the bigger picture of life.
There is more to everyone here than simply what they present. Yes, getting to know someone is a HUGE first step. But you still aren't living with them and bringing in the daily stresses. You are only offering up the good.

 

[Booboobear84]

I'm going to say this bluntly. Because so often. People forget the "reality" of life when they come here.
I hear this all the time, and see this all the time, and for some reason, it annoys me.
So many will say to a Woman (especially, but yes, it gets said to Men also) "I don't understand your husband, I'd fuck you every day, I'd shower you with gifts every day, I'd...."
But you all are forgetting the reality. The reason our spouses have changed, the reason we have changed is life. Reality.
I don't care how fucking beautiful a woman is. Or how hot a man is. Life gets in the way. Drama gets in the way. Kids change things, our bodies change, We have to live, and pay bills and.. Stress.
All these factors are taken away in the online world.
You aren't going to argue with Ms Fucking Sexy as hell, about where the next Mortgage payment is coming from. You aren't going to argue with Mr Hot as fuck about why his sex drive is changing.
Men and women hit their peaks at different times. It's a fact of life. My husband his his peak much sooner than I did.
So yeah, our sex drives run on opposite spectrums. But guess what. I can find a guy on here who's sex drive matches mine, or at least his mental mind matches mine.
Technically, I could tell anyone on here that I wanted the same things they did, but bring in all the realistic shit of life, and many other things wont line up.

There are some fucking sexy as hell people on here, and telling someone you'd be their knight in shining armor just because of how they look is stupid as fuck. I see this a lot.


So yes, most of us are in the same boat. We are here because we are lacking something, but next time you want to tell someone you don't understand their spouse not wanting to jump their bones every 5 minutes, ask yourself. Have you put that much energy into your own spouse. Have you thought about the bigger picture of life.
There is more to everyone here than simply what they present. Yes, getting to know someone is a HUGE first step. But you still aren't living with them and bringing in the daily stresses. You are only offering up the good.

Painfully well said.

And the opposite other than sex how amazing one’s spouse is, is all too often forgotten. Mine is phenomenal but just doesn’t want sex.

 

[mugsgame]

I'm going to say this bluntly. Because so often. People forget the "reality" of life when they come here.
I hear this all the time, and see this all the time, and for some reason, it annoys me.
So many will say to a Woman (especially, but yes, it gets said to Men also) "I don't understand your husband, I'd fuck you every day, I'd shower you with gifts every day, I'd...."
But you all are forgetting the reality. The reason our spouses have changed, the reason we have changed is life. Reality.
I don't care how fucking beautiful a woman is. Or how hot a man is. Life gets in the way. Drama gets in the way. Kids change things, our bodies change, We have to live, and pay bills and.. Stress.
All these factors are taken away in the online world.
You aren't going to argue with Ms Fucking Sexy as hell, about where the next Mortgage payment is coming from. You aren't going to argue with Mr Hot as fuck about why his sex drive is changing.
Men and women hit their peaks at different times. It's a fact of life. My husband his his peak much sooner than I did.
So yeah, our sex drives run on opposite spectrums. But guess what. I can find a guy on here who's sex drive matches mine, or at least his mental mind matches mine.
Technically, I could tell anyone on here that I wanted the same things they did, but bring in all the realistic shit of life, and many other things wont line up.

There are some fucking sexy as hell people on here, and telling someone you'd be their knight in shining armor just because of how they look is stupid as fuck. I see this a lot.


So yes, most of us are in the same boat. We are here because we are lacking something, but next time you want to tell someone you don't understand their spouse not wanting to jump their bones every 5 minutes, ask yourself. Have you put that much energy into your own spouse. Have you thought about the bigger picture of life.
There is more to everyone here than simply what they present. Yes, getting to know someone is a HUGE first step. But you still aren't living with them and bringing in the daily stresses. You are only offering up the good.

You hit the nail on the head.

 

[curvyjae]

I’m going to add in my 2 cents.

Half my conversations on here are surface conversations… no super personal info shared, and only the “good”. But over the decade I’ve been here I’ve gotten “in-depth” with some litsters. The good and the bad. All aspects of who I am. No there isn’t the stress of kids, family, bills, etc but that isn’t my issue at home either. We have no kids together, we have a good life but he has no drive and that is becoming a huge issue. So yes, I do put energy into my marriage; we go on date nights, we watch tv together, have dinner together, we’re building a house together but that doesn’t change the fact that I need affection and sex to feel loved and that no matter how many times I’ve spoken up about it in the past two years that nothing changes.

 

[Chillygirl]

I'm going to say this bluntly. Because so often. People forget the "reality" of life when they come here.
I hear this all the time, and see this all the time, and for some reason, it annoys me.
So many will say to a Woman (especially, but yes, it gets said to Men also) "I don't understand your husband, I'd fuck you every day, I'd shower you with gifts every day, I'd...."
But you all are forgetting the reality. The reason our spouses have changed, the reason we have changed is life. Reality.
I don't care how fucking beautiful a woman is. Or how hot a man is. Life gets in the way. Drama gets in the way. Kids change things, our bodies change, We have to live, and pay bills and.. Stress.
All these factors are taken away in the online world.
You aren't going to argue with Ms Fucking Sexy as hell, about where the next Mortgage payment is coming from. You aren't going to argue with Mr Hot as fuck about why his sex drive is changing.
Men and women hit their peaks at different times. It's a fact of life. My husband his his peak much sooner than I did.
So yeah, our sex drives run on opposite spectrums. But guess what. I can find a guy on here who's sex drive matches mine, or at least his mental mind matches mine.
Technically, I could tell anyone on here that I wanted the same things they did, but bring in all the realistic shit of life, and many other things wont line up.

There are some fucking sexy as hell people on here, and telling someone you'd be their knight in shining armor just because of how they look is stupid as fuck. I see this a lot.


So yes, most of us are in the same boat. We are here because we are lacking something, but next time you want to tell someone you don't understand their spouse not wanting to jump their bones every 5 minutes, ask yourself. Have you put that much energy into your own spouse. Have you thought about the bigger picture of life.
There is more to everyone here than simply what they present. Yes, getting to know someone is a HUGE first step. But you still aren't living with them and bringing in the daily stresses. You are only offering up the good.

All of this but especially the bold part. Meanwhile innocent people are having their lives toyed with. Nothing puts things into perspective like meeting the wife...

 

[SassySheDevil]

I’m going to add in my 2 cents.

Half my conversations on here are surface conversations… no super personal info shared, and only the “good”. But over the decade I’ve been here I’ve gotten “in-depth” with some litsters. The good and the bad. All aspects of who I am. No there isn’t the stress of kids, family, bills, etc but that isn’t my issue at home either. We have no kids together, we have a good life but he has no drive and that is becoming a huge issue. So yes, I do put energy into my marriage; we go on date nights, we watch tv together, have dinner together, we’re building a house together but that doesn’t change the fact that I need affection and sex to feel loved and that no matter how many times I’ve spoken up about it in the past two years that nothing changes.

I hope you realize my comment wasn't aimed at you, but more the guys(and some women) who will say that because you have a gorgeous avatar, they'd be your knight in shining armor.

 

[ArtisticControl]

I hope you realize my comment wasn't aimed at you, but more the guys(and some women) who will say that because you have a gorgeous avatar, they'd be your knight in shining armor.

Sassy, I think for some (most?) they forget that real emotions are still present. And no matter how many boundaries one tries to put up, those emotions are affected. And can be even more hurtful, because the hope is to fulfill a need and once that need seems to be filled, having it ripped out is sometimes more hurtful than an unfulfilled need.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Sassy, I think for some (most?) they forget that real emotions are still present. And no matter how many boundaries one tries to put up, those emotions are affected. And can be even more hurtful, because the hope is to fulfill a need and once that need seems to be filled, having it ripped out is sometimes more hurtful than an unfulfilled need.

Totally agree with you. 100%

 

[Jake069258]

I will add my .02

Whilst yes, it is possible to misrepresent yourself here, or any online forum for that matter, there is also the possibility of a really deep emotional connection. Where there is more than "just" the sexy stuff. Where two people do share the "boring" details of their everyday life with each other. Because they want to. Because they want to be a part of each others life. Not just a part of their sex life.

Those who don't respect each other's feelings, do not, and will not deserve any respect, at least from me. We are all human beings and need to treat each other as such.

That being said, nobody is perfect, and to expect perfection from yourself, or anyone else is an impossible standard to expect. Truth and honesty will be the answer, always, IMHO.

 

[Chillygirl]

I will add my .02

Whilst yes, it is possible to misrepresent yourself here, or any online forum for that matter, there is also the possibility of a really deep emotional connection. Where there is more than "just" the sexy stuff. Where two people do share the "boring" details of their everyday life with each other. Because they want to. Because they want to be a part of each others life. Not just a part of their sex life.

Those who don't respect each other's feelings, do not, and will not deserve any respect, at least from me. We are all human beings and need to treat each other as such.

That being said, nobody is perfect, and to expect perfection from yourself, or anyone else is an impossible standard to expect. Truth and honesty will be the answer, always, IMHO.

Very good points but it’s not the same. I’ve been there, I get it. And I’m all for truth and honesty but there’s another half of the relationship that knows nothing about what’s going on.....

It’s a shitty situation all the way around.

*and I’m truly not attacking anyone personally just pointing out facts

 

[Jake069258]

Actually, its exactly the same. Peoples feelings are the same whether is in an online situation or not. Trust is the same whether its in an online situation or not. Honesty is the same...

It's NOT necessarily a shifty situation. It is what we make it.

 

[SassySheDevil]

That also still leaves a touch of reality out of it. How often do you talk to your online lovers about where the next car payment is going to come from, and they share your worry because that could mean they get their car taken away?
How often do you say. "My dick won't get hard" and she says "it's okay darling, I won't take offense" (cause we can still E Fuck)
How often do you get frustrated with your online lover because she didn't do the dishes tonight? - online lover.. "don't worry sweetie. I'm sure you were tired.

Real life spouse forgets to wash your favorite jeans.. - online lover- don't worry. I could wear another pair.
These are the realities I mean.
Of course you can have real feelings, share the boring stuff, the fun stuff, and all the stuff in between.

That was never my point of the post. It was simply the people that say. "If you were my spouse....I'd.." just because of someone's Av, or a single post.

We all have problems, no one is perfect. Yes you can have real feelings.

 

[Chillygirl]

That also still leaves a touch of reality out of it. How often do you talk to your online lovers about where the next car payment is going to come from, and they share your worry because that could mean they get their car taken away?
How often do you say. "My dick won't get hard" and she says "it's okay darling, I won't take offense" (cause we can still E Fuck)
How often do you get frustrated with your online lover because she didn't do the dishes tonight? - online lover.. "don't worry sweetie. I'm sure you were tired.

Real life spouse forgets to wash your favorite jeans.. - online lover- don't worry. I could wear another pair.
These are the realities I mean.
Of course you can have real feelings, share the boring stuff, the fun stuff, and all the stuff in between.

That was never my point of the post. It was simply the people that say. "If you were my spouse....I'd.." just because of someone's Av, or a single post.

We all have problems, no one is perfect. Yes you can have real feelings.

Yes! THIS!!

I get a lot of “I can’t believe your husband doesn’t fuck you.” and “if you were mine I’d fuck you all the time.” And I roll with it, I don’t question it because it feels good to be wanted.

But here’s reality...I’m tired and in pain so I’m being a little bitchy. Still wanna fuck? I haven’t showered all day and laid around in my pajamas. Still wanna fuck? The baby/kid has been up all night sick. Are we fucking? We’re stressing out cause it’s still a week before payday but the truck’s power steering hose cracked in the cold temps and we can’t afford to fix it. You get to avoid all that online.

 

[Chillygirl]

Very good points but it’s not the same. I’ve been there, I get it. And I’m all for truth and honesty but there’s another half of the relationship that knows nothing about what’s going on.....

It’s a shitty situation all the way around.

*and I’m truly not attacking anyone personally just pointing out facts

I’m going to clarify this.... the other half of the relationship that knows nothing are the other spouses.

So yes it’s a shitty situation for everyone. For the ones that feel they have to go outside of their marriage for affection, for the spouses who have no clue what’s going on in their house.

Even in my situation where my husband knows and we have an agreement it’s shitty. I’d rather get what I need at home. He wishes he could give me what I need. It sucks. We’re trying but it sucks.

 

[curvyjae]

Right. Things escalated

 

[PlayfulLilDarlin]

Are most people here married? I've noticed a lot of the no contact first/unsolicited DMs I get are from married guys and I always wonder if their wife knows what they are doing.

Feels a little weird being single here.

 

[Chillygirl]

Right. Things escalated

Wasn’t my intention to escalate. Just my thoughts on all of this and the reality people tend to avoid.

I’ve always wondered about the wives and I’ll ask if the wife knows, does she suspect, does he flirt/compliment/treat her the way he treats me? But nothing prepared me for the day I got a PM from someone’s wife. That really opened my eyes to the games we all play.

 

[munch2much]

I’m going to add in my 2 cents.

Half my conversations on here are surface conversations… no super personal info shared, and only the “good”. But over the decade I’ve been here I’ve gotten “in-depth” with some litsters. The good and the bad. All aspects of who I am. No there isn’t the stress of kids, family, bills, etc but that isn’t my issue at home either. We have no kids together, we have a good life but he has no drive and that is becoming a huge issue. So yes, I do put energy into my marriage; we go on date nights, we watch tv together, have dinner together, we’re building a house together but that doesn’t change the fact that I need affection and sex to feel loved and that no matter how many times I’ve spoken up about it in the past two years that nothing changes.

This makes total sense to me.
It’s not that what everyone else is completely wrong.
But peoples circumstances are very individual.
And this is your reality.
I’ve met many people in very similar situations. And of course there are probably a whole lot more than the ones who admit it.

 

[wildchild24143]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

You most certainly are not the only one... my marriage is amazing in so many ways except the fact that there is nothing going on in the bedroom.

 

[melodymkr4u]

Wasn’t my intention to escalate. Just my thoughts on all of this and the reality people tend to avoid.

I’ve always wondered about the wives and I’ll ask if the wife knows, does she suspect, does he flirt/compliment/treat her the way he treats me? But nothing prepared me for the day I got a PM from someone’s wife. That really opened my eyes to the games we all play.

This ^^^^^^.

A big shout out to the smart ones on this site who are intuitive enough to know that there is always two sides to every story and we're only hearing one side.