Rumple Foreskin
The AH Patriarch
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R-I-G-H-TPure said:
Rumple Foreskin
ARCHIVAL DISCUSSION to 11-14-08
- Thread starter KillerMuffin
- Start date
Rumple Foreskin
Black Tulip
Not so delicate flower
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Pure said:
spoilsport
Pure
Fiel a Verdad
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New story for critique
I have posted Black Shanglan's Story. The good dr., is taking a deferral (is it because of the fate he envisioned, as per the above postings?)-
+
Note, in response to some suggestions, I (pure) am posting it. This will help insure that the common queue is distinguished. As well, I've incorporated that phrase into the thread title. Hence the stories of queue jumpers or persons unclear about what's going on will generally be distinguishable in two ways; one, if I merely direct postings by the authors themselves, without making them. (The titles of the authors' own postings should contain the phrase ' SDC common queue.')
I have posted Black Shanglan's Story. The good dr., is taking a deferral (is it because of the fate he envisioned, as per the above postings?)-
+
Note, in response to some suggestions, I (pure) am posting it. This will help insure that the common queue is distinguished. As well, I've incorporated that phrase into the thread title. Hence the stories of queue jumpers or persons unclear about what's going on will generally be distinguishable in two ways; one, if I merely direct postings by the authors themselves, without making them. (The titles of the authors' own postings should contain the phrase ' SDC common queue.')
Lying Eyes
Really Experienced
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Pure is it possiable to have the title, genre and discription (if already posted work) in the beginning of each story. So readers will know what type of story it is?
Pure
Fiel a Verdad
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Volunteers?
We don't have volunteers for this Sun Sept 5, or any of September, though I know mabeuse will be ready soon.
Canvas your files and your friends-- or maybe your enemies, if you want them to suffer a lot.
I'm inclined to let this Sun continue with Black S., since it's the last Sun of summer and many people aren't around.
We don't have volunteers for this Sun Sept 5, or any of September, though I know mabeuse will be ready soon.
Canvas your files and your friends-- or maybe your enemies, if you want them to suffer a lot.
I'm inclined to let this Sun continue with Black S., since it's the last Sun of summer and many people aren't around.
Varian P
writing again
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I'll gladly step up with the next chapter of "Changed Girl" (which--tada!--actually features erotic encounters not relegated to the realm of fantasy).
However, as I was just up last week, I'll happily step aside if anyone else has something they'd like reviewed. I'm thrilled with all the helpful input I've been getting, but I don't want to appear greedy.
Varian
However, as I was just up last week, I'll happily step aside if anyone else has something they'd like reviewed. I'm thrilled with all the helpful input I've been getting, but I don't want to appear greedy.
Varian
Varian P
writing again
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I'll gladly step up with the next chapter of "Changed Girl" (which--tada!--actually features erotic encounters not relegated to the realm of fantasy).
However, as I was just up last week, I'll happily step aside if anyone else has something they'd like reviewed. I'm thrilled with all the helpful input I've been getting, but I don't want to appear greedy.
Varian
However, as I was just up last week, I'll happily step aside if anyone else has something they'd like reviewed. I'm thrilled with all the helpful input I've been getting, but I don't want to appear greedy.
Varian
Varian P
writing again
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Gee, my status just went from "virgin" to "experienced" by virtue of my having managed somehow to triple-post my reply. I guess experienced doesn't automatically imply skilled.
Now I'll always look back and remember that I lost my virginity in a clumsy, embarassing debacle. Shame.
Varian
Now I'll always look back and remember that I lost my virginity in a clumsy, embarassing debacle. Shame.
Varian
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Black Tulip
Not so delicate flower
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Um, Varian, isn't that true for all of us?
smoochypig
Experienced
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But I don't know anyone who had 3 takes at it
Black Tulip
Not so delicate flower
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impressive
Literotica Guru
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Two Down
As I'm stuck on a story in development, I figured now would be a good time to throw something out for review/discussion. I'm using the time to go back over my older submissions with an eye to improve them. In the year since my first story was published, I've grown (I hope) considerably as a writer. While I have no aspirations to write professionally, I do want to continue to improve. Thus, I'd like to have the story I consider my weakest dissected.
The story is entitled Two Down and it is located at:
http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=108599
It's a light piece of fluff but it's been fairly well received. It has been sitting at about 4.20 since last fall. I've received all positive e-mail feedback on it -- but no suggestions for improvement. I'd like, via this process, to edit it and bring the rating up.
My questions/concerns:
It's written from a male perspective and, not being male, I'd like to know if it reads true.
Any suggestions for character development to make the story hotter (but not too much longer)?
Any glaring errors in grammar?
Anything else that jumps out at you?
If I simply need to scuttle the thing, I can deal with that. It's quite different from my other stories.
Thanks, in advance.
As I'm stuck on a story in development, I figured now would be a good time to throw something out for review/discussion. I'm using the time to go back over my older submissions with an eye to improve them. In the year since my first story was published, I've grown (I hope) considerably as a writer. While I have no aspirations to write professionally, I do want to continue to improve. Thus, I'd like to have the story I consider my weakest dissected.
The story is entitled Two Down and it is located at:
http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=108599
It's a light piece of fluff but it's been fairly well received. It has been sitting at about 4.20 since last fall. I've received all positive e-mail feedback on it -- but no suggestions for improvement. I'd like, via this process, to edit it and bring the rating up.
My questions/concerns:
It's written from a male perspective and, not being male, I'd like to know if it reads true.
Any suggestions for character development to make the story hotter (but not too much longer)?
Any glaring errors in grammar?
Anything else that jumps out at you?
If I simply need to scuttle the thing, I can deal with that. It's quite different from my other stories.
Thanks, in advance.
Pure
Fiel a Verdad
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Hi Impressive:
Thanks for stopping in. We would be happy to include you, and you should be aware of the set up. Critiques are swapped. So no one walks in one day, and leaves the next, with others' critques in their pack.
You should offer a couple critiques to the stories posted in the threads "grassroots discussion"-- each story in its own thread. Try the latest ones.
Then in a week or so, you'd be eligible for a 'turnabout'--- which is fair play, after all.
J.
Thanks for stopping in. We would be happy to include you, and you should be aware of the set up. Critiques are swapped. So no one walks in one day, and leaves the next, with others' critques in their pack.
You should offer a couple critiques to the stories posted in the threads "grassroots discussion"-- each story in its own thread. Try the latest ones.
Then in a week or so, you'd be eligible for a 'turnabout'--- which is fair play, after all.
J.
impressive
Literotica Guru
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Pure said:
Wouldn't dream of it -- and have already posted at least four critiques -- of which I notified KillerMuffin via PM as instructed.
I can vouch for Impressive. She (I think she's a she.... forgive me if I'm wrong) has "payed her dues" as it were. Here are a couple of threads where she has offered critiques:
Black Tulip's Thread
Carsonshepherd's thread
Impressive--Killermuffin is, from what I understand, otherwise occupied and has been for a few months, and is not able to devote attention as moderator of this forum. Pure is the defacto, unnofficial leader of the group now. Don't worry though, he's a good guy.
I just wanted to put my two cents in, in my tiny capacity as a regular contributor here and say that I think Impressive has done her critiques and should be able to offer her story up for discussion without any further "payment".
That said, of course, in the interest of having more regular contribuors here, I will say that more critiques are always welcome, and often, writing them can do as much for your own writing as for those you are critiquing.
Black Tulip's Thread
Carsonshepherd's thread
Impressive--Killermuffin is, from what I understand, otherwise occupied and has been for a few months, and is not able to devote attention as moderator of this forum. Pure is the defacto, unnofficial leader of the group now. Don't worry though, he's a good guy.
I just wanted to put my two cents in, in my tiny capacity as a regular contributor here and say that I think Impressive has done her critiques and should be able to offer her story up for discussion without any further "payment".
That said, of course, in the interest of having more regular contribuors here, I will say that more critiques are always welcome, and often, writing them can do as much for your own writing as for those you are critiquing.
impressive
Literotica Guru
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MLyons said:
Thanks, M. Yes -- she is a she.
Pure
Fiel a Verdad
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Ok, impressive. Sorry I missed seeing your critiques. Welcome.
If you like, your story could go this Sun 9-12. I would post its url and your questions. This posting by me has been suggested to distinguish the main queue from those who pop in.
In case you're interested there have been a couple attempts to describe some of the topics of a critque. I think I could find them in this thread.
IOW, most of us are not limiting ourselves to the author's questions, which sometimes have a pretty narrow focus. Too, the author's opinion of possible weaknesses is not necessarily accurate.
Killer M is indefinitely 'on leave', so don't bother addressing current issues to her. We are operating as a grassroots cabal, including Rumple, Mabeuse, Black and several others. I am temporarily directing traffic, like those civilians who do so when all the traffic lights go out, and there aren't enough cops to go around.
Were my services to be unwanted or my 'mantle' coveted (by any regular poster), I would be happy to step down from my lofty crag in the Empire of the Circle, and make full surrender of my awesome powers.
If you like, your story could go this Sun 9-12. I would post its url and your questions. This posting by me has been suggested to distinguish the main queue from those who pop in.
In case you're interested there have been a couple attempts to describe some of the topics of a critque. I think I could find them in this thread.
IOW, most of us are not limiting ourselves to the author's questions, which sometimes have a pretty narrow focus. Too, the author's opinion of possible weaknesses is not necessarily accurate.
Killer M is indefinitely 'on leave', so don't bother addressing current issues to her. We are operating as a grassroots cabal, including Rumple, Mabeuse, Black and several others. I am temporarily directing traffic, like those civilians who do so when all the traffic lights go out, and there aren't enough cops to go around.
Were my services to be unwanted or my 'mantle' coveted (by any regular poster), I would be happy to step down from my lofty crag in the Empire of the Circle, and make full surrender of my awesome powers.
carsonshepherd
comeback kid
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I don't know about your powers...
but you are awesome....
but you are awesome....
Black Tulip
Not so delicate flower
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Pure said:
....
Were my services to be unwanted or my 'mantle' coveted (by any regular poster), I would be happy to step down from my lofty crag in the Empire of the Circle, and make full surrender of my awesome powers.
Hah, nice try.
You're doing just fine, sweetie. Nobody's going to replace you soon, I guess.
Hi, I'm new to this thread!
Hello!
I've decided to be brave enought submit my story: "Office Hours" for discussion:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/s...y.php?id=162019
Concerns:
1) Is it too plot-oriented/long? I wanted it to be realistic and give the characters some depth, but not be too plot heavy. This is potentially the first in a series if all goes well.
2) Is it "hot" enough? Is the reader aroused? Private feedback and comments have said I should make it more X-rated.
3) Are there any outstanding problems in my writing? Dialogue, characters, story, etc? It's my first story, so any comments are appretiated.
Thanks to Pure for reminding me to post here, after PMing him!
Hello!
I've decided to be brave enought submit my story: "Office Hours" for discussion:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/s...y.php?id=162019
Concerns:
1) Is it too plot-oriented/long? I wanted it to be realistic and give the characters some depth, but not be too plot heavy. This is potentially the first in a series if all goes well.
2) Is it "hot" enough? Is the reader aroused? Private feedback and comments have said I should make it more X-rated.
3) Are there any outstanding problems in my writing? Dialogue, characters, story, etc? It's my first story, so any comments are appretiated.
Thanks to Pure for reminding me to post here, after PMing him!
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Pure
Fiel a Verdad
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OK, Varian it is, for this Sun the 26th. Post here of PM me the url or story, so I can put up the thread.
Incidentally, an informal critique circle is set up in the BDSM cafe by 'graceanne'
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=279140
and the first story (by Lady Jeanne, iirc) is designated. While it's competent, it made me realize what a talented bunch is currently hanging out here.
it's good too, that there've been some promising 'newbies'--who are scarcely new to writing, of course, but new to erotica or litererotica.org.
Incidentally, an informal critique circle is set up in the BDSM cafe by 'graceanne'
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=279140
and the first story (by Lady Jeanne, iirc) is designated. While it's competent, it made me realize what a talented bunch is currently hanging out here.
it's good too, that there've been some promising 'newbies'--who are scarcely new to writing, of course, but new to erotica or litererotica.org.
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