Are Many/Most Bi's Really Just Closet Hedonists?

[Kurokami]

Yeah... Does the motivation for having sex, any kind of sex, really matter that much? Especially when determining sexual orientation?

I mean, there are as many possible motivations for having sex as there are people in the world, and pleasure is, well, a big part of sex. If someone has sex solely for pleasure, does that make them a hedonist? Maybe. But is that a bad thing? More than that, if a bisexual person has sex for pleasure, rather than cultivating a relationship, does that make them a hedonist as opposed to a bisexual? No, not really. Would you label a man and woman having sex to produce a child utilitarian?

 

[CandiCame]

"Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the member sucking party?!"

This made me happy.

 

[sadangel]

Angel I think you are missing my point or what I'm starting to conclude or whatever the hell it is I'm doing (besides being insulted by varied assholes )

It's not that I'm saying or thinking all bisexuals are Hedonists, in fact it's the opposite. I'm thinking that there is a HUGE difference between real bisexuals who have the capacity to care about a person regardless of their gender and Hedonists who could care less about anything but getting their own pleasure from anybody, regardless of their gender.

Obviously egoist hedonism isn't only limited to Bi's, but I'm just saying that I THINK I see many more people "saying" they are Bi BECAUSE they are Hedonists.

Does that make sense?

I didn't miss it Amy. I was making it clear simply, that I was responding from my own point of view and experience and no one else. I don't think you are generalizing bisexuals being Hedonists, though I think that there are some who think exactly that. I was trying to avoid having anyone misunderstand where I am coming from.

You make perfect sense, and have from the beginning posts. Some others just haven't seen that.

 

[PurpleJade]

I can't say I agree with this way of describing bi-sexual people. I think it just describes people. There are people of all kinds of sexual orientations that you could describe in the terms you are using for bi-sexuals. I also think the nature of this forum is gonna skew any research if this is the sole place you are studying. Also, people express themselves very differently online than they would any other place - its often so much more exaggerated. I am not sure what else to say than that - others have put it far more eloquently than I would be able to.

As for my perspective, well, I am a bi-curious married woman. My husband knows, and no I don't ever plan on cheating on him. We have discussed the idea of me meeting a woman to explore my sexuality with, which he says he would be ok with (although I know he has his worries) and although the idea is a turn on, the truth is I just couldn't risk damaging my marriage and my family. My husband is truly my other half and I love him dearly. Furthermore, I am not merely interested in sex - if I were to be with a woman I would want a relationship with a woman and how can I have that when I am already in a relationship? I don't see myself or my husband as hedonists, we are a loving couple with a healthy sex life that we both enjoy.

My perspective is not unique - I met several other ladies with the same outlook as myself on the 'married women who fantasise about being with girls' thread - unfortunately the discussion was often interrupted by (often young single) people trolling for sex, people posting obvious works of fiction, men etc. There was also a thread 'married women wanting anonymous encounters with girls' and it got lots of responses saying this was a bad idea, not a healthy outlook, what about your marriage, people who said an anonymous encounter might be a turn on in theory, but in reality a relationship would be better etc.

I did spend time on the gay scene when I was younger. I did try and meet girls but I was shy and was rather femme at the time (I am much less so now funnily enough) and other than one experience that didn't go so well, nothing came of it. I met my husband, and so that period came to an end. However, the feeling I have always had of being attracted to women never went away

No I do not want gay cool points (whatever the heck they are - do you save them up and trade them in for something cool?). Round here, being GLBT isn't cool anyway - I don't know ANY out gay people where I live (I didn't always live here though). Yes I do support equal rights for the GLBT community, just as I support equal rights for ALL - that is just my mindset, all people are equal. No I don't count myself as a member of the GLBT community as I have never been in a relationship with a woman.

I think that pretty much covers it.

 

[girlsmiley]

Valid point. So let's define terms. Here's pretty close to what I'm thinking of when I say hedonism (the egoistic hedonism definition):

http://i.word.com/idictionary/hedonism

By my definition hedonism is intrinsically selfish. You are in it for your OWN pleasure first and formost. Even if one of the "Hedonists" I describe might suck a dick, they are doing it for their own pleasure not for the other persons. They are simply USING their dick as a means to their own gratification. It is nothing more then a meat dildo that cums... It's like it's not attached to a living breathing, EQUAL human being.

Does that make sense to you?

It makes PERFECT sense Amy. I really don't understand those posters.
They say they don't want the man, they only want his cock.
That right there... Well, I don't know what that is.
What it says to me is: "I don't him love or even like him as a person, a man. I just want a penis because I'm selfish and horny and I don't care how you feel about it or what anyone thinks."

That said wang slash man is about as significant as a dildo.
Almost ZERO significance.
It is feral. No denying that.

I think the guys who are getting their dicks sucked probably wonder why you would even care.

Wrong answer. And to be expected.

You obviously haven't read many threads here. This is actually, for the most part, a polite civil discussion...

You're right HM. Thank you.

Why have you turned into the literotica troll, Amy?

Oop. Hang on Hottie Mama.

I didn't miss it Amy. I was making it clear simply, that I was responding from my own point of view and experience and no one else. I don't think you are generalizing bisexuals being Hedonists, though I think that there are some who think exactly that. I was trying to avoid having anyone misunderstand where I am coming from.

You make perfect sense, and have from the beginning posts. Some others just haven't seen that.

She makes perfect sense to me too, sadangel.

 

[girlsmiley]

I can't say I agree with this way of describing bi-sexual people. I think it just describes people. There are people of all kinds of sexual orientations that you could describe in the terms you are using for bi-sexuals. I also think the nature of this forum is gonna skew any research if this is the sole place you are studying. Also, people express themselves very differently online than they would any other place - its often so much more exaggerated. I am not sure what else to say than that - others have put it far more eloquently than I would be able to.

As for my perspective, well, I am a bi-curious married woman. My husband knows, and no I don't ever plan on cheating on him. We have discussed the idea of me meeting a woman to explore my sexuality with, which he says he would be ok with (although I know he has his worries) and although the idea is a turn on, the truth is I just couldn't risk damaging my marriage and my family. My husband is truly my other half and I love him dearly. Furthermore, I am not merely interested in sex - if I were to be with a woman I would want a relationship with a woman and how can I have that when I am already in a relationship? I don't see myself or my husband as hedonists, we are a loving couple with a healthy sex life that we both enjoy.

My perspective is not unique - I met several other ladies with the same outlook as myself on the 'married women who fantasise about being with girls' thread - unfortunately the discussion was often interrupted by (often young single) people trolling for sex, people posting obvious works of fiction, men etc. There was also a thread 'married women wanting anonymous encounters with girls' and it got lots of responses saying this was a bad idea, not a healthy outlook, what about your marriage, people who said an anonymous encounter might be a turn on in theory, but in reality a relationship would be better etc.

I did spend time on the gay scene when I was younger. I did try and meet girls but I was shy and was rather femme at the time (I am much less so now funnily enough) and other than one experience that didn't go so well, nothing came of it. I met my husband, and so that period came to an end. However, the feeling I have always had of being attracted to women never went away

No I do not want gay cool points (whatever the heck they are - do you save them up and trade them in for something cool?). Round here, being GLBT isn't cool anyway - I don't know ANY out gay people where I live (I didn't always live here though). Yes I do support equal rights for the GLBT community, just as I support equal rights for ALL - that is just my mindset, all people are equal. No I don't count myself as a member of the GLBT community as I have never been in a relationship with a woman.

I think that pretty much covers it.

That's a great post.

 

[HerLittlePiggy]

You're trying to assign a moral value to a sexual preference-- or a lack of morals to a lack of sexual preference. It's ridiculous.

This is actually the perfect response.

 

[Kurokami]

It makes PERFECT sense Amy. I really don't understand those posters.
They say they don't want the man, they only want his cock.
That right there... Well, I don't know what that is.
What it says to me is: "I don't him love or even like him as a person, a man. I just want a penis because I'm selfish and horny and I don't care how you feel about it or what anyone thinks."

That said wang slash man is about as significant as a dildo.
Almost ZERO significance.
It is feral. No denying that.

But it isn't only bisexuals who go in for meaningless sexual encounters, the only purpose of which is pleasure. Casual sex exists whether you're straight, gay, bi or whatever. And people will get used for sex in much the same manner. Assigning a moral position solely to casual bi sex is, well, narrow.

I'm a bisexual man who's married to a woman and occasionally has casual sex with guys when I want a cock (although that's sort of petered out since I got hitched) That's not hedonism, that's just fun.

 

[girlsmiley]

But it isn't only bisexuals who go in for meaningless sexual encounters, the only purpose of which is pleasure. Casual sex exists whether you're straight, gay, bi or whatever. And people will get used for sex in much the same manner. Assigning a moral position solely to casual bi sex is, well, narrow.

I'm a bisexual man who's married to a woman and occasionally has casual sex with guys when I want a cock (although that's sort of petered out since I got hitched) That's not hedonism, that's just fun.

What has that got to do with anything that I posted?

 

[girlsmiley]

Does anyone understand context anymore?

Can we follow the discussion or are we going to keep going off on a tangent, and purposely try to NOT understand one another?

I was replying to Safe_Bet, Kimosabe.

Try and keep up, champ.

 

[PurpleJade]

That's a great post.

Thanks!

 

[CandiCame]

But it isn't only bisexuals who go in for meaningless sexual encounters, the only purpose of which is pleasure. Casual sex exists whether you're straight, gay, bi or whatever. And people will get used for sex in much the same manner. Assigning a moral position solely to casual bi sex is, well, narrow.

I'm a bisexual man who's married to a woman and occasionally has casual sex with guys when I want a cock (although that's sort of petered out since I got hitched) That's not hedonism, that's just fun.

Dude, what is your avi from?- I keep thinking I know him. I like it.

 

[girlsmiley]

Thanks!

Thank you honey.
It's nice to come across warm posts like yours when things aren't...
Every once in a while it's nice, you know?

 

[Kurokami]

Dude, what is your avi from?- I keep thinking I know him. I like it.

Oh! My avatar is Sanae Hanekoma, and he's from the DS game, The World Ends With You. It's an awesome game, and he's my favorite character in it. There's also a bit of a resemblance between he and I, or as much as possible between an anime character and a real person. I used to rock the same hair/stubble combo, at any rate.

 

[girlsmiley]

Oh! My avatar is Sanae Hanekoma, and he's from the DS game, The World Ends With You. It's an awesome game, and he's my favorite character in it. There's also a bit of a resemblance between he and I, or as much as possible between an anime character and a real person. I used to rock the same hair/stubble combo, at any rate.

Hijack, much? Nintendo? Really kids?
Send a PM ffs!

 

[CandiCame]

Oh! My avatar is Sanae Hanekoma, and he's from the DS game, The World Ends With You. It's an awesome game, and he's my favorite character in it. There's also a bit of a resemblance between he and I, or as much as possible between an anime character and a real person. I used to rock the same hair/stubble combo, at any rate.

OMG- I LOVE that game! I thought I knew him from somewhere! That's awesome.

Mine's Edgeworth, from Phoenix Wright. I think we were destined to meet.

 

[Safe_Bet]

OMG- I LOVE that game! I thought I knew him from somewhere! That's awesome.

Mine's Edgeworth, from Phoenix Wright. I think we were destined to meet.

What part of "Don't hijack the thread" was confusing to you, dude? If you want to discuss you stupid Nintendo/anime shit start your own thread.

 

[deckardB26354]

Hopefully this will help the discussion...

I was on another site and stumbled upon this: http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/Poly/Labriola/bisexual.html

It's an interesting read. As stated in the link, a sexual behaviorist identifies different types of bisexuals (yes, hedonistic is there!!) and it's pretty interesting IMO. In case the link breaks, there are 13 types, they are:

Alternating bisexuals:
may have a relationship with a man, and then after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent relationship, and many go back to a male partner next.

Circumstantial bisexuals:
primarily heterosexual, but will choose same sex partners only in situations where they have no access to other-sex partners, such as when in jail, in the military, or in a gender-segregated school.

Concurrent relationship bisexuals:
have primary relationship with one gender only but have other casual or secondary relationships with people of another gender at the same time.

Conditional bisexuals:
either straight or gay/lesbian, but will switch to a relationship with another gender for financial or career gain or for a specific purpose, such as young straight males who become gay prostitutes or lesbians who get married to men in order to gain acceptance from family members or to have children.

Emotional bisexuals:
have intimate emotional relationships with both men and women, but only have sexual relationships with one gender.

Integrated bisexuals:
have more than one primary relationship at the same time, one with a man and one with a woman.

Exploratory bisexuals:
either straight or gay/lesbian, but have sex with another gender just to satisfy curiosity or "see what it's like."

Hedonistic bisexuals:
primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will sometimes have sex with another gender primarily for fun or purely sexual satisfaction.

Recreational bisexuals:
primarily heterosexual but engage in gay or lesbian sex only when under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Isolated bisexuals:
100% straight or gay/lesbian now but has had at one or more sexual experience with another gender in the past.

Latent bisexuals:
completely straight or gay lesbian in behavior but have strong desire for sex with another gender, but have never acted on it.

Motivational bisexuals:
straight women who have sex with other women only because a male partner insists on it to titillate him.

Transitional bisexuals:
temporarily identify as bisexual while in the process of moving from being straight to being gay or lesbian, or going from being gay or lesbian to being heterosexual.

 

[Stella_Omega]

What character would you guys think of for me?

 

[HottieMama]

What character would you guys think of for me?

Conditional bisexuals:
either straight or gay/lesbian, but will switch to a relationship with another gender for financial or career gain or for a specific purpose, such as young straight males who become gay prostitutes or lesbians who get married to men in order to gain acceptance from family members or to have children.

OR

Hedonistic bisexuals:
primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will sometimes have sex with another gender primarily for fun or purely sexual satisfaction.


Or was that a rhetorical question and I shouldn't have even attempted this...??

 

[blade_rocknut]

What character would you guys think of for me?

I'm not ABOUT to try to package you in a box, Stella......

That said, as complete as that list appears to be, I see no room for inclusion of the ever growing list of males ( and a few females) who have an infatuation with pre op TS's.....of which many would be hedonists.

Aren't sexual variations grand?

 

[timetotry]

What character would you guys think of for me?

whatever character it is, simply must have a wicked Snidely Whiplash mustache drawn on it.

 

[HottieMama]

whatever character it is, simply must have a wicked Snidely Whiplash mustache drawn on it.

Ok...this just made me spit Diet Pepsi on my laptop!!! I totally wasn't expecting that!!!

 

[Stella_Omega]

I was actually talking to kurokami and camicame about their anime avatars.

I didn't marry the dude for any specific purpose, I married him because I love him. And the sex was pretty good. Men were pretty satisfying to me at the time.

I would never marry a man again, though, I can tell you that. And I have very little interest in heterosexual-style sex with men-- if I were a man, I would be much more male-oriented.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Thank you, Deckard. That WAS an excellent article.

I DO question some of the cited categories though. By my estimate at least 6 - 7 of them got a "Nope! They ain't" vote from me and I'm also kinda iffy on the "Transitory Bisexual" category (though I can see his point that they are still "transitioning").

BTW, I find all those categories doubly interesting because it kind of bears out the thoughts I'm considering about how the "Big Bi Umbrella" is too all encompassing in an effort to artificially swell their numbers.