Are you a baby?

[Homburg]

I'm an only. The birth order people say this is the same as being the oldest.

I think it's like being the oldest AND the baby.

This.

As to my kids...

Eldest Daughter is very much the eldest, and fits the stereotypes. She is as in-charge as she can be, and does her level 9-year-old best to compete with me.

Eldest son is more quiet, far less likely to take charge, but certainly capable of being manipulative. He's bright as hell, and can find some creative ways to get his way.

Youngest daughter is the most social thing around. Everyone is a possible friend, and she'll talk to anyone, as out-going as she can be.

Youngest son is too little to really make predictions about. So far, he seems more socially reserved, while still being bloody loud at home.

 

[Recidiva]

Let's compare my family to this and this alone.

My oldest brother... the responsible, serious one? He dropped out of high school and hasn't fulfilled his promise to mom to get his GED, but is quite successful in construction and is a good leader with his workers. He is hardly ever serious in conversation, though is fairly serious about his work and family. He's a good father, but doesn't seem to be teaching his kids obedience yet.

A brother in the middle... good negotiator and mysterious? My oldest brother doesn't like to lie, so it's obvious when he does. This one, however, can lie to your face and you wouldn't know it unless you knew him well. He doesn't negotiate; he's either too thick headed to change his mind, or extremely submissive otherwise. He had the drug problem in our family, but you can't discredit his devotion to other people.

Me, the youngest... Adventurous and risk taker? The furthest I've driven from home is to college. I haven't stepped foot out of state except being taken to Florida and Kentucky for vacations. I am shy, reserved, and slow to open up to new people and places, and refuse to do many things even remotely dangerous. My persona is to be found out privately. :3

EDIT: The only real article, book, quiz, or classable document I trust to describe people is the MBTI system. (I be ISFJ) It's the only thing that nobody can say doesn't match them, if they answer honestly.

I do match Pisces, youngest child and INFP

But not the typical girl thing. I like video games and I don't get shoes. Maybe 'cause my feet are size 11.

 

[ZRT]

Interesting responses!

Obviously, not everyone fits the mold and the article mentioned that there are a lot of variables, including gender, age gaps, parents and marital status, emotional/physical/mental skills, death of a parent or sibling, etc.

For only children, this article suggested that they can basically have any qualities of the first, middle or last born but generally have these traits:

# Mature faster
# Get along well with older people
# Responsible
# Self-Centered
# Perfectionists
# Attention seekers
# Use adult language
# Prefer adult company
# Have difficulty sharing

I call myself a "super-baby" because I was adopted when my sister was ten and she was both mother and sibling to me. I fit so well into the last born definition that it's almost spooky.

Only child.

Let's see:

# Mature faster
Eh... yes/no. Serious about serious shit, totally juvenile oftentimes otherwise.

# Get along well with older people
Yep.

# Responsible
...yeah. Or no. Yes. No.

# Self-Centered
Yep.

# Perfectionists
Yep.

# Attention seekers
Yep.

# Use adult language
Fuck yes.

# Prefer adult company
Yup.

# Have difficulty sharing
Nope. I mean, I don't share my women, but just about everything else is fair game.

 

[WriterDom]

I do match Pisces, youngest child and INFP

But not the typical girl thing. I like video games and I don't get shoes. Maybe 'cause my feet are size 11.

Damn. Almost as big as Peggy Hill's.

 

[Recidiva]

Damn. Almost as big as Peggy Hill's.

I've been told I'd do well at places that cater to drag queens. But overall I'm not interested. I mean they're nice and all, but I'd rather have a new game.

 

[bakedbeams]

I am the youngest of 3. Growing up in a very 'physically' home our behaviours were.

Eldest ... quiet, study hard, tell tales on everyone else, tidy, her behaviour was perfect so was never hit.

Middle... violent at home and school, study hard, tell tales on everyone else, tease animals and people, messy.

Youngest... quiet, silent, messy, never study, always in trouble at school, avoid family at all costs, secretive, dreamer.

As adults we are.

Eldest... In therapy with stress disorders, OCD, afraid to try new things, still tells tales on everyone else, married, avoids parents.

Middle... Buddist and National Park Ranger, very compassionate and caring, keeps confidences, still messy, widower, planner, avoids parents, writes poetry.

Youngest... messy, University degree and TAFE qualifications, loud, boisterous, divorced, plethora of violent relationships, spontaneous, avoids parents, writes poetry.

I think that as children we were so stifled that the order didnt clearly show, but once we left home, we began to fall into the order you've described. Interestingly the eldest who had the easiest time at home, is the one with all the mental anguish as an adult. The youngest who didnt like school went on to complete a degree as an adult, the choice to study was spontaneous.

 

[Recidiva]

I am the youngest of 3. Growing up in a very 'physically' home our behaviours were.

Eldest ... quiet, study hard, tell tales on everyone else, tidy, her behaviour was perfect so was never hit.

Middle... violent at home and school, study hard, tell tales on everyone else, tease animals and people, messy.

Youngest... quiet, silent, messy, never study, always in trouble at school, avoid family at all costs, secretive, dreamer.

As adults we are.

Eldest... In therapy with stress disorders, OCD, afraid to try new things, still tells tales on everyone else, married, avoids parents.

Middle... Buddist and National Park Ranger, very compassionate and caring, keeps confidences, still messy, widower, planner, avoids parents, writes poetry.

Youngest... messy, University degree and TAFE qualifications, loud, boisterous, divorced, plethora of violent relationships, spontaneous, avoids parents, writes poetry.

I think that as children we were so stifled that the order didnt clearly show, but once we left home, we began to fall into the order you've described. Interestingly the eldest who had the easiest time at home, is the one with all the mental anguish as an adult. The youngest who didnt like school went on to complete a degree as an adult, the choice to study was spontaneous.

Interesting. My sister as the eldest seems to suffer the most as an adult. I guess as a kid I had it demonstrated to me that life was chaotic and unfair and I couldn't really do much about it, I could just adapt and make the most of my opportunities. My elder siblings were all "shit rolls downhill" people, so my room was where everyone ended up looking to exert their power. Take my stuff, make me cry, intimidate me, hurt me.

I eventually just stopped reacting or being available. Took a while though. The first time I tried to lock my door so I could get some peace, my brother knocked the door off its hinges. My father's only response was "If that door isn't back on its hinges by tomorrow, you're off the wrestling team." I don't recall he was offended in any other way other than that there was a mess. I had no privacy and nobody defended me, my parents were only mad if I complained or made noise.

But in the end, I'm fairly well prepared for life, which is chaotic and unfair.

My sister's still searching to calm the chaos and make everything right and is constantly shocked and overwhelmed. When she was a kid she was assaulted sexually by a cousin and my mother's only response was denial and "what would the neighbors think?"

To tell the truth, I think I got the better deal.

 

[missginger2177]

Oldest of three, and totally against the grain. I'm the risk-taker and adrenaline junkie of the family. The middle child is mysterious, but I attribute that more to his being 16 and trying everything he can to get laid (and keep it a secret). And the youngest, is definitely a baby.

But isn't this really almost the Nature vs. Nurture question? Seems like circumstance has alot to do with it, which suggests Nurture.

 

[WriterDom]

My mother was the youngest of 10 children. I was the youngest of 19 grandchildren. I think that's right. One uncle died young, 3 aunts didn't have kids, and one aunt only had one.

 

[Keroin]

Oldest of three, and totally against the grain. I'm the risk-taker and adrenaline junkie of the family. The middle child is mysterious, but I attribute that more to his being 16 and trying everything he can to get laid (and keep it a secret). And the youngest, is definitely a baby.

But isn't this really almost the Nature vs. Nurture question? Seems like circumstance has alot to do with it, which suggests Nurture.

Nature vs nurture is part of this theory, certainly.

However, regardless of what any scientific data says, I know that being the last born in my family had an influence on me, particularly with the age gap between my sister and me.

* My sister had already “broken in” my parents by the time I arrived so rules were less strict and punishment less severe.

* Because I had other always looking after me, and was never responsible for anyone else, I felt a low sense of responsibility, in general.

* Being the baby gave me the “aawww” factor, which let me get away with more, which encouraged me to push the envelope more.

* Having my sister as a model gave me insight into what kind of behaviour would work best to get me what I wanted.

Having said all that, I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules about birth order, just some general observations. I’ve yet to find any measurement system that accurately defines me as a person – I don’t believe in astrology, BTW, and I’m nothing like what my sign says I’m supposed to be. Homebody? Not so much.

But I found the Time article interesting.

Oh yeah, and this is me to a T:

“But there are low-power strategies too, and one of the most effective ones is humor. It's awfully hard to resist the charms of someone who can make you laugh, and families abound with stories of last-borns who are the clowns of the brood, able to get their way simply by being funny or outrageous.”

 

[graceanne]

First - is it my computer or is lit slow?

Anyway, my littlest sister, or 'daddy's little jaw dropper', as our mother calls her, is sixteen years younger than me. She's fifteen. She is more of an only child than a younger child. Still she doesn't fit in with the 'only child' thing. She's not more mature than the average fifteen year old. Not less, though. She is pretty irresponsible (she and her boyfriend just started having sex, but she doesn't want to go on birth control because 'we don't do it that often' )

As for my kids:

Oldest is bossy. So are the middle and the younger child. But so are me and K. It definitely makes for some fights. Oldest is just an easy child, always has been. She gets good grades, she's pretty obedient, etc. She occasionally tries to mother her sibs, but I don't generally allow it. I was a parent to mine, and I don't think it's healthy.

Middle child is K's 'mini me'. Hot temper, short attention span. But she's also very very affectionate and very emotionally needy. And shy - which is weird. I have to be very careful to take her fears and anxieties seriously, and treat them carefully, because I wouldn't recognize shy if it reached out and bit me in the butt.

Younger child is more like me, but with K's hyperactivity and attention span issues. He's also the only boy. His job, as far as I can tell, is to annoy the HELL out of his sisters. When he's away from them, he's a very well behaved, if busy, child. He's quieter, he listens better, etc. As soon as they come home from school he's instantly in 'pest mode'.

My 'heartchild', is the youngest, but her brother lives with his dad and is five years older than her. Occasionally they bicker like sibs, but not as a rule. I've been taking care of her since she was 18 months old, so she shows a lot of older child 'tendencies', too. She's bad a sharing, responsible, and and attention seeker. She's also bossy, tries to mother the younger ones, and a tattle tale.

 

[ZRT]

“But there are low-power strategies too, and one of the most effective ones is humor. It's awfully hard to resist the charms of someone who can make you laugh, and families abound with stories of last-borns who are the clowns of the brood, able to get their way simply by being funny or outrageous.”

Story of my life. I've always been able to talk my way out of trouble, or just get on by because of previously-built stocks of good will from being such a scamp.

 

[DVS]

First - is it my computer or is lit slow?

This is your brain. T h i s i s y o u r b r a i n o n c o m p u t e r s !


OK, I know...a stupid attempt at a joke. My bad.

 

[Puman]

The eldest of two and the teenage hell-raiser rebel. My younger sibling was far more responsible at a much younger age than I.

Mother of one with no plans for any more babies. My daughter is only 11 months old, so it's hard to put her in any kind of profile. She walked at 9 months, so she's on the ball and she seems pretty fearless. My gut tells me that she'll be coming home on a harley to tell me she's going sky-diving or something.
I can feel myself ageing...

 

[graceanne]

This is your brain. T h i s i s y o u r b r a i n o n c o m p u t e r s !

A...n...d......t...h...i...s......i...s......y...o...u...r......b...r...a...i...n......o...n......l...i...t....

 

[YourCaptor]

I'm in the middle. <_< >_> 0_0!

I remebere this theory, I think adler developed it... sounds like something he would do.

Only I remember it much simpler.

Oldest
caries all the hopes and dream of parents + has to deal with sibling rivalry = goes for interdependence or become supper nanny

Middle
can't ever get all the attention + does not want to be like first born = rebellious (bad kid) + 3rd born rebels against that (good kid) etc

Baby
gets everything + has many role models = may have too much pressure and becomes lazy

According to this I'm the black sheep... I'm not that bad.

 

[rida]

First of two, my sis is 6 years younger.

She has two degrees; I'm a college drop out
She lives in our home-town with our mother; I moved out of the country
She has a very independent and self scheduled job staying away from corporate world;, I work in an office dealing with corporate world
She is single and bi but I don't think kinky (if so, I'd imagine her to be switchy); I'm married and heteroflexible and submissive
She has a lot of friends she sees all the time: normal, alternative, intellectual, jockster, younger, older; I have many acquaintances and few friends, and see them all very seldom (and even have few virtual friends I've never met).

As an aside, Hubby too is the oldest among his siblings, and my college bf too was the oldest. However my first crush was the baby, and often my side relationships are with men that are not the oldest. Wonder if it means anything ...

 

[Bi_Kitty]

I'm the oldest: one full brother and two step-sisters.

I'm the....
*responsible
*mature
*shy/loner
*etc.
.....one in the family.

 

[Cattypuss]

I'm the younger of two children (by four years) but because of the totally fucked up nature of my family, I ended up being the "responsible adult" for the whole family from age 12-ish.

30 years on and that dynamic is the same.

 

[ownedsubgal]

For only children, this article suggested that they can basically have any qualities of the first, middle or last born but generally have these traits:

# Mature faster/yep
# Get along well with older people/big yep
# Responsible/yep
# Self-Centered/eh, don't think so
# Perfectionists/somewhat
# Attention seekers/definitely not, as kid wanted desperately to blend into the wallpaper
# Use adult language/big yep
# Prefer adult company/of course
# Have difficulty sharing/yep

my parents had me when they were in their 30s, i was over-protected to a degree but i was never really spoiled. tho, i think that had more to do with me than my parents...i just didn't ask for much. other kids were always like a foreign species to me, i never learned how to relate to them well or communicate in a child-like way, so was teased mercilessly and very isolated from my peers. my only "friends" were my 20 and 30 yr old cousins, who would talk to me about marxism and political revolution and philosophy and environmental issues...this starting from age 8 or 9, so you can imagine the weird socially-stunted brainy goofy kid that resulted from this, lol.

as a child i wished for an older brother to protect me and guide me, but now i'm glad that i had no siblings. they seem to often be headaches as adults...also, no one to split the inheritance with!

 

[satindesire]

Interesting responses!

Obviously, not everyone fits the mold and the article mentioned that there are a lot of variables, including gender, age gaps, parents and marital status, emotional/physical/mental skills, death of a parent or sibling, etc.

For only children, this article suggested that they can basically have any qualities of the first, middle or last born but generally have these traits:

# Mature faster
# Get along well with older people
# Responsible
# Self-Centered
# Perfectionists
# Attention seekers
# Use adult language
# Prefer adult company
# Have difficulty sharing

I call myself a "super-baby" because I was adopted when my sister was ten and she was both mother and sibling to me. I fit so well into the last born definition that it's almost spooky.

I'm an only child and I agree with this 100%.

My mom and dad never 'baby talked' me when I was young, so I developed an adult way of speaking that was very clear when I was very little. I plan on doing this with Brooklyn too.

Thanks for this thread, KareBear. What a neat topic!

 

[serendipitous2]

- - -

 

[Netzach]

I'm an only child and I agree with this 100%.

My mom and dad never 'baby talked' me when I was young, so I developed an adult way of speaking that was very clear when I was very little. I plan on doing this with Brooklyn too.

Thanks for this thread, KareBear. What a neat topic!

I definitely had the verbal skills thing going too. I never baby talked. I was on to full grammatical sentences at a freakishly young age.

I also remember learning to read from sitting on my grandpa's lap and reading Barron's with him. He got an endless kick out of this. I think I was 3?

Of course, this made me a complete social 'tard with my own peer group.

Being treated like an adult because you're able to make accurate adult noises is one of the problems in parenting onlies.

# Mature faster/in some ways - their paranoia stunted me in others
# Get along well with older people/ yes
# Responsible/depends about what
# Self-Centered/hello
# Perfectionists/depends about what
# Attention seekers/respond well to positive attention, depends about what, but yes
# Use adult language/yes
# Prefer adult company/always
# Have difficulty sharing/Actually no. Sometimes oblivious in manners, but share well.

 

[Raindear816]

I'm the youngest of 3 girls. My sisters have never understood me. I'm more adventurous, fun-loving, and unpredictable. Maybe a bit spoiled too.

 

[unregistered]