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Are you dominant or submissive

SimonDoom said:
I chafe somewhat at either/or labeling, although I know it works for some people. I'm a "live and let live" sort of person in most of my life, but a rigger/dominant/voyeur in my erotic life. Definitely not sub or switch, but also not a Dom like some people are. My idea of the perfect partner is a strong intelligent woman with a significant sub streak -- she chooses to be a sub because it gives her pleasure.
Click to expand...

What's a rigger?
 
Totally natural submissive, it's my favourite place to be. I don't think I could ever imagine being a dom!
 
Sub

Definitely very submissive! Older and very new to all this. Any Mistresses in Coastal Virginia? Inquiring minds wants to know? LOL!
 
Dom, but in a nurturing, mentoring, and guiding way. Sub does not equal doormat, no interest in that. It's like dancing. I'm a very strong lead, but the worst possible partner is someone who is wimpy. A great follow is someone of strength who wants direction and who loves the ride.

This is a very late in life discovery, so I am still figuring it out.
 
My thoughts are if you are Dominant or Submissive, how did you get to be that way? How did you first find out your orientation? Dom or Sub?

I mentioned my experiences earlier so I won't mention them again but for me it was a long process. After many different experiences and gfs I found what works best for me is being a Switch. I can be a Dom with some women and a Sub with others. I like both aspects of D/s play.

ES
 
eroticspank said:
My thoughts are if you are Dominant or Submissive, how did you get to be that way? How did you first find out your orientation? Dom or Sub?

I mentioned my experiences earlier so I won't mention them again but for me it was a long process. After many different experiences and gfs I found what works best for me is being a Switch. I can be a Dom with some women and a Sub with others. I like both aspects of D/s play.

ES
Click to expand...

For me, it was a long road gettin' from there to here.

I've pretty liberally sprinkled my story hither, thither, and yon around these threads in bits and pieces. But,... well...

Yes, I am a survivor of abuse. Physical, mental, and emotional as well as sexual. Maybe that had something to do with it.

But, my first ex-fiancee... I tried to be "a good boyfriend" as I understood it at the time. While sublimating aspects of me that I was taught were wrong. And watched as she ping-pong balled between me and another guy (who wasn't sublimating shit) before dumping both of us after five years and taking up with someone else. And my second ex-fiancee started the same way, until I got fed up and told her it would either be my way or the highway from that point on.

Yeah, it wasn't good or right (or particularly pretty) the way it came about. And there was a lot of "if you love me you will" underlying the angry "not again" that burst that carefully crafted cage within my breast. Fortunately, for both our sakes, she wrested back enough of her soul to leave me the last time. And I was stubborn enough that I didn't take her back when she tried a couple of years later.

I also spent a long time working the detention units as a team leader and trainer before retiring and moving on to be a professor for a while until I got too sick to work.

Any road, that's just my long-winded way of saying that I am dominant, and not just sexually, with very little submissive give to my base personality (in the bedroom or out). Even "topping from the bottom" is a tricky proposition at best. But, I'm really just a product of my experiences as well as my innate nature.

Which isn't to say that I micro-manage. Probably seventy percent of the time, I'm content to watch and cheer her on as it unfolds as we do it her way. Twenty percent of the time, we'll discuss it, but if I don't have a hard reason to do it differently and she is set on it, then I'll just watch, ready to pick up the pieces if it doesn't go as planned. But, that last ten percent... We can discuss it. We can argue about it. But, it will be done my way once the discussion is done and the time for action has come. Not because I say so. Not because of any "or else." But because I'm right and she doesn't get to take the risks that are too much with the body, heart, mind, or soul that she has entrusted into my keeping. Not to mention my own sanity and health by putting hers at risk.
 
Acktion said:
For me, it was a long road gettin' from there to here.

I've pretty liberally sprinkled my story hither, thither, and yon around these threads in bits and pieces. But,... well...

Yes, I am a survivor of abuse. Physical, mental, and emotional as well as sexual. Maybe that had something to do with it.

But, my first ex-fiancee... I tried to be "a good boyfriend" as I understood it at the time. While sublimating aspects of me that I was taught were wrong. And watched as she ping-pong balled between me and another guy (who wasn't sublimating shit) before dumping both of us after five years and taking up with someone else. And my second ex-fiancee started the same way, until I got fed up and told her it would either be my way or the highway from that point on.

Yeah, it wasn't good or right (or particularly pretty) the way it came about. And there was a lot of "if you love me you will" underlying the angry "not again" that burst that carefully crafted cage within my breast. Fortunately, for both our sakes, she wrested back enough of her soul to leave me the last time. And I was stubborn enough that I didn't take her back when she tried a couple of years later.

I also spent a long time working the detention units as a team leader and trainer before retiring and moving on to be a professor for a while until I got too sick to work.

Any road, that's just my long-winded way of saying that I am dominant, and not just sexually, with very little submissive give to my base personality (in the bedroom or out). Even "topping from the bottom" is a tricky proposition at best. But, I'm really just a product of my experiences as well as my innate nature.

Which isn't to say that I micro-manage. Probably seventy percent of the time, I'm content to watch and cheer her on as it unfolds as we do it her way. Twenty percent of the time, we'll discuss it, but if I don't have a hard reason to do it differently and she is set on it, then I'll just watch, ready to pick up the pieces if it doesn't go as planned. But, that last ten percent... We can discuss it. We can argue about it. But, it will be done my way once the discussion is done and the time for action has come. Not because I say so. Not because of any "or else." But because I'm right and she doesn't get to take the risks that are too much with the body, heart, mind, or soul that she has entrusted into my keeping. Not to mention my own sanity and health by putting hers at risk.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing....a good read.

ES
 
Submissive desires since I was younger, but didnt get to explore them much until the past few years. And all that did was really verify my love for it.
 
The tests I have taken tell me I am a hetroflexable male switch with strong submissive tendencies I have had the distinct pleasure of serving a Mistress
 
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