Are you dominant or submissive

[rider81]

If your day to day life is one where you have to deal with stress, maybe you're a boss or supervisor, you could be one of those who has a subconscious mind taking care of you in your sexual desires. To deal with the stress, sometimes the subconscious mind comes out and you become very submissive, wanting to forget the stress of the day and let someone else make the decisions in your sex life.

In fact, it's quite common for this type of thing to happen. If you've never experienced submission, you should at least be able to think about how you'd like it to be, if you have submissive tendencies. Submission to you can really be whatever you want it to be. It can be as simple as a spanking, or maybe even some bondage and being forced to sexually service your partner. It can be what you read in stories, but it's a personal thing, so it could be nothing like what you have read in stories.

Writing about submission is difficult, if you don't have those feelings, or have never experienced it in a relationship. That's part of what happened with the Shades of Grey books. She had never experienced submission, nor had her husband experienced being a dom. So, her story line was really a romance novel, but she inserted bondage and punishment scenes in place of the romance scenes. They tried to experiment with implements, but neither of them really understood the nuances involved. She also had to make the dom living a troubled life, because she couldn't understand why a "normal" person would have sexual desires like that.

Of course, the average housewife loved it, just like they would love any other romance novel. But, anybody who had actually experienced the lifestyle, saw it as the crap it was.

The first paragraph is very, very true for a lot of people. As someone in that position, there are days when it would be very erotic and satisfying. Not every day, but some days.

 

[eroticspank]

If your day to day life is one where you have to deal with stress, maybe you're a boss or supervisor, you could be one of those who has a subconscious mind taking care of you in your sexual desires. To deal with the stress, sometimes the subconscious mind comes out and you become very submissive, wanting to forget the stress of the day and let someone else make the decisions in your sex life.

In fact, it's quite common for this type of thing to happen. If you've never experienced submission, you should at least be able to think about how you'd like it to be, if you have submissive tendencies. Submission to you can really be whatever you want it to be. It can be as simple as a spanking, or maybe even some bondage and being forced to sexually service your partner. It can be what you read in stories, but it's a personal thing, so it could be nothing like what you have read in stories.

Writing about submission is difficult, if you don't have those feelings, or have never experienced it in a relationship. That's part of what happened with the Shades of Grey books. She had never experienced submission, nor had her husband experienced being a dom. So, her story line was really a romance novel, but she inserted bondage and punishment scenes in place of the romance scenes. They tried to experiment with implements, but neither of them really understood the nuances involved. She also had to make the dom living a troubled life, because she couldn't understand why a "normal" person would have sexual desires like that.

Of course, the average housewife loved it, just like they would love any other romance novel. But, anybody who had actually experienced the lifestyle, saw it as the crap it was.

You make some great points. I like to read discussion about D/s. Talking about thoughts, experiences, and lack of experience is very helpful in D/s. These kind of posts help us to understand where and why we are Dominant or Submissive vs just saying the word.

ES

 

[eroticspank]

How does anyone really know? In my stories I write about how I imagine being submissive is, but at the same time nothing I write about is remotely close to anything that I have personally experienced. My entire perception of submission is based on things I have read in books or watched in movies but never experienced. My day to day life isn’t even close to anything like that. I often wonder if it’s even a real thing or just something that people imagine when they are writing.

Some of us know because we have been in those situations or had similar experiences. Since you write stories, read books or watch movies about submission you must be drawn to certain aspects of it for a reason....even if you have never experienced it in real life. Especially when you write, your imagination knows what to do and what you like. You are taken there even though you have not experienced it. The reason you are drawn to it could be a submissive yearning or tendency. That is how you know.

ES

 

[Ashesh9]

I'm submissive to my Fantasy Domme: Cosmic Creatrix/Dark Hindu Goddess Mahakali and Dominant with my Wise-cum-Slut M!!!!?

 

[Cumlover999]

I used to be very all sub, but recently I've been exploring my more dominant side. I think that it is because I have been sort of inspired by my dom that I havr come i touch with my switch/dom side. I am still mostly a submissive, but I have come to terms with the switch side in me.

 

[DVS]

Switches are fairly unique, actually. Most switches have a preference, one way or the other, but can switch on rare occasions. Usually, it depends on the person you are with. Some bring out the dom and others bring out the sub. Still others can go either way.

I once knew a girl who was a sub to me, but she told me she had met a guy and they were so well matched, that either of them could switch roles and be the top or the bottom, at any time.

Now, some might assume you have the best of both worlds, but that's not always the case. I told her I thought it was the perfect match, because you could each go either way. She gave me a sideways look that basically told me that wasn't always the case.

Say, you both come home from a hard day and you both feel like being the submissive and are hoping your partner will enjoy being the dom. Or, it could go just the opposite, too. Maybe you both come home wanting to take your aggression out in a sexual scene and it just doesn't work out like it might, if you are always more submissive or always more dominant.

But, you do have to think that normally a switch is going to lean one way or the other and not be such a perfect match for your partner that both of you could play either role.

Me, I'm like 99.9% dom and I really can't see myself ever being submissive to a woman, but in life, I've learned to never say never. Still, that's one thing that I just don't see happening. The same is true with most of the women Ive been with. If I were to suggest them taking the dominant role for a little bit, just for fun, they've all said they really didn't think they could do it.

This woman, who was a switch with another man, was the same way. She said she just couldn't be dominant with me. I guess that says something for me, on the plus side, but I personally don't see it. I think that's only how submissive women might see me and not how I see myself.

It's kind of like how you see yourself in the mirror. More than likely, you won't see yourself as others see you, meaning if others see you as handsome or pretty, you probably don't see it. Sure, there are going to be some really pretty boys who will see it in themselves but for the most part, we don't see ourselves as others see us.

So, to have women see me as dominant and not at all submissive, I guess I should stick with being a dominant. If the shoe fits...

 

[Acktion]

Switches are fairly unique, actually. Most switches have a preference, one way or the other, but can switch on rare occasions. Usually, it depends on the person you are with. Some bring out the dom and others bring out the sub. Still others can go either way.

I once knew a girl who was a sub to me, but she told me she had met a guy and they were so well matched, that either of them could switch roles and be the top or the bottom, at any time.

Now, some might assume you have the best of both worlds, but that's not always the case. I told her I thought it was the perfect match, because you could each go either way. She gave me a sideways look that basically told me that wasn't always the case.

Say, you both come home from a hard day and you both feel like being the submissive and are hoping your partner will enjoy being the dom. Or, it could go just the opposite, too. Maybe you both come home wanting to take your aggression out in a sexual scene and it just doesn't work out like it might, if you are always more submissive or always more dominant.

But, you do have to think that normally a switch is going to lean one way or the other and not be such a perfect match for your partner that both of you could play either role.

Me, I'm like 99.9% dom and I really can't see myself ever being submissive to a woman, but in life, I've learned to never say never. Still, that's one thing that I just don't see happening. The same is true with most of the women Ive been with. If I were to suggest them taking the dominant role for a little bit, just for fun, they've all said they really didn't think they could do it.

This woman, who was a switch with another man, was the same way. She said she just couldn't be dominant with me. I guess that says something for me, on the plus side, but I personally don't see it. I think that's only how submissive women might see me and not how I see myself.

It's kind of like how you see yourself in the mirror. More than likely, you won't see yourself as others see you, meaning if others see you as handsome or pretty, you probably don't see it. Sure, there are going to be some really pretty boys who will see it in themselves but for the most part, we don't see ourselves as others see us.

So, to have women see me as dominant and not at all submissive, I guess I should stick with being a dominant. If the shoe fits...

In the vernacular of Michael Valentine Smith from Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land; "I grok."


For me... I couldn't be submissive in the slightest. I did try early on. A couple of times. But, it just wasn't me.

In my day to day professional life (when I had one), I was very Alpha Leader. And thanks to probably more than my share of supervisors up "the food chain" who were promoted above their capabilities, and who would slap out ill-thought directives sheerly for the purpose of presenting as "The Boss," I was often put in a place where I had to clean up the mess they created while they hid in their ivory tower. (Or more often, the golf course.)

I'm sure it may seem to many as if I am biased. But, not a single one of those "bosses" continued to hold any position of power, and several found themselves incarcerated. ***shrug*** It is what it is and was what it was. And I hold no personal rancor towards any. They made their choices and have found their consequences.

Just as I have found mine for the choices I made along the graveled road I've trod.

But, in my personal life, I just couldn't relent and surrender up my will. Not even to something such as alcohol or other drugs, much less a person.

About the only difference was that I didn't want to have to continue making them do anything. I had enough of that out in the world. Consistently fighting to make someone do something that they should have known to do without me even having to point it out. And I was tired of it, that constant battle to prove "that won't work, this is what should be done. And this is why."

And it was a relief when my partner who shared my home allowed herself to be guided by me without fighting every single niggling little inch down to where the pots and pans were kept in the kitchen.

(Although, I did fight a rearguard action against that damn screwdriver in a kitchen drawer rather than with the tools for two and a half decades. And, no. There are no tools other than culinary in my kitchen now she's gone on to the next adventure.)

And her submission to me was a precious gift laid at my feet out of her love and devotion to me and the love and devotion I showed her rather than constantly having to wrest it from her as she tried to play "keep away."

Oh, sure. Despite my being a sex addict and pretty much always "on," there were the rare times when I wasn't, just too mentally and emotionally exhausted. And even rarer times when I wasn't and she needed me to be. And she would come out wearing her collar (and not a damn thing else) as a cue that if I consented, she needed me to take her and claim her. To bruise her inside and out, not because I wanted or needed to at that moment, but because she needed to know that she still inspired that sort of passion in me. That despite valuing her intelligence and wit, I also treasured her as my favorite fucktoy, the object of my desire that inspired such passion in me that all higher functions shut down for a time as I found her worthy above all others to gift with everything I am even as I claimed everything she was.

Most times, in those rare events, I would relent and give her what she needed. Other times, depending on my mood, I would make her kneel by my feet, her head on my knee as I stroked her hair, for a while just like that.


Any road, I'm not knocking anyone who is Alpha elsewhere but submissive to their One. Nor am I knocking "switches" (despite my humorous [or attempted] portrayal of them as "fence humpers"). I think the key to happiness is recognizing what you are in your blood and bone and being that to the hilt. And then finding the person (or people) who will accept that hilt without trying to change it fundamentally.

I'm just saying that for me, I am a Dominant, an Alpha, a Leader and can't be submissive, beta, or follower. In the bedroom or out.

And as you say, if the shoe doesn't fit, a wise man doesn't chop off toes and heel to try to make it.

 

[cuckoldbill]

Mostly submissive especially when I’m dressed en femme. As soon as I pull on sexy panties I’m sub.

 

[Pandaeater]

Submissive

I love being "told" what do to and forced to do more than what I really want to

 

[misstrust]

Submissive only in sex though

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I'm domissive.

Submissant?

Yes.

 

[KyleR215]

I feel like I am a bit of both.

I can be dominate in the bed room. Be rough and aggressive.

I can also be submissive. I enjoy a woman having her way, her fun with me. Being rough and aggressive.

 

[eroticspank]

Switches are fairly unique, actually. Most switches have a preference, one way or the other, but can switch on rare occasions. Usually, it depends on the person you are with. Some bring out the dom and others bring out the sub. Still others can go either way.

It's kind of like how you see yourself in the mirror. More than likely, you won't see yourself as others see you, meaning if others see you as handsome or pretty, you probably don't see it. Sure, there are going to be some really pretty boys who will see it in themselves but for the most part, we don't see ourselves as others see us.

So, to have women see me as dominant and not at all submissive, I guess I should stick with being a dominant. If the shoe fits...

Great comments! In particular your comment about looking in the mirror and how others see you struck me.

I am a strong, fairly tall muscular man. I spent most of my life playing football and in the gym working out with weights. Most women would look at me and see me as Dominant. That big strong man type that can protect them and "take" them in the bedroom. So I started out being a Dom, because that was expected of me. In many cases I enjoyed being a sub more and the few times that I did become a sub it was great fun. It was like a treat, since I rarely got to do it.

I was blessed with great partners through the years so I did learn to enjoy being a Dom at times. That is why today I am a switch. I prefer being a sub but I have found I enjoy being a Dom too. But just to certain people as mentioned above.

ES

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I've had a lot of fun playing with perceptions and expectations.

My default setting is feminine and submissive, and I relish living in that space most of the time. My home, my appearance, my lifestyle all support and reflect the joy I feel in my femininity.

But I've discovered that I can swing way over into dominance when the chemistry is right, and have a blast doing that, too. It's a feminine dominance, because I refuse to give up that part of myself, but I'm definitely calling the shots.

I really enjoy being able to do both!

 

[Smoothshavendad]

Daddy Dom through and through.

 

[bbwbabygrl]

I love being "told" what do to and forced to do more than what I really want to

YES! My favorite

 

[trevorness]

I am submissive.

 

[Bbwfucktoy]

Submissive

I feel submissive but haven’t experienced it in real life, I want to be really submissive and be used, it really turns me on to fantasize about being submissive to a couple or a group, I think that would be really hot

 

[wisman50]

Dominant and always looking forward to teaching a submissive woman

 

[TheShez]

I don't know. I am definitely a giver. All I think about is my wife's pleasure. Her Cumming any way she can. Even if it's not with me.
So in a lot of ways I am very submissive.
But often what she wants is me on to holding her legs up and wide fucking her deeply. I love it. It feels powerful. And that's a bit dominant.

 

[redsilkenangel3]

I am 100% submissive through and through. I have to be dominant in daily life as I'm a single mom and I don't have a choice but to be in charge but boy do I ever need to be submissive. It fulfills me in a deep way.

 

[sinnndy]

I tend to be more on the submissive side.

Been submissive ever since I understood what that meant. I tried being a slave. That wasn't for me. My submissiveness relates to sex. I love being fucked hard, especially when it's a large group of men. I love giving pleasure, I was made to pleasure.

 

[obelus825]

Dominant, Daddy, sadist.
Nice with it, though!

 

[ShesInsatiable]

.......

 

[MandalorianMaso]

Technically I am both. I am a submissive to my Daddy Dom, Obelus two replies above and Dominant to everyone else. My submission is just for him.