fieryjen
Midnight Fairy
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2003
- Posts
- 14,976
LOL!
You're right. Cock pics are the secret way to a woman's heart.
I'm totally fighting with myself trying to resist this guy. Damn my weakened womanly resolve!
ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received
- Thread starter h_i_s
- Start date
- Status
LOL!
You're right. Cock pics are the secret way to a woman's heart.
I'm totally fighting with myself trying to resist this guy. Damn my weakened womanly resolve!
Tawny_Temptress
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2008
- Posts
- 13,215
I got 3 unsolicited dick pics via email last week. It is hard for me to resist touching myself.
fieryjen
Midnight Fairy
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2003
- Posts
- 14,976
I got 3 unsolicited dick pics via email last week. It is hard for me to resist touching myself.
I admire your iron will.
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2005
- Posts
- 12,539
This one came from MySpace. I usually ignore them, but today I'm both bored and in a particularly vile mood. One or the other is bad enough, but when combined, they don't bode well for idiots.
Fucktard With Girlfriend: hey wanna have a 3sum?
Bunny: I'm sorry. Do I know you?
FT W/ GF: no
B: Do you normally approach people you have never spoken to in your life with inappropriate, obnoxious, and unwelcome sexual advances?
FT: it was a valid yes or no question.
and i am taking it that your answer is no.
dont put that you are bi on your myspace if you dont want to be approached.
B: Yes, I'm absolutely certain that you have the balls to walk up to people in real life and ask if they want to have threesomes. I'm just sure of it.
And, yes, Einstein, my answer is no. I do not participate in activities with people who would treat me as some kind of bisexual freak show for their moronic heterosexual pleasure. Furthermore, even if that were my thing, I most certainly would not engage in such activities with someone who a.) approached me in such a manner and b.) had manners as atrocious as yours.
My profile says I am bisexual because I believe in telling the truth, not because I welcome advances from little boys looking to engage in some idiotic porno fantasy.
In the future, do not approach girls like me unless you're willing to be tied to their beds, whipped, tortured, lit on fire, impaled with needles, forced to engage in various cock and ball tortures, and taken anally with their strap-on. Because while I am bisexual, that is the LEAST of my sexual proclivities, which I am certain are much, much too kinky and painful for illiterate individuals such as yourself.
If that was, in fact, too difficult for your small mind to comprehend, the gist of this message was "Fuck off!"
B: *Block*
Yeah, I put way too much thought into that. But I was bored, and he was a fucknut who needed educating.
Fucktard With Girlfriend: hey wanna have a 3sum?
Bunny: I'm sorry. Do I know you?
FT W/ GF: no
B: Do you normally approach people you have never spoken to in your life with inappropriate, obnoxious, and unwelcome sexual advances?
FT: it was a valid yes or no question.
and i am taking it that your answer is no.
dont put that you are bi on your myspace if you dont want to be approached.
B: Yes, I'm absolutely certain that you have the balls to walk up to people in real life and ask if they want to have threesomes. I'm just sure of it.
And, yes, Einstein, my answer is no. I do not participate in activities with people who would treat me as some kind of bisexual freak show for their moronic heterosexual pleasure. Furthermore, even if that were my thing, I most certainly would not engage in such activities with someone who a.) approached me in such a manner and b.) had manners as atrocious as yours.
My profile says I am bisexual because I believe in telling the truth, not because I welcome advances from little boys looking to engage in some idiotic porno fantasy.
In the future, do not approach girls like me unless you're willing to be tied to their beds, whipped, tortured, lit on fire, impaled with needles, forced to engage in various cock and ball tortures, and taken anally with their strap-on. Because while I am bisexual, that is the LEAST of my sexual proclivities, which I am certain are much, much too kinky and painful for illiterate individuals such as yourself.
If that was, in fact, too difficult for your small mind to comprehend, the gist of this message was "Fuck off!"
B: *Block*
Yeah, I put way too much thought into that. But I was bored, and he was a fucknut who needed educating.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
I knew there was a reason we (mostly) share a name! You GO, girl!
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2005
- Posts
- 12,539
Dude, it had its "girlfriend" answer me. In equally vapid, grammar-less style.
"you werent talking to a boy by the way."
*Sigh* I was said that I couldn't reply to it, as it had its profile set to only accept messages from its friends. Alas. You know that changes everything.
Oh, mercy me. It keeps getting better. It just sent me this.
"i can play the block game too.
woo hoo.
look whos so mature....
not you!!!"
Um, yeah. The "girlfriend" is 17 and lives in Colorado. Riiiiight, that's really what I want. *Headdesk*
"you werent talking to a boy by the way."
*Sigh* I was said that I couldn't reply to it, as it had its profile set to only accept messages from its friends. Alas. You know that changes everything.
Oh, mercy me. It keeps getting better. It just sent me this.
"i can play the block game too.
woo hoo.
look whos so mature....
not you!!!"
Um, yeah. The "girlfriend" is 17 and lives in Colorado. Riiiiight, that's really what I want. *Headdesk*
Last edited:
Tawny_Temptress
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2008
- Posts
- 13,215
Didn't you know that being bi means you will have sex with anyone if they ask?? and you are especially supposed to break in any bi curious females that ask and put on a show for any many who wants to be with 2 woman.
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2005
- Posts
- 12,539
Didn't you know that being bi means you will have sex with anyone if they ask?? and you are especially supposed to break in any bi curious females that ask and put on a show for any many who wants to be with 2 woman.
Duh. I keep forgetting that. I should read the handbook more often.
minx1
Enchanted Rebel Girl
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2006
- Posts
- 10,751
So here's one I woke up to this morning. Note the awesome rewards he's promising.
lmao. What and the promise of more dirty talk didn't do it for you Fieryjen??
I would be too focused on the spelling and use of ''u'' to notice what was actually being said.
It's nice he pointed out that the other picture was of his cock.... just incase you hadn't noticed, realised or indeed didn't recognise a cock. Yup, no chance of any mistake there
Harmony_1985
Sir's little slut
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2008
- Posts
- 3,616
Duh. I keep forgetting that. I should read the handbook more often.
How can you not know thats the rule?!
I've had 4 guys I went to school with approach me because my Facebook profile says I'm into guys AND girls.
I'm like "right, so the fact you bullied me at school and taunted me for being fat suddenly doesn't factor into ANY of this just because I'm bisexual? Sod off!"
Tawny_Temptress
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2008
- Posts
- 13,215
satindesire
Queen of Geeks
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2005
- Posts
- 13,101
(deleted)
Last edited:
Etoile
Mod, 2003-2015
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2000
- Posts
- 17,049
I think the problem is that people use Lit in different ways. For some of us, it's about conversation, sharing ideas, discussion. For others, it's a wank-off joint. People like your asshat assume that everybody is here to wank off, and I bet your response confused the hell out of him.
Jack_Samuel
Rogue Scholar
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2008
- Posts
- 1,110
i wish i had something to add to this hilarious discussion but dammit
it seems women are just so much more polite.
it seems women are just so much more polite.
satindesire
Queen of Geeks
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2005
- Posts
- 13,101
(deleted)
Last edited:
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
asshatblahblah said:
In semi-hemi-demi-defense of the poor schlub, your pic is sexy...
(Semi-hemi-demi- = half of a half of a half, or one-eighth. That's actually more sympathy than I have for the guy, but I couldn't think of any more good "half" words.
)
00Syd
Secret Agent
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2007
- Posts
- 4,580
I just got the most AMAZING asshat letter from MasterAsshatSir:
" Greetings
I've decided to accept a slave. After months of lurking I've limited my choices down to four. I'm a self made millionaire living in the Caribbean. I also have property in Florida and Washington state and retain my US citizenship. Recently my wife died in a tragic train accident and I'm ready to move on with my life. I would like to invite each of you to spend a week with me in the coming year. In the end, I will only choose one. I am not poly. All expenses paid of course. If you would be more comfortable meeting on your turf first, that can be arranged. I look forward to hearing from you soon."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh yes, thank you for the opportunity Sir
hehehehe
" Greetings
I've decided to accept a slave. After months of lurking I've limited my choices down to four. I'm a self made millionaire living in the Caribbean. I also have property in Florida and Washington state and retain my US citizenship. Recently my wife died in a tragic train accident and I'm ready to move on with my life. I would like to invite each of you to spend a week with me in the coming year. In the end, I will only choose one. I am not poly. All expenses paid of course. If you would be more comfortable meeting on your turf first, that can be arranged. I look forward to hearing from you soon."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh yes, thank you for the opportunity Sir
hehehehe
Etoile
Mod, 2003-2015
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2000
- Posts
- 17,049
I just got the most AMAZING asshat letter from MasterAsshatSir:
" Greetings
I've decided to accept a slave. After months of lurking I've limited my choices down to four. I'm a self made millionaire living in the Caribbean. I also have property in Florida and Washington state and retain my US citizenship. Recently my wife died in a tragic train accident and I'm ready to move on with my life. I would like to invite each of you to spend a week with me in the coming year. In the end, I will only choose one. I am not poly. All expenses paid of course. If you would be more comfortable meeting on your turf first, that can be arranged. I look forward to hearing from you soon."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh yes, thank you for the opportunity Sir
hehehehe
Ask him what island, I might be interested. Depends on the island.
00Syd
Secret Agent
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2007
- Posts
- 4,580
I already asked him if he was joking, so he might elaborate in his reply. I'll keep you posted.
Etoile
Mod, 2003-2015
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2000
- Posts
- 17,049
I'd love to know. There are three or four that I would consider it for.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
I think the problem is that people use Lit in different ways. For some of us, it's about conversation, sharing ideas, discussion. For others, it's a wank-off joint. People like your asshat assume that everybody is here to wank off, and I bet your response confused the hell out of him.
That's true. I was hanging out on lit's chat room for awhile, cause friend suggested it. I constantly got IM's from people looking to cyber and when I said 'I don't cyber' they said 'then why are you on here?'
intothewoods
Truth seeker
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2007
- Posts
- 10,966
I just got the most AMAZING asshat letter from MasterAsshatSir:
" Greetings
I've decided to accept a slave. After months of lurking I've limited my choices down to four. I'm a self made millionaire living in the Caribbean. I also have property in Florida and Washington state and retain my US citizenship. Recently my wife died in a tragic train accident and I'm ready to move on with my life. I would like to invite each of you to spend a week with me in the coming year. In the end, I will only choose one. I am not poly. All expenses paid of course. If you would be more comfortable meeting on your turf first, that can be arranged. I look forward to hearing from you soon."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh yes, thank you for the opportunity Sir
hehehehe
I got this one too. Who else?
00Syd
Secret Agent
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2007
- Posts
- 4,580
Windflower
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2008
- Posts
- 867
I don't get many private messages, and if this one is an indication of what's out there, I hope it stays that way forever.
Well hello...
I wonder why we start convos with hello?? Bit predictable and boring... Sorry! Maybe I should have started with Howdee!! Then again...
How should I start a message on here?? Maybe 'YO YA HO YOU WANNA BIT??' Hmmmm no I think not!! Thats the problem on here, I either sound like a geek, very sad, a letch, a bit gay, a stalker or something much worse... a really boring person!! Ha Ha. I think its coz you have to try and say everything at once!!!
Have i bored you f**king senseless yet?? I bet you think im already talking sh*t, waffling and probably some predator!! Hmmm what can I do?? I am trying to get you to reply but if i do what im doing so far I guess I aint gonna get far!!
I know what you should do! Hows about you add me to msn and then I can talk to you as a person rather than trying to get you involved in a conversation via a chat up line??
Add me -----> someaddress@hotmail.co.uk
Now hopefully by now you will either be thinking, what a cool guy... what a funny guy... or what a loser he aint getting sh*t out of me!!
I hope you will be thinking GRRRRR what a great laugh.. cant wait to see him!!! But I guess your thinking what a cock!
Anyway I have rambled for long enough, add me to msn;
someaddress_again@hotmail.co.uk
or at least message me back and tell me why not!! I wont be hurt... honest!! Oh and by the way, WOW you seem really are fit!!
Oh and btw... If you got yahoo, send me that email address and I can add you to mine, its someotheraddress@yahoo.com
Ta xxx
I bet a tenner you wont add! Shame! If I have mesaged you before then sorry for wasting your time but I aint been on for a while. And NO before you think it this isnt a copy and paste message! I always write a lot, and thus depending on my mood write similar stuff... But im as unique and original as you are xxx
Love Me xxx
Oh wow, so he signed it LOVE?!?? I don't even know this guy.
Well hello...
I wonder why we start convos with hello?? Bit predictable and boring... Sorry! Maybe I should have started with Howdee!! Then again...
How should I start a message on here?? Maybe 'YO YA HO YOU WANNA BIT??' Hmmmm no I think not!! Thats the problem on here, I either sound like a geek, very sad, a letch, a bit gay, a stalker or something much worse... a really boring person!! Ha Ha. I think its coz you have to try and say everything at once!!!
Have i bored you f**king senseless yet?? I bet you think im already talking sh*t, waffling and probably some predator!! Hmmm what can I do?? I am trying to get you to reply but if i do what im doing so far I guess I aint gonna get far!!
I know what you should do! Hows about you add me to msn and then I can talk to you as a person rather than trying to get you involved in a conversation via a chat up line??
Add me -----> someaddress@hotmail.co.uk
Now hopefully by now you will either be thinking, what a cool guy... what a funny guy... or what a loser he aint getting sh*t out of me!!
I hope you will be thinking GRRRRR what a great laugh.. cant wait to see him!!! But I guess your thinking what a cock!
Anyway I have rambled for long enough, add me to msn;
someaddress_again@hotmail.co.uk
or at least message me back and tell me why not!! I wont be hurt... honest!! Oh and by the way, WOW you seem really are fit!!
Oh and btw... If you got yahoo, send me that email address and I can add you to mine, its someotheraddress@yahoo.com
Ta xxx
I bet a tenner you wont add! Shame! If I have mesaged you before then sorry for wasting your time but I aint been on for a while. And NO before you think it this isnt a copy and paste message! I always write a lot, and thus depending on my mood write similar stuff... But im as unique and original as you are xxx
Love Me xxx
Oh wow, so he signed it LOVE?!
?? I don't even know this guy. - Status
