Basic rundown on all things Marquis

[Netzach]

see, this is the problem i have. Master and i have talked about having a second submissive, BUT He has given me the 'power' to make 'rules' for the other submissive and i'm not sure any other will want to follow those rules. LOL..yes i am a jealous bitch and i'm not sure if it would work out for us at all. they would not be 'allowed' to play sexually without me involved. she can have her time with Him, but sexually, no. it's something i feel i just couldn't handle emotionally. i would be 'alpha sub'. i will be Master's 'primary relationship' and yes second subbie will always come second.

People actually complain about not being able to find this person in their personal ads. Um, would YOU want that in a relationship? Seriously. Must cook clean obey orders and have the fact that you're not as important as I am constantly shoved in your face.

Marquis, the kiss of DEATH for your arrangment is for C to *feel* secondary and not have wanted that to start out with. If she's acting shitty there is a certain base level of maintenance and reassurance that a girl will need in order to feel valued. Whether you think it's excessive or right or wrong is irrelevant - it's like working on your car. Even if the fucker JUST had the oil changed you don't refuse to do it again just because it seems to need it again sooner than it "should."


H is definitely my "secondary" in poly terms, but it's also very clear to all three of us that there are things I can ONLY do with him there are needs he and I have that M, while primary, isn't going to fulfill.

I have three men in my life. My husband loves me more than anything, and I him. My lover understands me better than anything, and can elicit submission from me where no one else can, as I elicit submission from him where no one else can. H, my slave would do ANYTHING for me, within the scope of ethics, and I will exert the power, control, and perversion he needs with unpredictability and glee.

My husband will definitely let out a "fuck no" when pushed at all -- often that will change to an interest in said activity once processed. Submissive he may be, but a slave he's not. Therefore rankings are essentially pointless. It's not apples and oranges, it's apples and keyboards.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

People actually complain about not being able to find this person in their personal ads. Um, would YOU want that in a relationship? Seriously. Must cook clean obey orders and have the fact that you're not as important as I am constantly shoved in your face.

first off, i never said she would be 'less important' secondly i never said anything would be shoved in her face, and thirdly, i believe i said i realize we will probably never find a submissive willing to enter into our relationship with all the conditions that are put on it, but more like a 'play partner' for every and now then rather than 24/7.......

 

[Netzach]

first off, i never said she would be 'less important' secondly i never said anything would be shoved in her face, and thirdly, i believe i said i realize we will probably never find a submissive willing to enter into our relationship with all the conditions that are put on it, but more like a 'play partner' for every and now then rather than 24/7.......

Oh. I clearly misinterpreted the phrase "will always come second."

But yeah, casual play partners can handle that usually. Sometimes it gets really sticky. I'm so glad I deal with boys, they seem to handle this a lot better as a rule.

I haven't run into the guy who will freak if I fuck a particular gender phenom, but I only date bisexuals for this reason, if they get dick, so do I if I want it. I don't have particular issues with them fucking women either, or even liking hanging out with the women they fuck, but if that baseline level of maintenance attention is NOT met, then holy fuck I'm as jealous as the next person.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Oh. I clearly misinterpreted the phrase "will always come second."

meaning that Master and i's relationship will be the primary relationship as we've worked long and hard to get to where we are. maybe i phrased what i was trying to say the wrong way, i'm good at that. i did not mean that her thoughts/feelings/needs will in any way be neglected or not cared for. *shrugs* and also as i said in an earlier post, we will probably never find one willing and i like alot of the ideas of poly in my mind, but when i place it into reality, i'm just not sure i could do it....

 

[Netzach]

rose: gotcha. That makes sense.

Marquis, another tip I have, as a woman occasionally prone to jealous fits even though the rules are totally not being broken even when I *made* the rules - is to make sure you emphasize the difference.

If you are very clear about why C is not interchangeable with lo, and vice versa, if you nurture and value the good stuff about each in a very specified way, you are going to build the confidence it takes to do this.

If I feel interchangeable in any way in my relationships, it's totally not going to work. Maybe that's part of your own repulsion with the idea of them with other men - if they had attraction to men who were so totally unlike you as to be another thing entirely, it'd probably be different. I have no idea what that might mean, maybe some generally sub type who only believed in cunnilingus - your likelihood of seeing this person as competition and the likelihood of most submissive women being sorely attracted to such person are low, but you see my point.

Personally I think it would be really hot to find a reasonably submissive horny attractive guy to spit roast one of these ladies with who kind of got off on taking orders from you but didn't necessarily need to get it on with you. They do exist.

Now, bear in mind I'm not wired like Quint, the idea of having potential replaceability spat back in one's face is totally hot unless I apply it to myself.

That's the 301 level. Impressive.

 

[BiBunny]

People actually complain about not being able to find this person in their personal ads. Um, would YOU want that in a relationship? Seriously. Must cook clean obey orders and have the fact that you're not as important as I am constantly shoved in your face.

This is actually what I was trying to say in my post earlier, even though I know it's not what rose is talking about.

 

[Netzach]

This is actually what I was trying to say in my post earlier, even though I know it's not what rose is talking about.

The propensity for people to be looking for these triads simply amazes me, and the variations on the same car wreck amazing. rose has the good sense to be unsure whether this would work for her, compared to the people who throw themselves into the search willy nilly it's kind of scary.

 

[liberatedslave]

*grins* Master is the SAME way.....

And still we sigh "Yes Sir." when faced with these hypocritical double standards cos we were daft enough to fall for them in the first place.

Marquis, you've had lots of good advice and seem to be handling your two ladies very well. I do genuinely hope that everything works out for you all. It takes a certain strength of character to embark on a poly relationship, especially if you're all cohabiting from early days. Good luck.

 

[CutieMouse]

Cutiemouse, that's a whole side of your life I don't think I knew about. I very much hope that is not the fate that T and I will experience as "poly in theory" becomes "poly in practice"...good food for thought.

It was an interesting situation, in that my Lovers were my best friends- a couple I'd known for 5-6 years at that point; I think the whole "poly experiment" only lasted 2-3 months- juggling 2 households, family commitments, jobs, volunteer work, and ensuring everyone got enough sleep/communicated clearly/had their needs met got to be too difficult.

We went from being best friends, to Lovers, back to best friends, and now she and I live together- not your typical "poly-failure".

*chuckle*

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Marquis:

Having lurked your posts for a bit I want to ask the following

Why does C not live with you?


And I also know of your lack of interest orally with women, and if I remember correctly was something that C also had issues with (please forgive if I have my info screwed up)...is that something that lo is ok woth as well?


When the two play, do they play sexually only or is it only in a BDSM context?


You mentioned that lo has been exerting herself, do you see a situation where lo may take the Alpha sub role?

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Actually, I didn't know!!

Was this revealed in a thread you can point me to?

Sure can...
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=479460&highlight=poly

Post #270. I think it's on the page before the last page I think.

 

[leavessnailtrails]

Most interesting thread.
I only have experience with a FFM poly. I was living with my girlfriend at the time in NY when I met the man on the huge pedestal. It lasted for about a year, he fell off.
But it did bring up some interesting situations. Obviously the sex was great, especially since it all seemed to involve around me (who does not like that?!)
They only got it on a few times without myself being present. Toward the end, they hated eachother. I am not sure whether I could have prevented that from happening, even years later I can see that those two were not meant to be in a poly. That, and the fact that I was way to young to recognize the emotional difficulties that arose. Now the pleasures, those I saw coming from a mile away...

 

[Evil_Geoff]

All in all this has been a great thread...

Sometimes we have to recognize that having play-partners and/or servants or slaves is NOT the same as having a poly relationship. To _my_ way of thinking, "poly" means emotional involvement, a depth of commitment, an intimacy of heart and mind and soul between all parties concerned.

I would still love to have a service slave for the household. I'm talking house and yard service, not sex. They would be a valued member of the house but they would NOT be an intimate, sexual, emotional partner, at least at first. Think of it as a progression... service leads to knowledge, leads to respect, leads to trust that to friendship to... ? ? ?

I'm poly-capable. If it comes it comes, if it doesn't, I have my janey and that's quite enough.

 

[Netzach]

All in all this has been a great thread...

Sometimes we have to recognize that having play-partners and/or servants or slaves is NOT the same as having a poly relationship. To _my_ way of thinking, "poly" means emotional involvement, a depth of commitment, an intimacy of heart and mind and soul between all parties concerned.

I would still love to have a service slave for the household. I'm talking house and yard service, not sex. They would be a valued member of the house but they would NOT be an intimate, sexual, emotional partner, at least at first. Think of it as a progression... service leads to knowledge, leads to respect, leads to trust that to friendship to... ? ? ?

I'm poly-capable. If it comes it comes, if it doesn't, I have my janey and that's quite enough.

I hate to say this, but most people do not get that kind of charge out of housework. Life is a large series of quid pro quo situations. Now, they may not want sex or intimacy out of the deal, but there *will* be some kind of desire for emotional enmeshment, otherwise why not just go vounteer at a shelter or food shelf or something?

I have enjoyed service from people who wanted to learn about service. That is a common and reasonable quid pro quo. In a lot of ways, though, beating someone or screwing them with a dildo is easier.

 

[Marquis]

Damn, I can't keep up with y'all.

I'll try to respond to every post.

 

[Marquis]

see, this is the problem i have. Master and i have talked about having a second submissive, BUT He has given me the 'power' to make 'rules' for the other submissive and i'm not sure any other will want to follow those rules. LOL..yes i am a jealous bitch and i'm not sure if it would work out for us at all. they would not be 'allowed' to play sexually without me involved. she can have her time with Him, but sexually, no. it's something i feel i just couldn't handle emotionally. i would be 'alpha sub'. i will be Master's 'primary relationship' and yes second subbie will always come second.

i realize it will be really really hard to find someone to agree to all of the conditions, but it shouldn't be too hard to just find a play partner and that would be fine and dandy too.

I'm not sure what you expect in return for "no sex unless I'm watching", but it ain't gonna be much.

 

[Marquis]

Man, this is serious, I gotta switch computers and shit.

I'm crazy tonight people, CRAZY I TELL YOU!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I'm not sure what you expect in return for "no sex unless I'm watching", but it ain't gonna be much.

again, this is why i said that i doubt we will find one to join us and probably will only end up with a play partner, which is fine. i'm not all into the idea of a poly relationship, i just don't think i could handle it as i stated in several other posts. which is a big reason that we are not out there putting up personal ads asking for a second i am not naive enough to think that we would find one quickly (or at all) who is willing to join us under the 'conditions' that have been set forth by me and Him.

some people are cut out for Poly, some are not. i fall somewhere in between and alot closer to the 'are not' category. i am just too much of a jealous person, so we'll look for a play partner, and if it evolves into more, then it does, if not that's ok too.

 

[satindesire]

Will we see some pictures of the lovely lo soon?

 

[Marquis]

oh i know poly is not for everyone. and i'm pretty sure it's not for me LOL...it's a nice theory and i like some of the ideas of it, BUT communism also looks good on paper

Here are my comments on conversation that preceded this between you and bibunny.

I'm not entirely opposed to the alphasub/betasub concept, but the way we use those words is totally different.

I'm not talking about some kind of arbitrary and artificial hierarchy. I'm talking about the role the girls will take between each other, in their relationship. It's my belief that in almost any two person relationship, there is something of an alpha and a beta. I don't think I need to make a point of saying, in this crowd, that in sexual relationships this differential is often more distinct.

In my experience, there are girls who could not think of being anything but the alpha sub, and there are girls who could never be anything but the (very) beta. I would think the idea is to find one of each, if you want too (pun!).

In any case, the idea was generally for lo to be the beta and C to be the alpha. I'm going to be upfront about the reasons for this. It's beginning to occur to me that this thread totally holds the potential to make me look like an asshole in the future, but I must boldly go... and all that.

C is 30. lo is 22. A big sister/little sister dynamic is somewhat natural for them. I guess in general, C is more mature and it would be nice to see her have some confidence in asserting herself. There's honestly a lot more tension about who's more beta than who's more alpha.

Again, that has nothing to do with their level of importance, per se, but the way they treat each other. It seems like they both want to take a more passive role with the other, and lo is begrudgingly accepting the more dominant role. They both admit to forming closer relationships with females who are more dominant in nature. Sexually, lo is definitely the dominant and I think they're both very satisfied with that. We'll see how it plays out.

Poly is no joke, that's for sure.

It is trying and fascinating, exciting and scary. If I can add some stability into this mix, I'd say I have a really good thing going.

There are times when all three of us wish there was only two there. That two isn't always the same, for any of us. Being the only male in the relationship is a lot of fun and a lot of pressure.

Superficially, they get along very well together. They go to the gym together, they have girly TV shows that they watch together, they snuggle, they chat, etc. etc. But so far the kind of substantive conversations that necessitate a close relationship have been few and far in between. Generally it follows this pattern:

1. They want to say something to each other that they don't feel they can/should.

2. Things get a little awkward, I encourage them to communicate, telling them whatever they need to say is ok.

3. They're too scared, things get more awkward, I beg them to communicate.

4. I no longer encourage them to communicate, I sit back and wait to see how unpleasant things get before they decide to communicate.

5. They communicate, realize it was all good in the first place, agree they should've talked about it earlier but they had no idea whatever they needed to say was ok, dyke out and then Daddy gets a tandem blowjob.

 

[Marquis]

Care to elaborate?

I missed this.

I'll get back to it, I promise.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Here are my comments on conversation that preceded this between you and bibunny.

I'm not entirely opposed to the alphasub/betasub concept, but the way we use those words is totally different.

I'm not talking about some kind of arbitrary and artificial hierarchy. I'm talking about the role the girls will take between each other, in their relationship. It's my belief that in almost any two person relationship, there is something of an alpha and a beta. I don't think I need to make a point of saying, in this crowd, that in sexual relationships this differential is often more distinct.

In my experience, there are girls who could not think of being anything but the alpha sub, and there are girls who could never be anything but the (very) beta. I would think the idea is to find one of each, if you want too (pun!).

In any case, the idea was generally for lo to be the beta and C to be the alpha. I'm going to be upfront about the reasons for this. It's beginning to occur to me that this thread totally holds the potential to make me look like an asshole in the future, but I must boldly go... and all that.

C is 30. lo is 22. A big sister/little sister dynamic is somewhat natural for them. I guess in general, C is more mature and it would be nice to see her have some confidence in asserting herself. There's honestly a lot more tension about who's more beta than who's more alpha.

Again, that has nothing to do with their level of importance, per se, but the way they treat each other. It seems like they both want to take a more passive role with the other, and lo is begrudgingly accepting the more dominant role. They both admit to forming closer relationships with females who are more dominant in nature. Sexually, lo is definitely the dominant and I think they're both very satisfied with that. We'll see how it plays out.

Poly is no joke, that's for sure.

It is trying and fascinating, exciting and scary. If I can add some stability into this mix, I'd say I have a really good thing going.

There are times when all three of us wish there was only two there. That two isn't always the same, for any of us. Being the only male in the relationship is a lot of fun and a lot of pressure.

Superficially, they get along very well together. They go to the gym together, they have girly TV shows that they watch together, they snuggle, they chat, etc. etc. But so far the kind of substantive conversations that necessitate a close relationship have been few and far in between. Generally it follows this pattern:

1. They want to say something to each other that they don't feel they can/should.

2. Things get a little awkward, I encourage them to communicate, telling them whatever they need to say is ok.

3. They're too scared, things get more awkward, I beg them to communicate.

4. I no longer encourage them to communicate, I sit back and wait to see how unpleasant things get before they decide to communicate.

5. They communicate, realize it was all good in the first place, agree they should've talked about it earlier but they had no idea whatever they needed to say was ok, dyke out and then Daddy gets a tandem blowjob.

*grins* sounds like you have it pretty well worked out and i'm sure things will get better. oh how tired You must be can i ask why C doesn't live with You as well? ok i'll stop posting now so You can catch up.....

 

[Marquis]

Typical. Sorry Marquis but my Sir and I were swapping fantasies and a 3some with me and another female sub is high on his list. I replied that I'd always had fantasies about DP and being spit roasted by 2 guys and the horror that passed across his face was indescribable. "Oh no." He said. "I couldn't ever share you with another man."

Where is the huge hang-up with this if everybody uses protection? Are you worried you'll have the smaller erection or something? Most men (especially doms IMO) have never made it completely out of the cave. [/rant]

Having a smaller erection is but one of many fears that spitroasting my girlfriend elicits.

I try to be aware of my jealousy issues and work within that range. I've been known to insist friends take a squeeze of breast or buttcheek, just to see what kind of quality I'm working with. I even had C strip ass naked and pose with a collar and a leash to an old British dentist who lives in my building.

My enthusiasm in this area far exceeds there's, which is just how i like it.

Now let's say some schlub who's lucky enough to be the human dildo who gets a little time in my personal cockpocket pulls out his magnums. There's a good chance my woman is resentful to be in this situation, in which she will take revenge upon me by treating the cock with that extra tender loving care, complete with teasing remarks afterwards. Now who has the egg on their face?

In all seriousness though folks, both of my ladies appreciate a healthy dose of possessiveness in their men, a quality I'm happy to provide. It's worked well for us so far and I see no reason to change now.

 

[Marquis]

People actually complain about not being able to find this person in their personal ads. Um, would YOU want that in a relationship? Seriously. Must cook clean obey orders and have the fact that you're not as important as I am constantly shoved in your face.

I think there's an exceedingly simple rule in relationships that you tend to get what you give. I don't know what you get for that, but it can't be much.

Marquis, the kiss of DEATH for your arrangment is for C to *feel* secondary and not have wanted that to start out with. If she's acting shitty there is a certain base level of maintenance and reassurance that a girl will need in order to feel valued. Whether you think it's excessive or right or wrong is irrelevant - it's like working on your car. Even if the fucker JUST had the oil changed you don't refuse to do it again just because it seems to need it again sooner than it "should."

I agree completely, and I've done my best to give it to her.

There's actually even more reason for C to be mad that I'm not saying here, more out of laziness than privacy. But believe me when I say I recognize how lucky I am to still have C with me, and I'm more than happy to change the oil.

However, I feel like we all need to have boundaries that are something of absolutes. I'm willing to do what it takes to show C what she means to me, but that's not going to include tolerating physical or emotional abuse. We're all allowed to have feelings, but I'd rather cut my losses than deal with someone who wants to hit me or berate me constantly.

Perhaps this is fucked up, but at The Marquis Corp. all employees are hired At Will. We will bend over backwards to keep our top performers happy, but if it can't be done than they are free to quit.

In any case, I'm really not cool with this situation unless everyone can feel like they're REALLY and GENUINELY happy with it. I'm willing to wait and see if things develop into that, which is, I think the page we're all on. If it doesn't happen, it's a no go, life is too short for half-assed love.

 

[Marquis]

meaning that Master and i's relationship will be the primary relationship as we've worked long and hard to get to where we are. maybe i phrased what i was trying to say the wrong way, i'm good at that. i did not mean that her thoughts/feelings/needs will in any way be neglected or not cared for. *shrugs* and also as i said in an earlier post, we will probably never find one willing and i like alot of the ideas of poly in my mind, but when i place it into reality, i'm just not sure i could do it....

Not with that attitude you couldn't.