Basic rundown on all things Marquis

[Netzach]

Perhaps this is fucked up, but at The Marquis Corp. all employees are hired At Will. We will bend over backwards to keep our top performers happy, but if it can't be done than they are free to quit.

Totally cool. There's personal boundaries - I've had to fire some girlfriends for suddenly being totally shocked when things were as I'd said they'd be. Imagine, if I say "I require dick, I visit with stud once a week for this" in the dating stages, over and over, and then actually have the audacity to do that and lo and behold I was not converted to full on sapphic bliss. I'm clearly a lying bitch who can't handle her lesbianism.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Not with that attitude you couldn't.

*grins* i know, i know, i'm just not cut out for it. but then again, things change, ya know?

 

[Marquis]

Marquis, another tip I have, as a woman occasionally prone to jealous fits even though the rules are totally not being broken even when I *made* the rules - is to make sure you emphasize the difference.

If you are very clear about why C is not interchangeable with lo, and vice versa, if you nurture and value the good stuff about each in a very specified way, you are going to build the confidence it takes to do this.

I've thought about this a lot, but perhaps you can help me here. How do I tell them what I love about each of them individually without implicitly drawing comparisons? I feel like this has been really tender ground so far, but I can see the need of which you speak.

If I feel interchangeable in any way in my relationships, it's totally not going to work. Maybe that's part of your own repulsion with the idea of them with other men - if they had attraction to men who were so totally unlike you as to be another thing entirely, it'd probably be different. I have no idea what that might mean, maybe some generally sub type who only believed in cunnilingus - your likelihood of seeing this person as competition and the likelihood of most submissive women being sorely attracted to such person are low, but you see my point.

Totally.

Something of a Catch-22, as you point out.

Personally I think it would be really hot to find a reasonably submissive horny attractive guy to spit roast one of these ladies with who kind of got off on taking orders from you but didn't necessarily need to get it on with you. They do exist.

Yeah, I could probably deal with that. Again, probably not their cup of tea, but who knows what the future will bring.

Now, bear in mind I'm not wired like Quint, the idea of having potential replaceability spat back in one's face is totally hot unless I apply it to myself.

That's the 301 level. Impressive.

Yeah, these things are always easier on paper.... or lcd, as it were.

 

[Marquis]

And still we sigh "Yes Sir." when faced with these hypocritical double standards cos we were daft enough to fall for them in the first place.

Were you tricked or just unable to follow through?

Marquis, you've had lots of good advice and seem to be handling your two ladies very well. I do genuinely hope that everything works out for you all. It takes a certain strength of character to embark on a poly relationship, especially if you're all cohabiting from early days. Good luck.

Thanks.

 

[Marquis]

Marquis:

Having lurked your posts for a bit I want to ask the following

Why does C not live with you?

C lives with her parents to save money is the easiest way to answer that question.

A more in depth answer would be to say that C and I don't necessarily make the best roommates. For one thing, I'm very moody and as I said before, C can be a little oblivious which often doesn't help. I think because of that we tend to really enjoy our space.

Still, we spend most nights of the week together.

And I also know of your lack of interest orally with women, and if I remember correctly was something that C also had issues with (please forgive if I have my info screwed up)...is that something that lo is ok woth as well?

lo hates when guys go down on her, which naturally makes me want to do it every once in a blue moon.

When the two play, do they play sexually only or is it only in a BDSM context?

I'm really not sure what this means, but I'll tell you that there is much more overt sex than overt bdsm between them.

You mentioned that lo has been exerting herself, do you see a situation where lo may take the Alpha sub role?

Again, I'm not sure how you mean this. As I've used the term, I would say ideally the alpha roles will be shared in different aspects of their relationship. lo is incredibly outgoing and charismatic, but C is incredibly self assured and confident. I hope they're each able to step up and step back as appropriate.

 

[Marquis]

Sure can...
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=479460&highlight=poly

Post #270. I think it's on the page before the last page I think.

I see.

Sorry to hear that man, sounds like you were well prepared though.

 

[Marquis]

Will we see some pictures of the lovely lo soon?

I do believe I've posted pictures of her before, but if you insist.

If you missed it...

you missed it.

 

[Marquis]

Totally cool. There's personal boundaries - I've had to fire some girlfriends for suddenly being totally shocked when things were as I'd said they'd be. Imagine, if I say "I require dick, I visit with stud once a week for this" in the dating stages, over and over, and then actually have the audacity to do that and lo and behold I was not converted to full on sapphic bliss. I'm clearly a lying bitch who can't handle her lesbianism.

Again, in all fairness, I've crossed that line a few times. I do admit to saying at one point that if I was permitted to fuck other women, I probably wouldn't need to pursue a relationship with another one. Granted, she was rarely thrilled with me fucking other women anyway, but that statement was negated more than 18 months ago and I'm afraid the statute of limitations on that offense has expired.

There was a more recent incident as well, but I'm doing my fucking best, I swear.

 

[Marquis]

*grins* i know, i know, i'm just not cut out for it. but then again, things change, ya know?

I sure do.

 

[Netzach]

I've thought about this a lot, but perhaps you can help me here. How do I tell them what I love about each of them individually without implicitly drawing comparisons? I feel like this has been really tender ground so far, but I can see the need of which you speak.

Hmmm. I don't know. When I've had my frustrations about "sharing" I am usually involved with someone who is just involved with other people so obviously and radically different from me that it goes without saying that I'm valued for very specific merits and not in direct competition with their desires for these others.

I guess anything that makes me feel femme, hot, standout, is really a good thing. When I'm being made to feel special in some way I find that the inevitable comparisons are not so inevitable - I don't fixate on them at all.

It's a one on one kind of moment.

Usually my fits of pique have to do with my stud, who is a dog, sexually, to put it bluntly. Since I accepted that a dog is not going to turn into a cat, I am perfectly happy with the relationship I have. Dog that he is, I really have a very clear and assured position in his priorities and affections, demonstrated to me by actions more than words over time. He does not overcommit or overpromise his time - this is crucial.

 

[Marquis]

It's a one on one kind of moment.

Yes, there are definitely certain experiences that need to happen one on one.

 

[FurryFury]

Interesting thread Marquis.

I'm glad to see you are finally coming out on all this. I admit I've been curious.

Congrats on the career, journeyman and ladies.

All my best to you and yours,

Fury

 

[liberatedslave]

Were you tricked or just unable to follow through?

I wasn't tricked and am content with not following through. We were swapping fantasies quite idly with no intention of forming specific plans. To be honest I'd need it to be with a guy I trusted who could treat it as a one off experience without getting hung up. Don't know any guys with whom that's likely to happen so it's all moot really.

 

[Marquis]

Thought I'd give whoever's interested an update.

We're still going through ups and downs, but the general progression definitely seems to be improvement.

We've had some pretty serious arguments, complete with yelling, crying and such; but honestly these things don't make me that uncomfortable. I can't speak for the girls on this, but although I think we all appreciate the increasing amount of peace in the house, those arguments do tend to be really cathartic for everyone involved.

All sorts of little things are coming together super well. We actually spend almost all of our free time together and things we were uptight or nervous about originally are getting more and more comfortable.

On Sunday we went to a munch where the topic was actually poly relationships. It's always an adjustment to be the youngest ones, but it was great to hear people speak so positively about polyamory.

Littlest things that you might never think about are getting more and more comfortable.

For example, let's say I'm laying on the couch with one of the girls. Originally, should the other girl want to join us, she might feel uncomfortable doing so because she might feel like she would be intruding or taking up too much space. If we would've been uncomfortable, we probably wouldn't say anything, so as not to hurt this girls feelings.

The level of communication and honesty is really opening up. If girl 2 wants to lie on the couch with us, she asks us to scoot. If we're comfortable, we banish her to the love seat without hard feelings. The whole dynamic of being together is starting to feel like it's taking less and less thought and is simply more natural, which is a really awesome feeling.

I have to say, as much as I was lamenting the discomfort earlier, it's actually surprising how quickly we're becoming so comfortable. We've had the opportunity to hang out with some of my friends and family, and I notice that the more comfortable we are, the more comfortable everyone else is.

We actually went to a family Seder for Passover last night. It was strange and charming to see C and lo be so affectionate with each other in front of my 94 year old grandmother. They sat close and stroked each other gently as she told them stories and such and it occurred to me that a) my family is a lot more liberal than I thought and b) people really don't give a fuck if you don't give a fuck.

People that we run into in the common areas of our building have picked up on us, I suppose and tend to have a little twinkle in their eye and slight smirk on their lips, as if to say "you guys are all fucking each other, aren't you? I knew it!"

I can't say we've ever really come across the kind of abjection I expected, although there have been one or two situations in which guys in public have made some kind of remark like "How'd you get so many women bro?" In this tone that sounds like a mixture of jealousy and sarcasm, as if attempting to 'call us out' or make us uncomfortable. It doesn't work.

I think that even in the BDSM community where poly appears to be way more common than outside of it, it is still something of a mystery.

You hear that it can work, that it presents its own set of unique challenges and benefits and it kind of makes sense on paper, but there are so many questions only actual experience can answer.

To be actually experiencing it, living it, is something that I have to say is pretty fucking amazing.

 

[myinnerslut]

happy passover, btw

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Thought I'd give whoever's interested an update.

We're still going through ups and downs, but the general progression definitely seems to be improvement.
...
To be actually experiencing it, living it, is something that I have to say is pretty fucking amazing.

Amen Bro, amen! Best o' luck and love to all y'all!

 

[incubus'_sub]

Incubus & I entered our relationship in exactly the same way as you are describing, except it was a real life friendship & attraction rather than a long distance or online one even in the beginning. I fell in love with him & his partner, gave up everything & went to live with them.

Our emphasis was on love & communication between us all, sharing & enjoying every aspect of each other & we all fully expected it to work as we'd imagined.

We went out together, shared our joy & our discovery with our families, the whole bit. We thought we could overcome any little niggles which might appear by being completely committed.

Wrong !!! it lasted a whole 4 months before it all came crashing down. Little things like who shares the couch became big things as after a while physical discomforts became annoying, same as sleeping 3 to a (huge) bed. Noone wanted to sleep in the middle, it's damned uncomfortable. Taking turns - after a big day at work I want to relax in my home, not wonder who's turn it is to do what. There's just not enough attention to go around at the times when it's needed or desired.

To everyone's dismay, Incubus & I also discovered an amazing compatibility which didn't go down well with his original partner. Also, being perhaps more to the lesbian side of bi, she began to resent my interaction with him, jealous though previously she swore she would never be. I fully believe it was a surprise to her as well & wasn't intentional, but it still happened & made the whole situation very tense.

Communication remained very easy as we're all talkers. Problem was that noone was happy with the eventual reality, depite the desire to be so.

It became a living hell that Incubus & I could not wait to get out of & no, that was certainly not the original intent.

I admire anyone who can make full time poly work, but it's my feeling that whilst the surface may stay smooth, the undercurrent feelings can be very stormy & sooner or later they will probably erupt with huge consequences.

Good luck, Marquis. If anyone can do it you can.

 

[Marquis]

Good luck, Marquis. If anyone can do it you can.

Well, unfortunately, I could not.

About two and a half weeks ago C told lo and I that she was done and yesterday lo returned to Philadelphia, so I've now went from two females to 0.

Obviously this is a very confusing time for me, but I'm doing my best to stay positive and take the attitude that what was meant to happen happened.

I'll analyze my relationships with C and lo seperately, and then the poly relationship as a whole.

Although this experience with poly certainly put a ton of pressure on the already somewhat fragile relationship I had with C, we went into this with some problems.

Poly tip 1: Bringing a third into a solid relationship would probably work a lot better than bringing a third into a rocky one.

C recently posted in another thread, and as much as I try, I have to admit that I don't feel the same freedom as I did when I was first formulating the thoughts that were going to go into this post.

Maybe I can get C and lo to post with me in here and we'll be able to duke it out in front of all of you, that should be mighty entertaining, and perhaps even educational.

Since C is posting on lit, I'll leave it up to her to present her side of this if she wants, so I'll just tell mine, since it's the only side I'm really capable of telling anyway.

C is a wonderful, amazing fucking individual. She is a kind and generous spirit, she is caring and loving, with a kind of innocence and trust that's almost unreal. She is the most honest and loayl person I've ever met. She can be a real pleasure to be around, and she's pretty easy on the eyes to boot. She's ambitious, she's hardworking and she has a backbone.

Basically, C is the complete package, and she's made me immeasurably happy in the last 2 years of my life.

Fuck, I really wish I didn't know she was reading this, and I feel like that is a perfect sign of our problems.

At some point along the line, I lost my ability to be myself with C. I slowly lost my ability to tell her everything, come to her with every part of my life and who I was.

I'm not even sure how to explain this.

You see, I was C's first love. Anyone who has been a first love can tell you how much pressure this is. Feeling that love from someone is so gratifying, but so often they begin to love not who you are, but this idea of love, this image of you that they've created. I had my first love and I know that isn't the deal. Putting someone up on a pedestal only gives them a long way to fall.

For some time now, it's really felt like C was with me out of a sense of obligation. As if she was with me just for the sake of proving to me or herself how much she loved me. Every aspect of our relationship was presented as a chore.

She didn't want to do poly, but would tolerate it.

Poly tip 2: It's probably a good idea for everyone in the potential poly relationship to WANT to be in a poly relationship.


She said on several occasions that if we were to break up, she would not seek out another D/s relationship. Now, there's a degree to which having a girl do things just for my sake is fun, but we were existing WAY outside that sweet spot. It felt like so much of what I needed in a relationship was not being mutually enjoyed, but rather creating this huge debt that I had no way of paying back.

I guess you could say that those were the general problems that fed into some of the more specific reasons we broke up.

In February, lo was planning on coming down here for a visit, but panicked 4 days before her flight and said she wasn't coming. What's worse, she asked her husband to help her out and was planning on moving back in with him.

She seemed really desperate and in a lot of pain, so I responded to her stupidity with even more stupidity of my own. I flew up to philadelphia and "rescued" her. I asked her if she wanted to come and stay with me, she accepted, and the next day we were on a flight to florida together.

What's worse, I didn't tell C about this until I was in Philly. Basically, I knew what I was doing was moronic, but I had decided to do it and I didn't want any more doubt being thrown my way than there was already. She was somewhat calm at first, but her reaction grew stronger and stronger.

Even in writing this, I'm shocked at how stupid and offensive this sounds. There's no doubt that I gave C more than enough reason to break up with me, and I have no choice but to accept that.

C was never able to get over this, and our moments of happiness as a triad were pretty few and far between. I did pretty much whatever I could to make things work, but the damage done was too deep and it just wasn't worth it to anyone anymore.

I booked us some sessions with a kink-friendly therapist that i hoped would help us work things out, but C was done before we could get through our second group session.

Looking back now, it's easy to see a lot of mistakes that I made, but I'm going to try not to beat myself up over this too much because the feeling of failure is already pretty overwhelming. The price was high, I lost an amazing woman who meant everything to me, but the truth is I did my best and I failed, and I can live with that.

Obviously, I had my issues with lo as well. Lo and C couldn't be more of opposites and I think our relative problems reflect that. Lo is like my little doppelganger. She actually makes me feel mature and responsible, which is a feat. Although this has allowed us to bond and relate to each other, it's also bred some mistrust and disappointment.

Lo has lied to me almost throughout our relationship and at this point I've basically accepted that she needs to be kept on a short leash. Oddly enough, that's something I secretly (or not so secretly, as the case may be) adore about her.

I've never felt the kind of ownership over C that I already feel with lo. C and I have always felt like partners, with me relying on her wisdom more than the other way around, if anything. It was a fantastic arrangement, but there has always been a side of me that desired something different.

I feel really needed and appreciated by lo. C comes from a really strong family and a great upbringing. It's no mystery why she's such a quality individual. lo, on the other hand, had a tumultuous upbringing, much like my own. Aside from our ability to relate on these struggles, there are aspects of this that really impress me about lo.

lo doesn't ask for sympathy from anyone. She resents being offered help, almost to a fault, and everything that she is, she is from her own sense of will and belief in her own importance. I have tremendous respect for lo, and want desperately to be a part of her success. She recognizes the same in me, wants the same for me, and it's a very special connection we share.

However, for our own standards, there was a level of dependence between us that we weren't yet comfortable with. There are lots of examples of incredibly intense D/s relationships on this board, between people where one partner is almost entirely dependent on the other and I see nothing wrong with that per se, but we weren't at a point where we could be comfortable with that.

She needed to know that she could stand on her own two feet, without needing any man to prop her up, before she could comfortably submit to one. I needed to know that I wasn't just an escape from an unhappy marriage. These were questions we couldn't answer in our current situation, so together we made the decision for her to go back to philly, take care of herself for a while and come back after she had handled some important business, not the least of which is getting legally divorced.

Lo and I are still very much in touch and optimistic about a future together. We do recognize the possibility that she might not be ready for a new relationship so soon, but being together feels really right, so we're going to give each other another chance to do this, the right way this time.

As for me, I have a lot of personal development to work on. This is the first time I've been alone in a very long time and as much as I miss both of my loves I also recognize the need to work on my own life. I need to get my act together financially and spiritually, and right now I'm grateful for the opportunity to do that without being responsible for anyone else.

If anyone has any questions about anything I've said, or about poly in general, feel free to ask and I'll answer to the best of my ability.

 

[intothewoods]

This is the second time you went up to Philadelphia to bring back lo, right? Just trying to keep it straight.

It sounds like you really appreciated the partnership you had with C, but also wanted to take care of someone and feel needed, and that's, in part, what lo provided.

Do you think you'll try poly again?

 

[thesan]

I really appreciated your honesty in your posts. My heart goes out to you. My thoughts when I read the last post was good. He is getting some alone time. Alone time goes along way to helping to clear the mind and re-center yourself. Revel in it. The questions that came up were...are you comfortable being alone? How are you going to get yourself together spiritually and financially? By that I mean, what are your specifice plans, steps you will take, etc.?

Keep us posted.

BTW, I loved looking at your photos. Had to go spend some "alone time" after a few of them.

 

[CutieMouse]

Marquis, I'm so sorry to hear things fell apart. I hope you each find your own peace about the relationship, and where you each need to be in the future.

 

[poppy1963]

Hey...hoping for a timely resolution for all this for you, Marquis. I know we see things differently now and then (cough)...but I believe that all things work out for the best in the end. Be well. Eventually, everything will be ok. Thinking of ya.

 

[Marquis]

This is the second time you went up to Philadelphia to bring back lo, right? Just trying to keep it straight.

Depends on how you look at it. I went up once in the beginning of January with the intention of saying goodbye, and I did. A few days after I left she sent me an email saying she would do whatever it took to be with me and we started making plans from there. I went back up towards the end of February to bring her back.

It sounds like you really appreciated the partnership you had with C, but also wanted to take care of someone and feel needed, and that's, in part, what lo provided.

This is a gross oversimplification of why I love each of them, but in broad strokes it might paint a decent picture. lo and C are totally different creatures, and they each provide unique things that I didn't want to be without.

Do you think you'll try poly again?

Yes, actually I do.

I'm not in any rush to get into any particular kind of poly situation again but I don't ever see myself being monogamous. Hopefully I'll be able to apply what I learned in this situation in the next one.

One of the biggest reasons poly is so tough is because there is so little human experience to draw from. All of us have seen traditional relationships, and we have some idea of what works or doesn't, but when you try poly, you tend to feel like you're really reinventing the wheel.

One thing I've done that I suspect will be a huge asset to me in the future is form a friendship with an older dom with a lot of poly experience. I have talked to him a few times throughout my troubles and his advice has always been inspiring and invaluable.

 

[graceanne]

I'm really sorry things didn't work out.

 

[MasterMischief]

Of course, my idea of the perfect relationship is three bisexual switches and me, two males and one other female, in which one of the males is mostly dominant, the other girl and I are about 50/50, and the other male is mostly submissive, so I may not be the best person to talk to about this kind of thing. I live in poly-fantasyland, apparently.

I am a little slow getting to the thread, but I had to post.

This sounds positively yummy to me. But, yeah...Fantasyland.