Jayashiangel
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Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams
-- Robin Williams
BBW Lookin to Chat
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Jayashiangel
Literotica Guru
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"Women need a reason to have sex.
Men just need a place."
-- Billy Crystal
Men just need a place."
-- Billy Crystal
Jayashiangel
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"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman
I don't like and just give her a house."
-- Rod Stewart
I don't like and just give her a house."
-- Rod Stewart
Jayashiangel
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30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man...
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.
imbuttcurious
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I always liked peppermint candy, but this gives a whole new meaning to it. I LUV the pics Angel - keep up the good work.
Jayashiangel
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Rubber on the end
A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find that it is overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!"
The blind man replies, "If you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"
A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find that it is overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!"
The blind man replies, "If you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"
imbuttcurious
Really Experienced
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Angel,
Any hidden meaning to the pic severpainting? The girl is HOT, but I don't get the ripped off hand.
Marty
Any hidden meaning to the pic severpainting? The girl is HOT, but I don't get the ripped off hand.
Marty
Jayashiangel
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hello all I just find art of difference styles themes etc interesting......
Jayashiangel
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more
Jayashiangel
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la la la
Jayashiangel
Literotica Guru
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i just love getting woke-up at 4 am...when i have not slept much....really pisses me off
Nice Art Work
Those are three nice pieces of art. The narcissus one, and not being disrespectfull here, makes me think she's a hooker for Batman. Maybe it's the scalloped bra that does it. I do like the "assume the position". I love seeing a lady that way, ready to be eaten or fucked, that's awesome. The last one is a little strange though. Nice, but strange. I guess it just proves that ladies, some anyway, really do like a big hard cock and will enjoy it anytime, in every way possable. I really like ladies like that. Later Angel, NBHs, Castle
Those are three nice pieces of art. The narcissus one, and not being disrespectfull here, makes me think she's a hooker for Batman. Maybe it's the scalloped bra that does it. I do like the "assume the position". I love seeing a lady that way, ready to be eaten or fucked, that's awesome. The last one is a little strange though. Nice, but strange. I guess it just proves that ladies, some anyway, really do like a big hard cock and will enjoy it anytime, in every way possable. I really like ladies like that. Later Angel, NBHs, Castle
imbuttcurious
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I really like wow2 - maybe you need woke up at 4 AM more often Angel. LOL
Jayashiangel
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Good morning to all... I have busy and forgot to post...here a few things...feel free to post or what ever....
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded,"Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded,"Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
Jayashiangel
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There was a father who was very proud of his three daughters. Every night he took a stroll around the house to make sure everything was all right.
One night when he was doing his stroll, he could hear laughter coming from his youngest daughter's room. He stood there for a while and thought about this, but reached the conclusion that he could always ask her tomorrow, instead of bothering her at this time of the night.
When he reached the window of his second daughter, he could hear her crying. He thought about this too, but ultimately he decided to ask her tomorrow and continued.
There were no sounds at all coming from his oldest daughter's room, and he then went to bed, satisfied.
The next day, when they all were gathered around the breakfast table, he said to his youngest daughter "I heard you laughing last night, as I walked past your window. Why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to laugh when someone was making me happy..."
He then asked his second daughter "I heard you crying last night, why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to cry when someone was making me hurt..."
He then told his oldest daughter "I didn't hear anything from you..."
She said "That's because you taught me not to talk with my mouth full..."
One night when he was doing his stroll, he could hear laughter coming from his youngest daughter's room. He stood there for a while and thought about this, but reached the conclusion that he could always ask her tomorrow, instead of bothering her at this time of the night.
When he reached the window of his second daughter, he could hear her crying. He thought about this too, but ultimately he decided to ask her tomorrow and continued.
There were no sounds at all coming from his oldest daughter's room, and he then went to bed, satisfied.
The next day, when they all were gathered around the breakfast table, he said to his youngest daughter "I heard you laughing last night, as I walked past your window. Why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to laugh when someone was making me happy..."
He then asked his second daughter "I heard you crying last night, why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to cry when someone was making me hurt..."
He then told his oldest daughter "I didn't hear anything from you..."
She said "That's because you taught me not to talk with my mouth full..."
Jayashiangel
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oh my god........
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"
Jayashiangel
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JUST LIKE A MAN.......TO DO THIS......
A man and a woman are sitting next to each other in an airplane. All of a sudden, the man sneezes powerfully. He takes out his handkerchief, opens his zipper, takes out his Willy and after having carefully wiped it, puts it back in and closes the zipper.
The Woman is shocked - but she thinks it wiser not to say anything and tries not to pay any attention whatsoever to this horrifying man.
Then there is a second sneeze, as loud as the first one. And the same routine: Zipper open, Willy out, Wiping, Willy in and Zipper close. That nearly makes the woman sick but she just tries to ignore the whole thing.
After the third sneeze (and the routine) she cannot help but ask:
"Excuse me, Sir, but you have now sneezed three times. And after each time you have taken out your penis and wiped it. May I inquire why?"
"Oh - you see Ma'am. Every time I sneeze I get an orgasm."
"But that's awfull! What do you take for it?"
"Pepper." Answers the man.
A man and a woman are sitting next to each other in an airplane. All of a sudden, the man sneezes powerfully. He takes out his handkerchief, opens his zipper, takes out his Willy and after having carefully wiped it, puts it back in and closes the zipper.
The Woman is shocked - but she thinks it wiser not to say anything and tries not to pay any attention whatsoever to this horrifying man.
Then there is a second sneeze, as loud as the first one. And the same routine: Zipper open, Willy out, Wiping, Willy in and Zipper close. That nearly makes the woman sick but she just tries to ignore the whole thing.
After the third sneeze (and the routine) she cannot help but ask:
"Excuse me, Sir, but you have now sneezed three times. And after each time you have taken out your penis and wiped it. May I inquire why?"
"Oh - you see Ma'am. Every time I sneeze I get an orgasm."
"But that's awfull! What do you take for it?"
"Pepper." Answers the man.
Jayashiangel
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just a pic.....
HerVeryOwn
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Heh....BME is the place to hang-out *remembering the days* (check their archives...you'll see HVO in there somewhere too).Jayashiangel said:
The pic reminds me of one of the better responses to the inevitable question, "Did it hurt?"
Delivered with a bit of a maniacal look in the eyes: "Not as much as I hoped it would!"
Jayashiangel
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A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there could be only two acceptable excuses for being late. A medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smart-ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?"
As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look.
"Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."
A smart-ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?"
As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look.
"Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."
Jayashiangel
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more pic's
Jayashiangel
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more???
Jayashiangel
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Thank you...made me blush....
