Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[Strixaluco]

For me, one of the first signs of having too much is me getting irritated. My irritation threshold gets lower and lower - or it seems to, as there's so much already, that I don't need much to cross it.

I especially start getting hostile towards any demand on my time and energy. My phone ringing may be enough.

 

[OralAllOver]

Sticky, thanks for such clear, impactful thoughts. I admire your openness, tone and resolve

And I'm learning, Thanx for that 2

Ya know, they are any number of folks with intrusive, unproductive thoughts/guilt re sex. No one in that boat is remotely alone.

Hang in there! We all need each other

 

[PMarky2]

For me, one of the first signs of having too much is me getting irritated. My irritation threshold gets lower and lower - or it seems to, as there's so much already, that I don't need much to cross it.

I especially start getting hostile towards any demand on my time and energy. My phone ringing may be enough.

The first sign for me that I am getting overwhelmed is a very weak or dead 'social battery.' This is unfortunate because I tend to ignore it as a warning because I tell myself I am simply tired. I mentally often give people a SBI - social battery index - number. The folks I can be pretty much unmasked around get a '0' or a '1,' I can pretty much spend a day with them and not get peopled out. Then it gets gradually higher up to '9' which are the folks have to mask heavily around and are so NT they are exhausting, and I last about 20 minutes with them even on a good day. My wife tends to be a 2 or a 4 depending on how she is feeling, so I disappear for a while most afternoons to regroup.

I am usually irritable when overstimulated, or busier than a one armed paper-hanger, so if I am tired, trying to work, the radio is on, the wife listening to reel on her tablets without earphones, then the phone goes, I am almost certain to loose it. People trying to force change on me gets another thing that gets to me in short order. Oh, and for goodness sake, please do not wander into the kitchen at 'a critical moment' because I am likely to be completely uninterested in what you have to say because I am trying to avoid lumps in the sauce, or something.

I try not to be disagreeable, but sometimes there is enough going on in my head to keep me fully occupied without anyone else putting in an appearance!

 

[Strixaluco]

The first sign for me that I am getting overwhelmed is a very weak or dead 'social battery.' This is unfortunate because I tend to ignore it as a warning because I tell myself I am simply tired.

But being tired counts?

 

[stickygirl]

The first sign for me that I am getting overwhelmed is a very weak or dead 'social battery.' This is unfortunate because I tend to ignore it as a warning because I tell myself I am simply tired. I mentally often give people a SBI - social battery index - number. The folks I can be pretty much unmasked around get a '0' or a '1,' I can pretty much spend a day with them and not get peopled out. Then it gets gradually higher up to '9' which are the folks have to mask heavily around and are so NT they are exhausting, and I last about 20 minutes with them even on a good day. My wife tends to be a 2 or a 4 depending on how she is feeling, so I disappear for a while most afternoons to regroup.

I am usually irritable when overstimulated, or busier than a one armed paper-hanger, so if I am tired, trying to work, the radio is on, the wife listening to reel on her tablets without earphones, then the phone goes, I am almost certain to loose it. People trying to force change on me gets another thing that gets to me in short order. Oh, and for goodness sake, please do not wander into the kitchen at 'a critical moment' because I am likely to be completely uninterested in what you have to say because I am trying to avoid lumps in the sauce, or something.

I try not to be disagreeable, but sometimes there is enough going on in my head to keep me fully occupied without anyone else putting in an appearance!

I understand what you're saying - we have no stressor-gauge to tell us what's going on internally. Like a frog in a kettle we don't notice the rising temperature until we're baked.

You've just reminded me, unfortunately of an incident before I knew I was ND. I was living with someone who was at college an hour's drive away so when I got home, I could never be sure if she was there. One particularly stressful day I got home and she popped her head round the corner to say 'hello' and I said out loud "Oh you're here"... I might as well have spat at her.
Of course, looking back I know I needed to have set a boundary, that I needed 30mins to decompress to put the spring back into my step. The guilt is fresh in my stomach now, writing this. No surprise the relationship didn't last.

Alcohol is just another unknown thrown into the machinery and can hinder or help how we navigate a social setting. These day I avoid getting drunk ( the penalties are looking an idiot, ones safety and the hang-over ) but I enjoy a glass of something as I cook.

 

[PMarky2]

But being tired counts?

Being tired does not count, as between 'the twins' - ASD and ADHD - I am usually somewhere between tired, knackered, and absolutely knackered, so I tend to ignore being tired and push on. I usually end up paying for this later.

I am currently in a state of high annoyance as I have a monthly early Saturday breakfast meeting, which royally screws up my sleep pattern. I usually sleep from 1:00am to about 7:30am, but this puppy requires me to be up an hour early. We did not get to bed until 1am because 'Herself' fell asleep after dinner. I woke up at 4:45am and could not get back to sleep. I have had about 3.5 hours sleep, so I really do not want to be around people, especially as a couple in this group have high SBIs. Today will be probably OK, but tomorrow I'll be dead on my feet, and it will be Tuesday before my sleep pattern returns to normal.

 

[Strixaluco]

I tend to ignore being tired and push on. I usually end up paying for this later.

Been there done that, being chronically exhausted. I've been forced to learn that pushing on keeps the worse level of exhaustion rolling. The amount of rest I need is surprising.

 

[PMarky2]

Been there done that, being chronically exhausted. I've been forced to learn that pushing on keeps the worse level of exhaustion rolling. The amount of rest I need is surprising.

Yesterday was better than I was expecting because the group was smaller than usual, and the one guy who can be one big-ass energy drain was fairly subdued, so I could go into 'battery saver mode' and still seem fairly sociable.

I need a lot of recovery time after random socializing. Being with one or two folks I really like does not tire me except, as they tend to be "spectrum-y" too, we eventually need a break. We can happily spend most of a day together proved there is an agreed quiet period. Any sort of "omnium gatherum" is a huge strain, and I will need at least 24 and probably 36 hours of down time to recover, even if it has only been an hour or so. If there are the energy vampires in the mix, that is a whole other topic.

As for amount of rest required, I usually need 7 hours in bed at night but I'll be lucky to sleep six hours. I also need some sort of nap in an afternoon. When my wife was in rehab after an accident couple of years ago I started split sleeping - going to bed about 10pm, sleeping until about 3am, reading for a bit then going back to sleep about 4:30am and getting up about 7am, and I was a lot more focused. I like to spend the first couple of hours of the morning alone, as that allows me to get things done while I can still focus, and usually a good part of the afternoon. After being out yesterday and today I will probably have a 'Garbo' on tomorrow.

 

[Strixaluco]

For rest, 8h sleep needed (it's seldom good quality though, but not all rest should ever be asleep. For anyone. There should be rest during the day as well.

I need more than healthy people, though. Today my partner left after 5pm and the evening has been all rest for me. Not even knitting. An active day -> the next day I may need resting. Sometimes 2 days. For me, working full time means I cannot get enough rest - not even if sacrificing all other life, just keeping myself alive and working.

 

[stickygirl]

I allow myself 20minute naps, especially after I get back from work. Then I need 8 hrs if possible

 

[Strixaluco]

When I've been working, min 1h rest (whether sleeping at all or not) has been minimum before I can really continue with anything.

 

[stickygirl]

Hot on the feet of the infamous Cass review in the UK, that claimed specialists were misdiagnosing and over-prescribing for trans youth, the government is pushing its ignorant nose into ADHD and autism. They claim that ADHD is over-diagnosed, when stats show barely 0.34% of the population has a formal diagnosis. Average wait times for that formal diagnosis is apparently 8 years. Anyone, apart from politicians looking to cut budgets and old blokes complaining to each other down the pub, knows that the problem lies in the underfunding of services.
Informed article from Huff Post

 

[PMarky2]

When I've been working, min 1h rest (whether sleeping at all or not) has been minimum before I can really continue with anything.

I usually work mornings, and into the early afternoon - say, 7:30am to about 1pm, take a rest, and then have another couple of hours at it 4pm to 6pm or in the evening. However, as I do not hang around the water cooler, gossip, or take smoke breaks, I tend to get a lot done in a short working day. Having a career where I am not tied to 9 to 5 and have a lot of flexibility about hours helps me to thrive. The down side are the social demands that the job makes - that can really exhaust me.

 

[stickygirl]

Public transport Urgh
I don't mind local, commute buses because everyone is keeping themselves to themselves. But intercity buses are just the worst ever. Quite apart from long waits for your connection and even longer traffic-bound journeys, it's the bus terminals - they're frightening.
Why do men have to be so aggressive in these public spaces - like shouting to their mates, using bad language, getting drunk? Is it a NT thing to act like a dick or do ND men do those things too? Maybe men act like animals outside their normal territory and are compelled to display their aggression because they're nervous too?

 

[Strixaluco]

it's the bus terminals - they're frightening.
Why do men have to be so aggressive in these public spaces - like shouting to their mates, using bad language, getting drunk? Is it a NT thing to act like a dick or do ND men do those things too? Maybe men act like animals outside their normal territory and are compelled to display their aggression because they're nervous too?

That sounds horrible. But not universal, we don't have that issue except after hockey games and such when drunk fans go back home.

 

[stickygirl]

That sounds horrible. But not universal, we don't have that issue except after hockey games and such when drunk fans go back home.

I think my reaction is a mix of fear for my safety ( maybe misunderstanding NT behaviour ) and my sensitivity to loud noises generally.

It was a recent journey that has me to look for some noise cancelling earbuds ( that won't fall out me flopping ears ). First fail were Bose ones, that fitted okayish, but one earpiece crackled so I've just returned them. I suppose I could try Apple ones but I'm worried about the things falling out down a drain at £150!

 

[Strixaluco]

I think my reaction is a mix of fear for my safety ( maybe misunderstanding NT behaviour ) and my sensitivity to loud noises generally.

It was a recent journey that has me to look for some noise cancelling earbuds ( that won't fall out me flopping ears ). First fail were Bose ones, that fitted okayish, but one earpiece crackled so I've just returned them. I suppose I could try Apple ones but I'm worried about the things falling out down a drain at £150!

Oh I totally get it. Even without rowdy drunk men terminals are a pain to anyone with sensory sensitivities in many ways. And I'm uncomfortable with drunk men, too. Unless I'm with my partner, who is tall and protective.

My earbuds aren't noise cancelling, but they still have helped a lot. My problem is the opposite, but TinyMate from Joy has buds that are small enough for even me. Can't say if their bigger pieces are big enough for everyone, but at least they are light, so it's easier to have them stay put.

 

[stickygirl]

I have a mild EDS so I used to impress friends by dislocating my shoulders prior to puberty. In its mild form it leads to hyper mobility and strange collagen so I have floppy ears- something lovers have found endearing ( basically I can roll them up) hence earbuds fall out. On the scale of life problems it’s next to zero

 

[Strixaluco]

Ah, EDS, the common companion to autism. Wonder how many of us have it undiagnosed...

 

[PMarky2]

Public transport Urgh
I don't mind local, commute buses because everyone is keeping themselves to themselves. But intercity buses are just the worst ever. Quite apart from long waits for your connection and even longer traffic-bound journeys, it's the bus terminals - they're frightening.
Why do men have to be so aggressive in these public spaces - like shouting to their mates, using bad language, getting drunk? Is it a NT thing to act like a dick or do ND men do those things too? Maybe men act like animals outside their normal territory and are compelled to display their aggression because they're nervous too?

I find myself running inventory on whether they just noisy, or whether there is anger, tension, or aggression behind it. I think a lot of it is the pack instinct, which NT males seem to go in for. It is a stress I do not appreciate. Inter-city buses are my least favorite form of travel. They were bad enough in the UK, but here in the USA, their reputation is poor enough that I have never tried it.

[Edited to clean it up]

 

[stickygirl]

Here's a weird thing, or should I say 'hears a weird thing'?

Here's a link, hopefully

I had a post on my Insta aimed at ADHDers with a tone pitched at 963Hz, a bit like the pitch from an old tv when there's no signal.
It's claimed the sound clears your head, shuts down the random thoughts and mental clutter. Google suggested there was limited scientific evidence and I saw a few spirit groups claimed it as, I dunno, maybe the Gaia God-song of your chakras or some bollocks.
I tried it and it stopped my tinnitus, or rather swapped it for a different noise. It was oddly comforting though.

 

[Strixaluco]

Here's a weird thing, or should I say 'hears a weird thing'?

Here's a link, hopefully

I had a post on my Insta aimed at ADHDers with a tone pitched at 963Hz, a bit like the pitch from an old tv when there's no signal.
It's claimed the sound clears your head, shuts down the random thoughts and mental clutter. Google suggested there was limited scientific evidence and I saw a few spirit groups claimed it as, I dunno, maybe the Gaia God-song of your chakras or some bollocks.
I tried it and it stopped my tinnitus, or rather swapped it for a different noise. It was oddly comforting though.

Nothing for me. Just a, boringly annoying minute. I happen to have tinnitus from public transport (came hommista just 15min ago) and it did definitely not change that.

 

[PMarky2]

Here's a weird thing, or should I say 'hears a weird thing'?

Here's a link, hopefully

I had a post on my Insta aimed at ADHDers with a tone pitched at 963Hz, a bit like the pitch from an old tv when there's no signal.
It's claimed the sound clears your head, shuts down the random thoughts and mental clutter. Google suggested there was limited scientific evidence and I saw a few spirit groups claimed it as, I dunno, maybe the Gaia God-song of your chakras or some bollocks.
I tried it and it stopped my tinnitus, or rather swapped it for a different noise. It was oddly comforting though.

Hmmmm... don't know about that. It did sound a lot like the old test card noise. It did very little for me and annoyed the dog.

 

[stickygirl]

This time of year can be pretty exhausting for auties. I’d planned to visit my cousin this afternoon but I’ve just had a long phone call with another family member and it’s going to take me a couple of days to recharge that family chat battery. I mean I could make myself go but socialising is supposed to be a nice activity not a trial.

 

[PMarky2]

This time of year can be pretty exhausting for auties. I’d planned to visit my cousin this afternoon but I’ve just had a long phone call with another family member and it’s going to take me a couple of days to recharge that family chat battery. I mean I could make myself go but socialising is supposed to be a nice activity not a trial.

A dead social batteries is an all too common experience for us. You are dead-on about the recharge period. I loathe having back-to-back days when I have to be polite, make small talk, yada-yada... I've got that coming next weekend.

For me, the joy of this week is that the worst of the battery flattening activities are over, and I got through last week OK. Both Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and yesterday had the capacity to absolutely flatten me, but they did not. Mind you, I am in the yellow zone, and hope I will be left to sit in the corner, on my charger until I feel like peopling again.

My best Christmas present was that BAF and I seem to be back on terms.