Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[stickygirl]

Fuck me - when you gotta meltdown/shutdown you feel. like Canute trying to stop the tide
I'm outta here. done

 

[Strixaluco]

Fuck me - when you gotta meltdown/shutdown you feel. like Canute trying to stop the tide
I'm outta here. done

I hope you get some me-time. Where some = plenty.

 

[stickygirl]

I hope you get some me-time. Where some = plenty.

Thanks hone. Yeah - it was a case of being triggered. I've removed it and feel so relieved. Like a weight off my brain.

There's a new series of a tv show called Patience in a few minutes. The format is stolen from a French idea, but features an autistic woman who helps solve crimes, though most of her colleagues stigmatise her and resent her insight. The last run was a lot of fun

 

[stickygirl]

Here's a thing. It's 10.30pm and that tv show finished 40 mins ago. I'm trying to figure out why I have butterflies and on edge and I realise it's because I've associated with the girl in Patience, who got quite upset in the show... and here I am feeling it even though I know it's just a frigging story-make-believe.
Oh yeah, autistic people don't have emotions, they're like machines... I must be doing this to draw attention to myself then. ffs

 

[PMarky2]

Here's a thing. It's 10.30pm and that tv show finished 40 mins ago. I'm trying to figure out why I have butterflies and on edge and I realise it's because I've associated with the girl in Patience, who got quite upset in the show... and here I am feeling it even though I know it's just a frigging story-make-believe.
Oh yeah, autistic people don't have emotions, they're like machines... I must be doing this to draw attention to myself then. ffs

I have that same tendency to feel deeply for the characters with which I identify in fiction. I sometimes wonder whether it is a function of the particular Autistic variety of empathy.

Of course, NDs accuse us of not having emotions because we do not express them the same way NDs do. I am afraid with pretty much any heavy emotion I get overwhelmed and start crying, which is not good for the manly image. As a result I tend to consign my emotions to a concrete bunker until I can be on my own and let it out without fear of judgement.

 

[Strixaluco]

Here's a thing. It's 10.30pm and that tv show finished 40 mins ago. I'm trying to figure out why I have butterflies and on edge and I realise it's because I've associated with the girl in Patience, who got quite upset in the show... and here I am feeling it even though I know it's just a frigging story-make-believe.
Oh yeah, autistic people don't have emotions, they're like machines... I must be doing this to draw attention to myself then. ffs

Definitely less known that autistic people can also be hyperempaths and basically suck in all the emotions.

 

[Noor]

Definitely less known that autistic people can also be hyperempaths and basically suck in all the emotions.

I think the suck at all emotions thing is more well known.

 

[Strixaluco]

I think the suck at all emotions thing is more well known.

Maybe among family members, but the general stereotype is about autistic people not being empathic at all.

 

[stickygirl]

Thanks each. I'm sure anyone with this tendency develops strategies to avoid looking soppy and one of those is avoidance. We'll make excuses to avoid situations where we're likely to melt into a wet puddle.... and that is further proof that we "lack" emotions!
I'm very fortunate that my SO will cover for me, acting to distract other's attention from me, and not judge me when it happens
Maybe it's a form of emotional dysregulation? I reminded myself recently that anger is another thing I'm not good at reigning in ( Ooops )

 

[PMarky2]

In private, I will dissolve quite often - certain pieces of music [the open bars of Wotan's Farewell in Wagner's 'Die Walkure' does it every time]; some memories; if I feel there has been an injustice perpetrated; and there are quite a few other triggers - a big one is that I did not meet someone I wanted to raise a family with until it was too late. In public, I try to maintain some sort of control, but I often choke up and have to remain silent. I do not know how other people read that, but it leaves me feeling vulnerable.

Anger is an odd emotion with me. When I do loose it, I loose it big time, but that is rare. I am more usually frustrated - often by the need some folks have to interfere with things and change them, or by folks who persistently do not allow me 'the Autistic 6 seconds,' and effectively talk over me. They effectively try and make my mind up for me by offering their answer before I have formulated mine. Neurologists say we have a lot more to consciously process than NTs when we give an answer, and I can well believe that to be true.

I sometimes get the feeling that my biggest problem with my 'ND Party Pack' of ASD and inattentive ADHD are my spotty executive skills, but that is a whole other ramble...

 

[Strixaluco]

Anger is an odd emotion with me. When I do loose it, I loose it big time, but that is rare. I am more usually frustrated - often by the need some folks have to interfere with things and change them, or by folks who persistently do not allow me 'the Autistic 6 seconds,' and effectively talk over me. They effectively try and make my mind up for me by offering their answer before I have formulated mine. Neurologists say we have a lot more to consciously process than NTs when we give an answer, and I can well believe that to be true.

I think there's a bit of anger in irritation and frustration. Like you, I feel much more of those than pure anger, especially when my limits and needs are disrespected. (My noisy neighbour has repeatedly made my frustration and irritation grow to recognisable anger.)

An autistic person may easily need even 20 seconds for formulating an answer - and the clock restarts from 0 every time we're interrupted.

 

[PMarky2]

An autistic person may easily need even 20 seconds for formulating an answer - and the clock restarts from 0 every time we're interrupted.

I think our brains work like this:

Other Person: "What do you think about A?"
Me: <processing>
Other Person: "I think A is...."
Me: <Start over. Recalibrate answer to accommodate new information... I nearly have it...>
Other Person: "Then again..."
Me: <OK, why did you not say that in the first place. I need to see if this alters my provisional answer... Nearly there...>
Other Person: "Then on the other hand..."
Me: <Giving up> "I don't care."

I detest anything unexpected coming up at sit down meetings because with my slow processing speed it is a struggle to take an effective role in the conversation which folks keep talking. They think they are being helpful, but they are effectively talking over me making it difficult for me to formulate an answer mainly because most ND have three to five times the amount of crap/information to consider before we answer.

 

[Strixaluco]

I think our brains work like this:

Other Person: "What do you think about A?"
Me: <processing>
Other Person: "I think A is...."
Me: <Start over. Recalibrate answer to accommodate new information... I nearly have it...>
Other Person: "Then again..."
Me: <OK, why did you not say that in the first place. I need to see if this alters my provisional answer... Nearly there...>
Other Person: "Then on the other hand..."
Me: <Giving up> "I don't care."

I detest anything unexpected coming up at sit down meetings because with my slow processing speed it is a struggle to take an effective role in the conversation which folks keep talking. They think they are being helpful, but they are effectively talking over me making it difficult for me to formulate an answer mainly because most ND have three to five times the amount of crap/information to consider before we answer.

For me, just needing to listen what they say stops my thinking and then I need to regather my thoughts.

 

[PMarky2]

For me, just needing to listen what they say stops my thinking and then I need to regather my thoughts.

If I am in anyway drained, I am in the same boat. I did not sleep well last night, so when the school secretary asked me something this morning, I was in the middle of thinking about it, and she added something else, so I lost the original thread. I ended up saying, "Let me think about it." About 10 minutes later I managed to retrieve all the bits and pieces and was able to give her the answer she needed in the first place.

 

[stickygirl]

 

[SundaeCherry]

ADHD girls are lotsa fun in bed. Or at least i am.

 

[Strixaluco]

Wouldn't know. I prefer an autistic man in my bed and in my life.

 

[Noor]

View attachment 2589934

True, we are very literal in answering questions and explains ehat we want.
Unfortunately people often dont listen or believe us and read all sorts of weird ideas and agendas into our words.

 

[PMarky2]

Wouldn't know. I prefer an autistic man in my bed and in my life.

I am glad someone does. I get tired of hearing from my wife what an inconvenience I am, though, in fairness, I should state that she says there are far worse things than dealing with my autism and ADHD. I know she does not mean to, but such comments leave me feeling rejected and invalidated.

I like being around other NDs because communication is about words and ideas, not agendas.

 

[Strixaluco]

I am glad someone does. I get tired of hearing from my wife what an inconvenience I am, though, in fairness, I should state that she says there are far worse things than dealing with my autism and ADHD. I know she does not mean to, but such comments leave me feeling rejected and invalidated.

I like being around other NDs because communication is about words and ideas, not agendas.

She's very inconsiderate in what she says.

I like the same thing. And thus being able to explicitly agree about things to make them work. Overall more explicit communication, less guesswork.

For me it's also a blessing to have a very routine based partner as it helps me to keep my own routines.

 

[PMarky2]

She's very inconsiderate in what she says.

I like the same thing. And thus being able to explicitly agree about things to make them work. Overall more explicit communication, less guesswork.

For me it's also a blessing to have a very routine based partner as it helps me to keep my own routines.

I have long since accepted that my wife has no filter. Depending on my mood I can either completely disregard her comments, throw them in the 'fuck it bucket,' or be hurt by them. Most of the time we get along OK, but there are moments...

My BAF sent me a courteous little email last night asking for a favour. Clear, precise instructions, nothing requiring analysis. Doing that little favour for her brought me out of my funk I have been in for the last week with the result that my executive function is paying me a visit today, and things are getting done. Yay!

 

[stickygirl]

'Fuck it bucket' - I want me one of those!

 

[Noor]

I have long since accepted that my wife has no filter. Depending on my mood I can either completely disregard her comments, throw them in the 'fuck it bucket,' or be hurt by them. Most of the time we get along OK, but there are moments...

My BAF sent me a courteous little email last night asking for a favour. Clear, precise instructions, nothing requiring analysis. Doing that little favour for her brought me out of my funk I have been in for the last week with the result that my executive function is paying me a visit today, and things are getting done. Yay!

What is a baf?

 

[PMarky2]

BAF - Best Autistic Friend, though I actually suspect she may be AuDHD or ADHD. We work the same way, so she is cool to be around. I wish I had met someone like her 30 years ago - there would have been babies.

 

[Noor]

I am so tired of people who are constantly remarking on how literal I am and then making assumptions (or so they say) on my statements of fact as if I am actually communicating something much more in a high context manner, instead of the lowest context I could be.

Also tired of being assured, when I haven’t asked for it, that x person “ is not going anywhere “ which I’ve come to believe means they are definitely are, esp those who have a multi year record of disappearing.

As well as players who say they aren’t players. It’s gotten to the point where I rarely believe anyone who makes declarative statements, esp unasked for ones. I tend to suspect the opposite of what they say.

It would be really nice if everyone would say what they mean and mean what they say.

Also don’t ask me what I think if your pic if you don’t want to know the answer.
Upfront I’d like to mention that I hate duckface, unless you are actually a duck, and I’m not sure how I feel about it on ducks.